~*Chapter Eleven*~


"Be brave," Alec said as he squeezed my arm.

I was overwhelmed. That was all I kept saying to convince myself this feeling I was having wasn't a panic attack. I didn't know anyone here, but everyone knew Alec. The amount of comments and approving looks I'd received while I walked next to Alec one would think I was a prize heifer in the state fair.

We made the circuit. Alec waved and greeted everyone while we walked through the crowd. The guests were a mix of men and women, which I had to admit I was a bit surprised by. Everyone was dressed to the nines, just as Alec had said they would be, but thankfully he was the only one wearing an ascot.

We were in a little garden in the heart of the city. Large, thick hedges kept the world outside and an open tent held the bar and most of the guests. There was an area on the other side of the tent, which I assumed was the altar with a few scattered tables and chairs here and there. It was going to be a simple ceremony and I was somewhat envious. Mine had been a huge state of affair, I'd never wanted it but we it had anyway.

Alec grabbed two glasses of champagne, passing one to me. "See, this isn't so bad, is it?" He smiled and patted my arm. "Get a few of these in you," he clinked my glass with his, "and those shoulders will relax."

I leaned over and whispered, "Just remember... no dancing. At all. I don't dance."

"What do you mean, 'no dancing?'" He gasped, waving his ring-covered hand around before it settled on his ascot. "Edward, you're my date, and dates dance."

"This is not a date."

"Honey, you try telling that to all these people. They're expecting me to dance." He looked up at me over his glass. "And we will dance."

I felt the color drain from my face, and the panic started to build. I was fairly sure I'd broken out in a cold sweat and the designer tie was choking my airway. I was a good dancer. I'd been dragged to enough charity events with my parents to know how to dance. But I was not dancing with a man. I was drawing the proverbial 'I'm straight' line.

"Oh, relax, you big baby!" He slapped my arm and started to laugh. "I'm only kidding. Look around. Do you see anywhere set up for a dance floor? This is high class, baby. There'll be no 'Y.M.C.A.' here. You're off the hook... at least for tonight."

My face went from white to red in two seconds. I had to fake a laugh, to hide the tears of relief. I took a quick look around, and realized he was right. There was a little area set up as a stage and I saw a couple of acoustic guitars resting on two stools. But there was no area for dancing. Thank fuck, I thought while I swallowed the premium champagne.

"Drink up, sorta-straight boy," Alec said. "You're gonna need it."

"Not funny." I had a few more choice words for him, but I recognized a face walking toward us so I kept them to myself. I couldn't quite place him at first. He looked different than the other day. He was in a nice looking suit and a tie and he hadn't shaved in what looked like a few days. It changed his appearance, made him more rugged than I remembered. He was smiling at us, his hand in his pocket and the other holding a glass while he walked with purpose.

"It's about time you got here," the man from the hair salon said. "The bride's having a meltdown."

"Which one?" Alec asked.

"Does it matter? They're asking for you."

Alec did an exaggerated sigh, and mumbled something about brides and their wedding day. "Edward, I'm sorry. I'll be right back."

"Ah... Alec, you said you wouldn't leave me," I said under my breath.

"Go, he'll be fine with me. I'll keep him company," the man said. Alec gave me one last apologetic look before he turned his back on me and rushed through the garden gate. I took another deep sip of the champagne to hide my embarrassment.

"Jared, right?" I managed to say, holding out my hand.

He shook it with a solid grip and smiled. "You cleaned up nicely."

There was an awkward moment while I tried to think of small talk, something I was never good at. "So... you must come to these kinds of things a lot?" I asked and realized how lame I sounded.

He started to laugh. "Just because I own a hair salon, doesn't mean I'm gay, Edward."

"Oh, you're not? I'm sorry." My face flushed, and I took another sip while my ears burned. I was socially inept at the best of times.

He was still laughing. "I'm kidding. Yes, I am. But you'll find a lot of people who are here, aren't. Leah and Kim aren't exactly what you'd call your stereotypical lesbians."

Lesbians? I gulped almost choking on my champagne. "Leah and Kim?" I asked confused.

