I walked into the Great Hall later that day, holding hands with Neil. Some people stared, but most continued to mind their own business. I felt slightly uncomfortable, because I had never held hands with a boy before- especially in public. I pushed the feeling away, however; Neil couldn't see that I felt intimidated.
Will and Jake were sitting at the edge of the Gryffindor table, talking about something that we didn't hear. When we sat down next to them, Will raised an eyebrow at Neil. 'Together?' he mouthed to him, as if I wasn't there. I couldn't help but smile slightly; Will was always so sudden about things.
Neil rolled his eyes. "Yes," he replied, not seeming at all embarrassed, unlike me. I blushed as the two grinned, staring at us. They seemed to know about how Neil had liked be for a while. How come I didn't suspect anything at all until today? I wondered, becoming absorbed in the table in front of me. I felt very shy all of a sudden.
I didn't say much throughout the whole meal, just listened to Neil and his friends talk about this and that. Neil seemed to sense my uncomfortable state, and he glanced over at me. "Are you all right?" he asked quietly, when Will and Jake had gone off to the other side of the table to get pudding that had 'rudely not been served on their side.'
I forced a smile. "Yes," I said. "It's just... weird, isn't it?"
He seemed slightly confused. "What is?" he asked.
I blushed. "I mean- you and I..." My voice was barely audible, and I could feel my face heat up.
"Oh." He seemed to understand, and he put his arm around me. "Sorry if I'm making this awkward for you- it is for me too..." His voice trailed off.
I liked the feeling of his arm around me. "We'll get used to it," I said brightly, feeling slightly more confident. Was I merely borrowing the courage from him, or was I finally living up to the house I was placed in when I was just 11?
'You are brave as a true Griffindor,' the sorting hat had said. I had not understood what it meant; I believed myself the biggest coward in existence. But now- being next to Neil... it felt different.
Neil smiled. "Yeah," he replied.
Jake and Neil re-appeared, supporting big plates of pudding. "Want some?" Jake offered us genially.
"No thanks- there's already some right in front of us." Neil laughed, pointing at the same kind of desert that the two had gone to the other side of the table to find.
Will's mouth fell open, and he dropped his plate. It fell with a clatter, and pudding fell out everywhere, covering us all with it. It clung to our clothes, and Neil jumped up, his eyes narrowed. "Nice one," he said through gritted teeth.
Will's eyes widened. "Sorry," he muttered, attempting to clean up the mess with a napkin.
I helped too, getting down on my knees. Neil soon joined in, but the mess was rather large, as Will had gotten quite a lot of pudding. Finally we abandoned it, going up to Gryffindor tower to get changed into clothes that weren't full of pudding.
I wasn't angry about ruining my robes- I actually laughed. The stain'll go away, I thought optimistically. My spirits were much higher since I was with Neil.
As we approached the Gryffindor tower, laughing and joking, we saw a figure leaning up against the wall next to the portrait. He looked familiar, but I couldn't tell from such a distance. He was looking down at the floor, but I couldn't mistake the blonde hair I knew so well.
It was Scorpius. Neil narrowed his eyes when we came within earshot. "What's he doing here?" he asked me quietly.
I shook my head. "I don't know," I replied. My timid streak was playing up, and I pressed up against Neil, feeling like a coward. He didn't comment, just briefly kissed my forehead. I blushed, looking down.
Scorpius didn't look up at us until we were next to him. Jake took out his wand, ready to fight. "What are you doing here?" he demanded. "This is Gryffindor's tower."
"Thank you for informing me of that," Scorpius said icily, fixing us with his gray stare. I suppressed the urge to shiver; his gaze was almost dead-looking. "I'd like to speak with Lily," he said quietly. "If you don't mind." The last part was directed towards Neil.
Neil glared at him, taking out his own wand. "And if I do mind?" he challenged, pointing it at Scorpius.
I put my hand on Neil's weapon, and lowered it. "Don't," I whispered to him, meeting his gaze for a moment. He breathed out sharply, but nodded curtly.
"We'll be waiting in the common room," he told me quietly, leaving without another word. I watched him and his friends leave. Only Jake looked back, his eyes narrowed as he shot one last glare at Scorpius.
