CHAPTER 91

EPISODE………….200

It is, but it isn't. You'll see……………..

There was a, special day coming up. And no one was saying anything about it. He had came into work very early and gotten things made and such. The others came into work on time as usual. And it was getting near the time for them to go off world. And then he got a call. And his answer was no way in hell. He was ordered to do so otherwise. To which he lied and said yes sir. But he wasn't going to do it. So he opted out for his idea. Which was taking some time since he forgot he took those DVD's off base. Landry had no problem taking charge. And he heard about the, idea, that Ford agreed to do because it was an order. He didn't know Ford had a different idea in the works so he told the rest of SG-1 that Ford was off base at the moment and they were suppose to do this. There was a few arguments but they sat down at the briefing table and looked at the script. The opening scene for the script indicated that SG-1 found the Furlings finally. But that in doing so that Goa'uld came along and destroyed them. Carter started to argue about that and Mitchell was saying something about it getting people's attention when Ford walked in with a small box in hand.

"What the hell are you people doing?"

"General." Mitchell said a little startled. "We have orders to…."

"To hell with them. We have better things to do that help some show that sucked to begin with. I'd rather watch Barney than that….I can't even dignify it as being a show."

"General, you have to do this. The Air Force wants us represented properly. And General O'Neill has ordered SG-1, including you, to participate." Landry said coming out of the office.

"To hell with what he thinks. I love and respect Jack, but in this case, forget it. The Air Force wants to have us represented, they can send in a professional news crew Like Dan Rather or something. You can say you passed the message along and if any trouble comes up because I went against orders, it will all fall on me."

"But we know the orders…." Carter began.

"And I'm countermanding them. We have much more important things to do."

"Indeed." Teal'c said setting the script aside.

"I found it interesting." Vala said doing the same. "I've watched a lot of television lately and apart from a few things, its been pretty good."

"Where is this idiot anyway?" Ford asked looking out the window before looking down the stairs.

The said idiot came into the room from by his office while talking on the phone. Ford walked over to the end of the table where he usually sat and waited. He hung up and muttered something about bad cell phone reception as he placed his briefcase on the table near Carter.

"So.." he began and then saw them not looking at the scripts. "Oh, you're finished already?"

"No." Ford said sternly. "No offense is intended here, but we have very important jobs. We're saving the universe, so unless you can get that ship you once had back here to help us, we can't help you right now. And since we know that that ship isn't going to come back. Besides that, and I know this is going to hurt, your show sucks. I was embarrassed to even watch it. Seeing as SG-1 was on with it, I kept watching."

"There's always bound to be a critic or non fan." he said unfazed. "What do you mean watching…."

"Look, take these scripts and put them away." he said sweeping his hand at the table. "And take this box here, watch these for ideas. Walter….."

"I'm here General." he said appearing at the top of the stairs.

"I still have no idea how you does that." Ford muttered in amazement. "Walter, take him to one of the rooms please and if you want, watch those DVD's with him. If not, have….."

"I don't mind watching them General."

"Cool. Now, you go with him and get ideas from that box."

The man protested slightly as the other's stacked the scripts and handed them back and Walter took him away.

"What did you give him to watch?" Carter asked.

"First season of this place. And the movie that started all this. He should be able to get all he needs from that. If not, tough. We've got a un universe to save, not Hollywood ego's to rub."

"Isn't that illegal since those are classified missions? Well, the files are as well, but those show what happened in better detail. Wouldn't that be a breach…" Daniel was asking.

"I really don't care. Besides that, it was all years ago anyway. He also signed the confidentiality agreement and such so it can't hurt us."

"So, what are we doing now?" Vala asked.

"What else? We have a mission to go on." he said pointing at the gate.

"Yes, and it's very important." Mitchell said cheerfully.

"It's just a recon mission." Carter said as they left heading out to get their gear.

"This is no simple recon mission. It's no less than my 200th trip through the gate." Mitchell said.

"Really? You're counting?" she asked with a strange look. "You're not counting your times are you?"
"No." Ford said.

After they had gotten their supplies and weapons, they headed for the gate room. Ford had someone else bring down his Tommy gun from the office and he picked it up before entering the gate room.

"As we were chaining our gear, I had time to reflect. I believe this is far from your 200th mission Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c stated.

"No, it's his 200th trip through the gate." Ford stated.

"That's right." Mitchell said as the gate was dialing. "Anytime I've stepped through the gate, back and forth. Pretty much any time I've stepped through the event horizon. This is going to be huge, the big 2-0-0."

"The gate isn't going to make a bigger splash or anything for you Mitchell. It's just going to…." Ford was saying when suddenly it quit like it lost power. "Going to die I guess. Hmm."

They all turned around to look and saw the people up in the control room were confused as well.

