Ta Dah! Another update, on the first friday of the month, ooft I'm on a roll haha. Enjoy!
When I woke again, I was alone. It seemed quiet outside the room, so I figured it was still the middle of the night, or very early morning. Sho had gone to get some rest presumably, and now the room seemed so much darker without him. Then again I suppose it made sense that I felt vulnerable, I'd been a puppet for months. My body had withered. But apparently my power had grown. Though admittedly in worrying ways. Sho kept reassuring me that I hadn't actually harmed Bakugo, but I still didn't enjoy knowing that it had been that close. Power surges, his mind suddenly latched onto, visions forced into his mind. It was nauseating to consider how much that sounded like Melody. But it wasn't the same. I hadn't chosen to do those things. My body, my mind, my power had simply been lashing out, trying to fight back. It just didn't know where to aim. And in my panic, I'd latched onto him. Bakugo. Poor guy. Still, my powers had grown. I could now tap into a telepathic power as well as telekinesis. In all honesty I didn't know whether to be happy or worried – I'd been content with the power I had, and had struggled enough to refine that. How would I do with this new level of potential control? It was all such a mess.
Of course, first thing once morning came, I'd have to ask someone to bring Bakugo here so I could apologise. Perhaps they would have to force him. No idea. But I'd been latching onto him for obvious reasons, but I could have seriously injured him. No doubt he would tell me I was being stupid but I couldn't help but worry he might hate–
The door handle of my room creaked.
Slowly.
I tensed. If it was a nurse, they wouldn't be so careful. If it was Dad or Sho, they wouldn't be so sneaky. Someone that wasn't meant to be here was coming in. In the middle of the night. When I was alone. Shit. I sealed a shield around myself as the door swung and in stepped a figure. I peered through the gloom and my heart stuttered, my mouth went dry, my throat pinched with a silent scream. As if walking out of my nightmares and into reality; Melody. I shivered. Last time I'd seen her had been at the hospital, when I'd defended Dad, Sho, Bakugo and Izuku. When I'd done my best and still failed. When she had laughed, sneered and been giddy about finally fucking me over properly.
And now wasn't much different.
Dirtier, skinnier, harsher in every way, but still her.
Still Melody.
She stared with those beady eyes and tilted her head, looking me over like a rotisserie chicken in a deli. "So it's true… You're awake."
Was this real? Was she seriously here? She had broken out. She had come for me. Even after the months, almost a year of torment, it still wasn't enough? Immediately she can come for more. Fucking hell. She would never stop would she? I knew she was mad, but this was deranged. She had abandoned me to All for One, blamed me for all those years, wiped my mind at the Yakuza compound and planted the strings for my coma and illusion bound prison, yet still she looked hungry for pain. She looked ravenous.
"Stay the fuck away from me." I snarled, voice catching on my panic, my shaking hands gripping the blankets, screaming inside my head.
Someone. Anyone. Help.
But presumably she had done something to delay that, or was just very lucky. I had to assume I was alone for the time being – and I couldn't let Sho, Dad or Bakugo even, come back to visit and find me trapped again. Or maybe this time, dead. No. That couldn't happen. I was done being her victim. She had already done too much to my family, to my life.
Enough.
She would never stop, and if she couldn't get to me, she would lash out at others. Ones I cared for, loved, needed. And they had suffered enough for being connected to me. And for so long, I had blamed myself. Feared making those connections. Buried myself in self loathing. But no. It was her. It had always been her. Enough. Hatred bubbled in my chest and rose up my throat, burning as it climbed like bile.
I gripped her throat.
She gasped. Her eyes popped wide. Her hands clasped at my intangible grip. I squeezed. All the pain, fear, worry, those nightmares and doubts she had plagued me with, they flowed through my veins like adrenaline. She gagged. A thrill ran through me. She wavered, falling to her knees, looking up at me in what seemed to be genuine shock. And then, better yet, fear. And I let her feel that, in fact, it was time to try something new. Sho had said Bakugo had felt my fears, my worries, when my mind was attached to his. So maybe…
I tapped into my new power and reached for her mind. All I found was a tangled mess of panic, toxic hatred and anger, but tangible. It was strange, like the sensation of gripping someone's body, but so much more fluid, forever morphing and wriggling in my hold. Carefully I got out of the bed, pulling the IV with me this time, wavering on my feet but standing tall. She whimpered.
I gritted my teeth and poured it all in; every moment of doubt she had given me, every second of terror and pain, every morsel of guilt and self loathing. I let her know it all. Know it, understand it, choke on it. And as the tears fell from my eyes, they also spilled from hers. She sobbed. She shook her head. I gave her more. Every nightmare, every waking moment of paranoia, everything. Had I killed my parents? Was I to blame? How could my own Aunt hate me so much? Was I really that worthless? Why was I even alive? Rat. Useless. Unwanted. Nothing but a toy to be passed around and dissected. Pointless. All of it. The pain she had cultivated, insisted on, demanded. And from a child. From nothing but an innocent child thrown to the wolves of this world, and for what? Petty revenge. For her own inadequacy of failing to save her own sister. On her own fears of not being in control. And she laid them at my feet, shoved them down my throat, burned them into my heart. And now she had all of it. At once.