Scorpius didn't notice. He was again looking down at the floor. I stood where I was, quietly waiting for him to speak.
He was silent for a long moment. When he looked up at me, his gray eyes were full of slight pain. "You're with him?" he asked quietly, staring into my eyes.
I felt myself inwardly shiver, but I forced myself to keep his gaze. "Yes," I replied quietly, looking away. "W-why?" I asked, my voice coming out quiet.
He shrugged, looking away too. "He's not right for you," he said suddenly, his voice quiet, but yet so much power.
I swallowed. "And why is that?" I asked, surprised myself at my sudden bravery.
Scorpius didn't answer. "I broke up with Rose," he said, as if this was a perfectly normal thing to say.
I felt my mouth drop open in shock. "Why?" I breathed, still unable to believe what I had heard.
"She was too controlling." He tapped his fingers on the wall. Seconds passed like minutes.
Why had he suddenly seen reason? I wondered how my cousin had reacted. I stayed silent, watching him from the corner of my eye.
"I suppose there was another reason for me to break up with her," he said slowly, looking up at me.
"What's that?" I asked in a flat voice.
He was again silent for a long while. "You."
I felt my stomach do a backflip, and I felt disappointment. What do you mean, 'me'? I've like you for so long, and when I finally get over you, you decide to like me back? I felt pain rush through me, and felt the sudden urge to run... To run to the Gryffindor tower... To hug Neil, and feel more reassured "W-what?" I whispered, standing my ground.
Scorpius sighed. "You," he repeated. "I broke up with her because I like you."
If this had happened only two months before, I would have felt happiness. Now I only felt regret.
"Do... do you like me too?" Scorpius asked hesitantly, trying to meet my gaze.
I avoided it, as I would have done a few months ago if this would have happened. I felt intimidated- scared. Scared of my feelings. Why, oh why do you have to tell me this now, Scorpius? I felt like falling to the ground, crying. I felt a lump in my throat, but I swallowed it, refusing to cry.
"Lily?" he whispered, still waiting for me to reply.
I struggled to keep on my feet. "Scorpius..." I began weakly, trembling. "I... I used to like you." My voice grew stronger, but I still felt scared. "But you've been ignoring me- been with Rose these past weeks..." My voice trailed off again. "Neil was there for me when you weren't." I met his gaze, and I felt as if his gray eyes would swallow me, they were so hypnotizing. "I'm with him now."
Scorpius sighed. "Lily, all this time- I've realized that this whole time, I've been in love with you." He hesitated. "I'm sorry for neglecting you."
It seemed to be the same thing he had said after he had gotten together with Rose. Had he been lying last time, when he had said he loved Rose?
"Scorpius... please don't make this harder than it is," I whispered, looking down. "We can be friends." I felt awful for saying the words that so many said when they were breaking someone's heart.
He sighed. "Do you know how awful that sounds, when I just told you the person I've liked for so long, that I love them?"
Guilt rushed through me. "I'm sorry," I whispered, taking another step back. I felt uncomfortable again.
Scorpius shook his head. "It's okay," he said sadly. "I... I shouldn't have told you at all." He turned his back to me. "I'll see you later," he said, not looking at me.
I watched him as he walked down the hall, his tall figure disappearing into the darkness.
Instantly I felt my eyes well up with tears. Why, why did they like me? I felt myself wishing that I was again my old timid self; the one who wouldn't have had these problems at all.
Instead of going into the Gryffindor tower as Neil had said to, I walked the opposite way that Scorpius had gone.
I found myself taking my usual path towards the grounds. It was twilight, and I sat down underneath my willow tree, watching the sunset. Silently I sighed, leaning my head up against the tree trunk. I wished for a moment that I could be at home; to tell my mother about my problems. She would have comforted me.
Neil would have too, and I wished he was here with me, as I hugged my knees to my chest, sobbing. The pudding that had been dropped on them during dinner was dried, and I picked at it idly, taking pieces off.
It had stopped raining, but the grass underneath me was still wet. My robes soon became soaking, but that didn't matter.
Nothing did. I wondered how my cousin would react to me when she saw me. Had Scorpius told her that he was breaking up with her because of me? I sighed.