"Mitchell, did you yell at the gate or something?" Ford asked seriously.

"What?" Mitchell asked confused.

"Let's go Sam. K-9 to the control room." Ford said shaking his head as she followed with a small laugh.

"Oh I get it now. Funny General."

"What do we do?" Vala asked.

"Wait. Might be nothing more than a broken circuit or something." Mitchell said.

After a few minutes, Carter looked out the window as Ford gave his gun to be taken back upstairs as he took his coat off.

"Sorry guys. This is going to take awhile."

Mitchell and Daniel both sighed.

"At least we don't have to deal with that guy again." he said leaving.

"Indeed."

"I have to agree with Ford. The script and everything was rather stupid. The characters were complete idiots….." Daniel was saying as they left.

About half an hour later Mitchell came back into the control room to find them still working on it. A few panels and other computers were taken apart.

"How's it going?"

"I have no idea what the hell is the problem. Even K-9 hasn't located the problem." Ford said with his head under the main computer.

Carter walked away from the large computer consoles to the left of the main system.

"We're running another diagnostic program along with K-9. Power is getting through to the capacitors but the charge isn't holding. That's causing the control crystal to send feedback into the interface and reset the programming code of the base computers dialing protocol."

"You have no idea what she said do you?" Ford asked poking his head out.

"The gate isn't dialing out. I got that much."

"Better than what Jack would have figured out." Ford said shutting the panel and getting out. "Problem isn't here."

"Can't you try something like a reset button? I do that sometimes when my computer is giving me trouble." Mitchell said.

The two looked at each other.

"What?" Mitchell asked as they looked at him.

"God is he so like Jack sometimes."

"Kinda creepy in a way." she said.

"What?"

"The reset idea. After the diagnostic is done, if we haven't learned anything. A reset of the system might do it." she said.

"And this compares me to General O'Neill is what way?"

"He comes up with possible solutions when we're stumped." Ford said.

"And then he ask 'what?' several times when we tell him he figured it out."

"Oh."

"Then he'd take credit for the idea when he has no idea what the idea was."

"Hmm. Glad I could help. Notify me if anything happens. I'm going to go eat."

"Yep just like Jack."

"Yeah, take credit, then go eat." she said.

Daniel, Vala, Mitchell and Teal'c were down eating while the other two were still at it. Daniel and Vala were on one side with the other two on the other side.

"Big 200 is just out of my grasp." he muttered around his Jello.

"I don't see the big deal really. It's just another trip through the gate. None of the rest of us have been keeping notes and records on it. Someone else might be."

"It's important to me though Jackson."

"If it doesn't happen today, it will take place tomorrow. It's not like it's a record anyone else is going to beat."

"Indeed. Only you can make such a record for yourself Colonel Mitchell."

"Still." he muttered before looking up. "Hey Sam, General. Any good news?"

"Not really. Diagnostic was a bust." Ford said walking past as he headed for the kitchen.

"We're trying the reset button as Mitchell suggested." she said sitting down next to Mitchell.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"Ford's getting us something from the kitchen. Chicken Enchiladas I think."

"They were here this morning." Daniel said.

"We were so busy with the gate and such, he set some aside for me and him." she said as he was headed over.

"Here it is." he said setting the plate down and pulling out a diet Pepsi.

"Thanks."

"Why diet pop? No offense Sam, but your figure is just fine." Mitchell said.

"Taste." Ford, Daniel and Teal'c stated.

"Oh. Each their own." Mitchell said.

"What were you all talking about before we came in?" Ford asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Daniel asked.

"Curious mostly."

"Talking about me and the date I have with the big 2-0-0."

"You're not going to miss it Mitchell. It will happen sometime today."

"That future knowledge…."

"Basic fact. The gate should be running before the end of the day. Unless it is something extremely serious. In which case, the gate will open on another day and you'll still get to go through on 200."

"1,264 mission files. Kinda almost like a mile stone that mine will be 1,265. Not a odd number." Mitchell said a little proudly.

"Actually, it's already 1,265 already." Daniel said.

"There's that many files?" Ford asked surprised. "I read them, but I never counted them. Wow."

Then he trailed off muttering low enough that they could barely hear it.

"Wish they had did that many episodes, which you could say explains the books I tried to get and the one's I did read." Carter mostly heard him say.

When he saw them looking at him.

"Never mind."

"Wait. What do you mean Jackson? I've read all the files. There's only 1,264 of them." Mitchell said. "I've read them all recently."

"Actually, you haven't read 30185." Carter said.

"30185? Which one is that?" Mitchell asked.

"Yeah. I don't recognize it either. But then numbers on files usually trip me up anyway." Ford asked.

"We can't tell you." Daniel said.

"Sam?"

"Sorry, it's….."

