Thank you to the guy who said the MC was more retarded and pathetic than his canon-self, before favoriting this fanfic and telling me about how he wished that I'd upload this onto "web novel". I PM'd him to thank him for his service, but he hasn't gotten back to me yet.

Anyway, this is for real the last chapter of the "Devil Ape" arc; I meant it this time lol. The NEXT chapter will be the NSFW lemon for Haise/Kaneki x His Aunt, so stay tuned if that's the kind of shit you're into.

Oh, and thank you to everyone else who reads my fanfiction; whether it'd be out of genuine interest, or out of a sense of "irony". You're all the real MVPs.


Silence, there was absolute silence in Asa's cozy living room, after the trio had just finished viewing the recorded stream of Jungle Inferno. Stemming from the fact that neither Ayato nor Asa had been present to view the battle royale for themselves, and now that no longer in immediate danger Haise figured he would show them how unbelievably ludicrous the fight was. During the entire time that Asa was setting up her laptop that was connected to the flat screen television, Haise was spoiling his own apparent acts of sheer willpower; telling the two teenagers about how extreme the battle was, with it all ending with him pile-driving the Apes' leader fifty meters into the ring itself.

Which is why Haise absolutely gobsmacked by the end of the showing, as almost none of what he remembered ended up happening the way that it actually did; not even the nostalgic Nintendo rap song about video game primates actually played in the beginning of the match, like how Haise somewhat remembered. And instead of being comboed so hard that he ended up flying out of the temple like an old rubber house cartoon character, what was shown on the screen ended up being a lot less theatrical. While it was true that Haise did in fact get ganged up on for a majority of the free-for-all, he never left the temple, or even the grand worshiping hall where the Apes had set up their makeshift arena; instead, Haise was mostly beaten to a bloody pulp several times over, and ended up laying in pools of his own blood on minutes on end, before barely being able to pull himself up from the floor.

In between the times three that Haise ended up picking himself up from the floor, the five masked men— who very much weren't wearing the ridiculous monkey outfits that the delirious half-ghoul had thought they had on— were agile and put on an admitly good boxing show for the audience; credit where it was due though, the recorded chat room that was displayed on the right-side of the video itself were very much rooting for Haise, but only after the first time that he got up from the floor.

When Haise's underdog moment finally came, the pivotal moment where he turned the tides of the battle to his favor, that too wasn't nearly as impressive as he thought. Even though he did end up achieving speed that was upwards beyond what the camera could clearly capture on high-definition, what ended up doing the two exhausted Great Apes in was when Haise twisted his left ankle, and knocked the two seven-foot men out after he tripped and flew towards them like a human cannonball.

Haise's moment of when it was just him and Devil Ape started up somewhat like how he remembered it, with the exception that the half-ghoul wasn't previously aware of just how deranged he appeared on camera at the time; most of his remaining costume was covered in dark-crimson blood, and his entire body was unnaturally twitching in intervals similar to a monster straight out of an urban legend about wells and videos.

And while Devil Ape did indeed repeatedly punch the side of his forehead while he had his arms wrapped around his waist, what actually ended up happening to the ghoul was that Haise did indeed suplex him on the ground, but what followed was a lot less dramatic than how the half-ghoul remembered it being. Instead of juggling Devil Ape in the air with his flurry of punches, or grabbing him and pile driving him from fifty meters over the ring, Haise instead straddled the paralyzed masked man, and began wailing on him like a feral animal; a violent act that was far more brutal and offensive, than it was heroic or commendable.

On the one positive side, the boxing ring did indeed end up crumbing in on itself, but that was only because of how many times the back of Devil Ape's head slammed against the rubber matted floor; the force behind the maddened half-ghoul's punches were what ended up doing the stage in. The five suited men were the ones who had to pull off the ravenous half-ghoul, and one of them had to stay with Haise to try calling him down while his four other colleagues checked on the Devil Ape. After that, the generic victory music played over the speakers, and an intern did indeed rush out to hand Haise the suitcase full of yen, while the five suited men stood beside the half-ghoul as a way to give off the impression that everything had been staged.

"I know you had a mask on, Sasaki, so it's hard to tell on camera what your expressions were, but… Were you on drugs when this happened?" Ayato asked bluntly; being the one to finally break the nearly five-minute period of silence, as he turned in his chair to face toward where Haise was still laying down on Asa's couch.

"… Excuse me?" Haise asked with furrowed brows and a slightly offended look in his eyes, as he frowned back at the neutral expression on the teenager's bored looking face.

