Author's Note: As you've all probably guessed by now, the Seventh Segment is very closely tied up with the story "Paradox". And if you look back at "Paradox", chapter 27, you'll recognize one of the quotes that Buffy overhears in the Doctor's head from "Shadows, Part II."


Part II

.

Buffy managed to catch the Doctor before he had a chance to leave. Okay, catch wasn't exactly the right word. Grabbed him the second before he entered his TARDIS and dragged him back would be a more accurate description.

"Elizabeth," said the Doctor, with a sigh.

"We need to talk," said Buffy. "In private. Right now."

"I'd love to," the Doctor said. "Really, I would! But Donna's—"

"Don't mind me," said Donna, with a wink at Buffy. "You two go talk! I'll just be waiting in here until you're done." And she went back inside the TARDIS, and shut the door.

The Doctor turned to face Buffy. "I've told you I'm sorry."

"Yeah," said Buffy. "Then you usually try to say something to piss me off, so I'll hit you. And I think I've worked out why. Mr. Guilt-Trip."

"If I can find another way, I promise, I'll do it," the Doctor said. "But time is running out. The universe lets me interfere less and less with this timeline. If I don't do something soon, Elizabeth, there's not going to be a universe left!"

"Dawn and I were talking, earlier today," said Buffy. "And Dawn told me something interesting. Apparently, whenever she's nice to you, you completely flip out. You get really, really angry at her for being 'a wonderful human being that's worth saving'."

"That's… not exactly what I said," the Doctor told her.

"Dawn has no idea what she's done wrong," said Buffy, "but it's really bothering her that you keep getting angry. She said she's pretty sure you want her to beat you up or something."

"And you'd object?" the Doctor asked.

"Probably not," Buffy conceded. "But Dawn objects. She doesn't want to attack you. She wants you to be her friend."

"I can't ever be her friend."

"You already are!" Buffy snapped. "I was at the Magic Box! I know what you said. If you could figure out some way to make Glory come after you, instead of her. Figure out some way! You've tried it before, haven't you?"

The Doctor didn't answer.

"I might not be able to process multiple timelines, like you can, but sometimes, when I focus really hard, I can tell how often this universe has been writing you out," said Buffy. "And it's been writing you out a lot more than you've been showing up here. Which means you've been showing up without telling me, or — I'm guessing — Donna, to try to deal with Glory on your own."

"I… I have to," the Doctor insisted. "For your sake."

"And then there's that other thing you said!" said Buffy. "That whole thing about how the universe never squeezes you out when Glory destroys you, just when you've destroyed her. I know it's all gotten wiped out, and everything's been put back the way it was before, but… if it hadn't… you'd be dead by now, wouldn't you? You'd have given up your life for my sister."

"It's not…" The Doctor ran a hand through his hair. "She's your sister."

"Why can't you just admit it?" Buffy snapped. "You're not doing this because she's my sister, anymore! You're doing it because she's your friend!"

The Doctor looked away from Buffy. "She's not—"

"Every single time you speak to her," said Buffy, "you're trying to cushion the blow. Telling her that memory makes the person, that it's better to be remembered and real than to be real and wiped out of the universe's memory. You even told her about your granddaughter! You've confessed things to her that you'd never tell me in a million years. This isn't about me, anymore. You don't want to kill my sister because of her. That's why you want people to beat you up! That's why you keep trying to make me pissed off at you! Because you're angry at yourself for wanting to make sure she survives!"

"I have to do the right thing," the Doctor said. "And you can't stop me."

"So what's the right thing, in this situation, then?" asked Buffy.

"Avoiding universal destruction."

"Even if it means killing my sister?"

"Yes."

Buffy crossed her arms. "Okay."

The Doctor stared at her. "Sorry?"

"Kill her," said Buffy. She waited, as the Doctor kept staring. "Go ahead! I'm not stopping you."

"Elizabeth, you can't just—"

"That's talking," Buffy pointed out. "That's not killing."

The Doctor shut his mouth, but didn't move. And as the night air tingled against their skin, as the cool breeze wafted between them, it was clear that the Doctor wasn't going to.

"See, I think I've worked you out," said Buffy. "You keep talking big and sounding impressive and making these huge speeches so we don't realize that, behind it all, you've got no idea what to do. Yeah, you're smart. Yeah, you've got a time machine. But all that bluster and bravado, that's just the shadow. The part we see in our little dimensions. Behind it, you're just like all the rest of us."

"This is bigger than you could possibly imagine," the Doctor warned Buffy. "If I don't stop this, then it's not just the multiverse that will fall apart. The lock will snap, and then—"

"So stop it," said Buffy. "Kill her."

The Doctor didn't move.

"Yeah," said Buffy. "That's what I thought. Even when I step aside and let you, you still won't go through with it. And that's why I trust you."

"You what?"

"I trust you," said Buffy. "With Dawn's life, with my life, with all of it. Not because you know everything. But because you don't. And when it comes down to it, when it comes to pressing that final button and condemning an innocent person, you're not a killer."

