You guys are hilarious. I love you all :3

And just as a heads up, I'm keeping Bliss. He's like a giant teddy bear I'd be too afraid to cuddle because he'd just beat me up.

:D

And has anyone here read Artemis Fowl? It's, like, the greatest thing ever (kay not really, but it's pretty ausgezeichnet!).


Entry #3: Written June 3rd

Dear Diary,

Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap.

Ouch, now my hand hurts.

But you must be wondering why I must start out this diary entry with 16 craps in a row, yes? Well, it's for a few reasons:

FIRST REASON: I was watching the news again, to see if anything had been updated about the gargoyle thing. I turned on the TV and found that literally every single gargoyle on every building ever built in France came to life. They all started swooping around and being all fancy with their coordinated flying patterns, but all the French people down below were screaming and running like a headless chicken (that is so gross by the way. It's your head, chicken. Die already!). The news camera zoomed in on a few gargoyles that had been flying over Notre Dame tower, being all cool in the pentagon shape. One of the them paused in mid-air, and then suddenly fell. It just collapsed.

The beast fell down onto the streets of France, and people in police uniforms ran up and quickly carted away the thing. French people were trying to get a peak, but the police kept forcing them away.

So, Diary, this means that magical evidence is in the hands of mortal police. And do you even remotely know how bad that is? Of course you don't, you're a freaking book.

SECOND REASON: My parents called and wanted to see me. Now, don't get me wrong, Diary, I love my parents. They're great people. They fed me, clothed me, and supported me when I explained to them the whole a-skeleton-is-my-friend-here's-my-crazy-walk-on-walls-friend-here's-my-scarred-yet-amazing-friend-here's-my-idiotic-teleporter-friend-and-here's-my-cranky-doctor-type-friend thing.

Yeah, my parents know of the magical world. We had to explain it once when I was kidnapped for, like, a week a few years back and they hadn't heard from me in a long time. And plus, Gordon was floating about in all his Echo Stone glory once, and it just ended in disaster. They were a little iffy about it at first, but I guess they're pretty much used to the skeleton that roams my inherited house.

But anyway, they called and invited Skulduggery and I! They wanted us…both there…Not sure why, but never question parents instinct. Mom just said she wanted to get to know the crazy man who followed me around and wanted to see if he actually was as obnoxious as I described him to be (and it's true). They didn't set a date or anything, but Mom said she'd love to see us in late June.

Funny story: They came to visit me at Gordon's after they had been informed about everything, and Fletcher went to answer the door, since everyone else was doing something. He let me parents in, asking if they'd want everyone to get out, and they replied no, and that they've never really met my friends. Fletcher nodded once, and led them into the living room.

Tanith was on the ceiling, pouting, and Ghastly was standing the couch trying to coax her down, saying that he'd make her some nachos. Skulduggery was sitting next to Ghastly's feet, grumbling about "immature adults," minus his disguise. I was sitting on the floor by Skulduggery's feet, being cool and awesome with my shadows.

Fletcher cleared his throat and announced that my parents were here. And everything went silent. That is, until Tanith literally fell off the ceiling, crashing into Ghastly, who then crashed down next to me, and then I ran away. Skulduggery stood up gracefully, greeting my parents.

Okay, not that funny, but we all laughed about it. Except Kenspeckle, since he was pissed that Ghastly had hurt his head from clipping it on the coffee table.

Yeeeeah.

THIRD REASON: The French Sanctuary sucks. They suck…things that are worthy of being sucked (no, Diary, not that. Get our mind out of the gutter). I've heard stories about the crap jobs they do sometimes, and it doesn't sound pretty. Mr. Bliss explained to me the power of the Major Quattuor, once. "Quattuor" is 4 in Latin. (Skulduggery told me that the grand mages had to find a dead language to say the number 4 in so nobody got offended.) Apparently there are other "bands" of Sanctuaries in the other parts of the world, but we're the Western Europe one. There's a Northern Europe one, Southern Europe one, etc.

Anyway, the Major Quattuor consists of Italy, Spain, England, and Ireland. Notice how France is taken out of there. They deserve it…apparently. I always enjoyed France when we'd go there for little vacations, but maybe sights and romantic crap is all their good for.

…And I'm out of reasons.

But yes, the French Sanctuary sent our Sanctuary a letter of "official assistance" or some crap like that. Basically, they want us there to help them. Skulduggery told me that they probably didn't send it to anyone else, since we're, like, the nicest Sanctuary (minus Guild and Crux). And plus, as once said, Ireland was the place where magic was born. Our ancestors had a jolly time rocking out here, so we're always like the big Mob boss that everyone fears, except we don't wear loafers and yell in Italian. Though I do admit I've always wanted to do that…

The French Grand Mage sent us this letter, saying that he'd appreciate our help, blah, blah, blah. He just requested a few people head over to help them with the coming-to-life gargoyles problem. I figured I won't be able to go, since Guild would rather have me taken out and shot and killed then send me on a mission to France. Technically, Skulduggery and I aren't total detectives yet. Mr. Bliss somehow convinced Guild to let us back in without trying to kill us, and we're slowly getting back into the swing of kicking cases butts.

