Identity Crisis
By Narkness
CHAPTER TWO
Boobs According To Emmett
Edward wished Emmett had breasts. Perhaps then Emmett would lose all interest in the opposite sex and just talk about himself instead.
This was an unusual thing to wish upon your brother, but Edward was simply sick of hearing about Rosalie. Emmett was head-over heels for this girl from Forks Academy For Pristine Young Ladies, who according to him had the world's best breasts and, not that Edward had wanted to know, a sharp tongue in more ways than one. Edward had only met the girl once, and found her to be one of those arrogant, rude people, but shared the same odd affection for Emmett as he did to her.
Edward regretted agreeing to go on an afternoon run with his brother. He wished Jasper would catch up already, instead of lagging behind them. Jasper was consequently Rosalie's brother, which sometimes made for some very awkward conversation and death threats. And Jasper didn't flaunt his relationships either…of which Edward was glad, because no one wanted to hear about their own sister in crude terms.
Edward just seemed to be having a fairly bad day in general.
His brother was boob-bamboozled, Jasper was being purposefully ignorant and slow, and neither of them was thankfully mentioning the public embarrassment that would no doubt ensue tomorrow morning.
He found it difficult to attend an all boys school, with an all girls school just down the way. He found it even more difficult to maintain a relationship. It was like being on other sides of the globe. The two schools had come to an agreement that the students should never mix, lest they were compelled to fulfill their licentious desires. So the only time where he ever saw a girl or the stranger he often called his girlfriend, was when they snuck out of the school on the weekends.
Edward could understand where Lauren was coming from, but was it really necessary for her to dump him via text message, using chat speak, and claim he was cheating on her. Right. He never had a chance to see even her, so he was obviously doing three girls behind her back.
"Cheer up, Eddy-boy." Emmett said, in that overtly big-brother tone, like he held a fist full of wisdom. "No chicks are ever going to do you if you keep sooking."
Edward kept running.
Within half an hour Edward was running for the same reason, to escape, but this time, Emmett and Jasper were intending to tackle him into the precarious patches of mud littered around their running path.
His breath was labored and his legs burned white-hot but the school's looming buildings were in sight. Edward was sprinting across the muddy oval when Emmett finally caught up. Edward's legs slipped out from beneath him, and a bull charged into his back, pushing him down into the mud with it. Emmett's booming laugh filled the open air. Jasper, whom also seemed a little silly, joined in, leaping on top of Emmett.
Although every single bone in Edward's body was severely crushed, he managed to pull himself out from underneath the Incredible Hulk and Iron Man. However, in doing so, dragged his entire front through the mud. There was mud in his hair, on his face, in his ears…in his shoes.
Edward had stripped off his t-shirt long ago, and now had that awkward sensation of a muddy rippling chest. It was squishy.
While a bare-chested Emmett and Jasper were giggling madly at their own silliness, Edward kept walking. Normally this sort of thing would be fine, but he really wasn't in the mood.
"Eddy-boy?" Emmett called after him, noticing his absence.
Edward looked as though he'd been rolled in shit. In a way, he was almost happy there was no girls around him to see him look like this, just teachers that would surely give him a detention for 'disorderly and notorious behavior.'
Emmett and Jasper, thoroughly muddy, got up and ran for him.
Edward bolted for the stair case of the dormitories. Climbing the stairs three at a time, leaving a mud trail with his dirty sneakers…which slightly defeated the purpose of Edward running in the first place. Mud smeared on the marble flooring, and Edward threw open the door to his room as Emmett and Jasper came thundering after him.
Edward had lost.
However, before Emmett could tickle the crap out of him, and Jasper giggle like a little girl, Edward took a moment to notice the strange little boy sitting on the spare bed, cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk, filled with food and an unattractive chocolate smear around his mouth. A very effeminate mouth.
In fact, the chipmunk even squealed like a girl.
It's short, I know, but I'm trying this thing where I just stop trying too hard. :) Due to unsatisfactory reviewing by real people who aren't friends of mine, there was to be no hot descriptive description of torsos. That's right, I'm that evil. I can hear your disapointment from here Stacey. I have no idea where this story is going but I'm determined to finish it before I post my next crap-chapter-wonder.
Narkness out.
