Chapter Twenty-One
West 45th Street
With an ominous tone to his voice that told Rose she could easily be about to get hurt, he growled, "Why did you leave?"
What was she supposed to do? Wasn't there a specific thing to say in this situation that they teach you in ninth grade phys-ed? You weren't supposed to yell fire anymore; people have heard it too often. It was something about babies... You were supposed to yell that someone was hurting them, she thought... but then that could be wrong. Rose's mind was whirring away at thousand miles a minutes, and thoughts drifted in and out too fast for her to grab hold of them. The only thing that really stuck was the baby. What if he hurt the baby? Cal still had a strong grip on her shoulder, and it was beginning to go numb. Maybe she should just answer his question.
"Why did you leave?" he repeated, much more aggressively this time.
She had to say something... anything. Something to shock him into letting go of her, so that she could run. The words came out before she even knew she'd thought of them.
"Because I hate you!" Rose shouted. "Because I hate you, and if I stayed you would have made me get an abortion, and that's not fair to Jack. Jack loves me."
As hard as it had been to find something to say, once she did, Rose had to make a conscientious effort to stop herself from letting more words slip out and sounding like a babbling moron. She forced her mouth shut and looked Cal straight in the eye, as though telling him that she wasn't scared of him. There was nothibg he could do to her. Jack would be quite proud, she thought. Cal loosened his grip on her shoulder and Rose watched, almost in awe of herself, as the agression and hostility slid from his face, replaced by anger and something akin to jealousy. For a moment, he looked as though Rose had left him speechless. After what felt like quite a long time, he spoke again.
"Is this what you want to be?" he asked, slowly and very quietly. "A whore to a gutter rat?"
If he has said that to her a few months ago, Rose would have been angry and deeply hurt, but that was when she had to contend with him every day. That was when his opinion of her mattered and had bearing on her happiness. His opinion didn't matter anymore, and the truth was that even she was a whore for being with Jack, it was better than being stuck with Cal.
With a sudden rush of bravery that she didn't even she had, Rose declared loudly, "I'd rather be his whore than your wife!"
Cal's face twisted into a disgusting snarl and he reached out to grab her again. It probably would have been much more painful that time around, but Rose turned on her heel and ran as fast as she could in the other direction. Her breath grew heavier and heavier as she ran, and Rose felt moisture develop on her face, although she wasn't sure if it was sweat, tears or both. She sped down three blocks, moving faster than she could ever remember moving before in her life. The cold wind of October bit at her cheeks, turning them bright red. It was only when she ducked into the entrance of the apartment building and knew she was definitely safe from Cal that she let the reality of the situation sink in. She could have gotten hurt. The baby could have gotten hurt- or worse. All of a sudden, Rose felt the overwhelming sensation fill her entire body, and she slowly leaned back against the wall and allowed herself to fall to the ground. Curled up in the corner, knowing that she looked utterly pathetic, Rose felt the tears begin to come out, and before long her whole body was wracked with sobs.
The only thing she could think to do was call Jack. Her fingers quivered as she dialed the number of the work cell phone all of the employees at the art gallery were given. Rose continuted to sob as she brought the phone up to her ear, and after it rang three times Rose began to feel hopeless. What if Jack didn't answer? She couldn't be alone tonight- she just couldn't. She knew she couldn't make him leave work, but maybe he could make arrangements for someone to pick her up. Rose herself was too shaken to think of anything but reaching him, but he would be able to tell her what to do. As the phone continued to ring, Rose noticed that the floor underneath her was freezing cold. Being inside was really no change from being outside.
Finally, after what felt like forever, there was answer.
"Heller Art Gallery. Jack Dawson here."
"Jack!" Rose exclaimed, crying even harder at the relief of hearing his voice. Never in her life had Rose heard a more beautiful sound. She didn't want to tell him what happened, because it would worry him, so she said simply, "Jack, something happened. I need you, Jack."
There was a pause on the other line, and Rose tried to hold back her tears, but couldn't. She felt bad, knowing that now he was going to get all worked up.
"Rose? What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked, sounding urgent and really scared. "What happened? Is the baby okay?"
"The baby's fine," she managed through her tears, not knowing what else to say. "I'm... at that the apartment... I'm out front... I'm okay but... I can't stay here." Words were coming out of Rose's mouth without her really thinking about them, but she didn't even notice. In fact, she hardly even noticed that she was speaking at all; it was as though she was in a state of shock. All she was doing was waiting for Jack to say something; to find a way to solve her problem and to make everything okay.