"I asked if you were hopped up on any kind of drug," Ayato repeated himself, while his eyes averted away from Haise's, as to exchange a quick glance at Asa. "You thought so too, right? I'm not the only one who saw just how twitchy he was throughout the whole fight?"

Wanting to give the mildly outraged half-ghoul the benefit of the doubt, Asa smiled uneasily as she shrugged her shoulders. "Umm… I mean… S-Sasaki could have had brain damage instead of just being on drugs... I mean, he did get punched in the head quite a few times, and he also did apparently fight off a group of assassins on his way over to the temple, so…" Asa trailed off, as she looked over toward Haise with her apologetic red eyes, as he stared back at her with a look of disbelief on his reddened face.

"… "Apparently"?! What do you mean "apparently"?! I specifically remember almost getting killed while running through the woods; how could I have imagined that too?!" Haise asked with an outraged voice, before seething in pain as he forced his sore body to sit up slightly against the pillow that was underneath his lower back.

Although she knew that their combined skepticism was just rubbing salt in the wounds of Haise's questionable pride, Asa still felt the need to point out the obvious. "Well Sasaki, I want to believe you but… You were really sure of how "crazy" the free-for-all fight was too; who's to say that your run in with the "tree-climbing" assassins weren't also a figment of your imagination?" Asa questioned, which only made Haise scowl harder towards her direction.

"Unbelievable… After all I went through, not one of you ungrateful brats has the decency to show me some respect… What's wrong with the world today…?" Haise asked no one in particular, as he let out a disappointed sigh while looking away from Asa, just as she rolled her eyes toward him.

Unlike Asa, Ayato wasn't prepared to let Haise have the last word, so he stood up from his comfortable chair before turning toward the reclining half-ghoul with an annoyed expression on his face. "What's "wrong" with the world Sasaki is that you were tripping hard BALLS while you were out trying to "rescue" us; what sort of irresponsible dumbass does that?!"

Already fuming with frustration, Haise didn't back away from Ayato trying to challenge his integrity, and matched his bravado by swinging his legs out before standing up faster than he should have. "Listen here you little shi- oh, shit…?!" Haise interpreted himself, as he immediately lost his balance and came tumbling forward with his limbs scrambling to catch himself.

Even though he was upset at Haise and was still under the belief that his and Ada's savior was under the influence when he came to rescue them both, Ayato still cared about the half-ghoul enough to not stand by to let him fall. "Tch…! Fuckin' idiot…!" Ayato grunted with his teeth bared, as he quickly stepped forward to catch Haise with his arms before carefully setting the dizzy young man back down on the couch.

Not wanting either young men to say something else that would undoubtedly cause for a repeat of what just happened, Asa finally decided that enough-was-enough and took the initiative to sniff Haise's breath for any strange smells that could have been caused by smoking an illegal substance. Taking a few whiffs that caused both Ayato and Haise to become uncomfortable with how close she was to the half-ghoul's face, Ada's eyes widened the moment she caught the faint stench of fermented rice on his tongue.

"… Sasaki… You've had sake today, haven't you?" Asa questioned with an inquisitive look in her narrowed eyes, as she pulled away from Haise's face before beginning to stare down at him, while awaiting for him to answer.

Confused as to why that mattered, Haise slowly nodded his head before replying with "Uh… I did? Why, what's that matter? I only drank only a few shots of it, and that was thirty minutes before I even found out what happened to you two; keep that in mind before you make a rebuttal."

Unphased by Haise being defensive with her, Asa's face was beginning to soften as an idea started to form within her head. "Uh, huh; I see… And tell me this: you wouldn't have happened to have purchased those shots from a little place called "Ramen Ichikura", would you?" Asa asked, while sounding as though she already knew the answer to her own question.

Beginning to feel more concerned with what Asa knew that he didn't know, Haise's demeanor changed almost instantly. "Ummm… Y-Yes, as a matter of fact I did… W-Why? Is there something about that place that I should have known beforehand…?" Haise asked nervously, as a single bead of sweat began to form on his forehead.

Letting out a dry laugh that was devoid of any humor, Asa shook her head at herself as she put the final piece of the puzzle together. "Ahhhh, I see now; that's what happened… It makes sense now why you were hallucinating, Sasaki; Miss Ayame was the one who drugged you!" Asa said with a triumphant smile across her face; patting herself on the back, as both Ayato and Haise stared back at her with utterly shocked expressions.

"… W-What?" Ayato and Haise both asked in unison, to which made the ghoul with the blond bob-cut hair giggled at how well timed their one worded questions were.

