Chapter 43: Misplaced Blame


I sat across from All For One. My head was on the cold metal table. He'd been listening to me talk about what had happened. Whether I was sad, angry, or even when I cried. He did not interrupt. He just sat there quietly and just listened. I felt so tired from all the crying I had done. I hadn't been able to go home. Not because I wasn't allowed, but because I couldn't bring myself to. I didn't want to see anyone. I felt like a failure. I couldn't save him. The one thing as a hero that I was supposed to do. So, I had been hiding here for the past two days, pretending to leave so the guards wouldn't see me. It was the only place I could think of, where no one would think to look for me here.

"Yami."

I groaned, sighing.

"Yes."

"You cannot just hide away here. You have to go home."

"I do not want to," I said quietly. "I want to stay here."

"They will eventually find you. You cannot stay here. I am sure your friends and your… father are worried about you."

I looked up at him. He's never referred to Aizawa-Sensei as my father, only him and you. He must be really worried about me.

"I can't face them, not like this," I said, my voice cracking.

"Why not?"

"I couldn't save him," I whispered.

"That is not your fault."

"I am so tired of hearing that! It is my fault! I was supposed to be able to save him. That is what heroes do. It is what I do; what I was supposed to do and I failed. So many people loved him. People that I care about and now- if I can't save anyone then what is the point..." I trailed off.

"You are afraid that they will blame you... hate you even."

I said nothing.

"If these people you care about, really care about you. They will do no such thing. Do not think so little of them. You are more than that. Your purpose is more than to just save people Yami."

I buried my face in my hands, trying my best not to cry again.

"I can't do it."

"You can, and you will."

He sounded like a real father just now.

"Imagine how they must feel because you are not there Yami."

I looked up at him.

"They need you, and you need them. You need each other; especially right now.

This is not something that is only happening to them, but to you as well. Even though you may have not known him for long; this still affects you. You managed to save the other boy. That is more than anyone could have done. His death is not your fault. You are not to blame Yami. This falls on Shigaraki, as well as me. He is the monster that I created because I could not deal with my problems. We are to blame. Not you; never you. Despite how much I dislike it. You put others before yourself. You risk your life time and time again for those that you care about. None of this is your fault Yami. There was nothing you could do. He wanted you to save his friend and you listened to his last wish. In the short time, I have known you. I have realized you are not someone who hides. You face things head-on. Despite how many times you may be knocked down. So do not start now."

I just looked at him surprised.

He slipped his hand out of the cuff, holding his hand out to me.

"Come, I have a gift for you. It is a very special quirk. I hold near and dear to my heart. It is not one that someone was born with, but an artificial one I had made specifically for me. Now, I want to give it to you."

I looked at his hand and took it. My eyes went wide. I had never felt something like this before. It wasn't normal. I tried to copy it but I couldn't. He must have seen that coming. He wanted me to take it, take it. I looked up at him. He had a smile on his face.

"This quirk has kept me safe all this time, and now I am passing it on to you. You're going to need it. Especially if you are going to kill Tomura… and you must kill him Yami."

I squeezed his hand, sitting up straight. "I plan to."


I had returned home. Thankfully no one had given me any grief for going missing for that short time. The funeral had taken place almost immediately it felt like. Since the attack, everyone has been on edge. More heroes and police were patrolling the streets and fewer people. The heroes operated in groups of three sometimes five. They had to watch each other's backs more than ever now. They didn't want to end up like...they didn't want to end up in a casket. White lilies were lined around Deku's casket. Along with pictures of him and his mother, All Might, and his other friends. It was silent. No crying, just silence. No one moved. No one said a word. I'm sure they thought that this was all a bad dream. We just listened to the sound of the incense sizzling and the ash falling. I just stared at my hands while everyone mourned quietly. Even his mother sat there. Her eyes are red and puffy. She sat in the very back. She couldn't bring herself to go near his body. Ochaco sat right next to her. A similar look on her face. All Might sat on the side opposite of her. He hadn't looked up yet. It made sense. Deku was like a son to him. He was his family, and now he was gone. No one knew what to do. It was too soon. He was too young. He did not deserve to die like that… much less at all. It wasn't supposed to be this way. We couldn't say our last goodbyes to him; not properly at least. The casket had to stay closed. The damage… It was too much for them to fix. No one needed to see that. It was probably why Bakugo sat out in the hall. Dabi put his hand on top of mine, squeezing it. He came to the funeral with me. He did not want to leave me alone, and I was grateful for it. Aizawa-Sensei sat behind me. He most likely thought the same thing I did. He blamed himself. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Dabi kissed me, on my temple squeezing my shoulder.

"It's not your fault Yami. There was nothing else you could do. You made the only choice you could." he whispered.

I stared at the closed casket. Images of his mangled body flashed through my mind. My mouth felt dry.

"Excuse me. I need a minute."

