Disclaimer: (Author takes out his wand) Accio one hundred billion dollars! ……Drat! It didn't work; I still do not own Harry Potter, Star Wars, or any other any other stuff I may have put in this parody.
Chapter Two: Lazer Tag
Back at Malfoy Manor…
After Voldemort had put the little rat out of his misery, he announced: "It is nearly time for us to attack the Ministry of Magic itself."
"And then we will finally get our overdue paychecks!" Rodolphus Lestrange exclaimed.
The entire table turned to look at him.
Bellatrix Lestrange shook her head. "I'll take care of the fool, my lord!" She offered with a crazy smile on her face.
SCENE CENSORED FOR THE SAKE OF THE READER'S SANITY (AND THIS FIC'S T RATING)
(Elevator music plays while Rodolphus emits various shrieks of pain)
Bellatrix held a knife and a chainsaw-
WHOA! DIDN'T CENSOR LONG ENOUGH!
(more elevator music plays, louder this time)
As Bellatrix disposed of her formerly alive husband, the people around her reacted in various ways. Snape went into his happy place, one similar to a certain Sith Lord's in another dimension. Crabbe and Goyle suddenly became geniuses. Voldemort had a smile on his face. And Draco Malfoy started bleeding from his eyes and ears before dying in a fiery explosion that also killed Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.
Back on the Death Star…
The Emperor sat at his throne looking out into space. The doors to his throne room opened and a random Imperial officer stepped in.
"Yes?" Emperor Palpatine asked in a hiss.
"My Lord, we have entered the area of space that you wanted to see." The officer announced with a tone of fear in his voice.
"Good…" The Emperor hissed again. The officer let out a sigh of relief.
"Now then, open fire on those coordinates!" the Emperor commanded.
"Right away, my Lord!" the officer said as he hurried out of the throne room.
As he left, Darth Vader looked at the Emperor and asked, "Why didn't you just use the intercom?"
Palpatine let out a cackle and replied "I like to see them cower like that…it's funny!"
(-) (-) (-)
The crew of the Death Star began preparations to fire it's doomsday lazer. Within a few minutes, and several random deaths, they fired at the rip in space.
Malfoy...I mean Voldemort Manor…
Luckily for the magical universe, the unusual scientific properties of the rip in space and time weakened the incoming lazer. The lazer hit the wards of the Manor, which Voldemort had reinforced, and fizzled out. But it was still enough to grab their attention.
"What…was THAT?!" Bellatrix screeched.
Voldemort said nothing as he looked at the sky through the hole Wormtail made at his death.
"Interesting…AVADA KEDAVRA!" He roared as he shot his spell towards where the lazer had come from.
Back in the Emperor's throne room…
Emperor Palpatine sat at his throne, looking at the rip in space. As he continued to watch, a series of lightsaber-clashing sounds erupted behind him, followed by the thump of a body hitting a wall. The Emperor slowly turned around to find himself staring at…
the end of chapter two.
"It most certainly is not!" the Emperor yelled at the ceiling. He shot some Sith lightning at the ceiling which somehow kept the chapter going. He then turned to look in front of him…but saw no one!
"What is not?" A rather familiar voice asked from near the floor.
The Emperor looked near the floor and saw… "Yoda. Why are you still alive?"
Yoda frowned. "To kick the crap out of you, the reason is!"
As Yoda activated his lightsaber and lunged at the Emperor, a green beam of light suddenly shot out of the rip in space, phased through Palpatine's window, and hit Yoda.
"…to hell…I wish you would go…" Yoda whispered to the Emperor before he died.
"After you, shorty! HA HA HA!" The Emperor cackled.
He then looked at the wall nearest the Royal Elevator, and saw Darth Vader with a hole in his chest.
Vader looked up at Palpatine, and wheezed, "Master, I am going to die…but before I do…"
Vader suddenly felt alive again; he looked at his chest to see that the hole through his life support suit was gone.
"Damn it." Vader growled.
"Now, now," the Emperor said, "I can't have you dying on me yet, I feel that I will have need of you when we arrive at the place beyond the rip."
"We're going in the rip, master?" Darth Vader inquired.
"Indeed we shall. Whoever lies beyond it has sent back a lazer of their own, which killed Yoda. I must…kill my rival!"
And once again the Emperor began to cackle, leaving Vader to order the Royal shuttle to be ready for departure.