"Heh, heh…! Yeah, that one chick with long brown hair that's all wrapped up behind a white bandanna that she's got on her forehead? Yeah, that's Miss Ayame; she probably thought you were a human, and was gonna make up some excuse out loud about why was gonna pull you inside her home, so she could "help" you once the drugs kicked in," Asa explained casually, as if though that was completely considered normal for Shinrin-Yoku. "Ahhh… Classic Miss Ayame; she and her father make terrific "human ramen"! You two boys really oughta try it sometime; it's to DIE for!"

At first the thought of eating the same MSG-filled dish as humans disgusted Ayato, but the more he began to imagine what a bowl of ramen made out of boiled human remains sounded like, the more he became intrigued. "… Huh. You know Asa, not to seem, umm… Insensitive towards Haise or anything, but… The night's still young, and I'm pretty sure I remember seeing a sign at Ramen Ichikura saying that they're open until midnight, so… Maybe… Maybe you and I can try having an actual date together; preferably one that DOESN'T get interrupted by us getting jumped behind a gift shop, haha, ha? Ayato half-jokingly asked, while beginning to blush as he nervously dug the bottom of his foot into the floor.

Even though they'd already kissed during a passionate moment between them that happened to be ignored by Haise earlier, Asa still wasn't sure where she and Ayato stood, and thus was equally as flustered as he was by his proposal. "Oh?! I-I mean, I mean…?! I-I w-wasn't saying that to like, trying to guilt you into taking me out again…! B-But like, uh…?! Y-Yeah! Yeah, I'm down for a late night dinner, but umm…" Asa stuttering voice trailed off, as she looked over her shoulder toward where Haise was staring back at her while sitting down on the couch. "S-Sasaki… You're uh, you're more than welcome to stay over the night if you want; I know that Ayato and I gave you shit earlier about your whole fight-thing, but I-I totally would prefer it if you were to rest up somewhere safe… It's not like anyone here is gonna mess with you now; they wouldn't dare."

Seriously considering her offer, since the thought of just laying back down on the couch for the rest of the night did sound appealing to his aching body, Haise eventually found himself shaking his head at the inviting teenage girl. "… Thank you for the kind offer, but I, uh… I've got to be somewhere tonight; it's… Important, sorry," Haise apologized with an uneasy smile across his face.

Seeming visibly disapproving of the thought of Haise going out of the village on his own while he was in such a weak state, Asa exchanged uncomfortable looks with Ayato before letting out a soft sigh. "… I mean, I'm not gonna I've got any jurisdiction over your life decisions; so it's not like I can stop you from leaving my house if that's what you really want. But, uh… I-I think you already know what I think about your decision; I don't gotta say how irresponsible you're being now, you already know it," Asa lectured, while begrudgingly respecting Haise's decision; something that Ayato was less than accepting of.

"Ugh… Yeah, actually I can't let that happen; as shitty of a job as I've done so far, I'm still technically liable for making sure this dumbass gets home safe," Ayato explained to Asa, while groaning as he turned around to look down at Haise with an annoyed and pleading look on his face. "Come on, Sasaki; just stay here and rest up, alright? You and I both know for a fact that Yoshimura would want you to stay here where it's safe, so don't even try to give me any shit for making you stay here…"

"… Besides, if you don't stay then I can't go to that ramen shop with Asa. You don't wanna be that one asshole who ruins somebody else's plans, do you?" Ayato asked, while trying to appeal to Haise's sense of empathy.

Narrowing his eyes back at the pleading teenager with a cynical expression on his face, Haise huffed out of his nostrils before replying in a low voice "You're literally being that "one asshole who ruins plans", as we speak."

Somewhat already figuring that Haise was going to fight him on his firm stance, Ayato dropped the friendly demeanor and began to roll up the sleeves of his black jacket that he had on earlier. "Okay, fine; we can do this the hard way then! I'm about to knock your ass out for the fourth time this-"

"-Aaaaaand we're done with that, okay? Okay," Asa sassed with annoyed voice, as she physically had to put herself in between Ayato and Haise before either of them could reenact the battle royale from earlier. "Okay guys, since you two just— for whatever reason, I don't care— CAN'T find any sort of middle ground, I guess I'll be the one to be the voice of reason here," Asa declared bitterly, after having scolded them both for being too immature to seek a mutual agreement.

