(Disclaimer these characters and some lines of the lines are property of Stephenie Meyer.)
(Disclaimer- I do not own twilight or the characters)
CHAPTER 12 : Reminder ,Acceptance, and time
"Bella love let me..." I cut him off it was my turn to talk.
"Bella we should go," Jasper said signaling a very reluctant Emmett. They were trying to pull Rose and Alice who were willing to go.
"No stay. You all have a right to be here and am fairly sure you like Edward to be in one piece when Esme sees him so sit and enjoy the show."
"Ok Bell's." Emmett plopped himself down
"Bella love we should discuss this privately."
"No we are discussing this here and now. " I took a deep unneeded breath.
"1st of all stop calling me love. Am not your love I haven't been your love for the past four years. If I ever was."
"Bella how can you say that I have always loved you..." I cut him off
"That's not what you said or is that you don't remember. I thought vampire memory is suppose to superb."
"Bella I li..." I cut him of again
"Because I was merely human and I remember those words. I didn't forget them even after my transformation. That whole week is permanently in my mind. Everything that deals with our relationship is permanently in my mind. In time things from my childhood are hard to remember. Things about my mother, but those memory are still there."
"Bella I never..." I cut him off
"I remember the day and the night before my birthday. At the meadow and in my room. I remember going to school and Alice wishing me a happy birthday and informing me that I had to be at your house that night for my party. How I was a little less then excited," at this Alice snorted.
"Please I though we were going to have to drag you." she said
"I remember seeing the outside of your house and saying 'wow Alice really went all out' and just laughing." I smiled at that memory
"I remember walking in and getting a hug from Esme and Carlisle saying 'We tried to rein her in' and then he signal to everything and continue with 'but Alice will be Alice." I laughed
" I remember the empty box that was the home of my new car radio. And Emmett saying 'Hold on Bella don't do anything funny until I get back.'" at that Emmett let out a boom laugh I turned and smiled at him. When he saw my face he's fell.
"I remember the accident and remember being able to clear the room. I remember that night at our ride home and that night in my room. Then I remember the three days."
"What three days?" Rose asked I ignore her question and continued.
"The three days before you left me the separation how you ignored me. How you missed school and then the last day you said ' Walk with me we need to talk.' and you taking me into the forest I remember that I had been contemplating everything that could possible happen. But I never imagined what did happened... " I paused and I felt my eyes water then I continued.
"You say that you guys were leaving then you say 'Am sorry it shouldn't have let this get this far I can't be with you anymore. You were meant to be a distraction not a stable relationship you are only human. I should have seen that after James attack. Am sorry we have to move on.' and how can I forget the line ' I-don't-want-you." The tears were falling down like water falls. I heard gasp and growls. But everything needs to come out. I wiped them away.
"Bella I had to keep you safe you need to have a normal life I couldn't damn you into this life. I couldn't risk hurting you..." I cut him off
"What the hell haven't you been paying attention. I suffer all this time you hurt me the moment you made the decision you made. And you knew it because Alice probably showed you.
"You promised me that you would always be there and you left me."
"To keep you safe." Edward said conviction as if that made it better.
" I'm Bella the girl who would trip over thin air. The girl who unlike every other human didn't shy away from you. The girl who ran directly into the trap a vampire had set. I need you there to keep me safe."
" I need to leave you would've eventually moved on human always do. It's not like vampire you weren't permentely altered."
From the corner of my eye I could see everyone shaking their head. His comment piss me off. The I remember that line so many years ago at lunch.
And said "'I love you more because if it makes you safe I can leave' you always though you loved me more because you were a vampire and I was human. You know what your problem is Edward? That you have this idea that you know more then everyone dose. Just because you can read minds."
I heard of course of 'yea'
"Always trying to change things that were meant to be just because you saw Alice Vision. Always being at liberty to tell people what their feelings are just because you can read them out of Jasper mind," I pause
"But NEWS FLASH you only read minds that's it. Alice see the future and Jasper feels those feeling course through him. And Alice saw me like you because it was meant to be. Not so that you could try to change it or stop it. And Jasper felt my feelings he felt how much I loved you.
"I didn't matter that I was human I was altered. I loved you and saw no one else. I was meant to love you and only you," I paused the tears start to fall again.
" You said it yourself when I walked into Forks High School their were many guys interested I could've talk to them but I didn't my pull was to you. I never even looked at a guy in phoenix you were my first in every sense of that word."
"Bella I couldn't make myself doom you to my life. A souls existence you were my everything and I couldn't risk you. For once I had to be selfless."
"You think you were selfless. We must be working with a different definition. Because my definition for Selfless is putting everything you have or giving everything you are even if it hurts you." I looked up at him and meet his eyes he looked pained but he had to know.
" I was selfless when it came to you now I see that. Back then I thought I was selfish because I wanted to keep you and be with you forever. But I wasn't because I was willing to give everything up for you. That's why me and Rose didn't get along. Because I was giving everything up to be with things I didn't know I wanted."
"Bella..." I cut him off
"But I didn't care. But you were selfish you weren't able to give up you stupid because they were stupid ideas. To be with me you couldn't see beyond what you though was right. Even when all your family saw it. So in the end I was right when I told Jess that 'I think I like him a lot more then I should.' Because after that first day I was willing to give you everything. When you weren't willing to change anything."
" In the end it was for nothing because if you would've listen to Alice because I told you back in Phoenix. ' I'll never bet againts Alice.' But you did and look at me am a vampire. And if you wouldn't have been so stuborn you would've been their," I paused and looked at him
" It would be your venom that would have changed me. But I do have to thank you for something."
"What is it Bella?" He qoustion
"I have to thank you for saving from Taylors Van and for being in a relationship with you and for loving me. And for those wonderful kids you gave me they are my everything. So thank you."
"Bella what dose this mean. What happens with US." Edward asked
" Nothing happens with US because there is no US. Their is a you and a me nothing else. Were together because of Mary-Lee and EJ that's it."
"But you said you were made for me that you were meant to love me. Did that change?," he pause and so low that it was hard for me to hear he continued " Do you not love me?"
I looked at him and part of me wanted to say no I don't, but I did and I couldn't hurt him. I couldn't lie to him.
" I ..."