All of a sudden, she had a flashback of the day that changed the lives of everyone in New York. She didn't know where it came from or why, but the memory was so vivid that she couldn't suppress it. Rose was eight years old the day the Twin Towers collapsed. She had been at school when it happened, and although the teachers tried their best to keep everyone calm and tell them nothing was wrong, Rose figured you could have heard the explosion in Connecticut. The school was on lockdown for a long time, and when they were finally allowed to leave, the kids' parents had to be there to pick them up. Rose hadn't cried like some of the other kids had, because she'd learned from her mother that crying was weakness, and that being weak was not good. You had to stand up and face the world, even when it was unkind to you.
When, from the foyer of the school, she had spotted her father waiting for her, that all changed. Rose clearly remembered running into his arms and bawling into his chest, afraid to let go because, even at such a young age, she now knew that the world was not a safe place to be. When she asked him what happened, he told her very clearly, and although she had been angry and scared and upset, she knew that it was going to be okay because her father had also told her about the firefighters who fought for hours to control the blaze, and the story of the man who saved his own life by stopping to by donuts for his son's class, thus making him late for work, and of the brave passengers who overtook the plane that was headed for the Pentagon and flew it into the ground. Because of her father, the day that shook the country taught Rose that there would always be more good in the world than bad. Jack reminded her of that every day
Thinking of that made her smile through her tears, even if it was just a little bit.
"Rose?" Jack asked, pulling her back to reality. "I need you to tell me what's wrong, Rose. Please Rose, talk to me."
She couldn't tell him what had happened; it would bother him too much. He didn't need the stress. Still shaking, Rose wiped her eyes and stammered, "I don't... I don't want to talk about now..."
"Rose," Jack demanded, "you have to tell me at some point."
Swallowing the lump in her throat and shutting her eyes tightly for a moment, Rose said, "I was walking home from the bus stop and... and... he found me. Jack, he found me!"
For a moment, there was silence on the other line. Rose could imagine Jack stopping dead in his tracks, knowing exaclty who she meant but not wanting to believe it- not being able to believe it. He was probably thinking the same thing she was- they were supposed to have left that behind them. They were supposed to be done with Cal and his ploys to get Rose back with him. He was supposed to be gone. This was their fairytale- he didn't have the right to snap the book shut like that. Just thinking that made Rose collapse into another fit of tears, which must seemed to prod the anxious words from Jack's throat.
"Cal?" he asked, although he already knew the answer. Just hearing that name made Rose want to throw up. "Oh, God. Okay, listen to me, Rose. You go inside the lobby and you sit down in a chair and you wait there, okay? I'm gonna call Tommy- he lives really close. I think Fabrizio's with him, too. They're gonna pick you up and take you back to the Cartmells', because that's the safest place in the city. Then I'm gonna call Mr. Cartmell and see if he can get someone to take the rest of my shift, and I'll try to be there within the hour, okay?... Okay?... Rose! Rose, talk to me!"
Rose pressed her hand to her face and nodded, although she knew Jack couldn't see her. "Okay," she said weakly, pulling herself to her feet and walking into the lobby as Jack had asked her to. He was absolutely amazing. Just hearing his voice and knowing that he would take care of it, she instantly felt more safe. Whiping away her tears, she repeated, "Okay, Jack. Thank you."
"I love you, Rose," she heard Jack say.
"Love you, too."
As Rose hung up from Jack, she pulled her knees up to her chest and briefly considering counting the seconds until Tommy and Fabri arrived, just to pass the time and keep her mind occupied. That got really dull after seventy-three seconds, though. With a heavy sigh, Rose closed her eyes and rested her hands on her still flat stomach. How lucky am I, she thought, that the both of us are okay.
