A/N: Foxy: Merry Christmas everyone!! Since the last chapter was Thanksgiving themed I thought Star and I would make this one Christmas theme!! Star: Happy Hanakwanzmas! I hope you enjoy our ideas! Foxy: what kind of holiday is that? Never heard of it. Star: Hanukah Kwanza and Christmas all joined into one word. haha. Foxy: Oh and happyHanukkah for the Jews!!

Things Nessie Black is Not Allowed to Do

1. Dress Jacob Jr. in dresses, cute sailor outfits, elf outfits, doggie outfits or anything embarrassing.

2. Make Jacob sleep outside in the dog house when mad at him.

3. 'Accidently' bump into someone on the street showing them a vision of stripper clowns.

4. Have a make out session with Jake and (accidentally) break Edwards piano.

5. Blame it on Aunt Rosie and Uncle Emmett.

6. Become a belly-dancer.

7. Buy a trampoline.

8. Pretend to have post partum depression just to have a time from the baby.

9. Dance through the house singing 'I'm a Redneck Woman' when she is indeed not a redneck woman.

10. Kill Barnie in front of little kids.

11. Refuse to feed Jake Jr. cheerios stating they are evil.

12. Convince Emmett and Jasper that honey nut cheerios are glazed donut seeds.

13. Buy doggie lingerie.

14. Sign Jake and Jake Jr. up for a daddy and me class.

15. Buy Jake Jr. a puppy for Christmas.

16. Turn everyone in the Cullen family in to chipmunks just so they can sing the chipmunk song (Christmas don't be late). (A/N: Nessie has a second power to turn herself and others into animals. Plus I love Alvin & the chipmunks. Star: Alvin and the Chipmunks are so funny. I can't wait for the squeakuel. And I love that song! Foxy: me either!! I have the album thou!! Star: haha. We haven't gotten it yet. The chipmunk voices annoy my mom. Foxy: gasp! I think their cute!! Star: Me too! But my mom is just old like that sometimes.)

17. Make Jacob dress as a sexy Santa while she dresses as a naughty elf.

18. Give everyone coal for Christmas.

(Star power!!)

19. Convince Emmett to try to get Rose to have sex in space. (Star: People have done it. They were trying to see if it was possible to get pregnant in space and found it was impossible. Or at least that's what my friend said.)

20. Flirt with the other wolves.

21. Tell Jake she met a nice vampire.

22. Pretend Jake is a piñata when mad at him.

23. Send images of what she does with Jake to her parents.

24. Shout "You're not a virgin?!" at Rose in the middle of the school cafeteria.

25. Tell Jake she has ridden all the wolves and not tell him that it was when she was little.

26. Rip everyone's wardrobe in the house to shreds and make it look like the wolves did it.

27. Destroy the house and write all over it the wolves names in spray paint.

28. Get her dad in trouble with her mom.

29. Ask Carlisle if he has ever played Doctor with Esme.

30. Actually bite people when they say "Bite me."

31. Ask her parents for sex tips.

32. Dress in a sexy costume every day and deny Jake sex.

33. Send her parents on a honeymoon to the sunniest place on Earth.

34. Give her family all fake blood just to see what would happen.

35. Steal Alice's credit card and use it up on dumb stuff and ugly clothes.

36. Proceed to wear said clothes in public.

37. Throw cheerios at Emmett and Jasper so they freak out.

38. Convince Emmett and Jasper all the gummy bears died for the cause.

39. Have a funeral for the gummy bears.

40. Tell Emmett and Jasper that Mike was the one to kill them.

41. Give Jake peanut butter while in wolf form.

42. Steal Emmett and Jasper's videogames.

43. Blame Seth.

44. Convince Emmett to throw a boomerang.

45. Convince Emmett he is pregnant.

46. And that the child is Lauren's.

47. Plant pictures of Tanya in Edward and Bella's room.

48. Videotape Bella's reaction and put it on YouTube.

59. Give Jake a dog house for Christmas.

60. Harness Jake and the pack to a giant sled and yell mush.

61. Tell Tanya Edward is free.

62. Give Jake a dog biscuit when he does something that pleases her.

63. Spray Jake with water when he does something to displease her.

64. Put Hammy in a bubble so not to get swine flu. (A/N: Foxy: Hammy is a vampire pig now!! Star: A vampire pig is gonna be interesting. What do vampire pigs eat? Foxy: If anyone has any ideas let us know!!)