"I have the highest clearance known to man." Mitchell said.

"I have higher! Correction, I have the highest despite my rank!" Ford said. "Spill it Colonel."

"We can't." she said shaking her head.

"Who do I call to get this clearance Colonel?" he asked very sternly.

"Who can you tell?" Vala asked.

"We can tell you." Daniel said turning to her.

"It has to do with the time the gate sent us back to 1969." Carter said.

Ford was gone. He started laughing so hard he had to leave.

"What was that about? Why's he laughing? I don't see why 1969 has anything to do with me anyway. I wasn't born until a year later." Mitchell said still looking at the door as they still heard him laughing.

"Actually, it was nine months later you were born." Daniel said.

"What?" Mitchell asked.

"You have to remember, it was the 60's." Carter said with a straight face.

"I'm not getting it."

"Oh come on Mitchell. You're not as dense as Jack."

"But sometimes you're so like him." Carter stated.

"Haven't you noticed he's always taken an interest in your life?" Daniel stated.

"Jack? O'Neill?" he said looking at their straight faces before looking to see Teal'c had the same serious face.

"Indeed."

"Do you remember when you were chosen for the 302 program, but you didn't think you deserved it? And how about when you were chosen for SG-1?" Carter asked.

"Wait a minute. Are you all saying that Jack O'Neill is….my daddy?" Mitchell asked looking at them. Their faces all showed complete seriousness.

"Everything is starting to make sense now isn't it." Daniel said.

"I'm being Punk'd aren't I?" he said feeling stupid for falling for their trick.

"We honestly can't tell you about 30185." Carter said. "I can't even tell Ford until he is allowed clearance."

"Yeah right. You're all pulling my leg. No wonder he laughed. He figured it out quickly. Nice try gang. You almost had me." he said with a small laugh.

"Are you implying that we have lied to you Colonel Mitchell?" Teal'c asked sternly.

"No. Not at all."

"He thinks we're pulling his leg." Daniel said.

"I see. It is the same reference O'Neill used when he said, they are yanking my chain."

"Yes, that's the one." Daniel said.

"Is it true?" Vala asked. "I mean the story?"

"They did go back to 1969. But nothing happened that resulted in me being born because of them."

"Is that true?" Vala asked looking at Daniel.

"We can't say anything."

"Wait a minute. Ford showed me those DVD's of all your adventures. I don't get it totally that he came from another universe and such that this place was on TV, but their was an episode concerning you guys and that mission." Vala said as the three stiffened considerably. "He stated he thought Sam looked really cute in that outfit."

Mitchell noticed and ran out of the room. He found Ford looking at that episode. When Mitchell saw the people on the DVD that helped SG-1 then, he realized he was being Punk'd.

"I don't know what is sadder. The fact that I almost believed them or the fact we both got Punk'd." Mitchell said shaking his head.

"I can't believe I fell for that! I…" he said stuttering in a loss of words.

"How about we just not say anything and they'll never know we looked."

"Yeah right." Ford said rubbing his face. "They already know they got us."

"How?"

"A little bird." Daniel said with a smile as he opened the door fully and then walked away.

Mitchell shook his head muttering about how they were going to get teased by this for awhile.

The gang was back in the control room as the two were looking the system over. It had been reset and they were doing another diagnostic before trying to dial out. Seeing as it was going to be several minutes or so Ford headed up the stairs.

"Hopefully we can leave soon." Mitchell said as they got to the top.

"Just need to give it some time." Ford said going into his office. "Where is that bag?"

"We just ate recently and you're digging into a bag of M&M's?" Carter said as he pulled a large bag out.

"Got my paperwork done for now." he said pouring the bag into a large bowl. "And I haven't had any chocolate today. Call it pity eating. I feel so stupid for falling for that mission file joke."

"I'm actually shocked you fell for it." Carter said smiling. "We knew we'd get Mitchell, but you. That was beyond a bonus."

They all walked back out and sat down. Other than Teal'c, they were all enjoying the candy.

"Any ideas on why the gate has decided to act up? Been ten years and then suddenly it decides to quit." Mitchell said.

"I don't know. No guesses or clues or ideas spring to mind." Ford said.

"Baffles me too. But then, we don't really know everything about the gate to begin with." Carter said.

"Indeed. Perhaps, it needs time to cool down." Teal'c stated.

Ford laughed.

"What needs time to cool down?"

They all turned to see Jack standing there in the office hallway. In full uniform.

"Sir." the two said standing up quickly.

"O'Neill. It is good to see you once again."

"Hey Jack." Daniel said as Vala waved.

"Should I call you sir, General or Jack? Or does it even matter?" Ford asked getting up last.

"Does it matter?" Jack asked walking into the room after waving rather widely. "Seeing as even before you got your rank, you never respected me enough to call me sir or Colonel…."

