Well, I hope you guys are enjoying this story. I feel like it starts off badly each time, gets good in the middle, and then tapers off. Hmm. - I finally went back and edited this chapter after about 2 years. The story is still the same, even though I do wish to change it. Anyways, please review or PM me with any mistakes you still find. Thank you!
Disclaimer: InuYasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. I only own Kazuko and Hatsujin.
January 1st Well, it's my first journal entry from the morning. I didn't sleep all night! Y'know Sasshi, time really is flying by pretty fast. Time used to go so much slower when I was younger, especially before Sesshoumaru-sama revived me. Each second used to feel like a day… well, I'll talk to you later.
January 12th These past few days, nothing extraordinary has happened. We've been leading normal lives I guess. But, I still wonder about everyone and everything. Lady Kaede thinks I daydream too much. I don't believe her. Goodnight, Sasshi.
January 26th Another year down! I'm almost 15… Lady Kagome says I'm almost done growing. I've gotten a lot taller, but I noticed that compared to the other girls my age, I'm still short, have no hips, or a 'chest' as I found that they call it. Well, hopefully in the last 3 years I have here, maybe I'll grow out more. Lord Sesshoumaru visited, but I didn't talk much. He asked me what was wrong, and I said it was nothing. I feel bad now that I didn't tell him. Goodnight…
January 30th More nightmares have been coming. They started two nights ago, and it starts off with me, Lord Sesshoumaru, and you Sasshi. We're walking that mountain that Naraku was at, and I noticed I had stopped because of some weird barrier. You guys kept on going though, leaving me behind. It stopped until last night; it kept going with me screaming and the spirits of my family asking why I followed an inu-youkai around. I couldn't answer them like I wanted to, Sasshi. Goodnight.
February 10th Lady Kagome told me she noticed how I've been having a lot of nightmares, and 'self-esteem issues'. I knew what she meant, but she suggested 'depression'. I couldn't believe it! She thinks I'm always sad! That's not it at all, I just get sad sometimes. But… the nightmares won't stop.
February 27th Lord Sesshoumaru visited me again today! I tried to be really happy by him, and I think it worked. But, I still feel like he knows that something is bothering me. I remembered to ask him if Kazuko had visited him, and he gave me a simple 'Yes'. We had let Jaken come with us, and as soon as Lord Sesshoumaru finished saying that, Jaken burst out yelling about how she had invaded the Palace, and was living with them now, and Lord Sesshoumaru hadn't done anything about it! Jaken got kicked in the face so hard by Lord Sesshoumaru his eye bled. It was funny until he said he couldn't see! Ha, I'm sorry you missed it, Sasshi. Goodnight.
March 12th I've been trying my hardest these past few days to busy myself and not be talked to by other kids in the village who only want to make fun of me, or Lady Kaede to lecture me. All I've really said in the past few days to her was when I asked why none of the other humans really liked me. She said they were jealous, but I know that's not true. I asked Lady Kagome and she said it was because they were scared of Sesshoumaru-sama coming! Now I understood. They must think I'm part demon? I don't know, Sasshi.
March 21st I asked a girl who was in the meadow a few days ago why the other girls my age didn't like me. She said they all thought I was weird—I guess I am. Visits from a Demon Lord, staying in the shrine almost all day, and I told her I wasn't. She said even if I lived in the village, didn't know Lord Sesshoumaru, she still wouldn't like me. She called me an ugly whore. I'm trying hard not to cry, Sasshi…
March 30th It was weird, Lord Sesshoumaru visited today. But, he's never come this late in the month before, so I wondered about it out loud to him. He told me he hadn't noticed, and asked if it mattered. I think he knew. I get my menses at the end of the month usually, and I know I must smell ten times worse to him. I apologized to him, and he asked me why. I felt embarrassed in front of him, and I knew I shouldn't have. We finished our walk, and I didn't say much again this time, either. Goodnight.
April 10th One of the boys from the village around my age got badly injured today, and had to come to the shrine for Lady Kaede. She wasn't here, but all he had were some deep gashes, so I could help him. He was blushing when I told him that, and I didn't know why. But, when I went to wrap the gashes on his thigh, this thing under his hakama started to… bulge, I guess. It got big, and I told him I'll go get Lady Kagome to take care of it. He told me it's just because I was really pretty and… soft. I don't understand. I'll ask Lady Kagome tomorrow, Sasshi.
April 15th He's a pervert, that guy I helped! Lady Kagome told me it's a disgusting thing that had happened, and well; I got the longer version of the 'sex talk'. I had had enough the first time about babies, but now how to MAKE babies! She said it wasn't as disgusting as she made it out to be, but she told me I should wait to do anything until I'm older, and in love. But still, Sasshi, I 'aroused' that boy, Lady Kagome told me. Maybe I am pretty? Well, perverts think almost anybody is pretty. Well, goodnight, Sasshi.