And she couldn't take it; the refined woman that smirked her way into a room, high heels clacking and pencil skirt wiggling, was gone. All that was left was a madwoman, clawing at her own face to try and release some of what she was feeling. But I held her hands back. No. I didn't care if she hurt herself, but if it gave any kind of relief, it was too good for her.
Feel it. You horrible bitch.
Feel what you did to me.
Know my pain.
The door opened again. In came Dad and Sho, with Bakugo close behind. They stopped. They stared. They were all out of breath and I could only assume in a panic, they must have had an alert about my late night visitor and come running. Well there's no one here to save. Not anymore. I could do this, I could stop her hurting this world. I could finally be a Hero–
"Alex." Dad held his hands up and approached slowly. "Stop."
"Excuse me?" I choked, looking him over like he was mad. "Stop?"
"You can't kill her. It isn't–"
"What a Hero does?" I interrupted, my own tears still falling.
No one would miss her. And no one would have batted an eye if she had died in that battle, if some falling debris had taken her out, if some accident had wiped her from the earth. But supposedly I can't actively remove her? I can't save them? Why? The morality shit had only cost us more in the long term. And I was done paying.
I sucked in a breath. "And what do Heroes do? Except delay the inevitable and hope for an accident to do their job for them?"
"What? No, Alex–"
"No, Dad, I'm done. I'm so fucking done with this. I only just woke up, only just got the chance to recover, and what's she doing? Swanning in here, sneering at me, gleeful about the fact she gets to fuck me up all over again. What would you have done if you'd come in here and found me sliced open? Or trapped in some new vision? Huh?"
Dad stopped approaching, his mouth open to retort, but no words came.
I clenched my hands tightly, still allowing all this pain to flood into Melody's mind, her struggling jabbers continuing quietly. "It's enough, isn't it? Hasn't she done enough to deserve some actual punishment?"
Haven't I suffered enough to deserve some fucking justice?
I sucked in a shaken breath, body quivering from head to toe as my anger spilled from my lips. "If we Heroes took the plunge and actually did away with these fuckers that have no intention to change, that repeatedly fuck with us and the world, that are happy to kill over and over and over… the ones that prove they will not redeem? If we actually did something other than grand-stand about morality, maybe this world of ours wouldn't be as fucked as it is right now. I s-saw the news. I know the mess we're in. If we had killed this bitch when we first had the chance, if Snipe had killed Shigaraki at the USJ instead of just wounding him, if All Might had killed All for One at Kamino… So much pain could have been avoided. I'm sick of it. Sick of hindsight and wishing more was done at the time. This is the time, Dad. And I'm taking the shot."
Sho and Bakugo were staring at me, but I didn't hear any arguments. In fact, when I looked at them, they looked away, unable to argue at all. I'm right. They know I'm fucking right.
I looked back to Melody as she blubbered. "I may not have the right to decide who lives or dies in general, I'm not a fucking God, but within this context? This woman? This thing? She's tortured me for months, abandoned me to a psychotic megalomaniac and will never stop until she has killed me. So I'm beating her to the punch, and likely stopping an awful lot more mayhem from taking place. If that makes me a Villain? Fine. Change the title on my file. Cast me to the League. Fuck it, I'm done playing nice for the sake of a clean record. I will take this risk to save the others she might hurt, but also myself."
Bakugo stepped forward. "You really willing to risk how you'll feel afterwards?"
"What? Relieved? Free?"
He doesn't waver. "Think about it, Alex. Think about how sick you felt after you wanted to kill All for One."
I nodded, looking back to that frightened kid in the kitchen of the dorms. The one Sho and Bakugo scraped off the floor and pulled back from the ledge. She had been scared. And she was still with me, whimpering and unsure in the corner of my mind. But she didn't have what I now did. Experience. She hadn't watched the dance play out for so many more months, repeating, darkening, just spinning out of control.
"I remember. I also remember being naive and trusting in the system, the same one that has failed us. He's out there right now, scheming, gathering numbers, readying to demolish everything we love. If I had killed him? Maybe Nem m-might still be alive, maybe dozens of Heroes would still be alive. If we're gonna find a new system, one that can actually save this world? We have to learn. And we learn by doing."
Bakugo swallowed hard and looked down at Melody. "Can't say I'm finding much to reason against that right now… But I don't think you're gonna be glad of this in the morning."
"Of course I won't."
He blinked at me.
I wiped my tears. "I'm not going to be glad to have killed anyone. But that doesn't mean it isn't what needs to be done. Big difference between want and need, isn't there?"
