Woo-hoo, on to chapter two! Some 'serious' conversation in this chapter, more attempts at humor, and plenty o' boy/boy love…kind of. You'll see. This is the chapter where the concept of 'habitual infatuation' is explained.
Disclaimer: This chapter…and all the rest…are dedicated to my darling Sora-chan. May she prosper in all her walks of life, now and forever.
I own it not, sadly this is true. Full props to Kishimoto-sensei for its creation.
Habitual Infatuation .:. Chapter Two…
Blue eyes stared into black eyes stared into blue eyes, silent and unmoving. It was impossible to tell which glare contained more pure hatred, but the sparks flying between these two gazes were tangible enough. Two seething ninjas-in-training stared at each other from opposite ends of their makeshift campsite, ignoring the crackling flames of the cooking fire between them.
"You do realize this is entirely your fault, right?" Uchiha Sasuke calmly lacerated his teammate with his harsh words. The silence stretching between them had finally become too much. The dark-haired boy was pissed about being left out here, and he was going to find someone to divert his anger onto. A certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed moron would do fine in his opinion.
Uzumaki Naruto growled furiously and jumped to his feet. "MY FAULT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS MY FAULT, YOU BASTARD! IF YOU HADN'T—"
"Must you yell everything?" Sasuke interrupted, looking coolly away. "You need not scream at me to get your point across. I can understand a worthless fool like you easily enough." Naruto let out another furious growl but dropped back onto his seat on the ground.
He's such a bastard! Naruto grumbled in his mind. It had been several hours since they'd noticed Kakashi's disappearance—long enough for the sun to set and plunge them into inky darkness—but the two ninja hadn't stopped arguing once. Even when setting up their shelter for the night under some pine saplings and building a fire to chase off the chilly wind, they'd bickered incessantly. Naruto didn't think he'd ever had such a long conversation with Sasuke before, if it could be called that. In truth, he didn't really know all that much about the boy he claimed to hate so thoroughly. The stubborn, competitive nature of the two boys had always kept them from forming the bond most teammates had. It had even kept them from realizing how utterly similar they were.
Naruto continued through clenched teeth, "The only reason Kakashi-sensei left us was because you had to go and pick a fight with me! If you weren't always trying to prove you're so much better than me…"
"I am better than you, dobe." Sasuke's eyes were cold. "The sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be."
"You don't even know me!"
"I don't need to know you! You're all the same. The only reason you're so hell-bent on defeating me is so you can say you beat an Uchiha. I'm nothing but a reputation to you!"
Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but quickly shut it again. There was no reason for him to continue arguing with Sasuke. Obviously, neither of them was ever going to admit defeat. He wasn't even sure what they were arguing about. First it was his fault, then it was Sasuke's, and then they were branching off into something else entirely. The blonde shook his head in confusion. He always talked about how much he wanted to kick Sasuke's ass, but in truth he'd like nothing more than to just make his peace with the boy and maybe become his friend. All this fighting was both fruitless and tiring. If it weren't for their mutual pride, they probably would have given it up a long time ago.
"It doesn't matter," Naruto muttered, his startling sapphire eyes staring straight down at his crossed legs. "We're stuck in this forest together until Kakashi-sensei decides to take pity on us and return. I'm not going to spend the next day, week, month, whatever, arguing with you over every breath." Sasuke's black eyes reflected mild surprise, as if he were amazed that Naruto could be so logical. In truth, Naruto was surprised as well. Something about the cool breeze, beautiful night sky, and gentle firelight playing over Sasuke's face was making him feel more relaxed than he could remember feeling in a long time.
"Agreed," was Sasuke's cool reply. The Uchiha boy brushed a lock of black hair from his face and gazed off into the surrounding woods. "This forest is full of nothing but identical, thick trees for miles and miles. If we try to get back on our own, we'll be lost by the end of our first step. Our only choice is to wait here and try not to kill each other in the meantime." Sasuke's gaze became hard as it redirected to Naruto, trapping him. "But don't think for a minute that I'm going to spend this time getting to know you. You're not my friend, dobe, and you never will be. I've never had anyone but myself, and it will stay that way for as long as I can help it."