"Actually he did. Later after our first official mission you told him to just call you Jack and then he never really was able to go back." Daniel said.

"I was kidding about all that stuff at the end. After bringing Charlie back, you could call me jackass for the rest of my life." Jack said waving his hand.

"Hmm. Only if your being one." he said patting him on the shoulder. "Why you here?"
"What. Guy can't stop by on his way from Maui?"

"Maui sir?" Carter asked.

"There better have been a good reason for that. And don't say it was for the women." Ford said.

"No." he said sharply. "I was on duty."

"What's the real reason sir?" Mitchell asked.

"Check on how you were all doing with Marty? Where is he anyway? You all get done already?"

"Oh yeah. A lot sooner than you think." Daniel said with a hidden tone.

"What did you do?" Jack asked looking at Ford.

"I sent Walter and him to a room to watch a movie and some DVD's for ideas."

"Our adventures sir. The first year anyway." Carter said to his confused expression.

"Those files, movies, whatever you want to call them are classified!"

"Let's see, Marty is an alien and it can be proved really quickly if he had to see a doctor that we didn't supply. So yeah, I think he's going to go and tell the world that his really, and I mean really bad spoof of this place is really going on under this mountain. We go to other planets and see aliens."

"Well, when you put it that way. No one else is in there from…."

"No one he works with is allowed in here and Walter is making sure he doesn't tell anyone anything that he shouldn't."

"Oh, good. Sorry I had to make it an order. Higher ups believed it was a good idea. Cover story crap an all. I'm surprised to find that you didn't kick him out of the mountain."

"Why would you think that Jack?" Daniel asked as Jack dug into the candy.

"Hungry?" Ford asked.

"Of course. You remember when we all watched a few of those DVDs of us. We came across the one with the Wormhole X-treme and he stated he thought that episode was embarrassing to watch."

"You remembered that?" Ford asked.

"I thought the same thing after seeing it later. Real reason I'm here. I miss you guys. Not saying family life is bad or anything. Just the thrill of the adventure isn't the same."

"Well sir, we're about to go on a mission. Assuming the gate works soon. We're going through to commemorate my 200th trip through the gate." Mitchell said.

"Really? Wow."

"His trips through sir, not actually missions." Carter said.

"Want to go with us? Be nice to be under your command again. I could use some of your humor again." Ford asked.

"All those times, I was not trying to be funny."

"Makes me laugh anyway. So, you up for it? We'll only be gone for a few hours at most. Less than a day really."

"Sure, why not. I don't see any reason to pass up a chance to go through the old orifice again." he said waving a hand at the window.

"That isn't funny." Ford said shaking his head.

"You guys…." Jack asked looking at them.

They all shook their heads.

"We go through that every day. Better to not think of it as some body part."

"General. Oh, hello sir." Walter said as he stopped at the top.

"Hey Walter, what's up?"

"Gate's running again."

"Finally, let's go team." Mitchell said enthusiastically as he headed out.

"You let him boss you around like that?" Jack asked as they left.

"He is team leader. So yeah. Unless you're taking command."

"Yeah. He's always mentioned he wanted to be under me at least once. And flying the F-302 didn't count."

The gate was dialing as they entered the room all kitted up to go. Landry was coming along. Walter was too though he hadn't entered the room yet. A few other teams were also coming, or had already went through earlier.

"Everything ready Walter?" Ford whispered.

"SG teams 3 through 18 are waiting."

"And the food?"

"All there sir. We sent it all before Mitchell got to the base. The party equipment was sent at the same time."

"Where's….what's his name again?"

"He got his ideas, or said he did. A lot of phone calls came through and I made sure he didn't say anything he shouldn't have. But he's already gone if you were wondering."

"Good."

"Not really General. The series is being started back up."

"Oh god. He puts a character anything like me, I will sue his alien ass."

"Seriously?" Jack asked. "A spoof character of you would probably be pretty cool."

"No. Not happening. Walter, remind me to make a few calls concerning the series when I get back."

"Yes General."

Mitchell had a good idea of what was going on so he kept quiet. Walter never went off world unless for special emergencies or something.

"All right, let's go check out the mysteries of P2C-106." Mitchell said.

They lined up, Jack, Landry, Mitchell and Teal'c. Ford, Carter, Daniel and Vala came next followed by Walter. They walked up and through. Mitchell was really surprised at the effort everyone put into it for his benefit. The party lasted for a few hours. Lots of cake and party streamers and such. Everyone had a lot of fun and it was considered other than a party for Mitchell, a great way to forget about all the problems they were having with the Ori for at least that time. Mitchell tried to get Jack to talk about 30185, just to see his reaction, but Jack said it was too classified.