"The... brides." He was looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"Oh!" I exclaimed as the realization hit me this was a commitment ceremony for two women, not two men. "I just assumed... when Alec asked me... sorry, I didn't know."

"Sorry," he said looking sheepish, "I'm just messing with you." He looked at my empty glass and said, "You look like you could use something a little stronger."

"Um... yeah, I believe I could." I smiled and followed him toward the bar. I was completely out of my element here, and I needed the liquid courage. I was at a gay wedding... for two women. Less than a year ago, I was in my comfortable home, with my somewhat comfortable job and my less than comfortable wife. Now I was in a top dollar suit, with a gay man almost twice my age at an event I never could have dreamed up, all the while questioning my sexuality. I let out a deep breath before giving the bartender my order... for a double.

"Breathing helps," Jared said. It wasn't malicious, it was almost kind with a hint of humor. "I take it this is something completely new for you?"

"You could say that." I sipped my whiskey a little too quick and choked. Naturally I waited for the jibe, but it never came. By instinct I called myself a 'pussy' in my head and the familiar pit in my stomach surfaced whenever I thought of him.

Jared gave me a curious look, but didn't press. "Well this is one of the bests to be introduced to the scene."

"Scene?"

"You know..." He nodded his head toward the guests.

"Oh, I'm not..."

"You never are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean no disrespect. I love Alec, and he seems to care about you. But why are you really here, Edward? Because it's not a favor to Alec."

"Yes it is."

"You can tell yourself that to make the pit in your stomach go away. But sooner or later it'll be back. Do you honestly think I grew up wanting this? I was the next All-American football star. My family couldn't have been prouder. At least not until I told them the truth. We haven't spoken since." He wasn't angry, his expression was light-hearted, sad almost. "We are who we are. Alec's like a father to me. He helped me through some tough times. So if you're hanging around him, I can only assume he's helping you figure some things out." He smiled at me over his glass.

I surveyed the scene. I was definitely an outsider here. Everyone knew each other very well, like they were family. It wasn't at all what I'd expected, but then again, I didn't know what I'd expected. This was Alec's not so subtle hint to let me know I could have a different life if I chose to. And he also wanted me to know it didn't look as bad as I thought.

"Listen, Jared," I said turning back to him, "I don't know what I'm going through right now. Alec seems to think he has it all figured out for me, but he doesn't. And being here isn't going to change that. I'm fucked up, there's no denying that." I tried to laugh it off, but he wasn't buying it. "Shit happened, and I'm trying to deal with it as best I can. But I've got a family to think about and he seems to forget that sometimes." I felt the color return to my cheeks and it spread to the back of my neck. I rubbed a hand over the scruff on my face. "It's not as simple as Alec is trying to make it seem."

"I get that." He shrugged. "You'll figure it out. Either way, having Alec on your side... well he's one helluva left tackle." He grinned showing his perfectly straight teeth, and I couldn't help but smile in return. "You hungry? Let's go check out the food. I'm starved." He patted his stomach and walked away from me. I followed him without thinking.

The food was delicious. I hadn't had anything this decadent in a long time. I'd been living on takeout and cereal for the last eight months, so the appetizer buffet was a welcome treat. They'd set it up as though it was a single man's dream. Mini gourmet grilled-cheese sandwiches with brie and apple. Small takeout boxes with tiny French fries smothered in brown sauce, cheese and pears, a modern twist on your every day poutine. There were noodles and something along the lines of fish tacos, everything I'd pretty much been eating out of containers for these past few months but turned up a few notches. I loaded up on everything I could get my hands on.

"Told you Kim and Leah weren't your typical lesbians." Jared gestured to my plate. I finished off my brisket slider, smiled and reached for another.

"Jared," a woman with long blonde hair and killer legs said. "We need to talk." She glanced at me and back to Jared. "Is that?" I heard her whisper.

Jared nodded, stopping her from saying anything else. "What?"

I had to admit, I was getting a little tired of the whispers from everyone who thought they knew who I was.

She took one last look at me, sizing me up and then said, "He's here," which completely got my attention. Who was 'he?'

Jared sighed, and set down his glass. "Where?"

"The back wall... someone saw his lens."