"Why are you like this?" Naruto blurted out before he could think over his words. "Why do you have to be so angry all the time? Why can't you just act like a normal person, you robot!"
"This is normal for me." Sasuke glared at him, unsettled by his questions even if he refused to show it. "It's none of your business."
Naruto folded his arms across his chest and frowned. "You may choose to be miserable, teme, but don't hate the rest of the world for finding some joy in life. Not everyone can be a crotchety old man before they hit puberty, like you."
Sasuke deftly ignored his comment, though Naruto swore to himself he saw a blush sweep across the other boy's face, not quite faint enough to be disguised by the glow of the fire. Naruto grinned, deciding in a split second to pursue any edge he had on the boy. "Was that a blush, Sasuke? Did I make you nervous at the mention of puberty? I know you're a prude and all, but don't tell me the very word makes you queasy."
This time, Sasuke's cheeks definitely filled with color. "What did you just say…?" The dark-haired boy's voice was deathly soft, his eyes still gazing off into the distance even as they become as hard as onyx stones. Naruto's grin widened, and he had to stop himself from cackling evilly. This was the second time in twenty-four hours he'd managed to get a rise out of the usually stoic Uchiha Sasuke. He must be on a roll. That, or being in such close quarters with the overly-dramatic Naruto was starting to have it's effect on the other shinobi.
"I guess it's not fair to call you a prude…" Naruto mused, seemingly to himself but loud enough for Sasuke to clearly hear. "I mean, it's obvious that you only pick on me so much because you have a crush on me. Even if you do love another boy, that still counts as having at least an ounce of libido somewhere in—" Naruto was unable to finish his sentence as a fist suddenly crashed into his face. Before he could even let out a startled gasp, Sasuke had him pinned in the most vicious headlock he'd ever felt before in his life.
Warm breath tickled Naruto's ear. "One of these days, that loose tongue of yours is going to get you into a dangerous place." Sasuke was growling, his voice a silky purr of malice in the air. Naruto shivered, though for a moment he couldn't tell if it was because of Sasuke's threat or because of the way his body was pressed to his teammate. It felt…strange. Like nothing he'd ever experienced before. But not…bad, exactly.
The blonde ninja could sense Sasuke smirking behind him. "Now who's blushing, dobe? If I didn't know better, I'd say you were the one with a crush on me. Falling in love at such a young age…how shameful."
Naruto gritted his teeth angrily. He couldn't believe he'd let Sasuke turn his advantage around on him like that. He twisted from the other boy's grasp, seething. "You know nothing about it, Sasuke! I could never fall in love with someone like you! I could never fall in love with anyone! There's no such thing!"
Sasuke blinked. He'd never heard Naruto speak with such venom in his voice. Such…coldness. For a moment, the Uchiha boy could see a little of himself in the other ninja. It intrigued him into doing something he would never think of doing normally.
He asked Naruto a question about his life.
"What are you saying, Naruto? You don't believe in love?" Sasuke himself was known for his stoicism and lack of regard for others, but even he believed it was possible to love another. Maybe not romantically, but every time he saw a family together and was filled with envy at the sight of such tenderness, he believed it was possible to love. He wished he'd had that kind of love growing up. Maybe he wouldn't have turned out the way he had….
"I know enough about life to know there's no such thing as love." Naruto turned away from Sasuke, obviously trying to end the conversation, but the other boy wouldn't let him off that easily.
The dark-haired ninja positioned himself in front of Naruto and crossed his arms, fixing the blonde in his inescapable dark gaze. "Explain."
Naruto glared at him. "I don't see why I should tell you anything, you bast—" In a flash, Naruto was back in a headlock, though this time Sasuke had his entire body pinned to the ground. The shivers were back, along with that pleasantly unpleasant feeling that he got in his stomach when Sasuke touched him. Naruto growled, angered by his own confused feelings. "Alright, teme, I'll tell you." Anything to get Sasuke off him.
Sasuke hesitated for a moment, making Naruto's heartbeat triple, then slowly climbed off the blonde before situating himself back in his spot across the campfire. Sasuke folded his hands in front of his mouth, one arm resting on both knees, and watched Naruto. The blonde shinobi picked himself up from the ground and sat cross-legged, brushing dirt from his clothes.
