We were in bed. It had been odd to come back – last time I'd been here... I just wanted to forget about it. But this was nice. Normally, if we were going to bed, Christian would be kissing me, touching me, undressing me. But this time, he just climbed into bed. He didn't take off his shorts – I think for my benefit, to not seem so... sexual, I guess. I got down to my shorts too and got in. It was cool in the flat – Christian got hot easily. I guess with so much of him to generate heat... but I was always cold and he would normally stick on the heating. I guess he hadn't expected me here with him tonight.

I was cold again, I wanted to snuggle up, but I didn't know now. I didn't know how we were, what stage we were at, what state we were in. He was on his side, facing me, propped up on his elbow.

"Sy?"

"Yeah?"

"You gonna stay over there?"

I shuffled backwards over to him and once I was near enough, he grabbed me and brought me in close to him. I loved him spooning me, just feeling enveloped by him, protected, safe, comforted. I loved the way his body was always warm.

Almost immediately his hand was off wandering. I squirmed to give him the hint although he assumed I was playing.

"Christian," I warned – but he liked that sort of thing. "I mean it."

He chuckled in my ear. "Don't worry, I was just checking you were really here."

I took his hand and squeezed it. "I'm here."


I woke up to the smell of clean sweat, of man. My eyes still shut, I felt Christian's lips trail down my neck before he attacked it playfully, grazing his teeth along my skin gently.

"Stop it," I said, grinning widely. I opened my eyes and saw his smiling face over me, his bare chest glistening. "Where've you been?"

"I moved you in."

"What?" I looked past him and could see my stuff piled up behind the sofa. "I still have to paint that wall."

"Done."

"Oh my god, you did that?"

"Yeah. So do I get my reward now?"

"You know, you shouldn't do things just to get something in return," I said wryly.

He grinned. "Then what's my punishment?"


Whilst Christian slept off his punishment, I decided to put my stuff away. He was a sweetheart. Whilst I'd been blissfully sleeping well into the afternoon, he'd cleared some wardrobe space in the back room – or his walk-in wardrobe, as he called it proudly – and some space in various cupboards/drawers around the flat for my various things. I was putting some things in a drawer when I found a book he'd forgotten to take out. A photo fell out – one of his mother when she was younger; she looked beautiful, she must have been fresh out of school. I was glad to come across it because he often spoke of her with a mild disdain that I always hoped was half in jest. Now I knew, he must love her.

I slipped the photo back in the book before continuing to put my things away. When I'd finished, I climbed back into bed, my cold skin waking Christian.

"Sorry."

"Never be sorry for getting into my bed," he grinned.

"Our bed," I corrected him.

"Nah," he chuckled. "This is my bed because I'm the boss of what goes on in here."

"Okay, boss," I said, indulging him.

"And you're going to have to order a pizza or something."

"Right..."

"Cos we're gonna need to eat after this."

He flipped me over and, like always, I was half impressed, half embarrassed by how easily he could throw me over. I struggled against him but as ever, he won out. I looked behind me at him and smiled.

"Pass me the phone." ... "Hi, can I order...?" Christian had clearly decided to make this phone call as difficult and embarrassing for me as he could, just so he could get off on it. I had to repeat the address three times because he was massaging and penetrating me with lubey fingers having pinned me down so I couldn't stop him. As I was finishing the call, he softly growled at me to make him come knowing he could be heard down the phone. Needless to say, I hung up before the pleasantries of a thank you or goodbye.


"Was he hot?" Christian asked.

"Are the pizza boys ever hot around here?" I said, rolling my eyes.

"They're all a bit skinny, like you. Must be getting shagged an awful lot in place of meals."

"Skinny?"

"Slim then, you whiny sod. Anyway, I like skinny boys" – I shot him a look – "called Syed." He grinned because for Christian, it was okay to be naughty as he knew it was part of his charm. I loved it really, even though I always pretended not to. He saw right through me though. He usually did.

We ate our pizza from the place Christian had on speed-dial – for which I always teased him – and he went to brush his teeth.

"Erm..." came his voice from the bathroom.

"What?" I called back, unsurprised that he'd found something wrong.

He came back in. "You've moved some things about."

"You didn't leave me any space for my things."

"I left you..."

"Half a shelf, yes, very generous."

"Well, how much stuff do you have?"

"Hang on, it's mostly shaving stuff - it takes up quite a lot of room. It's not like the excessive creams and masks and things you have!"

I got up to help Christian arrange our things in some sort of way which was satisfactory to him. He was a bit obsessive-compulsive about these things which, on the one hand, made him nice and tidy but on the other, made him a bit of a nightmare sometimes.

We found a solution eventually, after a lot of moaning on his part, and settled down to watch some TV. He'd comment every now and then but I wasn't really watching. I was still in awe of the fact that I actually lived here now, that this was actually my home. And it felt like home, snuggled up with Christian who was all chirpy, breathing him in and just coming to terms with the fact that this was my life now.

I envisaged things getting in the way, obstacles to overcome, my parents never coming to accept this, and that made me sad. But to know that all that I would go through I would now go through with Christian at my side, to help me, comfort me, give me strength, I couldn't think of a way I'd rather spend my life.

I kissed his cheek.

"Christian?"

"Mm?" he said, giving me his full attention.

"We're... okay now, yeah?"

"Yeah," he smiled.

"You trust me?"

"...Yeah, course." But the pause had been too long, the smile too contrived and he'd looked straight back to the TV. I got up from the sofa and went to the back room, slinking down the wall, just wondering what on earth I could do to fix this underlying mistrust that would see us break. I was annoyed somewhat. I thought we'd gotten over this.

I was at at loss. I kept looking at the drawer with the book in it, wondering whether it would give me any answers. Then Christian walked in.

"Sy?"

I stood up, my face upset still. He put his arms around me and held me tight.

"What's up, you silly sod?" he said, sympathetically.

"Don't you trust me, Christian?"

"What?"

I buried my head in his chest, lovingly. I didn't need or want to say it again. I just wanted him to hold me and tell me sincerely that we were okay now.

He ran his fingers through my hair – it was bliss once I allowed myself to ignore the issue at play. I breathed him in, intoxicated by his scent. I wanted more. I didn't even take a second to look at him before I kissed him; hard, hungry. He enforced a rebalance of power and slowed it down – hot, wet, firm. I was so turned on, I just wanted him there and then, further inside me than ever. It was a violent lust – I wanted it to overpower me.

I crashed to the floor and took him with me, me on my hands and knees, him behind me, me pushing him into me – no lube, no foreplay, nothing to ease us in – just unadulterated pleasure that burned and hurt and thrilled me.