"… Alright boys, so this is what's gonna happen: Ayato and I are going to go out for dinner, and Sasaki's gonna stay here until we get back at around midnight. If you're still adamant about going out to wherever it is that you need to be, then Ayato and I are gonna take you there ourselves," Asa explained to both young men, while mostly focusing her attention on ensuring that Haise was listening to what she was saying. "This isn't up for debate, so don't even try arguing… And if I find out that you snuck out while we're gone, I'll tell Eto what you did, and she ain't gonna be too happy about that, Sasaki; that's for damn sure."

Feeling like a child who was being talked down to by their mother, Haise was both embarrassed and demeaned by the sixteen-year old who was willing to tattle on him to one of the women who he had the most feelings for. Although he was extremely upset and feeling spiteful about his predicament, Haise didn't want to come off as immature, so instead of acting out anymore towards the two young ghouls who were wanting what was best for him, he instead chose to swallow the metaphorical "bitter pill", and accept his circumstance as it was.

Quickly trying to think of something meaningful and appropriate to say, all Haise could think to say was "Thank you… I'm going to go shower now; please don't drink the sake while you're there,", before getting up to carry his aching body towards one of the many bathrooms that Asa's large compound home had.


Having mostly taken the shower to get freshened up more so than needing time alone, the isolation Haise felt as the hot water from the shower head cascaded down on his sore body felt therapeutic. And while Ayato and Asa were getting ready for their second night out, one that would be overseen by the protective eyes of the Apes themselves, Haise had his forehead pressed up against the white-tiled shower wall as the water rinsed away the conditioner from his head full of hair.

Having been closing his eyelids shut while reflecting on how utterly stressful his eventful day had been, upon opening his eyes Haise couldn't help but to notice several strands of gray hair that hadn't been there in his bangs before. Leaning away from the wall to ensure that it wasn't just a trick of the eye caused by the hot water itself, Haise sure enough discovered that he indeed was starting to get some silver strands, after having stepped out of the shower momentarily to look at himself through the unfogged bathroom mirror.

'I'm in desperate need of a holiday… This double life of mine is really, really starting to take its toll on me… More so than I thought, unfortunately,' Haise thought dreadfully to himself, as he wondered just how long it would be before his remaining strands of black hair would turn white as snow. Figuring that there wasn't anything he could do other than dye his gray hair later, Haise finished up his shower before beginning to dry off using the guest towels that Asa had on reserve.

Not wanting to put on his old clothing, but knowing that he didn't have anything else to wear, Haise decided to just wrap his white towel around his waist and call it a night. After checking the numerous rooms within Asa's compound to see if either she or Ayato were still there with him, Haise made his way back down to the living room to lay back down on the couch. Determined to stay awake, Haise tried opening his phone to read some Internet literature to help him pass the time, but was met with disappointment when he discovered that his phone had run completely out of battery.

Feeling as though Lady Luck was having a personal vendetta against him on that particular day, more so than usual, Haise begrudgingly decided to start channel surfing; after having failed to find anything that he was interested in reading within Asa's surprisingly limited collection of books. Zoning out due to not being one for television to begin with, Haise was beginning to nod off to a rerun of "Hell's Kitchen" when all of a sudden he was jolted awake by the abrupt knocking on Asa's front door.

"Who the fuck…?!" Haise asked ungraciously aloud in a drowsy voice, before wiping the drool off of his bottom lip as he clumsily arose from the couch in an exhausted stupor. Groaning in pain as he carried himself through the living room, once Haise saw through the front door's peephole as to who was waiting for him on Asa's porch, his blood immediately began to boil with anxious-rage. Practically ripping the door off the handle, Haise's single kakugan was active as he glared back at Devil Ape's bulbous face with nothing but contempt.

Appearing dapper in his white dress shirt, red bow tie and gray vest, the leader of the Apes smiled cooly at the half-ghoul who wanted to rip him to shreds, and greeted him with a friendly wave before speaking. "Well, well, well! If it isn't the man of the hour! The trending "Black Reaper" himse-"

"-I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!" Haise screamed on the top of his lungs with a crazed look on his face, as he extended his arms out with the intention of ripping the goofy man's throat out.

That's when Devil Ape reached into the side pocket of his gray trousers, where he retrieved a fat wad of yen that he held out towards Haise as if it were a holy crucifix. "Woah, woah, woah, WOAH!!! WOAH!!! T-Truce, truce!" Devil Ape shouted in a panicked voice, while recoiling as Haise stared down at the money with an utterly confused look on his face.