"Coward," said the Doctor. "Every time."

Buffy leaned back against the tree, her eyes fixed on the ground. "And, you know, the freakiest thing about this is that… I'm scared."

"You have every right to be scared," the Doctor told her. "What with everything that's going on—"

"Not just about that," said Buffy. "Not just about my sister or Mom or Glory. I'm scared about you."

The Doctor didn't answer.

"I've known you for only three years," said Buffy. "Dawn… she's my life. I've known her forever. Losing her would be so devastating, so completely and utterly life shattering…" She glanced back at the Doctor. "So why does it hurt so much when you tell me you've died for her? Why does it make me so scared that I can't even think straight?"

"It's a telepathic—"

"Don't tell me it's a telepathic instinct!" Buffy snapped. "I had that same telepathic instinct to keep Faith alive, and I shoved a knife in her gut. This isn't an instinct or a primeval urge or… or… any alien whatever you want to say it is! When I imagine you dead, I get more scared than I've ever been in my whole life."

"If it's a choice between my own life or your sister's…"

"You're choosing my sister," said Buffy. "Even if she wasn't my sister, you'd still choose her. Because that's the kind of person you are. But that's not the choice, is it?" She took a deep breath. "Whatever you were trying to do, it didn't work. Glory didn't take the bait. She didn't believe you."

The Doctor paused a moment, hesitating. "She didn't," he confessed.

"So how… did you almost die, then?" asked Buffy. "How'd you manage to take her down?"

The Doctor ran a hand through his hair. "First time, she tried to absorb my mental energy," he said. "I turned the trick back on her. She wasn't going down without a fight, and I… well, I suppose I didn't die, exactly, just… fell into an eternal chasm of madness and insanity. Till time got reversed. Then I tried to… take advantage of that weakness I mentioned. One time it worked just the way it was supposed to — until time got reversed, that is. Usually, she comes out to stop me, and I have to trick her into fixing the process herself. Fairly certain I died at least twice doing that. Till time reversed. Then I tried blaming myself for—"

"Stop," said Buffy. She had her eyes squeezed shut, now, and was breathing hard.

"You all right?"

"You died," said Buffy. "Not regenerated died. You died."

"Well, not actually died," the Doctor said. He gestured down at himself. "Got reversed, see? All better!"

"If nothing had happened to Glory," said Buffy, "would time have reversed? Would you have come back?"

"No," the Doctor admitted. "I… don't think I would."

Buffy took a long, deep breath. "Then stop trying to kill yourself."

"I'm only trying to save your—"

"Doctor," said Buffy, taking his hand in her own — if only to reassure herself that it was really there. "Please. Please. Stop."

The Doctor looked like he wanted to pull his hand away from hers, but didn't. "You'll want to do it yourself, someday," he warned her. "Kill me. When this is done."

"Because other-me did," said Buffy.

"Well, yes."

"And that automatically means that I'm going to."

"Yes."

"You've got no idea what you're talking about, do you?" said Buffy. "This Line Hopper thing is just some theory. It's not actually supposed to happen. It's probably never happened before. Which means… you've got no idea how it works. You're just making things up."

The Doctor hesitated. "Well, maybe a bit."

"I think," said Buffy, "that beneath the moralizing and the self-assurance and the ego, you're just as lost and scared and confused as I am."

The Doctor didn't answer.

"Maybe that's why imagining you dead freaks me out so much," said Buffy. "Because you're so much like me." She stared down at the grass beneath her. "Or maybe not. Maybe it's just because I almost lost Mom, and I'm so close to losing Dawn. Sometimes, it feels like I'm grabbing onto you as tight as I can. Because if I lost you and both of them… I don't think I'd understand how to live in the world anymore."

"Elizabeth—"

"Or maybe it's just because I remember what it's like," said Buffy, looking back at him. "When the universe shifts, and you get pulled out of events, and I forget you. I don't remember everything, but I remember enough to know that… I need you."

"You really, really don't," the Doctor said, with a little laugh.

"Doctor," said Buffy, as if saying it enough would make him believe it, understand it. "I need you. I need you more now than I've ever needed you before."

"In the future," said the Doctor, "you're going to be remembered as one of the greatest military strategists of all times. Your name will go down as a legend. Every single book on strategy, tactics, and training will refer to you as—"

"I know," said Buffy. "You… kind of accidentally showed me, once. In your own future. I'm famous, legendary, some super iconic military leader person. The woman who changed the world." She sighed. "Except… I'm not. You know I'm not."

"You're Buffy Anne Summers," the Doctor said. "The most brilliant, devoted, brave—"

"And you're just the all-knowing Time Lord who controls the fate of the universe and has everything all planned out," said Buffy. "That's just the impression we leave, Doctor. The shadows. That's not who we are." She squeezed his hand a little tighter. "You're my Doctor, and I'm your Elizabeth. And I need you."

