Age: 17
The dark, musty room, hangs limply around my shoulders as colourful bits of light dance in front of my face. Slumping against the wall I reach out to touch the beams of light, my fingers slipping right through them and my arm hits the dusty floor again. I let out a moan. Usually this would be fine. Usually it wouldn't hurt. It hurts today. It hurts to try and stop. Using. The cool basement air does nothing but cause me to shiver, freezing the sweat on my pale skin. God it hurts. My head lolls to the side and I close my eyes, not wanting to see the product of residue drugs in my system. One day, and it hurts like hell. I'm too weak to do anything, and I can barely move. For Christ's sake, why did I ever decide to go on a binge and then quit? What is wrong with me? My thoughts dart in and out of sanity, leaving me wondering if I am ever going to be okay. I- The door to the basement opens, sending a wave of florescent light my way. I cringe against the sudden brightness and shrink against the wall. Shit. A muffled,
"James." Comes from the top of the stairs and I hear my brother walking down them to me. A tsk of disapproval, "What the hell have you done James?" He yanks me up by my arms and throws me over his shoulder, and carries me up the stairs, bringing me fully into the light. I mumble in distinctly, trying to communicate my pain and distress, but failing to make any sense. "What?" He asks gently, care seeping into his voice. My brain rushes and I whimper again. Why does it hurt so much. "James?" He asks worriedly. My throat hurts but I feel I have to shoot him down.
"Do- Don't pretend like you care." I relax again and my head rests against his back. I stare at the floor as he continues to carry me to my room. He tries my door, but it's locked and suddenly, I don't want to go in my room anymore. I start to struggle frantically, vocalization coming quicker than it did several minutes ago, "Don't put me in there! Don't! I'll relapse!" He puts me down and leans me against the wall,
"Where's the key James?" I blink slowly.
"My room is infested with drugs. I'm not going in there. I-," I falter, "I don't want to…" He nods before picking me up again.
"If you tell me where the key is, I'll take care of everything." He opens the door to his room before setting me down on his bed. There are several minutes of silence while he looks at me expectantly.
"It's in the mailbox outside." He nods and leaves me by myself to look at the ceiling, and to hurt. I grip his bedclothes as a wave a nausea hits me. My eyes roll back in my head as a tide of pain whams my stomach. I clamp my mouth shut, refusing to call out. My brother stands in the door way as I relax, the pain subsiding.
"You need to see a doctor." For a reply, I shake my head. No. I don't need a doctor. I need time. He sits beside me on the bed and looks me in the face. "You always pretend like you don't need help." I don't reply and instead close my eyes. "Jim."
"I don't need any help." I rasp. He laughs harshly,
"Yes you do. You'd still be in that basement if it weren't for me."
"I wouldn't have been down there at all if it weren't for you." I breathe, gripping the bedclothes again. He looks away.
"Do you need anything?"
"Water would be marvelous." I reply smoothly. He sighs and gets up, heading for the door. "Don't!" I call and he turns back, confused. "Just wait until I slip away okay? I don't… I don't want to be in here alone." He furrows his brow as he takes a seat next to me on the bed again.
"What are you scared of Jim?" I can feel myself slipping away, the darkness seeping in from the edges of my vision. I don't want to see the dreams again, I'm not scared of them, just uncomfortable.
"Scared?" My voice is shaky. Oh God. Here they come again.
"Yes. What are you scared of. Look at you, you're shaking."
"I'm scared of myself." And I slip away on a boat, rocking to and fro on a river of blood.
Author's Note: So I know this is short, but I didn't really have anything today, but I would feel like a bad person if I didn't put anything. Bear with me. Probably will put another one up tomorrow, but I will be gone all of this week starting on Tuesday. I don't get back until later Saturday afternoon, so I may or may not have something up by then. Don't forget to review and tell me what you think. Reviews are love. And I give cyber hugs to everyone who reviews. :)
Mischief Managed
-P