Then, a thought struck her. They were okay this time, but what if there was a next time? Would they be so lucky? Rose felt as though just by thinking it, she was being stabbed in the heart, but it was true. Her being in this child's life was dangerous for it. As the little flame of a thought flickered in and out of her mind, Rose was both amazed that she hadn't thought of it before, and disgusted with herself for ever having thought of it in the first place. As heartbreaking as it was, it was true. This baby, and Jack as well, were probably better off without her in their lives. Rose felt as though her mind was made up of two opposing armies; one knowing that, if her mother and Cal didn't let up, it would be for the sake of the child if she left him or her with Jack and just returned home, and the other feeling that deep instinct that only mothers can understand of wanting nothing more than to be with your child for the rest of its life. Mere minutes ago Rose wouldn't have even considered leaving Jack, who she loved with her enire existance, and going back to Ruth and Cal, but that was before they were a threat to her baby's wellbeing.
This thought in and of itself brought a whole round of tears to Rose's eyes, and suddenly she felt very much alone. How strange was it that, just a floor above her, happy people with happy lives were sleeping fitfully while she sat here bawling. Why was it that every time things started to look up, they came crashing down? Why couldn't she just have a normal life? Why couldn't she be a normal teenager? Rose couldn't even recall the last time she had felt the way a seventeen-year-old should feel, and in fact, just reminding herself that she was indeed seventeen seemed so foreign that she laughed out loud.
"What do you think about that, baby?" she asked, rubbing her stomach gently as tears flowed freely down her face. "How would you like to live just with Daddy? Your daddy loves you very much, you know." But so do I, she thought. And I can't bear to be without you. Memories of her previous life - fittings for that stupid cotillion dress, getting lectured by Cal about fractals and art, contending with her mother's every demand - popped in and out of her mind like flashbulbs, but stronger than all of them put together was the way she had felt dancing with Jack for the first time, learning what true love felt like. How could she leave something so wonderful for something so horrible?
After what felt like hours but was really only about twenty minutes, two figures that were shaped roughly like men but where covered in bulky coats to protect them from the cold of the autumn night burst through the door.
"Bella Rosa!" Fabrizio shouted, whipping his hood off and wrapping his arms around Rose, who barely had time to stand up before she was secured in his embrace. "Are 'a you okay? He did 'a no hurt you, right, Rosa?"
Rose's smile stood in stark contrast to her shaking body as she replied, "I'm fine, Fabri. Thank you so much!"
Fabrizio loosened his grip around Rose's waist, but still looked quite worried as Tommy asked, "Are ye sure yer alright, Rose? Jack said ye sounded real scared on the phone."
Rose smiled to herself. Jack would say that. His love for her never ceased to amaze Rose, and the fact that he would wake up his two best friends in the middle of the night to go pick her up proved his love for her even more.
"I promise, guys, I'm fine," she replied, wiping a stray tear from her face. She really did feel better now, because she wasn't alone anymore. "But if it's okay with you, I'd like to get out of here. I just don't feel right, you know... knowing he was so close."
Tommy nodded and grinned. Rose had decided since meeting Tommy that Irish people were some of the greatest people in the world, and she wished she knew more of them. "Not ter worry, Rose. There's a cab waitin outside fer us. Jack told ye he wanted us ter take ye to the Cartmells?"
Rose nodded and followed the two men outside. It was freezing, and the biting nip of the air reminded her of Cal's grip on her shoulder. As she slid into the cab, she closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to rid the image from her mind. The ride was completely silent, mostly because Rose was focusing all of her attention on forgetting what had just happened, and what she now understand to be the only way to keep her child safe. It killed her to think such a thing- just imagining the rest of her life without Jack and their child made her heart break, and as they drove, silent tears fell down her cheeks. It wasn't long before Fabri noticed this and rested a comforting hand on her shoulder, but Rose didn't even notice. All she could think was that she had to make these next few months with Jack count, because she really had no choice.
One thing Rose had never liked about the New York City skyline was that you couldn't see the stars. That had been the most magnificent thing about the night Jack had taken her out on Tommy's boat- for the first time in her life, she could see stars right in her hometown. That was one of the most magnificant things about Jack: he showed Rose all of the wonders that were in her own backyard, as long as you looked hard enough. She was going to miss that.
When the cab pulled up in front of the Cartmell's house, Tommy quietly handed the driver a fistful of bills while Fabrizio wrapped his arm around Rose and lead her onto the porch. He knocked quietly, so as not to wake up Cora, then turned to Rose.
"Is 'a gonna be okay, bella Rosa. Do not worry. You are 'a safe now," he said. Rose wanted desperately badly to believe him, but she knew that nothing was going to be the same anymore. It couldn't be.