He looked down at Melody and his lips pursed together. Nothing else to say.
"Y-Y…" Melody choked on her words and I let her breathe a little easier, curious as to how she would plea for her life. "You can't k-kill me, you stupid brat! You're a hero. Bound by pretty r-rules, remember? Fucking child. Fucking rat!"
Dad closed his eyes. "Let's get her locked up and–"
"Fuck you! I'm too good for this shit!" Melody screeched, lunging at him, slipping from my hold with a knife drawn, aiming for his throat. At least, for a couple of seconds. She took three steps in total, because I let her. Maybe it's entrapment. Maybe I lost focus. Maybe I just didn't care anymore. But I let her take those three steps, let her teeth be bared, her eyes wide, her voice screeching into the otherwise still hospital air. And I let her raise that knife. And I stopped her. She was frozen, a centimetre away from slicing Dad's artery wide open, he would have bled out in minutes. Clear proof. On camera. I knew I was being monitored. If it helped, good. If it didn't, I was still struggling to give a damn.
I shook my head, shivering to my toes. "You sick piece of shit. Enough."
Snap.
Her body trembled as the sound clipped through the air. And then she went limp. Like a wet rag, rung out, she hung there in my hold, knife slipping and clanging to the floor.
I moved her, my power laying her down on the ground, folding her arms over her chest, closing her eyes, fixing her hair. I even straightened her mangy clothing. And I did it all with those stupid tears rolling down my cheeks. Relief. Pain. Glimmers of confusion. Peace. They flooded my system and made my heart ache as it raced. And as I released my hold on the corpse, a final rattled breath escaped.
Melody was dead.
Dad stared at the corpse, they all did. Only when I moved and perched on the edge of my bed did they finally look at me; Sho looked worried, Dad terrified, and Bakugo weary but relieved.
"Call it self defence if you must." I shrugged and looked down at my hands.
They didn't look dirty, they didn't feel it either, a corpse was cooling on the floor because of me and yet I didn't feel an ounce of guilt. I had saved Dad. I had probably saved a lot more people lined up in front of her path, waiting to be demolished. My hands clenched and I looked right at the camera. "But I stopped her. One less Villain to lock up and monitor, one less villain to eventually break out and cause more havoc, one less person who would have killed dozens more without even thinking."
"Alex…" Dad came over and cupped my face, waiting until my eyes met his and then wincing when they did. He wanted to see fear, didn't he? Regret? Revulsion? He was desperate to see his little girl swimming in a panic, waiting for him to make it better. But I had none of it, nothing but an eerie sense of calm and an underlying tone of accomplishment.
Melody was done. Gone. Finished.
She wouldn't hurt me or my family anymore. Finally.
I smiled but my lips wobbled with unvoiced sobs. "I couldn't let her hurt me anymore. And I couldn't let her hurt you."
He nodded, holding me close, his whole frame shaking. For a few minutes he was quiet, I could feel the other two staring at me, but as soon as I looked their way, they looked down at the body. The corpse. The corpse I made. Shit. Shit did I choose right? Did I–
"I'd have done the same for you." Dad whispered against my hair, holding me tighter, putting his head against my shoulder. "At least… I like to think I would."
Sho sucked in a breath, his teeth clenched tight. "I… I've wanted to kill my father enough times, you know that. Likewise now with D-Dabi. He's killed so many innocent people… If we just… wouldn't it solve… I d-don't…" He looked down, shaking his head as tears rolled off the end of his nose.
Bakugo pursed his lips and met my gaze full on. "Ya did what we all wanted to do. None of us can deny that shit. Not fuckin' one of us. The second we heard who had been sighted, I bet all three of us thought the same thing at the s-same time…" His eyes gleamed with tears. "If that bitch hurts Alex I'll kill her myself."
And the quiet agreed.
Loud and clear.
I held that gaze as long as I could, but as soon as his tears broke free I had to look away. They agreed. They were on the same page. But only in theory, that was the luxury of where they stood. I had done it. Acted. I had killed. On purpose. I had taken a life.
Dad hadn't changed the place much. He still had my costume design sketch on the fridge, and still had those fake flowers Nemuri gave him when he moved in when the dorms were first built. I peeked inside my old room and found it clean, fresh, like I had only left a day ago. He kept it ready for me.
Perched on the end of my bed, I tried not to think about how long he might have done that for. It had been almost a year, but would he have simply kept going with this? How long would this shrine to me have haunted his steps? I swallowed hard and closed the door behind me, leaving the room to fester for now. I set the kettle on to boil, letting it do so as I went to the balcony for some fresh air.
So much had happened.
Exams. Trials. Villain fights. Villain victories, defeats. Team ups, break ups. Injuries, recoveries, discoveries. So much. Too much. I leaned on the railing and took a deep breath; no one but me was in a rush for me to understand it all. And it wasn't like I expected it to be easy, I knew it was a mess. But I had already held them all back for so lon– I shook my head. That wasn't helpful.
