Disclaimer: I still own nothing. That shall never change.
Author's note: Thanks stabbythings for the review, I do not get very many. I will try to keep the amount of epic parody at a level OVER 9000! (couldn't resist…). And one more thing: I had a fit of stupidity and accidentally labled the last chapter as 'chapter two' It is actually chapter one, but most of you likely figured that out. Sorry about that...
Chapter Two: When Worlds Collide
Palpatine's Royal Shuttle, en route to the rip…
"Master, are you sure this is wise?" Vader worringly asked as the shuttle neared the rip in space.
The Emperor continued to look out into space for a moment before shrugging his shoulders…and slicing one of his Red Guard's head off with his lightsaber.
"Sorry I asked…" Darth Vader grumbled as the shuttle entered the rip.
The Ministry of Magic…
Two Aurors stood guard at the Minister of Magic's office door, willing to lay down their lives to protect their leader. Too bad they would miss their chance. A sudden pop emanated from within the Minister's office, followed a powerful door sealing spell. Scrimgeour died five minutes later, and Wizarding Britian fell to Voldemort.
Three hours later, the Death Eaters began a wild party at the Department of Mysteries in celebration of their victory. They had found the Ministry's secret stash of firewhisky, and then decided to light a bonfire with the Ministry of Magic law scrolls. Snape, being the only intelligent "Death Eater" among Voldemort's forces, decided to skip the party and the ensuing drunken insanity.
As the Death Eaters circled crazily around their bonfire, listening to the Weird Sisters band burn inside the huge blaze (Voldemort hates them…), Bellatrix started to shout, "Who wants to see my-"
She was then interrupted by an evil, booming voice: "HEM HEM!"
"I say, that sounds dreadfully similar to the voice of former Ministry of Magic Employee, Dolores Umbridge!" Crabbe warned in a stereotypical British genius accent.
"Wait…what did he say?" Rookwood thickly asked.
"Ugh, why did I even want to go to this baboon's party…I SAID DOLORES UMBRIDGE HAS RETURNED FROM THE DEAD!" Crabbe shouted.
Rookwood's face lit up in understanding. "Oh! I get it! We should probably run now right, Goyle?"
But Goyle had already had his brains eaten by the zombified Umbridge, who had used Rookwood's fit of stupidity to eat half of the Death Eaters in the department during that time.
Rookwood and the remaining Death Eaters suddenly panicked and began to shoot Avada Kedavra curses everywhere. And while that did not kill Umbridge, who was in fact already dead, the curses did manage to kill nearly everyone else except for Bellatrix.
Umbridge looked at Bellatrix, and then began to slowly shuffle towards her, moaning, "Brains…"
While many people would panic at the sight that was before Bellatrix, Bellatrix herself was not your average person.
"Hahahaha! You think you can eat MY brains?" She shouted. Bellatrix then began to make elaborate motions in the air with her wand.
"Thermonuclearus Bombarda!"
And with that, Bellatrix Lestrange vaporized half of England.
Back on Palpatine's Imperial Shuttle…
The Emperor's shuttle emerged from the rip in space and time roughly several thousand feet in the air, only to have all of its computer systems fried by an EMP.
"Fix this thing now!" Palpatine ordered his pilot while alert sirens sounded inside the shuttlecraft.
The pilot began to tremble and shake. "I can't, your excelency; the systems have all been fried by something!"
Palpatine suddenly picked the pilot up and threw him out of the front Vader rushed to the pilot's chair and began the attempt to safely land the spaceship somewhere.
Little Hangleton, in the northern half of England…
After leaving his motley force of Death Eaters at the Ministry, Voldemort and his second lieutenant, Snape, apparated to his main base in Little Hangleton. They had something to discuss…
"You think I am a traitor, my Lord?" Snape exclaimed as they stood inside of Voldemort's office.
Voldemort gave a sneer, "No, I said Chuck Norris is gay…of course I think you're a traitor!"
Two thousand miles away in the United States, a three million strong horde of Chuck Norris fans cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced…by thoughts of killing Voldemort.
"Hmm…perhaps I should not have said that…" Voldemort mused as he gazed at the ceiling.
Snape's face momentarily brightened.
"So I'm not a traitor?"
Voldemort chuckled for a moment, before saying, "Nope, you still are. AVADA KED-"
But before he could finish the spell and kill Snape, a certain Imperial shuttle crashed into the large office room, knocking them both to the floor.
With the Emperor and Vader…
Palpatine lifted his head after blacking out momentarily, looking at the mess of tangled wires and broken steel his prized spaceship had become. He began to lose his temper…
…and then two voices simultaneously shouted, "SNAPE/VADER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL!