"Honestly, you don't," the Doctor insisted. "You're just as good at fighting off the monsters as I am. Better, in fact. You're far more important to the history of this planet than I'll ever be. You're—"

"Not like that!" cried Buffy. "Don't you get it? I don't need you to fight off the monsters! I don't need you to give me the answers! I don't need you to save the universe or save the world or anything! I need you because… if you ever left me, I'd fall apart."

The Doctor paused. "I… see."

"Yeah."

"And… what exactly do you want from me, then?" the Doctor asked. "Because I'm a wee bit fuzzy on what that means."

"I've never wanted anything from you," said Buffy. "All I ever wanted was you. Just… you."

"Ah," said the Doctor. "And… that would be some sort of human… thing, then?"

"No," said Buffy. "It's not a promise, not a commitment, not a hookup or invitation or anything. It's just… who I am. Behind the shadows. I'm someone who needs you."

She could see the moon glint off his eyes, the soft light from the porch trickle across his chin. She could feel the double pulse in his hand, could hear the hint of that uncertain, terrified tremor in his breathing — the one he was so very good at hiding, after 900 years of experience. He took her other hand in his own.

"Elizabeth," he said.

And the way he said it was just the way she loved hearing him say it. That beautiful, vibrant ring in his voice, that awe and reverence and a little bit of cheek, that sweetness and sincerity that made the name somehow become uniquely hers. As if it could never be anyone else's.

She kissed him.

She knew she shouldn't, and she knew that they should be stopping this, that they were just friends and that he didn't want to take it any further, but… when he said her name like that, like it was a promise and a prayer and a hope all wrapped in one — he always looked at her like she was the entire universe to him and she was as beautiful as any planet he'd saved . And she just couldn't help herself. She needed to bring him closer, to share everything with him, even the same breath, to melt into him and show him that she was the same, that she didn't know anything either, that she had no idea what she was doing.

She wanted him to need her the way she needed him.

And, faster than the last time this had happened, he responded. Began kissing back. Slowly, at first, then with a growing intensity, as if he were trying to grab onto her and could feel her slipping through his fingers. In that moment, it seemed he no longer cared that they weren't like that, no longer cared that they were only supposed to be hugging and exchanging high-fives, no longer cared about the future or the past or anything beyond this second. All that mattered was the fact that they had one another, right here, right now.

Buffy pulled away, panting for breath. It was only then that she realized they'd pulled one another close — so close that she could feel his hearts thudding against her chest, could feel the ghosting of his breath along her face, could feel that tingle of desire pulsing through them.

They met one another's eyes, and began again, without a word spoken between them.

Buffy put her hand up into his hair, as she kissed him, and he slipped his hand through her own, and they were just desperately trying to become closer, because there was so much space between them, so much distance and darkness separating them and if they could just be together, if they could just eliminate everything they had between them, then everything would be perfect, everything would be…

"Well, look what we have here," interrupted an English accented voice. "Only a short time since you dumped Captain Cardboard, and it looks like goldilocks has already found herself a new shag."

The Doctor and Buffy jumped away from one another, as if they'd just been caught putting up pro-Dalek posters. There, standing in front of them, was Spike, whiskey bottle in hand, a proud smile on his face. It fell as he recognized the Doctor.

"Oh, bugger," said Spike.

He stumbled backwards, nearly falling over but catching himself on the nearby railing of the house.

"Listen, mate," said Spike to the Doctor. "This… this is not how it seems. It's just…" He faltered, then pointed behind them and shouted, "Look over there!" Then he spun around and bolted.

Buffy and the Doctor, having not looked over there, just watched Spike run off into the distance. The mood was gone, all momentum between them had vanished in an instant, as if it were never there at all.

And it might as well never have been.

The Doctor would never bring it up. Ever. He'd act like it had never happened, just the way he always did. And Buffy wouldn't risk bringing it up, because she knew that if they talked about it, that'd make it real. And if it was real, it might turn into one of those scary 'domestic things' or 'human things' that he was always running away from. That might make him run away from her, and then he'd never come back, and Buffy couldn't… couldn't… lose him. It was better to be… whatever they were… than to lose him entirely.

Damn Spike for screwing up their one chance at taking things further!

"I hate that guy," Buffy muttered.

The Doctor looked after Spike, a thoughtful expression on his face. "You shouldn't, you know," he said. "He's a better man than I'll ever be."

"Don't get started on another one of your guilt trips!" Buffy grumbled. "You may be imperfect, but there's no way you're worse than vampires."

"Not all vampires," said the Doctor. "Just one."

"Who's killed two Slayers," Buffy pointed out. "And tried to kill me. A lot. And would be dead, I should add, if you hadn't been all annoyingly don't-stake-Spike and stuff."

"Everyone deserves a chance," the Doctor said. "Even vampires."

"Spike's on chance 219 right now," Buffy pointed out. "And he's still just as evil as he was on chance 1." She shook her head. "You know, sometimes, I think I get you. And other times… it's like I have no idea what you could possibly be thinking."

The Doctor met her eyes with his own. "Maybe," he said, "you're just reacting to my shadow."