I dragged myself out of my own head and looked at the grounds below, smiling as Kirishima and Kaminari headed out on a jog, laughing together, their own builds rather filled out as well. So much growth in my class, both in talent and body. The breeze ruffled my hair and I breathed deep. It wasn't a case of catching up this time, there was too big a gap. Now, I had to just relearn how to live in this reality. To adapt to how things really were. And yet even so, despite the cold nipping my toes and the way the breeze tickled my nose, a tiny doubt remained at the bottom of my heart. Was this place real?
But it felt real. I had taken steps here that I never had in the other world, that had been skimmed over. I never quite managed to take that leap. Not with Dabi. And Melody hadn't really even been a thing there. A background noise. But now? She was dead. In this world. The real world? The police had been called after her break-in and my subsequent actions. They took statements. Photographed the room. No one cuffed me or started reading rights. One look at the footage had them backing off immediately. But it was still under review, still being considered, still being judged. And I understood that. I respected that. To think of myself as above the law would only nudge me further into the clutches of being everything All for One wanted. A villain. But that was just it, like I had said to the police psychologist like I had everyone else, I didn't see myself as above anything. I took down Melody to save my Dad, but also to save myself, and any other potential victims. She had a proven pattern of behaviour, she had shown no indication of improved behaviour, nor any sign of being redeemed. She broke out and sought me, to murder me, to murder anyone near me in order to make me suffer. And so I acted in self defence. At least that seems to be the way things are being presented for now.
What would my classmates think? Dad was going to tell them at some point, to prepare them for when the news broke. It would all come out once it was revealed I was awake, but they didn't need to learn it via a headline…
"Don't go getting cold out there." Dad called, having just come back from a lesson presumably. He hung his capture weapon by the door, left the papers he had under his arm on the living room table and came out to join me in the chilled sunshine. He wasn't even limping on that false leg anymore. "Need a blanket or anything?"
"I'm good." In all honesty it was nice to feel a little nip of cold, made it easier to try believing this place was real. I laid my head against his shoulder. "How're things out there?"
"Not too bad. Those that know in the faculty have all been asking after you, and naturally the Principal would like to speak to you himself sooner rather than later, but all that can wait. You're calling the shots on this. It's the least you deserve after everything."
I frowned and stayed quiet, knowing the throb of guilt in my chest was silly. Deserve? It sounded so odd to me. I didn't deserve any of it, at least that was how it felt standing here, having been a drain on time and supplies for a year. But that was silly. Right?
Dad nudged my head with his. "Shouto and Bakugo will be on the news any minute."
"Oh?"
"Heard it on the radio, something about a tangle down-town. Nothing major, but as a duo they tend to grab headlines easily these days. I imagine today will be no exception, even though we're keeping it under-wraps that you're awake."
I bit my lip. Those two had endured a lot of extra crap because of me as well. Since I woke up, someone had leaked to the media about their newfound connection and relationship. So now I, the sleeping beauty, was being held up as some 'wronged woman' or something. Bullshit. Crap. Grab a headline, why don't you? Bastards. As soon as I was strong enough, and the others thought it was safe, I needed to have a press conference. To shove that pious bullshit back at the reporters. No one had been wronged. Morons. Putting words in my damn mouth. It was complicated, duh. But me and Sho had made a promise, and he had kept to that. He hadn't thrown himself into something eagerly, or done it on a whim, he had grown closer to Bakugo because they both missed me, because they both cared for me. And in that, the two of them had found a new bond. That didn't need to detract from how he felt about me. It didn't. It just meant he had someone else to care for as well. More to lov… I had no idea if their feelings had reached that yet. No need to rush them. And no way I could ask. It was… Yeah… It was complicated.
Dad encouraged me inside and turned on the TV, sitting down beside me as he started to look through essays and homework. I clasped my hands in my lap and wondered why my heart had immediately started to race; was it nerves over watching them and seeing them hurt? Or was it the blatant issue of how little I potentially even fit into this reality any more? Maybe both. Both was entirely possible.
BREAKING NEWS: GROUND ZERO AND SHOUTO TAKE ON THE SALT GANG
"Salt gang?"
"Nasty shits." Dad sighed, glancing up as the headline broke. "Quirks based on controlling salt based chemicals. Dried out victims, all sorts of crazy stuff."
"Damn." I swallowed and focused back on the screen as the images flickered to a street where three figures stood across from two that were clearly Sho and Bakugo. The street was a mess. Part of me assumed it was because of the fight, but in all honesty, I think a lot of the city is a mess out there.
