Mai:Welcome to Q&A with Jushiro Ukitake on location. We are here in Kenpachi's office for therapy. Yes, I know, what the hell is so wrong with us we need his diagnosis. Not to worry though! He has helped people. Kenpachi, can you tell us who.
Kenpachi:*is wearing glasses and has a clipboard*I've seen Mayuri for a lot of stuff, I still have nightmares, Aizen, he said he felt false and wanted to be loyal to his country, Gin said he wanted to learn integrity, and Komamura, who wanted to overcome his self conscious about his apperance.
Jushiro:How many of those cases did you actually solve?
Kenpachi:Well Komamura ain't wearin' his damn helmet anymore!
Byakuya:People pick on him now.
Kenpachi:Well nobody here is self conscious about there looks so shut the fuck up!
All:Okay!
Kenpachi:Lets start with one of the worst problem, Ulquiorra and J.J.
J.J.:Well he's a freaky emo clown mime and I don't like him. He scares me.
Kenpachi:Mhm. Why do you fear clowns, emos, and mimes?
J.J.:Because they aren't normal!
Mai and Ulquiorra:Hey!
J.J.:Its my turn to talk! Dr. I thought it was my turn to talk.
Kenpachi:Next person to interrupt anybody here is getting their swords up their asses.
J.J.:They wear weird makeup and do weird stuff!
Kenpachi:They aren't going to hurt you. They just look scary. Now I want you to hug Ulquiorra.
J.J.:*shifts nervously in his chair*
Ulquiorra:*braces himself*
J.J.:*hugs*
Ulquiorra:*hugs*See I won't hurt you. I'm too scared because of Mai.
J.J.:Oh, you are like the older brother I've always had and never wanted! Except you aren't cool.
Ulquiorra:You don't repulse me anymore.
All:Awwww!
Kenpachi:Breakthrough. Time to answer a few questions. katizo terusei:
Charisei: *pokes Stark* wake up garbage!
Katizo: *pets Grimmjow* KITTY! i missed you!
Both: how the hell can Kenpachi be a therapist?!?!!?
Charisei: Ulqui-chan...*goes into daze*
Katizo: I wanna see Harribel and Stark make out!
Nnoitra: SAVE ME!
Katizo: back to your cage!
Charisei: ya we own him now!
Katizo: evil spoon tried to rape me T^T
Stark:*is poked in his room in Hueco Mundo* What the fuck?!
Grimmjow:Where did I go?
Kenpachi:Believe it or not I earned my credentials.
Ulquiorra:I LIKE HUGGING!*hugs Charisei*
Mai:Why are you yelling?
Ulquiorra:I need to get that out.
Grimmjow:Haha. I'm not in a stupid cage like you Nnoitra!
*Stark and Harribel start making out*
Kenpachi:Next problem we are addressing are Byakuya and Mai's. More specifically Mai's.
Mai:I don't like having to say it!
Byakuya:Why?
Kenpachi:I'm asking the questions! This is my office! Why, Mai-chan?
Mai:Well if I didn't care about him, I would have kicked him out of my house after we are done doing it!
Kenpachi:Why can't you just say those three words? Say it.
Mai:No. God take away things if you brag about them. I LOVE J.J. SO MUCH! HE IS THE BEST LITTLE BROTHER IN THE WORLD!
J.J.:NO! You idiot! The evil eye will come for me now.
Ulquiorra:I'll protect you!*guards him, zanpakuto drawn*
Kenpachi:Are you willing to toss your relationship away just for a superstition?
Mai:No. I guess not. I lo- I love you, Byakuya Kuchiki!
Byakuya:I love you too!*hugs*
Mai:*kisses* Time for another review. It's a first timer, too. Sougyo no kotowari1012:
Hehe, I'm a new reviewer! I feelz so specialz XD, Okay dis- regard what i just said. I've got two questions for Ulquiorra and a dare for Byakuya , 1. What's with the little green lines running down your face (Not that i don't like them, I'm just wondering why you put them there) and 2. How do you sleep with that helmet thingy on, i mean wouldn't it pierce the bed or something? or do arrancars even sleep?
Byakuya: I dare you to switch whatever haircare products you use (AKA that L'oreal stuff) with whatever products Grimmjow uses :)), I feel evil...
Byakuya:I think it's his cheap Covergirl mascara running!