I made my way down the aisle. Going out into the hall and around the corner. Looking for Bakugo until I found him. I sat beside him. He looked the worst out of all of us. I didn't say anything. I just scooted closer to him, our shoulders touching. His eyes were so empty. He was still banged up a bit, but still better for the most part. After leaving the prison. I visited him almost every day. Healing him little by little. Recover-Girl helped when I was not there too.

"Do you know what the last thing I said to him was?"

I looked over at him. It was the first time I'd heard him speak since that day in the hospital.

"I told him he was an idiot. I wasn't being mean. Or at least I didn't mean to be, but that's what I said to him. He's dead and those are the last words I said to him. I've always been such a dick to him and now I'll never be able to make it up to him. God, he must have hated me."

"Deku's last words were save Ka-chan."

He looked up at me shocked. It was the first time he'd shown any emotion since that day.

"Even in his final moments, Deku wanted you to live, Bakugo. Deku put you before himself; that is how much you meant to him. Your life was more important to him than his own. He didn't hate you. What he said; what he did. It proves that he loved you. That he has always loved you. "

He started to shake. He buried his face in his hands, sobbing into them. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tightly. I just held him while he cried; rubbing circles on his back. Ochaco came out into the hallway. Her eyes slowly drifted over to me. She balled up her fists.

"This is all your fault."

Bakugo wiped his eyes and turned to look at her.

"You!" she said, grabbing me by my collar, and yanking me up. "If you had just saved him… we wouldn't be here."

I pushed her off of me, trying not to cry. "Keep your voice down. There is a room full of people mourning. Besides, I already blame myself. I don't need you to make me feel worse." I whispered harshly.

"You should have done something more; given your life instead of saving him."

Bakugo stood up, rubbing the tears away and facing her.

"Do you not see where you are? What's going on around you? Do you fucking hear yourself right now?" His voice was calm, but that did not lessen the power of the words. "Deku would be ashamed of you."

He walked past her bumping her shoulder. She had a mix of shock and hurt in her eyes until she focused on me. Then her expression hardened again. She came a few steps closer to me.

"I don't care what he says. Deku should be here. He deserves to be here. It should be you in that casket. Not him." she bit out.

She turned away disappearing down the hall. That had hurt. I was an outsider to them. The friend they held near and dear to them was dead. I wondered how many of them felt the same thing. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look, it was Aizawa-Sensei. He hugged me and held me close. I cried silently into his shirt.

"Shh, It's okay. It was uncalled for, but she did not mean it. She is hurting right now. We all are, but for her it is different. She loved him in a different way than we all did. No one is angry with you Yami. None of this is your fault. I need you to understand that. There is all this misplaced blame and no one knows what to do with it."

He pulled away, making me look at him.

"Do you understand me ?" he asked, wiping my tears.

I nodded. Dabi came out a few seconds later.

"I'll take care of her from here."

Aizawa-Sensei nodded leaving us.

He kissed my forehead. "Come on. Let's go get some air."

He led me downstairs. It was lightly raining.

"So much for some air," I said.

"Don't worry it's fine. It's just a little water."

He pushed the door open, and some breeze came in. I took a deep breath. It made me feel a bit better,

"You were gone for two days Yami."

I nodded.

"Where did you disappear to?"

"The prison. I was with him. All for one. I couldn't show my face to anyone. I still don't want to, but I'm just trying to power through it."

"I see."

"Are you angry with me? For going to him I mean."

He grabbed my wrist pulling me to him.

"I'm not angry with you Yami. I am worried about you. Two days without a word from you scared the shit out of me. Aizawa was losing his mind too. We thought something had happened to you too."

I wrapped my hands around his waist.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry; any of you. I just... needed some time."

He kissed my forehead. "I love you Yami. The next time you want to run away. At least take me with you." he joked.

I smiled. "I love you too, and if there is a next time. I promise to take you along."

He chuckled and it vibrated through my entire body, comforting me. I smiled into his chest. He always kept me grounded like this. Unfortunately, that was short-lived. I looked up, and that was when I saw him and that twisted grin I hated so fucking much. He stood on the sidewalk on the other side of the street; lanes away but I would recognize him anywhere. No matter what he changed about himself. His hair was longer now, and a ghostly white color to match his skin. The dark circles around his eyes had gotten worse. They sunk even deeper now. His skin cracked and parts peeled open. A dark cape was draped over his shoulders. He was looking straight at me. As if he was daring me to come. To chase after him. Dabi shook me, but I paid no attention to him. I was already locked in on my target. I could feel the anger rising inside me. It crept up my throat, suffocating me, reaching the back of my eyes, and making them burn. Dabi had finally noticed what I was looking at, but it was too late. My body moved on its own before I could even think. I stepped out of my shoes and jumped up, shooting flames out the bottoms of my feet. I shot straight for him. Not paying any mind to the civilians around me. They dodged and screamed as I flew by them. I could hear Dabi screaming for me but I did not care. All that mattered to me at that moment was getting my hands on him, and I would get my hands on him… by any means necessary.