No one looked ready to back down. Bakugo's head moved like he was shouting, and one of the gang wavered. Sho gestured to the ground and ice appeared in his other hand, the wavering villain slowly lowering his bag of stolen goods before he flinched as his fellow villain yelled at him as well. Not exactly a tight knit group at least. One of the Villains stood at the front, so I guess the leader, moved his arm and both Bakugo and Sho jumped apart. Quirk time. But now that the villains had thrown the first attack I expected things would wrap up qui–it was over. Holy shit. The three villains olay on the ground, hands bound behind their backs, Sho and Bakugo handing over information to the back-up police squads that had arrived with vans.
So quick. So efficient and clean. They were really professional now, polished and ready to take on the world as a public duo. The perfect example of new heroes. They had no need for another piece.
My throat thickened.
Stop it.
There's no need to think like that. Every team can always be improved on, and there's no way either of them would refuse to adapt and at least try out a new line-up. They both valued my quirk, my instincts. At least, they used to. Would that still apply? Or would I finally have broken that facade and become a full-blown victim in their minds? Probably not. That was just the doubt talking, the nightmares and the fears.
"Alex?"
"They're amazing." I smiled, only then realising tears had started to run down my cheeks.
"Should we turn it off–"
"N-No, I like seeing it. They're doing so great."
"But you're crying, kid. What's going on in that head?" Dad set aside his work and shuffled closer. It was tempting to nudge him away, to tell him to get back to work and stop procrastinating, but I was only going to think myself in circles. And he didn't want that. None of them did.
"It's silly, and I know it is, but…"
"You can say it, whatever it is, it's not silly."
"It's like…" Saying it out loud would make it feel that much more tangible. I sucked in a breath. "It's like they don't need me. They've already figured out how to do it all without me so…"
He put an arm around me and squeezed. "They're making do more than anything. They've told me that themselves, many times."
"Huh?"
"Both of them intend to work with you, Alex, both of them are eager to get to that point. It's built into their training, even."
"Really?"
"Yes. They asked me to devise it for them, the potential team up. Neither of them lost hope, Alex. Neither." He gave another squeeze. "I promise."
I sniffed and leaned into his hold. "Thanks."
The report changed.
POWER COUPLE STRIKE AGAIN, FULL ARRESTS WITH NO CIVILIAN CASUALTIES. CAN THESE HEROES WIN OVER THE PEOPLE'S HEARTS AGAIN?
My nose wrinkled. What the hell kind of headline was that? Power couple? No, two Pro heroes doing a damned good job. Why reduce them to their relationship status? I grit my teeth as the nausea built in my stomach. It was horrible. I sat up and glared at the screen, my eyes itching from outrage. After all they had done, had fought and triumphed over, they were being reduced to a smooch story and none of it being worthwhile unless the public approved?
"How can they get away with that shit?"
"It's always been their way, Alex. You know this."
I grabbed the laptop from the table and started to dig. Previous to their announcement (after the fucking leak) of being a couple, there had been endless streams of rumour and theories fluttering around. Interviews that quickly got awkward thanks to a dumb reporter sticking their nose in where it didn't belong. Photographs being micro-analyzed by 'experts' on body language and shit. Dissecting. Studying. Prying. And alongside every theory and rumour, a picture of me with some sappy crap underneath. Oh woe is Alex. Oh how hard done by she is. How could they do this to their classmate? To his ex? Ex? I'm an ex now? I guess me and Sho hadn't talked about what we were anymore but still… fuck you.
"Dad."
"Mm?"
"I need to do that press-conference."
"Uh, well I mean–"
"I'm strong enough, and am I hell letting this narrative fuck about any longer. This is bullshit. They're being treated like damned reality TV stars. I can at least address the 'oh boy they did her wrong' line of crap, and perhaps take a little heat off them in the meantime."
Dad considered me for a moment, glancing at the laptop and then back to me with pursed lips. He removed his glasses. The laptop was plucked from my grasp and he took my hands in his. All right, something else had to happen first. And I wasn't going to like it.
"First, I'm glad you're feeling up to it. But you know that press conference would have more implications than that. It would reveal you're awake, and that… Well we don't know what the League would do."
My mind flickered back to Melody, to her sneering smile. "They probably already know. Melody knew. There's rumours at least."
Dad sighed. "Very true. All right. Well I'll talk to others, get their take on it. Hitoshi will have an opinion no doubt. But I'll look into getting it arranged…"
"But?" I offered, knowing something else was holding him back.
"But before you step out there, you're going to have to go through the other footage."
Footage?
I looked at our hands. "What footage?"
"Of when you were under the League's control. When they used you to break shit and try to totally demolish the Hero way of life. They failed, you know this, but it'll still be hard to watch."
It made sense to watch it, after all, no doubt some smart-ass reporter would bring it up. Question what I had been conscious of. Ask if it'll ever happen again. Some crap like that, which I of course couldn't really answer. I don't recall being conscious, and I cannot guarantee that it'll never happen again. Not what the public might want to hear, but also not a lie. And I would not lie.
"I can take it."
"I know you can, you can take anything and demolish it, but right now I need to know if you should. You've been quiet, reserved, even your smiles are nervous."