April 24th I'm 15, and exactly 3 years left of this place. Lord Sesshoumaru of course visited me, but so did Kazuko. Lord Sesshoumaru gave me a 3 layer kimono… it was a deep purple with violet and white under-layers. It was my second 'princess' kimono, and it made me so happy. Kazuko gave me three new obi, saying she noticed I only had three, and she felt bad for what she said awhile back. I put all my stuff in my room, and Kazuko stayed with Lady Kaede to talk. Me and Sesshoumaru-sama walked to a new meadow, and the flowers went up to my waist! I picked as many as I could, giving the prettiest ones to Lord Sesshoumaru. It was a fun day. I waved to him as he left again, before getting to hug him again! He's nice to me, I realized. Goodnight, Sasshi…
May 10th Something hit me the other day… did Sesshoumaru-sama notice my 'breasts'? The new kimono he got me fits me, even my chest! All my others were pulled to tight and didn't 'accentuate' like Lady Kagome laughed as I tried on my new kimono. I don't know whether to be angry or happy. I don't want to be angry, so I think I'll be happy, Sasshi. Goodnight.
May 17th Lord Sesshoumaru visited for the last time before summer started. It's going to be a really rainy summer too, so the chances of him coming were lowered even more than their -10%. I asked him why he never came during the summer, and he told me he just didn't like going out in the summer. I think that's a lie, since we traveled a lot during our summers together! Well, it was still nice talking to him. Goodnight.
May 25th That weird Kazuko girl… woman… whatever she is, came by again. She's been coming by a lot, for InuYasha and a special potion from Lady Kaede, and I asked Kazuko why she did it finally today. She said it's a potion that keeps the effects of Mating Season to a minimum. I told her that mating season was almost over, and she told me something really weird: For okami-youkai and inu-youkai, mating season is summer, not spring! She said it's because of the weird genetic controlling, and I guess that could be true. How would I know? Goodnight, Sasshi.
June 5th This year sure has taken a long time to get to this point. It rains almost every day now, so maybe that's it? I'd never let you get wet, Sasshi! Oh, I talked to InuYasha about mating season, and he said for humans it's in the spring, and since he's part human, it's mainly spring. Then again, he's a guy, so it shouldn't matter... I wish Kazuko would finally tell a lie so I wouldn't get so angry when I find out she's not lying. Goodnight.
June 20th I always know Sesshoumaru-sama won't come during the summer, but sometimes it gets really boring without him. So, I've taken to a new thing Lady Kaede and Lady Kagome told me I should do… garden. There are these two big dirt patches outside of the shrine, and even though it's past spring, I can still plant flowers to bloom for autumn! I planted a lot of flowers today, and now I can water them every day and care for them! I'm happy, Sasshi, really happy. Goodnight.
June 30th I wish Milord would visit during the summer. I can't stop thinking about it, and it's really getting on my nerves. I know he must never think of me the same way I think of him. I feel kinda ashamed of what I've been thinking… Sasshi, do you think I'm still 'innocent'? Hmm, goodnight.
July 10th It's either very hot, or very cold. The thunderstorms make it cold, and the days when it doesn't rain makes it so hot! I want to curse at the Sun God and Moon Goddess for what they're doing! Goodnight, I hope I can sleep.
July 20th I was gardening when Kazuko came by, with InuYasha behind her. Kazuko heard me curse the Sun God for the heat, and she told me that's rude, since I'm talking about her father. Even InuYasha laughed at her, so maybe that's the real lie I'm looking for? How can SHE be related to a God? Wouldn't she have… manners? Powers? I don't know. Goodnight.
July 31st I've been really tired lately, and my menses have started yet again. I don't like this, at all. Please kill me, Sasshi! Haha, I'm just kidding. I think I'd die from embarrassment before a book killed me. Goodnight then, Sasshi.
August 7th Lady Kaede is going on a one-month trip today, so I won't see her till mid-September. Lady Kagome is staying with me, but I wanted to go with Lady Kaede. I miss travelling. I wonder if Ah-Un misses me? I hope so! Goodnight.