Ulquiorra:L'oreal loser! These are birth marks. I aviod laying down on the side my mask is on. It gets caught in my pillow. Arrancar do sleep. Stark is an obvious example.
Byakuya:Please don't say-
Grimmjow:I use Axe shampoos.
Byakuya:Damn you! That shit will kill my hair and give me split ends.*starts choking Grimmjow*
Mai:Don't worry.
Byakuya:Damn you *points at Sougyo* you heartless-*Mai covers mouth*
Kenpachi:Who's next for their resolutions? Grimmjow, how about you?
Grimmjow:There ain't nothin' fucking wrong.
Kenpachi:Thats not true. You feel lonely don't you?
Grimmjow:Okay yes! Everyone is hooking up! Jushiro's got those girls, Mai's got Byakuya, Ulquiorra's got a reviewer, Stark's got Harribel, Kurosaki has the midget and I have no one!*sobs*
Kenpachi:It looks like it's time for guy's night out.
Jushiro:Yeah! We could get high and drunk and get girls to stri-I mean we could go to a restaurant and eat cake.
Byakuya and Ulquiorra:...........
Kenpachi:Solved!
Ulquiorra:Here's Animefan0410:
I hace a question for Jushiro, hopefully I can still ask even if he is in therapy, and hopefully the therapist can help him figure it out and help..Why thee hell are you now such a sex addict? I saw you last night trying to get that hooker in your car, who kept saying 'I'm not a hooker, leave me alone', and then yelled for the police. Which was when you an for it.
As for grimmjow, you may be awesome, but desperae looks really pathetic on you.
To Byakuya, don't fight about hair care products, it look like even more of a pretty boy. But your zampakto doesn't help you much with that. (I just feel like being a little bitchy to them for no reason lol)
Mai:That's where you ran off to!
Jushiro:..........
Grimmjow:I was emotionally unstable!
Byakuya:Grrr.
Mai:Hey, what's wrong with being a pretty boy?
Kenpachi:Now Jushiro, why are you addicting to sex?
Jushiro:I wouldn't say I'm addicting and that girl was so a hooker!
Kenpachi:Why?
Jushiro:Well she was dres-
Kenpachi:Not that. Why do you like screwing girls so much? *gets kicked in the head*
Jushiro:To make up for the years I've missed!
Mai:Shiro-kun!
Kenpachi:Take it slower.
Mai:As in don't rape girls that look like hookers, girls that hang out in a corner at night, or girls that hang out in the corner at day.
Jushiro:Yes ma'am! I'm sorry to the girls and maybe hookers I one-night standed.
Kenpachi:Resolved. He isn't a rapist anymore.
Mai:Shouldn't we go further?
Grimmjow:Nah! He'll be fine. Here is LilyGirl101:
Thank you, Shiro-chan, for saving me...*sobs* I was scared...by the way, I already deleted the story after getting a whole lot of reviews telling me it sucked. I don't take rejection well.
Yes, Byakuya-nee-chan is just that. He's my nee-chan. *hugs him*. Thanks for answering my question! And thanks for the hair flip! Mai-chan, if he's my nee-chan, that makes you my aneu-ue!X-)
Um...hey, I have a dare for you, Mai! I want you and Jushiro to sing and dance to "Shut Up" by the Black-Eyed Peas. And don't call Shiro-chan stupid! He's the nicest, most adorable man in the world! And he's so fun at nig--sorry...said too much already...uh...
Yay! We get to see Zaki-chan again! YAY! *hugs him* I'm glad you're a therapist! Hm...hey, Zaki-chan...can I have a piggy-back ride?
Jushiro:I'll take care of you, Lily-chan.
Mai:Don't cry!
Byakuya:*accepts hug and returns it* You are welcome.
Mai:Sistas! Yeah! I'm sorry for calling you stupid Shiro-kun.
Jushiro:I know you don't mean it.
Mai:You really are the nicest and most adorable.
Byakuya:Hey!
Mai:Relax. You are the calmest and hottest in the world.