"I'm just tired. Recovering."
"Maybe. Or maybe you're letting that guilt win." He squeezed my hands and I met his eyes. "You're allowed to be here, Alex."
My throat pinched. My eyes grew warm. I looked down again and gripped his hands tightly. He was right, I knew he was right, and yet inside my head a defiant 'no' wrang out and echoed. I didn't want it there. I trusted that Dad wanted me here, that my friends would want me here. All that, I knew. Truly. And yet that NO remains. It was so weird – I felt almost no guilt at all for killing Melody, yet I did for being her victim for so long. My head. It continued to be an arse.
Dad pulled me into a tight hug. "Is there anything I can do to actually help you believe that? Or is it just going to be a case of time?"
"T-Time, I think." I sniffed, clinging to him as the tears spilled over. "Sorry. It's so silly. I know you want me here, same with Sho, but I… I dunno, I just can't shift the feeling… Like…"
"I know, kid, I know." He sighed, leaning back and cradling me like he used to. "Just take the time to wrap that head around it. And also, Bakugo is glad to have you back too. Don't go leaving him out of it. Things between you might be complicated, but he was just as excited that you woke up as anyone else."
Again. Doubt.
"I… I'll try to keep that in mind. Okay?"
"All right, that'll do for now I guess." He kissed my hair and changed the channel to the old movies one, humming along to the credit song of some black and white flick.
My heart settled. I tried to trust.
I must have dozed off at some point because I woke up on the sofa to the sound of hushed, but tense conversation in the kitchen, by the counter. The television was still on, showing some classic black and white film, likely left to keep me lulled in my slumber. I stayed still but listened as best as I could.
"I appreciate you boys are worried but–"
"It's not just idle worry, sir." Sho sighed, interrupting Dad.
Someone was pacing, and judging by the occasional scuff of a foot I had to assume it was Bakugo.
Sho drew a long breath. "If she sees that footage too soon there's no telling how it'll affect her. The guilt is already so prominent in her mind. I don't want to push her over some new edge we never even considered, we said she would have time, are we really going to let her own impatience rush this?"
"She's not a fucking basket case." Dad snapped, and I admit I was very touched to hear him defending me so valiantly, even if I didn't wholly agree myself.
"I'm not suggesting she is, I'm just being wary, sir. Sorry."
I knew it wasn't Sho doubting me, it was a worry based in his love of me. It was sweet. It was very sweet. I curled tighter on the sofa and held the blanket that had been draped over me closer. They were still doing all they could to protect me. The victim. The broken little doll. Dammit. No. I am allowed to be here, I am allowed to be loved, I am allowed to be protected. They love me. That's all.
The pacing stopped. "I still don't get why she wants to see it so damn badly." Bakugo sounded almost angry. "Why the fuckin' rush?"
Had Dad not mentioned that I wanted to give a press conference?
"Look it's her right to want to see it, you know the media will throw it in her face at the first chance they get."
"Maybe. And that's only when they find out she's awake." Bakugo grumbled, kicking something. "This is still too soon. She can handle it sure, but like everything else she's damn well handled, maybe she doesn't need to. Not so soon."
Again, not a doubt about me, but a want to keep me safe.
They were all too kind.
Sho sighed. "Has she even been to the grave yet?"
I went still. Completely rigid. I stared ahead at the screen, not seeing the pictures, just the movement of black and white across my vision as it blurred. Before being released by the police, Hitoshi had visited me. He had been his kind and loving self, but he hadn't mentioned her at all. Dad hadn't either. I'd known before it all happened. Nemuri was gone. She had died. Taken down during the big fight, by a bunch of bastard villains. But no one seemed to want to bring it up to me now. Like they feared I'd fall apart.
Dad cleared his throat. "Again, her pace. Not something I want to force on her, not when she's still wrapping her head around if this is all even real or not."
"Sir, if she can't handle standing over a grave, how is she going to face what the league made her do? Yes, it's very different but… The loss of Midnight, as horrible as it is, is in the past. It's done. She has been put to rest and we can mourn her. That footage…" Sho sucked in a breath. "The damage is still there, the fear they drummed up still palpable. It's current. I think Alex needs to see that grave, wrap herself around one solid part of this reality first… Or else she could just get swept away."
Bakugo sounded like he had meandered closer to the sofa. "It's not like we fancy losing her again when she's only just woken up."
Damn it. I really was loved.
But it was true. Saying my goodbyes properly was vital, I had to give my Nemuri a proper send off and say my piece. My Nemuri, my Aunt, my friend. And Sho was right again, if I couldn't stomach that, how would I stomach seeing the terrible things done by my hand. Not by my choice. But my hand, my power.
