Well, exams are finally over! Now I'm home free (At least until June!). Thanks to everyone who waited; I'll try to update as soon as possible now.

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After Mockingjay

Chapter Nine: Panic

We wait. We wait for I don`t know how long; whether that be seconds, minutes, or hours, they all blend together in the chaos of the tunnel.

Peeta keeps his arms wrapped firmly around me as we wait. Sometime before we had slid down the wall, and I know sit resting in his lap, my eyes wide and my hands still locked around the bow.

I begin to imagine the worst outcomes possible, and I don't even try to stop myself. I imagine Gale dying, and in a variety of ways. I imagine a bomb detonating, and trapping everyone and everything under the surface forever.

"It'll all work out," Peeta says softly, rubbing my back.

Right, I think. It'll work out….eventually. It'll work out when all of us get over the trauma. If one of us dies, it will all work out when we forget. It'll all work out when we're dead.

Maybe that would be better, I think. No more Mockingjay. No more battles. I would be free.

I shake these thoughts out of my head sharply. If I left, there would be no one. No one to remember how the sunlight streamed through the windows of my old house. No one to remember the smell of fresh bread, especially after a long, hard winter. No one to remember how Prim smiled at me, no matter how less frequent it had been. I still remember it now; bright pink lips, pearly teeth, little dimples on the sides of her cheeks…

I'm suddenly shaken out of my reverence by a loud booming sound that echoes through the tunnel. A second later, the aftershock that blows pieces of my hair off of my face in a wave of sound. Peeta and I scramble to our feet, but already there are people pushing towards us, people in our own infiltration group.

"GO!" They shout at us, panicking. "The tunnel is going to collapse!"

My heart clenches tightly in my chest, and I spring forwards – not towards the ladder, but towards the tunnels. I can't let Gale get trapped here, I think desperately.

But Peeta just yanks me back and picks me up, not even flinching as I flail around to get away. He hefts me over his shoulder and quickly ascends the ladder while I squirm.

Warm sun hits my face when we reach the top. As soon as Peeta sets me down on my feet, I realize that the ground is shaking. He pulls me to cover, dragging me away until I came barely feel the tremor, and then we collapse again. I watch, breathing hard, as people come out of the tunnel. I wait, my hands trembling with anxiety and fear, for Gale to climb out and dash over to us like he should have. But he doesn't come. Even though we are out of the epicentre of the shaking, I can still feel it in my bones, all the way to my core. A rattling that makes my teeth hurt.

Then there is another blast that sounds contained, like if you were to put a stick of dynamite in an enclosed room. The ground seems to roll under our feet – or maybe that's just me – and then everything is silent.

I can't help thinking of the calm before the storm, where everything is deathly still before the lighting cracks and the thunder rumbles. A few people are coughing, trying to clear their lungs of tunnel dust before they regroup again. But we're not a part of that group. We're separated, divided from everyone else. Please Gale, I beg in my mind, my pulse racing wildly and my head spinning, Please come out of that tunnel.

A few people emerge, coughing and covered in dirt. But no one else. I want to go over there, and scream, "Why did you leave him? Why is he still down there?" But I know it will be useless. Peeta rocked me gently in his lap, saying that everything is alright, that it will all be alright. But I know better.

Then, people start to organize a search of the tunnel, to see if there are any more survivors. My heart beats crazily as they plan, but I make no move to join the rescuers. I don't want to know what I'll do if I see Gale crushed beneath mounds of rock. And so the search commences. Ten citizens and three doctors descend into the tunnel again, carrying healing supplies and stretchers.

Finally, when the darkness of dusk hits the sky, he emerges. He's balanced on a flimsy stretcher, all of his limbs hanging limply. His eyes are closed.

I make a weird whimpering sound in my throat and Peeta lets me go. I race over to where two citizens are carrying him through the forest, back to the town. They don't stop when I reach them, so I have to run alongside them as they go.

"Gale…" I say in a strangled whisper. His face is ghostly pale, his eyelids like two bruises. Multiple cuts lacerate his face, and blood and dirt streak his neck.

I'm panicking, and my voice rises. "No! You can't be…" I touch his neck, trying to find a pulse. "You can't be dead Gale!"

A groan issues from his mouth and my heart leaps. His eyes flutter open as I stumble, trying to keep up. Immediately his face twists with pain, and he starts to mumble; "Katniss, I-" He chokes, reaching for me with bloody fingers. "I can't feel…"

"Can't feel what?" I ask, my whole body shaking.

"I can't feel my legs," he says, his voice full of hopelessness and fear. "Katniss, I'm s-scared."

My stomach drops and I can feel tears drip down my face. "It'll be okay," I say, trying to mimic Peeta's reassuring tone, but I just sound like a strangled mouse. "It's going to be fine. Don't be afraid."

His gray eyes seem dead when they look at me, like he's already confirmed his fate. Like he's almost sure that this is the end, and he'll die. "I'm scared." He repeats.

For a moment, I'm scared too. I've seen people like that – who have lost the feeling in their legs due to a mining accident, or a spinal injury. Almost all of them never walk again. I imagine Gale, crippled for the rest of his life. And I know what he'll do if he realizes this. He'll give up.

"Don't give up Gale," I say. "They're going to fix you. You're going to be-"

But I'm cut off as we reach the outskirts of the forest, and I fall behind. I stumble for a bit before standing to watch them carry him into the village, where healers wait. I know my mother is among the ones who will treat the injured, and now I want no one other than her to touch Gale.

What will I tell his mother, and his siblings? Just the thought of it makes me sick. What will I tell Madge? I think as I stare at Gale's retreating figure. She's probably at her house, waiting for news, wondering if we're all safe. When we`re not. When we probably never will be.

I`m suddenly overcome with emotions and I sink to a crouch on the ground. My mind is racing. What if this isn`t the end? What if we're always going to be hunted? What if we have to hide our loved ones so they aren't used against us? Or let them go?

My fingers stray through the brittle leaves on the ground, trying to find leverage, something to hold on to. I'm slipping away, almost like a ghost. I'll be nothing, remembered by no one except as they girl who was on fire. What a stupid name, I think. Fire burns. Fire kills. I kill everyone I touch, everyone who loves me.

Enough! My own mind snaps back on me, forcing me to see reason. You have to be strong! Who will be there for Peeta, or my mother? They will have no one if I leave. If I slip away…

I don't know how long I crouch there, leaves crunching between my fingers, but when I get up I see Peeta leaning against a tree, waiting. I wonder how long he had been there watching me gain control. He holds out a hand and I take it, his own warm fingers holding tight to mine.

"Let's go home," he says.

I nod. There's no more business here for us. Just thinking about re-entering those tunnels makes my head spin and my stomach lurch.

So we walk home, just the two of us, as the dusk sky turns to night, streaks of colour fading in the darkness. I don't know what to expect next; whether Gale's condition is serious, whether there are any more people out there trying to kill us. All I know now are the shadows that crowd around us and Peeta's warmth, keeping me safe.