The door swung open dramatically, which Rose thought was so fitting that she couldn't help but laugh through her tears. She was surprised to see the full, smiling face that she recognized as Molly Brown's standing in the doorway. She was dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt and had clearly just woken up not too long ago. Rose didn't know how or why she was here, and the only logical explanation was that Mr. Cartmell had called her to come and look after Rose. That was really nice of both of them, she thought.
Before Rose even had the chance to speak, Molly had pulled her in the doorway and enveloped her in a tight hug.
"Oh, Rose, I'm so glad you're safe!" she exclaimed. Rose was thoroughly impressed by this, considering she had only met Molly once before. "You come over and sit down on the couch, okay? I'm gonna go get you a blanket."
"Thank you, Mrs. Brown," Rose said with a smile as she was lead towards the couch. Only a few hours ago, she had been sitting her, painting Cora's nails and thinking how wonderful it would be to do that with her own daughter some day. How quickly things can change.
Tucking Rose's hair behind her ear as though she were a small child, the woman replied, "Oh, nonsense, dear. And please, call me Molly."
"Okay... Molly," Rose repeated, entirely unused to calling adults by their first name. As the older woman went off the find a blanket for Rose, Tommy, Fabrizio and Mr. Cartmell joined her in the living room. They all looked down at her, as though they were expecting her to say something that was going to completely blow there minds. What was she supposed to say? It wasn't even as though Cal had done anything, really. He hadn't hurt her or the baby, and he hadn't followed her when he ran off. It was really just the fact that knew where she was; that he could find her at any time. That meant that he was a threat to the life she and Jack had worked so hard to build, and that was what upset her the most.
Mr. Cartmell sat down on the couch next to Rose. He had always kind of reminded Rose of those typical TV dads, like the one in Lizzie McGuire and all the other shows she watched when she was little, which was really comforting sometimes. He reminded her of what a normal life should be like.
Smiling gently at her, he said, "You know, Rose, you can stay here as long as you like... Jack, too. I don't want you to feel like you're imposing on us, because all that matters is that you and your baby are safe. Sound good?"
"Sounds wonderful," Rose smiled, trying to hide that pain that she felt just thinking of her baby. "I really don't know how to thank you all."
Molly, who had just come back into the room carrying a comforter that looked as though it might be out of a spare bedroom, replied, "Just stay out of trouble and keep your chin up, Rose. That's thanks enough for us."
"Si," Fabrizio added, sitting down in am armchair. Tommy followed his lead and sat down on the loveseat.
For a moment, Rose felt the oddest sensation develop in her stomach. She suddenly felt very warm and cozy, and as though nothing in the world could hurt her. It took her a moment to place it, because it had been a long time since she'd had such a feeling. When she finally realized exactly where she'd been the last time she'd felt that way, tears welled up in her eyes and she had to fight to keep them back. It had been the day before her fourteenth birthday, when her parents had taken her to see the Statue of Liberty. She'd been there a million times, just like every other New Yorker, but it never really got old. On that day they had been such a team, such a strong unit. Nothing could even come close to the happiness they created when they were together.
It was the feeling of family- of being a part of something built entirely on love.
Just as she thought that, Jack burst through the door and ran over towards her, completely ignoring everyone else. Never in her life had Rose seen a face as beautiful as his was in that moment. In one sweeping motion, he had pulled her up from the couch and was holding her in his arms, running his fingers through her hair and kissing her over and over again. The warmth of his hands on her body was like pure bliss after the cold that was both outside the house and flowing through her body.
"Rose, why didn't you just let Mr. Cartmell drive you?" he asked, still kissing her. "Rose, you're so stupid! You're such an idiot, Rose! Why did you do that?"
She didn't answer- she didn't have to. Resting her head on his shoulder, Rose felt truly happy and comfortable for the first time in more than an hour. Being in Jack's arms made her feel more safe than anything else could. She vaguely wondered how he would take it when she broke the news to him. Hopefully he would understand- they had no other choice, really.
The couple embrace silently for a long time, until they were finally interrupted by Mr. Cartmell.
"Well, I think we've had enough excitement for one night," he said, with a slight laugh. "I want you two to stay in the guest room tonight, and for as long as you need. Here, I'll show you were it is."