I sat up slowly. They went quiet, and as I looked towards the kitchen, I found Bakugo closest to me, but looking to the side, Sho smiled at me softly and Dad was putting the kettle on. Bakugo went to perch on a stool while Sho came over and offered me a hand to join them. I took it, my legs still needing some time to warm up to walking now and then. Recovery Girl had done a good job on avoiding atrophy, but I was still very weak. I sat on the stool beside Bakugo. In all honesty he looked like he wanted to move away – Dad said he had been as excited as anyone else for my waking, but where I stood with him friendship wise was very unclear. He might not even know himself.
Taking a long breath, I looked at them each in turn. "I want to see the footage, and I want to give a press conference as soon as possible. You're totally right though, I still need to say goodbye to Nem. She deserves that. She deserves that and so m-much more."
They all went still. The kettle whined, and they slowly looked to me; Dad in pleading, Sho and Bakugo in bewilderment. I nodded and met their eyes without hesitation, noting yet again how Bakugo looked to the side. He couldn't stand to look at me for longer than a second. His jaw was tight, his shoulders rigid. Shit. Am I just the obstacle, now? The returned thorn in his side. Eventually we would have to talk it out, but that could come later. It didn't seem like either of us were ready.
Sho put a hand to my shoulder. "Why the press so soon? Seems like a lot of pressure to–"
"You two keep getting dragged through the proverbial mud for some imagined slight, and I'm fucking sick of it. So I'm gonna set things straight and shut them up."
Bakugo huffed. "We can handle the media shitheads."
"But you shouldn't have to handle them." I spoke softly, well aware of how I was mirroring his previous sentiment about me. They could handle it, but they shouldn't have to. His mouth closed and he stared at the counter. "It's bullshit that every time you two do good hero work it's reduced to your relationship status, and then my sorry ass is chucked up on the screen like some kind of a detraction from your accomplishments. I won't have it."
Sho squeezed my shoulder. "The last thing you are is a detraction."
"That's sweet of you, Sho, but my point stands." I accepted my tea from Dad. "You're all worried, I get that, I've hardly given you reason to rely on my strength recently, but I can do this. I've dealt with the press easily enough before, they know not to fuck around when it comes to me. I'd like to remind them of that. And if before that I need to see the footage? Fine. Let me see it. And if before that I need to say my goodbyes to Nem? Get me my fucking coat. She's…" I sipped the tea and swallowed hard. "She's waited long enough."
It was raining, because of course it fucking was. I'd dressed in all black and clung to Dad as he led the way through the graveyard. We had come alone. For one thing, I didn't want an audience. For another, Sho and Bakugo still had training to do and classes to attend. My own learning was being done from Dad's place for the time being, and my training schedule figured out by Recovery Girl, Toshinori and Dad. It wasn't normal training, it was rebuilding me from scratch. I was keeping quirk use to a bare minimum as well, the doctors continuing to monitor my mind and body closely.
Out in the open, I wore a disguise, a long blonde wig and platform shoes for extra height. My frame was altered by some clever clothing, and there was a patrol being maintained by illusion quirks. They had the means to pull this off, though I think those doing the patrol had only been told about Dad's need to visit an old friend. So far, very few people knew I was awake. Though I doubted we could keep it that way for long.
The paths were well maintained, the stones pristine. Some had flowers, others small shrines and candles on them. Nem was placed with some folks from her own class, her coworkers, her fellow heroes. I wished I had been able to attend the ceremony, no doubt it had been beautiful. But at least I was there now.
Laying the flowers down, I knelt before the stone. Simple. Clean cut. Her name carved against it, along with her Hero name, rank, and how loved she was. And she had been. So sincerely. Her laughter, her smiles, her cheeky words and suggestive phrases. There would never be another like her. She had really been one of a kind.
I laid my hand to the stone and let my tears roll freely. "I love you. I… Fuck, I miss you, but I will see you again. Keep looking down on us, okay? We might need a nudge now and then. Dad especially."
He chuckled behind me. "Gonna gang up on me even now?"
"As if we'd ever do anything different." I sniffed and laughed thickly.
All the time we might have had, gone. All the moments, snatched to 'what if'.
My heart lurched and I hung my head, letting a few sobs rip out of me.
I woke in a hospital, small and in pain. The world had tilted for me, some grouchy Pro Hero had started sniffing about, then all of a sudden I was protecting him and getting myself shot. A door had opened, I stayed quiet, still, needing to know what the hell was happening – and if I needed to run. And in they came, Dad and Nemuri, talking about what had happened. Figuring out the next steps. Dad had been so guilty, and Nem had been nothing short of amused.
Her voice, the first time I'd heard it, had immediately sounded warm. I had wondered if she was Dad's wife, if he had someone close to him that could sound so nice. But Dad had still been in the throws of guilt, taking me on out of fear of the thugs, and yet Nem had kept pushing. She knew he cared for me, even then. And she wanted him to see it.