"Sorry, Edward. Apparently, I have to go take care of a bloodsucking leech. I'll be right back."

"Need some help?" I asked.

"Sure." He shrugged. We walked toward the back of the garden and he explained what was happening. Leah and Kim, apparently, were big names in the fashion industry. They'd explicitly told the press they didn't want any coverage of their wedding day. Leah was a photographer and said she'd provide a few shots for the magazines after the wedding was over. A slime by the name of Felix, wasn't playing by the rules.

"Felix!" Jared yelled. "I know you're there. Don't make me come out there and smash that camera of yours."

"Jared, come on, man. I'm just trying to make a living."

"Well go somewhere else and do it. This is a closed ceremony on private property."

"Just let me see what Kim is wearing. Everyone is dying to know what designer she went with. It's not every day a photographer marries their muse... well a lesbian muse anyway!"

Jared signaled to me to move to the side and walk along the hedge. I could see the telephoto lens through the thick brush and heard the clicking as the man snapped pictures of Jared.

"And you'll know in about twelve hours, just like the rest of the world."

"Fine, no picture, I just want to see... or just tell me."

"Hey, dickhead, maybe you didn't hear me the first time." Jared turned to me slightly, and the lens followed his move. "I'm not going to say it again. Leave."

The camera clicked and Jared nodded his head. I grabbed the lens and pulled it through the bush and out of the man's hands.

"Hey! You can't do that!"

"Well... I just did," I said laughing, holding up the camera.

"You'll get it back," Jared said. "After we take the card from it, and after the ceremony is over. You've got about five minutes before the cops show up, so I suggest you bolt."

"Fucking assholes!" he yelled.

"Paparazzi?" I asked with astonishment.

"Yeah... fucking animals. Never a moment's peace."

"I've never been around anything like this."

"That guy's pretty harmless, annoying mostly. Let's see what he got." He grabbed the camera from me and started to scroll through the pictures, deleting them as he went. He got to the end where Felix had been wildly snapping pictures and each frame was filled with Jared, except for one. It was of me and I was taken by surprise by it. I almost didn't recognize myself. I hadn't seen a picture of me in almost a year. I saw my reflection in the mirror every day, but that was different. The telephoto lens showed everything. I'd aged, but it wasn't a bad thing. There were a few stray strands of silver in my stubble and new lines around my eyes. I'd lost some weight, I'd known that, and my cheeks were a little more sunken in than I was used to. But I thought I looked good. I looked like an adult now... a grown man. Which I'd never felt I was before.

Jared caught me looking at the screen and said, "Told you, you cleaned up nice. Want me to delete it?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," I said in shock. "Just haven't seen a recent picture of me in some time."

We were standing side by side, our heads leaning together and I realized just how close we were. I stepped back, coughing as an excuse to give us some distance.

"There you two are!" Alec said from across the garden. "I've been looking for you everywhere. Come on, it's about to start." He stopped short and put his hand on his hip. "What's happened? What's going on?"

I ran my hands through my hair in a gesture of awkwardness and let Jared do the talking.

"Felix," was all he said.

"Oh, dear Lord. That scum-sucking bastard never quits, does he?" He pointed to the camera. "That his?"

"Yup, and everything's erased."

"Fantastic, let's get this party started."

The three of us found some seats, and were joined by a few more of Jared's friends who were all friendly but definitely more enthusiasticthan even Alec.

Jared leaned close to me, so that are shoulders were touching and whispered, "We're not all like that." He smiled and I realized he was flirting with me.

My stomach did a flip and I was extremely uncomfortable again. I cleared my throat and asked where the washroom was. Alec noticed the tension and the flush on my cheeks and gave me the 'everything okay?' look.

"You can't go now, honey," he placed a hand on my thigh, stopping me from leaving my seat, "you'll miss everything. Hold it in," he said. His words had a double meaning as he eyed me over his glass of champagne. 'Breathe,' he mouthed.

I needed to get a grip. Relax, Cullen, he's not flirting with you. He'd been nothing but nice to me and I was being paranoid.