A voice break through my thoughts. "Lily?"
I looked up, seeing Jake. He stepped through the leaves of the tree, his eyes full of confusion. "Hi, Jake," I said quietly, looking down at the ground again.
"What're you doing out here?" he asked me, leaning up against the tree trunk.
I shrugged, not wanting to talk about the conversation Scorpius and I had had. He didn't ask, either.
"Neil is really worried about you."
I blinked. How long had I been gone? "Where is he?" I asked warily, standing up.
"He's looking on the other sides of the grounds." He stretched. "You've been gone three hours; he thought Scorpius had done something to you."
He had? "Scorpius didn't do anything to me," I said quietly, squeezing my robe sleeves to rid them from the water that had collected from the wet ground.
Jake nodded. "I didn't think he would have," he said quickly. "I mean- Neil thought..." He trailed off, and blushed.
I could imagine what Neil thought. "It's nothing like that," I said hastily. Did he believe I was cheating on Neil for Scorpius?
He nodded. "I'll go tell Neil I found you," he said, turning away. "Should I tell him to come here?"
"No- wait," I called after him. "I have to go change." I looked down at my wet, pudding-stained robes.
He nodded again. "Then I'll just tell him you're okay... he'll kill me for not telling him where you are."
I smiled. "Thanks, Jake," I said. Though I really liked Neil, I didn't really want to talk to him right now. I felt too hurt.
Jake nodded hastily, and departed without another word.
I sighed, walking towards the castle.
OoOoOo
After I had changed into clean robes, I sat down on my bed, staying there for a long time. My thoughts were whirling- if I had rejected Neil, would I be with Scorpius now?
I sighed, resting my head on the wall. I couldn't imagine being with Scorpius.
The door of my dormitory opened, and I looked up, seeing Jessica, one of my room-mates come in. "Neil wants to know if you'll come down," she said, yawning. "He said he wants to tell you something."
Was he mad at me? I nodded. "I'll go down now," I said, getting up and walking to the door. Jessica merely shrugged, going over to her bed and sitting down with her homework.
I descended the stairs quietly. The common room was almost deserted. I didn't see Neil. For a moment I stayed on the stairs, looking around at the familiar faces of my house-mates.
Then I saw him, sitting next to the window, with Will next to him. I approached slowly, sitting down beside him. He looked up, smiling slightly. "Hey, Lily," he greeted me. His voice didn't contain the usual brightness. Instead, it was full of pain.
Will scatted, after smiling at me. I watched him go over to the other side of the common room, sitting in between a group of girls. Normally, I would have laughed, but now I just sat quietly.
"What did Scorpius say to you?" he asked finally.
I looked down at the floor. I can't lie to him. "He... he broke up with Rose."
Neil sighed, as if guessing what I would have said next. "He said he likes you, didn't he?" His voice was blank, and I suppressed an urge to scream. This drama was so unnecessary!
"Yes," I replied, looking up at his face.
He was silent, so I decided to speak up. "But I told him I didn't like him back." I saw his face lighten slightly.
"You did?" he asked, turning to face me. "Did... did you mean it?"
I nodded, though inside, I wasn't so sure. "Yes," I replied. "I like you, Neil."
He smiled slightly, but it wasn't the same smile I knew so well. Something was still bothering him.
"What's wrong?" I asked, his silence bothering me more than I'd have liked.
"Lily..." His voice trailed off. "If you like him, you don't have to be with me." His voice was full of regret, and my eyes widened. "I want you to be happy, and if being with him makes you happy, then I won't bother you anymore."
I didn't quite believe him, though it didn't quite matter. I didn't really think I'd be happy with Scorpius. "But I'm happy with you," I whispered, feeling slightly hurt. Was he trying to get rid of me?
He smiled slightly. "You are?" his voice was hopeful.
Again, I nodded, hugging him. "I am."
He kissed me, and I felt as if all of the worries I felt had vanished.
This fic is almost finished! Just one more chapter and an epilogue, I believe. Thanks for all the reviews!
~Cloudsong
P.S. Please tell me who YOU'D like Lily to get together with! Neil or Scorpius? It could still go either way, and I'm trying to decide.