Jack and Rose both thanked him quietly, although Rose already knew where the guest room was- Cora had shown it to her during her grand tour. Once they were alone upstairs, Rose rested her head on the pillow, unable to look Jack in the eye. Just thinking about it hurt so much that she could only imagine what it would feel like to vocalize her intentions. A shiver ran down Rose's spine as she's felt Jack's body press against hers.
"Are you okay, sweetheart? Really?"
"I'm fine," she replied coldly, a pensive look that was filled with sadness contorting her beautiful features.
Jack wrapped one arms around Rose's shoulders and laid the other on her stomach lovingly. "You know Rose, I was thinking- we need to get you away from him, for good. When I spoke to Mr. Cartmell on the phone, he said that we can stay here as long as we need to. I think that's a really good idea, Rose. It's so much safer here, and Mr. Cartmell could drive you to school on his way to work. We won't have to worry about Cal hurting you or our baby anymore. What do you say?"
Rose allowed her eyes to drift down to where Jack's hand rested, glad that he loved this baby so much. He was going to have to take care of her for the rest of her life. It was nice to think that they could get away from Cal for good, but Rose knew that the only real solution was going back to him for good.
"Jack," she said simply, "I can't stay with you anymore."
A look of shock passed over Jack's face, but it was instantly replaced by hurt and curiosity in equal amounts. Rose pressed on, virtually ignoring him. "I can stay for now, until the baby's born, but not any longer. I'd just be in the way, Jack, and you know it. I would have to go back home. I'm putting you in danger, and the baby, too. She would have to stay with you." They referred to the baby as a girl now- something they had just slipped into gradually, but it seemed to fit so well. That in itself was another stab at Rose's heart. She would never get to know her baby girl- or boy, either way.
"Rose, that's ridiculous!" Jack protested. "You know-"
"I know that you don't deserve the trouble I'm causing for you," she said, cutting him off. "I need to leave, Jack."
The time that they laid there, in absolute, stark silence, was surely the longest time in Rose's life. What was he going to say? Would he agree, which was the last thing she wanted him to do? Or would he find a reason- as small a reason as existed in the world would be good enough for her- for her to stay; a way of proving that she could be safe here? That was all she wanted to hear, but the odds of it happening were slim and Rose knew it.
Laying so close to Jack that she could trace every line and curve of his beautiful face, Rose wondered if that was what she would miss most of all- being so close to him, feeling his body heat, thinking that they could just as easily be one person. Surely they were one soul in two bodies. She felt a lump rise in her throat and tears well in her eyes as she thought back to all the times seeing his face had turned her whole world around- the night they first met; the night she didn't even want to think about, the next day in Central Park, after waiting for hours in school, which was just torture, and that night, as she walked down the staircase to see him practicing how he would speak to these people who were surely like aliens to him. He looked amazing that night- he always did. He was amazing. Part of Rose's mind told her she was crazy for even thinking about walking away from someone as amazing as him, but she knew it was the only option, and it had everyone's best interests at heart.
Finally, after what must have been a thousand years, Jack took her hand in his and spoke.
"Rose..." he stammers, as though that is all he can manage. "Rose, do you remember how we met? You were running away from Cal; you never wanted to see him again. I am so thankful for being there that night, Rose, and for saving your life. You made my world better than I could ever have imagined it being. I am never going to lose that, I guarantee you. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I'm going to be fine no matter what and so is the baby; it's you I'm worried about.
"I'm going to protect you Rose; I'm going to keep you safe. You don't need to worry about anything else. You just need to let me keep you safe. Promise me that, okay? Promise me that no matter what, you'll stay strong, okay? Don't cave in to this- that's what they want you to do. The want to make you think going back there is what's best, and then they'll have you in their pocket just like they did before. You have to be strong, Rose.
"Promise me."
For some reason - she would never really know why, besides the way he made her feel - she believed him.
"I promise."
Look, guys, Fabrizio saved the day! I thought that would make a couple people very happy, anyways. :)
I'm flying out tomorrow, so this might be the last you hear from me for the next three weeks. I want to take this opportunity to thank you all so much for reviewing each and every time, because it really does make me a better writer. I'm also sorry this chapter's a bit shorter than the other ones, but hey... good things come in small packages, and so does dynamite! ;)
And aren't you just so glad they're gonna have their happily ever after after all? I know I am.
P.S. Has anybody seen Heavenly Creatures? I just saw it last week- AMAZING.
AND, who's excited for Inception? :D