65. Get Jasper to start a riot in the mall.

66. Become a germaphobe and clean everything; even the woods.

67. Convince Emmett and Jasper that the world is going to end.

68. Tell Emmett and Jasper that the evil cheerios have won.

69. Have the weirdest cravings and make Jake eat whatever she eats too.

70. Not actually eat the stuff, just make Jake think she did.

71. Build Jake into a snowman just because he can't feel the cold and force him to remain there for a week.

72. Start a snowball fight with all of the Cullen's.

73. Convince Emmett to jump in a frozen pool and laugh when he gets stuck in the ice.

74. Help Jake with his dumb blonde jokes for Rose.

75. Tell Mike Newton that Bella wants him.

76. Make Jake sleep out in the dog house when it rains.

77. Stay away from him for awhile because he smells like wet dog.

78. Sign all the Cullen's up for Christmas Caroling duty.

79. Sing Christmas Carols in a really high pitch voice.

80. Give everyone a piece of string for Christmas and act all excited about it.

81. Be sad when they don't like it.

82. Throw sticks at Jake's friends and yell fetch.

84. Get a harness for Jake and walk him around like a dog.

85. Convince Emmett and Jasper that there is a bomb in the house.

86. Dress in dark clothes and skulk around town.

87. Dress in a really shiny jump suit to distract people as she does something funny to them.

88. Draw on all the Cullen's with sharpies.

89. Convince Emmett to get a pet monkey named Jimbo.

90. Throw peanuts at the monkey.

91. Convince Emmett that Jimbo is a superhero.

92. Tell Emmett he was adopted just to see how long it will take him to realize that he already knew that.

93. Accuse Edward of not being her real father.

94. Tie everyone up in Christmas ribbons.

95. Take down all the Christmas decorations down as Alice puts them up.

96. Throw snowballs at a bunch of random people.

97. Dress everyone up like snowmen.

98. Try to cook an egg on Jake.

99. Hang mistletoe everywhere.

100. Tell Jake she is leaving him for the hatter. (Alice)

101. Go around shouting off with his head at people.

102. Convince everyone that she has been to Wonderland.

103. Jump into weird holes in the ground.

104. Try to go through mirrors.

105. Randomly get up and run in a circle in public then sit back down like nothing happened.

106. Pretend hot blood is hot chocolate.

107. Do a 'Got Blood?' advertisement for the Volturi.

108. Sign the wolves up to shovel snow from every driveway in Forks and la push.

109. Put snow down Emmett's pants just to see if he would notice.

110. Stuff everyone's stockings with mud just to see what they would do.

111. Try to kill Emmett with a wooden stake just to make sure it doesn't work.

112. Change the passwords on everyone's computer.

113. Encourage a battle of the sex's tournament. (A/N: Foxy: that's not a bad idea… Star: I thought it sounded like fun. XD We know that these people can be really vicious too.)

114. Have confetti and balloons rain down from the ceiling on New Year's.

115. Set fireworks off in the house.

116. Use a noisemaker in various people's ears.

117. Give her dad and uncles blow horns.

118. Tell Emmett there are instructions for dangerous things on the internet.

119. Tell Emmett that he could never get in the book of World Records.

120. Give Emmett orange silly string.

121. After midnight be the first to do everything in the New Year.

122. Buy Jake Jr. a chew toy for Christmas.

123. Put on a bunny mask just to go around creeping on people.

124. Make a home movie.

125. Be overly perceptive and point out minor details to everyone.

126. Pull on Jake's tail when he is in wolf form.

127. Dress Jake Jr. up as a vampire to scare Jake.

128. Convince Emmett he can walk through walls.

129. Pretend to leave Jacob and take Jake Jr.

130. Ask the Volturi for a job.

131. Dump a bucket of yellow snow on Mike Newton.

132. Dress Jake Jr. up as a clown to scare Emmett.

133. Convince the family to play extreme twister.

134. Dress up as Bella, Alice, and Rose and then flirt with every guy in town.

135. Laugh when they all start getting stalked.

136. Try to convince the guys that their wives are cheating on them.

137. Do everything in slow motion.

138. Allow Emmett to babysit Jake Jr.

139. Get everyone to play cops and robbers.

140. Try to get everyone to reenact the wheel scene from Pirate of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. (A/N: Foxy: That scene is so awesome it should be a ride at Disney world!! Star: It really should be! I would go on it ten billion times!)

141. Booby trap the house while everyone is out.

142. Convince everyone to have a paintball fight; even after the troll incident.

143. Give everyone various nerph guns for Christmas.

144. Try to get them to play find the hay in the needle mountain.

145. Break into people's houses for no apparent reason.

146. Kiss a frog just to see if it becomes a prince.

147. Do anything that Bella, Emmett or Jasper tell her to do.

148. Put walkie-talkies in her stuffed animals and make everyone think that the animals are talking.

149. Pretend to be possessed.

150. Buy a motorcycle like the Knight Rider.

151 Buy Emmett a talking car like kit from the Knight Rider.

152. Juggle cheese ornaments.

153. Try to put Jake Jr on the top of the Christmas tree.

154. Start a cat fight with Leah.

155. Convince Alice to dress up as Tinker-bell.

156. Throw confetti in random people's faces every few minutes.

157. Raid Emmett's prank trunk.

158. Take pictures of everyone doing embarrassing things.

159. Post them on FaceBook.

160. Draw pictures all over the walls and blame Jake Jr.

161. Sign Jake Jr. up for Karate and tell him to practice on his father.

162. Ask Alice what it was like to be in an insane asylum.

163. Ask Alice if she is the Alice from Alice in Wonderland.

164. Get everyone to play live action clue.

165. Throw snap rocks at people. (Foxy: Those are fun!!! Star: I like snapping them between my fingers and having people be like whoa!)