But now we're just getting minor ones. Like that werewolf one. And…there was something about a beetle a while back. Again, I barely paid attention. I do remember it being really gross, since there was this giant beetle man with a giant swarm of beetles and crickets and flies and BUGS at his side. But he kept directing them to fly around in Skulduggery's skull. That was hours of amusement; just watching him flail around, trying to get the bugs out.

ANYWAY.

Back to France.

Guild will probably send Crux along, since they've got such a bromance. I can barely hold my lunch in when it's those two. The sexual tension between them is unbearable.

Why do I keep getting distracted?

I expect for Guild to send Bliss, and the other Elder: Demetrius Lithium to go as well. Lithium is…quite a strange guy. He's not mean, but he's still a little spacey. I guess I can't be the one to speak, since I'm about the same at times. I've never had the opportunity to speak with him, and he was just recently appointed as an Elder. Plus, I'm like half-fugitive. I can't go wandering around and neither Skulduggery nor I can make an appointment or whatever with the Elders.

Probably a couple of the other suck-up/kiss-up detectives will go, but I can't think of many other people. I saw Skulduggery talking to Bliss a few days ago, and they seemed to be a rather heated argument, like that time Fletcher and I debated who's better: Indiana Jones or Han Solo. I said good ol' Indy, but Fletcher said Han. Sure, Han was really awesome, but he sorta just whined and tried to get into Leia's pants all the time. Indy would punch the lights out of Darth Vader and be done with the whole "Star Wars" thing.

Erg. Stupid, easily distracted brain!

Back to Bliss and Skulduggery.

The two kept gesturing about their man things, before Bliss pulled out a piece of paper, and handing it to Skulduggery. He read it a few times, I assume, then gave it back. They both seemed to calm down. Bliss nodded to him, then made a show of making eye contact with me. He gave a solemn nod and a blink, then quick left. Skulduggery quickly joined me and swung an arm around my shoulders.

"Trying to put the moves on me, then, Pleasant?" I asked jokingly. I so wanted to just scream for him to continue it.

"Well excuse me, Cain," he replied and removed his arm. NO. CRUEL WORLD.

"So what were you and Bliss arguing about?" I asked as he led me to the far southern corner of the Sanctuary.

"Nothing of your interest," he said.

"Last time you said that I ended up being interested. So, what was it about?"

"It was about the French Sanctuary. They seemed to cause an uproar with their request, it seems. French fools."

I laughed. "Oh those crazy French people. Almost as crazy as us Irish, hmm? And don't get me started on Canadians!"

He laughed back and slowly placed his arm around me again. "Yes, with our leprechauns and stereotypes. Joyous. It's aboot time we got stereotypes straightened out, eh?"

I smiled and leaned in closer to him. I heard him sigh quietly, and let it not bother me. It sounded like one of those contended sighs. Like after wearing high heals for eight hours straight, then finally getting to take them off. It's a liberating feeling. I love it.

"You alright?" I asked gently.

He nodded once. "I'm just thinking," he said. "Don't worry."

"I never worry. I especially don't worry about you, Pleasant."

"It's impolite to lie, Cain."

"Who said it was a lie?"

"I did, and I'm always right."

"Excuse me," I replied, a smirk on my face, "but I'm the woman in this relationship, and women are always right."

He snorted gracefully (how is that possible?) and punched my shoulder with the arm that was joyously draped over me. "It seems your suffering from denial," he said casually.

"Are you saying that I am not a woman? That, in fact, you are the woman?" I grinned as he paused and tapped his fingers up against my shoulder.

"No, for I was merely saying that women are not always right."

"Yes, and men have the answers."

"Indeed we do."

"And men are sexists."

"Yes we are."

I laughed and kicked his shin lightly. He responded by punching me in the arm. I ducked away and out from his arm around me, and then proceeded to topple over and land on top of Demetrius Lithium.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery shouted, which didn't really do much. I heard Lithium grunt and heard the sound of his breath whooshing out of his lungs. I instantly rolled off of him, and felt Skulduggery yank me up by my upper arm. I held out my hand for Lithium to take. He looked up wide-eyed at me, then chuckled once, and allowed me to help him up.

"Watch where you're going, Miss Cain," he said gruffly. I couldn't tell if he was joking or not. The way his eyes shone didn't really do much for me.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "This man who follows me around knocked me into you."

"I did not!" Skulduggery shouted. "You were the spaz who ducked away and fell all over him. It was most certainly not my fault."

Lithium put up his hands on both of our shoulders as a peace sign. "No one was injured, and it was just a mistake of footing."

Well, I guess he's alright with it.

"Valkyrie Cain!" came a voice filled with such annoyance and hate for me and everything I stood for. Yeah, Guild was headed our way. The crowd parted to let him through. "What is the meaning of this?" he shouted pretty much as loud as he could.

"Don't get your panties in a twist," I muttered.

"WHAT?" Guild stepped closer to me and had me almost pinned up against the wall. "I will not tolerate this kind of behavior from you! What in God's name happened?"