The ceremony was simple and the 'brides' really were beautiful women. Both dressed in white, but one wore a gown, while the other was in a very form-fitting suit. It was odd to watch them declare their love for each other, but not in strange way... more in that I'd forgotten what that felt like. You could tell without a doubt how much they loved one another. And when it came to the kissing part, everyone cheered and clapped... even me.

The sun had set, and the music had started. Twinkle lights had been set up all around the garden and people were mingling. I'd followed Alec around, listening to him talk and gossip with most of the guests. I was getting restless and searched out the washroom to get away from being Alec's pretty-boy sidekick.

The foyer of the building next to the garden was tastefully decorated. Along the far wall there was a table set up which held red velvet cupcakes. They looked as though they were of the Magnolia Bakery variety. Their sweet scent filled the room. There were black and white photos hanging around the room and when I moved to take a closer look, I realized they were intimate candid shots of Leah and Kim from the years they'd been together. Private, stolen moments of happiness.

"I hear we are to thank you," I heard a woman's voice behind me and turned to find one of the brides standing in the doorway. She was smiling, holding two glasses of champagne in her hands. She offered one to me. "I'm Leah."

"Thank you," I said grabbing the glass. "Edward."

"I know who you are," she said.

"Does everyone know who I am?" I wondered just how much they knew.

"There's no secrets amongst most of us, and Alec is a dear friend."

I took a sip of the champagne trying to think of something to say, and hated that I was back in the small-talk predicament again. "The ceremony was beautiful... you... er... look beautiful."

"Thank you, but I'm what you'd call the hag," she pointed to Kim out in the garden who was wearing the designer gown, "she's the beautiful one."

I nodded in agreement not sure what else to say.

"Thank you for taking care of Felix, that blood-sucking leech."

"That's what Jared called him."

"'Cause that's what he is. He follows her around everywhere. He's a pain in my ass, and we want to thank you for helping out."

"It was no big deal."

"Well, to me it was. Alec tells me you have two beautiful little ones."

"Yes," I nodded, "a boy and a girl."

"Why don't you bring them around to my studio sometime and I'll take some pictures of them."

"Oh, really, that's not necessary."

"Please, Edward, as a favor to me. You helped keep my wife sane on the wedding day she always wanted to have. Say yes."

"Okay, yes. Thank you."

"My pleasure. If they have any of your genes, the camera will love them. Call my assistant, and we'll work it out." She looked out in the crowd for someone. "Heidi! Come here a second." The leggy blonde from earlier joined us. "Give Edward my card. He's going to call and set up a session with you." Leah gave me one last smile and headed back to the crowd.

Heidi dug in her purse for a card and held it out to me. "She doesn't do this for everyone," she said with an edge to her voice. "You must be someone special." She rolled her tongue along her bottom lip in a seductive move. I wasn't that out of practice not to notice. She was beautiful, probably a former model. She was wearing a tight little dress that ended high on her thighs, and with her heels, she was almost eye-level with me. She smelled amazing too.

She moved one step closer, naturally I took one step back. This continued until I was up against the wall with nowhere else to go. She placed the card under my chin and dragged it along my scruff. I was fairly sure I wasn't turned on, my heart was racing more because of fear than anything else. This chick terrified me. I reached up to take the card, hoping my arm would put some distance between us.

"How tight is that wedding band?" she asked.

"Ah... what?" I glanced down and caught the shine of my ring. "Oh. Tight," I lied.

"That's not what I hear."

"Ah, yeah. Still married," I said waving my hand at her. "Sorry." I shrugged my shoulders and moved to the side.

"Heidi!" Jared said from the doorway. "Get your claws away from him. Leave him alone."

"Fuck you, Jared. There's no sign on him. And you're deluding yourself if you think he's going anywhere near your dick." She laughed at us, a cruel laugh, and turned toward the door. "My number's on that card too. Call me, and I'll take your mind off of a lot of things better than he ever will."

I was going to throw up.

"Sorry about that," Jared said, from the door. "She's really not that bad. She's just a little drunk. She's worked hard for this day... and just letting off some steam."

"Wow," I managed to say. "She was..."

"Scary?"

"Yeah."

"Well... that she is. She's a bitch with a capital 'B' but she's good at her job."