Hearing Devil Ape letting out a sigh of relief the moment it was apparent that he wasn't going to put his hands on him, Haise continued to glare hatefully at the man with the pompadour before quickly snatching the money out of the gang leader's hand. "… Why'd you come here?" Haise asked in a spiteful tone, as he began to silently count the cash in his hand, one bill at a time.

"I didn't come here looking for a fight, if that's what you're asking… Well, I mean… I AM looking for a fight, b-but I'm not gonna use your friends as hostages this time, or any other time for the matter; I don't think that'll be necessary going forward from here," Devil Ape said with a chuckle; one that was quickly shut down the moment the half-ghoul's eyes momentarily looked up at him from the stack of yen in his hands.

"Uh… I wanted to talk to you about getting you scheduled to come back on the show in about a month, or so. You made me a shit-ton of money tonight, and PR is telling me that the sponsors really like ya! So, uhhhh… What do you think; would you be interested in making a comeback appearance? Give the "Devil Ape" a chance at a redemption arc, eh?" The ghoul asked with a wide grin across his face, as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for Haise to finish counting before giving him the time of night to answer his inquiry.

'… Fourteen million; I've got fourteen million yen saved up,' Haise thought to himself, as he mentally added his new lump sum of money to his savings before finally looking back up to speak to the opportunistic ghoul. "… You must be "bananas" to think that I'd ever willingly put myself through all that pain again; especially for the likes of you," Haise said with a proud smirk across his face, as he couldn't help but to pat himself on the back for being able to work in an appropriate pun into his rebuttal.

Chortling at the half-ghoul's word play, Devil Ape's smile was more genuine as he continued to look back at Haise. "Heh, that was actually kinda good; not gonna lie… But for real though; I'll tell you what: you don't gotta give me your final answer just yet, alright? Just think it over for a while; let it sit in that noggin of yours until you've REALLY thought it over," Devil Ape said with an understanding voice, as he already knew better than to try to squeeze an immediate response out from the same unstable young man who was moments ago fully prepared to murder him on the spot.

"… But hey! In the meantime, I've got something for ya that you'll actually be interested in hearing!" Devil Ape piped up, as he did a little bounce on Asa's porch. "I've got ears and eyes all over these woods, Black Reaper; especially within the village. Word around the grapevine is that you're wanting to go back to Tokyo to visit someone important to you, but your little angsty teenage handlers aren't so keen to let you go until the clock strikes midnight… What if I told you that I've got a spare vehicle with your name on it; one of my boys could hand you the keys to your "Pumpkin Carriage'', "Cinderella", and I'd have some bodyguards following behind you to watch your six…"

"… Now, call me presumptuous, but I don't think you'd get the same sort of protection from Ayato or Asa escorting you all the way back to Tokyo on foot," Devil Ape said smugly, while Haise stared back at him with nothing but distrust in his eyes.

"Absolutely not. You must be a fool to think I'd ever fall for that sort of trick… What's stopping you from having your goons get the drop on me?" Haise questioned, which elicited a snarky laugh from the amused gang leader.

"Hahaha, ha! Bruh, if I wanted to kill you, I would have already done it by now! You're out here in MY territory, numb-nuts; I say the word, and Asa's inherited house gets burned to the ground, with you inside of it," Devil Ape said in a low-evil voice; revealing to the unnerved half-ghoul that there indeed was still a sadistic side to the entertainer. "… But hey, I'm not looking to start any beef here, Black Reaper! I'm only here trying to get you on my side; I want us to be buddy-buddy off camera, my guy! So let me make it up to you for all the bullshit I pulled on you; let me show you what it means to be a "Big Shot"," Devil Ape said in a voice that almost sounded genuine to Haise, as he reached up to place his chubby hand on the half-ghoul's shoulder.

Immediately swatting Devil Ape's hand off of his shoulder, Haise scowled at the amused ghoul while still standing there with just a white towel on. "… Let me grab my winnings," Haise said with absolutely zero fondness for Devil Ape, before turning around with the door open as he made his way back into the living room. Before leaving with nothing but his suitcase full of yen and towel around his waist, Haise went out to go down in the basement to where he last saw Asa's notepad and pen.


Writing a quick letter of departure for the two teenagers to read whenever they would come back, Haise tore the page out of Asa's notepad before heading back up to leave it on top of the coffee table inside of her living room. Detailing the time of his departure, and the coordinates that the Devil Ape had given to him to where his gang's large secluded garage was, Haise thanked Asa and even Ayato for having thought about his well-being, and reassured them that he would call them back as soon as he charged his phone at his aunt's house.