Carlisle's POV

Previous conversations and memories flickered through, like passing cars on a highway.

I still couldn't believe the talk I had last night with Alice. My son... my son the... killer. It was reliving my dark nightmares. The days Edward left in his rebellious years, when he had a hard time cooping with the diet change.

It was sight to a blind man when he returned. I never held anything against him and I know he must have a very good reason for changing his ways- other than losing Bella.

Not having the ability to read minds was no problem when it came to my eldest son. I had lived many, many decades with him and I have a pretty good sense of his thoughts.

From my estimates he was grieving, and not dealing well and he needed some outlet for his emotions. Something to express the dark falling over him. But I still worried- worried if I would ever see him again.

"I can't take this!" Edward was ranting around the small living space that Esme, Edward, and I occupied.

Esme reached out a hand like she wanted to comfort him. She loved Edward like her own child, and in a sense he kinda was her son. Being drawn to suicide when her real son passed on, this was a great recovery remedy. though I don't know how long her cure would be around for.

"I crave their blood so much. My throat burns with intensity. Animal blood just doesn't suit me, it's not enough. I want blood!" he had a wild, crazed look about his features as he declared his last few words.

For me it was never a hard choice to change, in fact I had never had a real desire for it. Of course, it wasn't perfectly easy, I had my struggles. But in the end I found what mattered most. The lives of strangers over my needs.

"I'm sorry you feel this way, but it is your choice. As much as I would grieve for you like a lost family member- it's your life. Live it as you may." I didn't want to pressure him into anything that would hurt him.

I knew he had a dark past, with the illness, becoming a vampire, and the hardships that brought upon him. I never had any regrets for what I did to him, even if it the final decision was for selfish reasons.

"I think... I should take a break...from this way." he said this in a soft way, almost ashamed. The last I wanted him to feel.

Not wanting him to feel as though he should stay as loyalty for me- being the one how created him, I racked my mind for something that would reassure him not to feel guilty or pressured.

"Go on then, what are you waiting for? I don't want you feeling so. Leave if that is what you must do to retain happiness in your new world." reaching out a hand a patted his shoulder in encouraging sense.

He walked up to Esme and hugged and pecked her on the check, "I will miss you Esme. You have been a great mother to me when hard times arose. I used to think it would be horrible without my mother there- she was wonderful. But...you are the only person I could think to follow in her footsteps." he said this with such gratitude I knew if she could cry, she would.

Alas, she could not, but she did give him the most motivating smile and a hug that spoke. It said "Ever thing is going to be okay." She was the most amazing women I'd ever laid eyes on.

"Edward you are the son I lost years ago and I don't think I could ever call it a replacement, because you are my son. Now I am realizing that god has bestowed upon me my real son and there was never one to lose to begin with." I wrapped my arms around her because I knew it was a very difficult subject for her, but then I realized she didn't need me. Everything she said was true and had pure heart behind it.

"Farewell my son. I hope wherever your wishes take you it treats you well. Take care, Edward."

"Good-bye, Carlisle. I appreciate all you have done for me, but I was not made for this. Yet there is a sense of accomplishment to know I tried and though it did not work for the best... I still put my best foot forward."

I nodded and shook his hand one last time before he walked through the door.

I had to believe this time was different and he would return to me. But once again- I do know my son. When he commits to something he doesn't let go and he tries his hardest, this one of many things I admire about him.

One of the reasons I want him back and safe with Esme and I. It was like a second Hell for her, losing the son she actually got to hold and love for. He planted a seed in her heart and she sowed it until it blossomed- only to wither away and be chopped down. Her garden was left empty.

My only companion for so many years had deserted me. Resenting him would be against my nature and even though I feel like I should I can't bring myself to do anything of that kind.

I walked up towards my study to think over my years of previous work.

If there is a God and heaven for us then please hear me.

I know my kind is murderous and cruel but I only have clean intentions in praying to you.

Dear Lord,

Please keep my son safe and healthy. Guide him and show him what's right. Give him wisdom to know what to do- right from wrong. Forgive his sins, he has good intentions at heart.

Please, hear me.

Amen.