"So does everyone know who I am?"

"No... but people assume. You were at my salon with Alec... and now you're here. Gossip runs wild."

I was having a hard time swallowing and I wanted to rip off my tie. But I figured I didn't need the frazzled look to perpetuate the rumors. I was sweating though... everywhere on my body was flushed. This had been what I'd been afraid of since I agreed to come with Alec. Panic. Sheer panic that I wasn't prepared to deal with yet.

"I heard Leah wants you to come for a session," he said noticing my anxiety. "She never shoots kids. That's impressive."

"So why would she do it, then?"

He shrugged, he was big on the shrugging. "Who knows with her... she's like Alec, you never question their motives." He strolled around the room looking at the pictures and laughed at the occasional one. When he got to the cupcake table, he picked one up and said, "I don't know what it is with those two and these cupcakes." He wrinkled his nose and put it back down. "So...how you holding up?"

"Um... okay, now." I was a little more in control now. My stomach had stopped turning. "I think I've had too much champagne." I held up the full glass. "I'm more of a beer man."

"Yeah, me too."

"Did Alec send you to find me?" I asked, and he just smiled in return. "So I take it you were given the task of babysitting me tonight."

"Guilty." His cheeks flushed and he looked down at his feet. "But I wouldn't say it's been a difficult job. I like you, Edward." He saw the look of shock return on my face and clarified what he meant. "Not like that. Not like what Heidi was implying. It's nice to talk with someone without a hidden agenda and knows the rules of football."

He was easy to talk with. It was different from my friends, but definitely not as painful as the guys from work. There was a middle ground with us. We'd talked of music, bands we'd seen and even operas we were both partial to. I really looked at him for the first time this evening. He was about the same height as me, and it was easy to see he kept himself in shape. Everything about him was dark. His hair, skin, his eyes, I wondered what his background was. There was no denying I looked at him differently because he was gay. And there was no denying that throughout the night there were times I was uncomfortable with him. Apart from Alec, he was the first gay man I'd spent any time with. It was an odd evening, but I still found myself laughing with this stranger, something I hadn't done in a very long time.

"I-I should go find Alec," I said.

"Of course."

The evening wore on, and I didn't see Jared again. Even though I'd come with the intention of having a lot of drinks, I really hadn't. I wasn't drunk, and this morning's phone call seemed like it never happened. I'd enjoyed myself and eventually relaxed enough to let my shoulders sag. Alec—on the other hand—had relaxed entirely too much. Everyone assured me this was a natural occurrence when it came to Alec and weddings. It took a few of us to get him to my car. He really didn't want to leave, but I was tired and he was getting louder than his usual volume. I'd said my goodbyes and thanked everyone for an enjoyable evening. I was walking back to the car where Alec was waiting, or perhaps sleeping by now, and heard some footsteps behind me.

"Edward," Jared called out. I stopped and waited for him to catch up. "Listen, I'm not trying to push you or make you uncomfortable, but I had a nice time hanging out with you tonight. If you ever get the courage to take the next step, call me." He held out his hand for me to shake. "Maybe we can grab a beer, watch a football game or something."

"Ah... thanks, Jared," I said, giving his hand a firm shake. "I'll think about it?" My voice was a little higher than normal.

He laughed. "Okay, I can live with that. Thanks again for the help earlier." He leaned around me and pointed to a sleeping Alec. "Good luck getting him home. Go easy on him. The whole weddings and love business strikes a deep chord with him."

"I'm beginning to see that."

It was a strange feeling coming home so late to an empty, dark apartment. It was the first time I'd done it since living here. It really hammered home just how alone I was. I threw my keys on the side table, and finally loosened my tie and undid the top button of my shirt. My wedding ring caught in the light and I paused staring down at it. Not so tight. I don't think my wife and I had ever been as happy as those two tonight. Maybe we married each other out of convenience, maybe not. Whatever it was, I was fairly certain it was over. I twisted it around my finger, and it was looser than I remember. We couldn't go back, or more realistically, I couldn't go back.

I saw the blinking red light on my machine and pushed to hear the messages. Two hang ups. I didn't need to see the caller ID to know who they were from.