"Relax," Lithium said. "Miss Cain merely misplaced her body and collided with mine. She wasn't trying to take off any heads. Now," Lithium said, obviously ready to change the subject, "the issue at hand. I assume Elder Bliss explained to you?"

Skulduggery instantly straightened. (This time it was like when Fletcher told him what a "That's What She Said" joke really means.) "He only gave small details. Not the whole picture."

"I have no idea what we're talking about," I added. Guild glared at me, yet I was unfazed. I glared right back, and so much, that he slunk back. Ha, I love being awesome.

"Well then, join us, please," Lithium smirked. It was slightly evil, and slightly unnerving. I decided then and there that I wouldn't want to meet this man in a dark alley at night.

Guild led the way, Skulduggery behind him, me behind Skulduggery, and Lithium in the rear. The people bustling about in the Sanctuary moved to allow us passage, and we ducked out and away into their Elder's little chamber thing. I don't know what you want to call it, but it was like their private little room. Mr. Bliss was sitting at a chair, studying a few papers. A giant map was spread out on the table at the far corner of the room. I noticed the podium that the Book of Names once stood on sitting in a small case. The case seemed to be made out of this weird gel stuff.

"Have you informed them?" Mr. Bliss asked, not looking up from his papers.

Guild shook his head and took a seat in the middle. "There was an incident that prevented it." He said it like someone was giving birth in there. I mean, for God's sake! I fell on an Elder. No one died. Nothing exploded. No ancient tribal men in loin clothes sprang from the ceiling carrying spears and giant rocks. Celine Dion hadn't magically appeared and started singing that insanely obnoxious theme song from Titanic.

Alright, done now.

Lithium took the seat on the opposite of Guild. The way the lights shone on their faces was really creepy. He gestured to the two chairs at the other side of the table for us to sit in.

"I prefer standing," I said softly.

Guild rolled his eyes and muttered something in a different language. "Fine, be complicated." He looked over at Mr. Bliss, who was still studying the papers.

Bliss suddenly slammed the paper down on the table with his fist, sending an echo in the small room. "There are complications with the France situation," he said slowly. "As this letter states, the French Sanctuary is requesting our help. They have no specifications as to who they want sent, but we have reasons for sending such people."

Guild was scowling. "A vote was taken on who to send, and lo and behold, I was out-voted. Elder Lithium and Elder Bliss voted on you two to accompany them to the France."

There was an awkward silence. I frowned and glanced at Skulduggery. Again, his hand was his waist, while the other was playing with his hat.

"This isn't a joke, right?" I asked, not really sure of what answer I wanted.

"No," Lithium laughed, "but I just hope that Elder Bliss and I made the right decisions in this choosing. I wouldn't want this to end in disaster, as it already has begun in disaster. The regular Paris Police has hold of one gargoyle body, and this could completely expose our world as we know it." He stood up dramatically. "I don't want to be let down."

Bliss stood up after him. "We will accompany you two, and the French have already said they'd pay for airfare and the likes."

"Where might we stay?" Skulduggery asked, speaking for the first time since we entered.

"That has been left to us, but they said they would pay for that as well," Bliss answered. "There are a variety of places available and open to us, and the Grand Mage even offered their own home."

"Valkyrie's parents received a villa from a death in the family," Skulduggery added. "It would fit our purposes. It's close to the Sanctuary itself, and it's spacious enough for multiple people to stay."

I could tell where he was going with this. The villa is huge and it has enough space for, oh say, four incredibly awesome savers of the world. Oh, plus Skulduggery. (Don't tell him I said that, Diary. As I think about this, I'm not really sure how you would tell anyone anything...) Naturally Gordon would come along. But my uncle is travel-sized and fits, like, everywhere.

"I agree," Lithium said, "having this villa would work. Elder Bliss and I will have other accommodations." He glanced at his colleague who nodded.

"Others may come too, but two conditions," Bliss said, getting his point across. "That Fletcher Renn doesn't completely destroy each and every famous land mark in France, and that my sister would stay with you. Her villa was destroyed when a couple hundred vampires attacked it, looking for her."

I nodded slowly, I guess agreeing to let a rather psycho woman stay in my uncle's old villa.

I won't bore you with the rest of the meeting, Diary (and plus I might have to slice off my hand from the pain). We talked about the situation more and we received a "briefing" about everything that happened.

When we left, I quick called my parents asking if we could borrow the villa for a while. I said it was for "business" and they immediately understood. We don't explain much to them, since it could cause some problems. They said it was fine, as long as it didn't blow up, because they love going there in the summer.

But now, I have to finish packing. I only stopped because I couldn't find my protective coat, but then I remembered Ghastly was kind enough to make me a new one, after the old one ripped from being too small. He said he had a vision for it, and couldn't wait to get started on it (I think we should force Ghastly to do something manly once and a while).

So, Diary, I will leave you with this piece of juicy information: I hate flying. We'll see how this trip to France goes.

~Valkyrie


Oh my goooosh this is too long (that's what she said). I couldn't find an ending point, and it was very obnoxious.

At first I hadn't thought of using the villa. But I was straightening my hair, getting ready for church, and had an epiphany!

But yeah. I hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading! I apologize for any mistakes! :D