"Careful Shouta, you'll make me think you've got a soft spot for the girl." She had chuckled, the tenderness making my little heart clench. It was the first time I considered Dad maybe having more than duty towards me, that the 'Shouta' guy was maybe considering me worthwhile, that 'Eraserhead' saw me as worth saving. That maybe I didn't need to be alone anymore.
"You taking on a kid..." Nemuri had hummed, tone so teasing and yet loving. "Funnily enough, saying it and picturing it… I don't think you'll do half bad."
"I'm waiting for the punchline, Nem."
"Then keep waiting. I'm serious. Clearly the girl likes you, she defended you and took a damn bullet rather than running away. You told her to run. You didn't get her shot. She did. Seems like the kinda kid any of us could get along with." A soft hand with long nails had pushed my hair back. The kind of touch I'd seen mothers give their kids, ensuring their hoods were up properly against the rain, or just adjusting their hat. Loving. Simple. And to me, totally new. "Trust you to find a cute kid to adopt."
And then I had opened my eyes. And Nem had sealed my fate in being entirely dependant on her, on Dad, on the whole lot of them.
"Thank you for saving this stubborn ass." Her smile had been so genuine, so loving. She had meant it. She saw me as worthwhile, as someone that had saved her friend. And for that I would always be grateful. I wasn't just a victim to her, being scraped off the street. To her, I had saved her friend.
"I just wish I'd said it to you when you were h-here…" I wept and let it pour out of me; anger, regret, fear, revulsion, guilt, hatred, love, despair, all of it tangled in the wrought cries that tore at my throat. It was a while before I could breathe evenly, but eventually I got there and Dad handed me a handkerchief.
Clean yourself up darling, can't go around with puffy eyes now, can we?
It was so clear to me what she'd say. Her smirk, her wink, her tilt of the head and endless wafts of her perfume. She always knew what to say. How to hold me up, or help me break down. And she had done that for Dad too, Hitoshi as well. Now that had to fall to me, I guess. Or at least, part of it. I'd never be able to match her, but I could at least pick up some of the slack.
"No doubt you'll be busy flirting with everyone up there." I dabbed my eyes. "And I hope they realise what they're getting into. But really I just came here to say… Thank you. Thank you Nem, for all that you did. I hope you know how fucking much I love you. And how much you'll be missed."
I stood up and went back to Dad's side. "She'll be pleased to get all the beauty sleep now, eh?"
"Indeed. And you know she'd be proud of you, right?" He held me close. "She was proud, and still would be. You fought your way out of that mess on your own, Alex, after you defended all of us on your own. She loved you so much."
"Like I love her." I sniffed and dabbed my eyes again. "Fuck, I feel like my heart's been emptied out. I'm sorry you had to go through this alone, or with Hitoshi crying too loudly on your shoulder."
"He was well behaved actually." Dad smirked and laid his own fresh flowers down, patting the stone before we made our way back to the car. "He did a wonderful job of her favourite song as well. Not a dry eye in the house."
"Not surprised." I chuckled and blew my nose.
"How're you feeling? And be honest. A shake is all right, a wobble too. You don't need to be–"
"I'm reeling, I'm exhausted, and I feel like I'm never gonna stop fucking crying." I snorted, still trying to staunch the flow down my cheeks. "But it's there, it's tangible, it's… It's real."
His eyes looked hopeful for the first time since he found me with Melody.
I got into the car and peeled off the wig, ruffling my long black and white hair beneath. "Thanks for today, Dad. Thanks for trusting me."
He got comfy. "Of course. But I feel like there's another ask on the way?"
"Mm, you got it." I put my seatbelt on. "Can I see, Eri?"
He blinked at me. "Of course you can, why the apprehension in asking that?"
"Well… I dunno. Guess I was just overthinking. She was fine last time, but I don't want to risk reminding her of scary stuff. Like that last time she saw me when I was still under. It was kinda traumatic wasn't it?"
"She's all right, kid. But she'll be glad to know you're doing so well. Glad to see those eyes open. She kept telling me the stories you had told her about sleeping Princes and Dragons that got stuck under ice, sleeping for hundreds of years. You really went for it with the fairytales with her, huh?"
I shrugged and the car pulled away, headed back towards the dorms, our entourage nearby. "I had to give the kid a little bit of brightness in the dark, didn't I? Learned that from you. And from Nem…"
He cleared his throat, but the tears had started for him now too. "God dammit."
Aaand there we go! Melody... is DEAD!
ZikaShigaku: Yup, awake and kicking! I always had to have it that Alex brought up the fact he was clearly with someone else, rather than him saying it, because lets face it, Sho would overthink that to the ends of the earth. Shared guilt? Whaaaa? Lol you got it. Its a convo I'm looking forward to as weeeelllll! Thanks again for still following this crazy ride haha. Cya!
HarleyKing31: Yup, messy indeed, and now even more so! I hope this is a good pay off for you though haha, I did rather make it go on... Cheers again though! Appreciate it!
