CHAPTER 12

Rachel Starsky was released from the hospital the next day. Starsky would have to stay for a few more days as a precaution because of his previous injuries. He was abnormally quiet, lost in his own thoughts. Hutch had tried talking to him about what had happened with Nicky but Starsky refused to talk about it.

Nicky was sitting in jail, his bail set high enough to make sure that he stayed right where he was until his sentencing. There was no doubt that he would have to spend some time behind bars for his actions. Maybe it would be the wakeup call that the younger Starsky son needed to turn his life around.

One of the aides had brought in Starsky's dinner tray but he sat there playing with the food on his plate instead of eating it. When he sighed heavily, Hutch leaned forward and said in a concerned voice,

"You wanna talk about it, buddy?"

"Ain't nothing to say."

"Come on, Starsk…I know it has to be hard knowing that Nicky's the one who did this to you. But, he's behind bars…he can't hurt you again."

"He's my brother…that's supposed to mean something." Starsky said quietly. "I don't understand…what did I ever do to make him hate me so much?"

"You didn't do nothing. Nicky's jealous of you…he always has been. You two may be brothers but you're nothing alike…you never have been. Nicky's never had to accept responsibility for his actions…he's always had somebody there to bail him out when he got into trouble. But, not this time. This time…he's right where he belongs."

"He told me once that I was never there for him when he needed me…and he's right. I wasn't."

"That's not your fault. You didn't ask to be sent away to live with your aunt and uncle when you were just a kid. If you'd stayed in New York, you could have ended up just like Nicky."

"Maybe…"

"The what ifs will drive you crazy…you know that." Hutch reached out and gently rubbed his knuckles over the back of Starsky's hand. When Starsky raised his head and looked into his friend's eyes, Hutch smiled at him warmly. "I'm here now…and I'm not leaving until you're out of here."

"Then what?" Starsky asked in a voice that sounded like a lost little boy. "Are you just gonna leave again?"

"Not if you don't want me to."

"What about Gunther? They need your testimony to put him away."

"Gunther's lawyers will keep his case from going to trial for months, maybe even years. You need me here right now more than they need me back there."

"I wanna go home…not back to Ma's but back home with you…to Bay City."

"Then that's what you're going to do." Rachel's voice said from the open doorway to the room. Both men looked startled. They had been so focused on their conversation that they hadn't known she was standing there. Smiling, she crossed the room to her son's side and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "I know I was wrong to bring you home with me. This isn't your home…it hasn't been for a long time." She glanced across the bed at Hutch. "The two of you belong together and I was wrong for not realizing that before now." She looked back at Starsky. "I'll always be your mother…but you don't need a mother to take care of you anymore. You need Ken."

"I love you, Ma."

"I love you too, Davi…and as soon as you're well enough to travel…I want you to go back to Bay City with my blessing." She wiped away the solitary tear that slipped down her cheek. "I'm going home now…you two have a lot of catching up to do."

Starsky and Hutch exchanged a silent glance as Rachel left the room. Hutch was the first to break the silence. "She's quite a lady."

"Yeah, she is pretty special." Starsky agreed with a slow smile. His expression turned solemn as he looked at his partner. "Hutch, you know I may not be able to be a cop again…the department could force me out on a medical disability."

"We'll deal with that when it happens." Hutch said "In the meantime, what we have to concentrate on is getting you back in shape."

"The doctor I've been seeing here…he thinks the problems with my hand and the mood swings are because of what happened…because of the shooting."

"Does he think that it's permanent?"

"No…he thinks it's all in my head…because of the trauma…sort of like some of the vets who came back from the war." Starsky explained. "The ones who couldn't forget what happened over there."

"What does he suggest?"

"He wants me to talk to this guy that works with vets and other people who've had some kind of life threatening drama and lived through it."

"Then I think that's what you should do…especially if he thinks this guy can help."

"I'm scared, Hutch." Starsky admitted somberly. "What if this is all I got left? What if I can't be a cop anymore…what if…"

"Stop with the what ifs." Hutch told him "We'll just take it one day at a time and see what happens. You gotta crawl before you learn to walk…and I'm in this with you one way or the other…no matter what happens it's always going to be me and thee…for better or for worse."

"Is that a proposal?" Starsky cracked with a smile. "Cause I gotta tell you, Hutch, you really ain't my type. I like my blondes with a few more curves."

"Mushbrain." Hutch teased him fondly. "You're not my type either. My dates usually don't have hair on their chest." It felt good to fall back into the familiar bantering that defined their relationship. No matter what the future held in store, they would face whatever lay ahead the same way they always had…together as a unit. Two halves of the same whole, complete only when they were with each other.

THE END