166. Learn how to be a ventriloquist.

167. Stick her tongue out at anyone who looks at her.

168. Dress up as the Loch Ness Monster for Halloween.

169. Make it rain tinsel turning forks into Tinsel Town.

170. Pretend to have forgotten Christmas.

171. Pretend to get amnesia.

172. Go to the police and tell them she killed someone.

173. Tell Jake she loves coyotes more than wolves.

174. Call a family meeting and then not show up.

175. Convince all the women in the house to be spies with her with the guys as their targets.

176. Drop from the ceiling on ropes on top of the guys.

178. Convince everyone to get a FaceBook.

179. Clap enthusiastically every time someone tells a story.

180. Mud-wrestle with Hammy and then hug everyone.

181. Mimic Hammy for a whole day.

182. Silently stare at people in awe for no reason.

183. Put up a ridiculous amount of Christmas lights to blind everyone.

184. Bet Emmett he can't get in the ball that drops on New Year's.

185. Point at inanimate objects and start hysterically laughing.

186. Tell off inanimate objects.

187. Convince Jake Jr. to scream every time he sees Jake.

188. Dress everyone up as reindeer for a holiday card.

189. Kiss every inanimate object in the house.

190. Randomly burst into tears for no reason.

191. Lock everyone out of the house during a blizzard.

192. Tell her parents she's lucubrating at night with Jake.

193. Try to convince everyone she can get away with anything cuz she has boobs.

194. Tie Emmett to a tree

195. Then decorate Emmett like a Christmas tree.

196. Give everyone footy pajamas.

197. Play her versions of Christmas carols.

198. Make an outfit out of candy canes.

199. Throw water at random strangers when I below freezing.

Third person:

The scene: the Cullen House; Christmas Eve.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house the Cullen's were stirring, disturbing the mouse.

The tree was tall and covered in Christmas cheer next to chimney with is fir roaring.

As a papa werewolf was snoring; a little were-pup was snug in his bed unlike the undead.

Little Alice dug through her closet for something to wear as Jasper wrapped last minute gifts with care.

Rosalie looked in her mirror as she proclaimed, "I'm the most beautiful and you better not deny for your balls will be mine."

Emmett just agreed with his hands on his bat and marbles as he played with a Dream Barbie Jeep he had made for tomorrow.

Esme and Carlisle sat by their fire as they talked for hours and hours.

Edward and Bella ran to their cottage in delight for their annual Christmas Eve Strip show held Christmas night.

But one Cullen or should I say Black was hiding in a gift box too small with no leg room at all. She was waiting for a fat man in red to come down the chimney. Yes Nessie black had a plan up her sleeve, to kidnap Santa on Christmas Eve. She was naughty yes this is true. She always wanted a stuffed penguin. Santa never left one for poor Nessie to hold on Christmas day, for she was bad and she knew it was true. So what could she do? She formed a formula in her head, a plan if you will, to capture this big fat lobster man.

Just as the clock hit midnight he fell down the chimney leaving sot on the white rug as he stood with sack in hand. As he emptied the sack of presents under the Cullen tree, Nessie jumped out with a bound and hit poor Santa in his crown a giant candy cane from a giant vile sale. He fell down with a thud as blood hit the rug. Don't worry; for he's not dead. He was just knocked out with a big bump on his head.

Nessie worked quick as she tied him up with twinkly lights with a star atop his head. She grabbed the sack as she ran outside. She jumped to the roof with a great big leap and landed lightly onto her feet. She ran to Santa's sleigh and hopped in before the deer could get suspicious. She was dressed from head to toe with a Santa suit of her own. The only thing missing was a beard but no way was she looking that weird. The deer looked at her in fear but did as she said as they flew out of sight into the Christmas night.

Around forks she rode giving coal to people she despised and gifts to the nice. Hours later she arrived back home with a tail to be told. She slid down the chimney to be met with her father and mothers glare. She looked around to see her family in the living room with a frown on each face. Santa was awake but with an ice pack on is crown. He stood up with a frown.

"Nessie black you are now on my permanent naughty list." He stated as he handed Carlisle the ice pack. "But since it Christmas day here." He handed her a box with a blue bow. She opened it to reveal a big smiling Christmas penguin. She smiled real big and hugged him tight.

"Sorry I stole the sleigh last night." She said as she let go.

"You have all of eternity to redeem yourself." He said as he left out the door up to the roof with a twitch of his nose. He hoped in his sleigh.

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!!!!!!" he called as he flew out of sight.

The Cullen opened gifts as the sun began to rise and the werewolves and humans rubbed sleep from their eyes. Esme walked up to Nessie's list with all the others and added just one last addition.

200. Kidnap Santa and take the sleigh for a joy ride.

A/N: thanks to Candi Marie Cullen for her ideas; Numbers 4 & 5. Star and I wrote the final one together.