"I grew up without any parents, you know," Naruto began, somewhat awkwardly, as if he expected Sasuke to tell him to stop complaining. "Everyone in my village hated me. I never let it show, but it bothered me a lot that these people were so mean to me when they could turn around and love their own kids five seconds later. I didn't understand what it was that made them love their kids and not me. How was I different? Why couldn't they all just accept me?"
Naruto stopped for a moment, chewing his bottom lip and looking lost in thought. Sasuke observed him quietly. Naruto is probably remembering something painful from his past. The dark-haired boy felt a spark of empathy for his teammate. He knew what it was to lose your family and feel alone.
Naruto continued. "As I grew older, I got even more confused when other kids started having boyfriends and girlfriends. When you're that young, there's really no such thing as 'dating'. You end up asking out some girl who talked to you in class, or a boy who happened to lend you a pencil. It's not really love, it's just infatuation with anyone who seems to treat you special."
Sasuke nodded minutely. He definitely knew what Naruto meant this time. All the squealing girls in class who claimed to be in love when they didn't even know who he was…. The ones who melted every time he threw a glance their way…. They made him sick.
The blonde scratched his head, blushing slightly. "And then…when I got even older…the boys and girls in my class who were used to having dates started doing…other stuff." Sasuke perked up slightly. Was Naruto actually going to talk about…that? With him?
"Well, it just seemed so stupid!" Naruto blurted out, flushing slightly. "They barely even knew each other, yet they were claiming to be so deeply in love. Then a week later they wouldn't even be speaking to each other. It's the same way with the adults. It's like they've been poisoned to the point where nothing matters anymore except this foreign liquid in their veins, but just as easily they can find the cure and throw each other away. They grow so attached to people they don't even know, all because of this stupid 'love' thing, but there's no one out there who will love me."
Naruto jumped to his feet in agitation, pacing back and forth. Sasuke was worried for a moment that maybe the boy had lost his mind, but some of what he was saying made sense. Much as Sasuke treated the blonde like an idiot, ridiculed him, fought with him…he'd never been able to understand why everyone treated Naruto so harshly. The other boy was vibrant, playful, carefree, and courageous to the point of insanity. There were even times when Sasuke would catch himself admiring the beautiful blue color of Naruto's eyes, or the softness of his golden hair when his hand happened to brush across it during a sparring match. It just didn't make sense why everyone seemed to be bent on bringing him down….
Including me… Sasuke thought with a touch of bitterness. He hated to belong to the crowd, yet he had treated Naruto no differently than the others. Sasuke's thoughts were broken as Naruto continued.
"That's why I've come up with a theory." Naruto's sapphire eyes were so serious they looked like tossing waves in the ocean. "I thought about it and thought about it until it finally made sense. I found an answer to the question of why people can love and hate so easily. There simply is no such thing as love. What we have is 'habitual infatuation', as I like to call it. We find someone we like, we stay with them for a while, we decide they're compatible with us, we stay with them for a while longer, then we get married. Why? Because we've become comfortable. We know this person, and they know us. Change is scary, and familiarity is a soothing feeling. We mistake that familiarity, mixed with our infatuation and lust, for what we've come to refer to as 'love'."
Naruto's eyes held both resolve and pain in them, as if he'd held this inside for a long time and was now determined to let his venomous ideas loose onto another. "Parents love their children because they are with them from the day of their birth. They know their children, and they raise them in their image. Part of it is love for themselves. Lovers find someone who they can stand and stay with them until they feel obligated to move onto the next step. Even if they don't really feel in love, sometimes it just seems like the right thing to do: to devote yourself to another…"
Naruto stopped, obviously lost in thought, and began to talk in a low voice, as if to himself. "Love does not really exist. It's nothing more than infatuation that becomes habitual. People become a habit to us, something we have to deal with every day. If you can fit someone into your life without too much turmoil, their presence will become natural to you. Eventually, you'll think you've fallen in love."
Naruto lifted his eyes to Sasuke for the first time and smiled the saddest smile Sasuke had ever seen in his life.
"That's why I don't believe in love."
To be continued…