Mai:*puts music on*Shut up
Just shut up
Shut up [3x]
Shut it up, just shut up
Shut up
Just shut up
Shut up [3x]
Shut it up, just shut up
Mai:[Chorus]
We try to take it slow
But we're still losin control
And we try to make it work
But it still isn't the worst
And I'm craaazzzy
For tryin to be your laaadddy
I think I'm goin crazy
Jushiro:Girl, me and you were just fine (you know)
We wine and dine
Did them things that couples do when in love (you know)
Walks on the beach and stuff (you know)
Things that lovers say Mai: and do
I love you boo,Mai: I love you too
I miss you a lot,Mai: I miss you even more
That's why I flew you out
When we was on tour
But then something got out of hand
You start yellin when I'm with my friends
Even though I had legitimate reasons Mai:(bull shit)
You know I have to make them evidence Mai:(bull shit)
How could you trust our private lives girl
That's why you don't believe my lies
And quit this lecture
Mai:[Chorus]
Jushiro:Why does he know she gotta move so fast
Love is progress if you could make it last
Why is it that you just lose control
Every time you agree on takin it slow
So why does it got to be so damn tough
Cuz fools in lust could never get enough of love
Showin him the love that you be givin
Changing up your livin
For a lovin transistion
Girl lip so much she tryin to get you to listen
Few mad at each other has become our tradition
You yell, I yell, everybody yells
Got neighbors across the street sayin
Who the hell?!?
Who the hell?
What the hell's going down?
Too much of the bickering
Kill it with the sound and
Mai:[Chorus]
Girl our love is dyin
Why can't you stop tryin
Mai:I never been a quitah
But I do deserve betta
Jushiro:Believe me I will do bad
Let's forget the past
And let's start this new plan
Mai:Why? Cuz it's the same old routine
And then next week I hear them scream
Jushiro:Girl I know you're tired of the things they say
Mai:You're damn right
Cuz I heard them lame dame excuses just yesterday
Jushiro:That was a different thing
Mai:No it ain't
Jushiro:That was a different thing
Mai:No it ain't
Jushiro:That was a different thing
Mai:It was the same damn thing
Same ass excuses
Boy you're usless
Whhoooaaaa
[Chorus]
Jushiro:Stop the talking baby
Or I start walking baby
Is that all there is [repeat]
Mai:Sorry it's not the full thing. Someone is a little too lazy to write the rest.
Kenpachi:*hugs LilyGirl and gives her a piggy back ride*
Jushiro:Grrr. Don't touch her!
Kenpachi:I didn't know you were the jealous type.
Jushiro:Neither did I.*punches Kenpachi*
Mai and Grimmjow:Fight! Fight! Fight!
Byakuya:No fight.*breaks them apart but gets punched in the face*
Mai:Oh God. Not his face! Run kitty-kun and Ulqui! Run!*run out*
Byakuya:*explodes with anger*
Mai:*looks inside* AHHH! GRIMMJOW! ULQUI HELP!
Grimmjow:She disappeared.....
Ulquiorra:No she didn't! They are just having adult fun!
J.J.:Denial.
Ulquiorra:Everything is fine, trashy morons.
Jushiro:AHHHH!
Ulquiorrra:Here is HanakoAnimeaddict:
I couldn't review the last chapter but thanks for using my idea! If Kenpachi is a psychiatrist, run for the hills! I am scared to add anymore ideas!
Ulquiorra:Mai is a little busy with a relationship building session. But I'm sure this is what she would say "Thank you so very much!" *chibi eyes and hands clasped together in a prayer position* "I love you guys! I love Byakuya! I'm going to be a future pervert in jail!"
Mai:*stands behind Ulquiorra and pounds on him*Welcome back. Thanks! We'll use anybody's and everybody's ideas here in Q&A with Jushiro Ukitake!
Jushiro:Owwww! It hurts Mai-chan.
Mai:Thats what you get for fighting over a girl.
Kenpachi:My ass hurts!
Mai:You don't even want to know where I'm hurting......
Grimmjow:I do.
Byakuya:Since we are in the Seireitei lets go to my mansion.
Mai:Okay.
J.J.:Are we invited?
Mai:No! Bye, peoples!
J.J.:Rawr!
Grimmjow:Whatever.
Ulquiorra:I told you guys she was just playing.
Mai:It was more on the brink of rape, but okay!
Jushiro:Feel free to review any question or dare. Nobody will hurt you!
Ulquiorra:You might get raped, but you will remain otherwise intact.
Jushiro:Next time our guest will be Soi Fon, Yoruichi, and....
Mai:Kakashi!
Ulquiorra:He isn't even in our show.
Mai:But he's so awesome and hot and cool and he's a ninja too like Yoruichi and Soi Fon!
J.J.:But he's not from the show!
Mai:I don't care! Next time Soi Fon, Yoruichi, and Kakashi Hatake. See ya!