August 23rd I'm happy I didn't go with Lady Kaede! Lord Sesshoumaru visited me on the 20th, oddly enough. I think this might be a long story, so I'm sorry if I hurt you Sasshi! Well, it started off as a clear day, and so I showed Sesshoumaru-sama my budding garden, and then we walked to the cliff. But, it started to thunder and lightning, so we went back to the shrine. It was raining really hard, and it seemed like it would never stop. Sesshoumaru-sama didn't want to go out in the rain… well; after I told him he shouldn't go just because of rain he decided that he'd stay. I think I fell asleep against his Mokumoku again. I tired myself from talking to him, and Sasshi… I think he might've read you. I left you on my futon, and when I woke up, I had a blanket around me and I think Sesshoumaru-sama was sleeping, too. But he's a light sleeper, so I didn't move. I think I was in his lap, I couldn't tell, and I went back to sleep. I woke up when he told me the rain stopped, and he was leaving. I hugged him before he left, and this time, he put his hand on my back, like he was kinda hugging me back! I was really happy. But, I found you by my futon, on your 'face' not your 'back'. So if he read you… I think I'd… I don't know… goodnight…
August 31st I still can't tell if he read you, Sasshi. But that passage was really long! I always blush when I reread it every night… I wonder if I'm interesting. You're interesting, Sasshi. I redrew you, and I couldn't be happier with how you turned out! I'm happy you're my best friend, Sasshi… maybe one of my other wishes will come true? One has, two more to go. Goodnight, Sasshi.
September 4th Will re-wishing work? I think a wish's timeout is around a year, and so I tried to find dandelion puffs. There were none, but one early flower in my garden bloomed; I picked the petals off. Sasshi, I picked the last petal on 'I wish Sasshi-chan was real." So… please come to life, so we can be friends? Thank you if you do, Sasshi! Goodnight!
September 19th Lady Kaede came back a few days ago. She said Kazuko probably wasn't coming this year, as Lady Kaede had gone to the Western Lands, stopping at the Palace to rest. Kazuko was having a lot of fun torturing Jaken and fighting with Sesshoumaru-sama, she called it 'sparring' or something. They were training, I guess. So, that's one good thing again this year!
September 27th Lady Kagome read you today, the first time it seemed this year. I forgot to write a happy birthday letter in here for Daitaro. He's almost 2! But, she didn't mind. She said it was really cute, my passage on Sesshoumaru-sama visiting during the summer, I mean. She said it really sounded like I loved him. I told her it's always been true, I've always loved him like a father! I don't understand why they think it's more than that. But… some things I've thought about Sesshoumaru-sama I wouldn't think of my real father. Well, goodnight Sasshi.
October 10th My garden is in bloom! There are so many pretty flowers; I spend almost all my free time looking at them! I'm practicing my 'grammar' by writing 'haiku' about them. Lady Kagome taught me other 'poem' styles, like couplets, but I like haiku the best. Goodnight Sasshi, I hope you like my haiku!
October 22nd I think I caught another cold… my throat aches, my eyes are always red and watery, and I feel like I don't breathe enough. Am I dying? …Lord Sesshoumaru visited me today. He wished me to feel better, and he stayed with me for a while. I think I slept for the most part, and I'm certain he's read you by now, Sasshi. I've spent the night crying, because I found you opened, right next to the spot he was sitting against my wall. Things might be 'awkward' for a very long time… I'm sorry, Sasshi. Goodnight.
November 10th I'm still coughing and feeling really hot sometimes, but other than that, I'm fine. I'm still embarrassed by what happened with Sesshoumaru-sama… I bet he's not proud of me anymore… maybe even so ashamed he'll never come back. I feel sick again… goodnight.
November 18th Sasshi, do you like Sesshoumaru-sama too? I'm waiting for him, more than anything else. I can't concentrate! Please, bring me a good dream tonight, Sasshi… goodnight.
November 29th My menses don't bring any more pain than I'm already feeling. Sesshoumaru-sama hasn't visited. Maybe my fears are true? I hope not… goodnight.
December 10th I hope he visits soon. It's getting really cold, and I know he likes the cold, so maybe he'll be in a better mood? I hope so. I wish I could apologize for my thoughts on him, but he hasn't visited, so… well, goodnight, Sasshi.
December 23rd He visited! He finally came back! I ran to him and hugged him and cried, trying to apologize. I knew I shouldn't have done that, and he pushed me back a little to hand me something. It was a winter kimono, thicker than the rest… it felt really nice and warm. This one had 3 layers like my other one, but it just seemed more… elegant. It was black with golden and silver stars and swirls and flowers, and gray and white under layers… it was really nice. I told him I was sorry for what I wrote and for I had done a few moments earlier. He told me it was okay… he seemed nicer to me than he would've been, for some reason. I wish every visit could be like this… well, goodnight, Sasshi.
December 31st Even though I'm happy, my menses always bring me down. My yukatas get stained, and when it bleeds through when I wash them, or if I'm going to take a bath, the water turns red. Also, my breasts feel larger... I feel sick. I'm going to bed. Well, tomorrow brings me even closer to the last 3 years of living here.
It felt really weird typing this for some reason. I don't like the way it turned out… I usually write the Sesshoumaru visits for the month I'm on, then the ending, then the beginning, then summer. I think it messes up the timeline. Rin is 15 at the end of this chapter, too. Well, thank you for reading my story :)
