Apologies for the wait. The few remaining chapters are now story-lined and should be published a few days apart maximum like usual. As per, the whole story shall be up before the end of the black hole (9th July). Enjoy.
We exited the tube at Leicester Square. Yep, we were Soho-bound. It was nice to be out with Christian though, just chatting, laughing. As we walked, I saw various gays pass us, some hand-in-hand, some being loud. I noticed a guy clock Christian, give him the eyes as he walked past us – the cheek! Is this what tonight was going to be like?
We turned into a lane and Christian slowed.
"Here we are!" He smiled but I couldn't catch the tone as he escorted me inside. It was a pub, normal-looking. There was a table available and I grabbed it whilst Christian got our drinks. I looked around – there didn't seem to be many (if any) gay people, just men and women, most dressed well. An after-work crowd.
When Christian came over with the drinks, he still had this smile on his face, like he was waiting for something.
"Do you like it here?"
"Yeah. It's not what I expected."
"What were you expecting?"
"I don't know. Something more in-your-face."
"Come off it," he teased. His smile became familiar again, relaxed. "I've been coming here for years. Thought it'd be a place you might like too."
"Yeah, I do. But it's not..."
"Gay? No." He smiled like he'd duped me. "Thought we'd do a little tour of non "in-your-face" places tonight."
"But why? I thought, if we were going to come here...?"
"You'll see plenty of 'gay', don't worry. If you want to check out the boys..." He winked and I rolled my eyes.
"No. I just thought... y'know." I'd thought he was going to tip me in head first, wall-to-wall topless men packing out a club with an 'anything goes' policy.
"Relax, Sy." His hand came towards my thigh but then changed direction and rested on his own as he took a sip of his drink. I took a full swig of mine.
We left for the next place. My eyes were looking here, there and everywhere; street names, bars, theatres, people. It was wonderment really; this was a part of Christian. It was intimidating in a way because he obviously felt an affinity with these people, this lifestyle, this ambience. And I couldn't. I felt odd that there was this whole other side to Christian – one I didn't really know at all. I didn't know whether that was down to me or him.
But I was in good spirit – I think I was talking more than him! He took me to a restaurant-bar and treated me to a couple of delicious virgin cocktails. Christian was starting to get a bit tipsy towards the end but I was enjoying myself – I was still so thrilled to be with him, and it helped to be away from the prying eyes of everyone back home.
When we did get home, Christian had barely shut the door behind him before I was ripping his shirt off, kissing him, desperate for him. I wanted to be inside him, for us to be one but he wrestled with me, sexually, aggressively, as we stood inside his doorway, pinning me against the wall, filling me as he bit into me, choked me. I could feel him, god I could feel him. It was just enough yet not enough – I encouraged more, I couldn't breathe, there! There.
I woke to find Christian had left already. I wanted to see him before I went job-hunting, just to get myself a bit giddy and start the day with a positive mental attitude. I got ready and went to the Vic – I wish I hadn't. As soon as I walked in, I felt stared at, the chatter turn to whispers, Roxy Mitchell's glare.
I hadn't been out and about really since I'd returned, for this reason precisely. I didn't like the attention, much less when it was because they all knew I was gay, that I'd been unfaithful to my wife, that I was involved with Christian. I felt people accepted him, he worked there, he served them, it was no problem. But when it came to me, they saw man who was less of a man, who went for brawn for brawn's sake – it was embarrassing. And they saw a cheat, a liar – the lowest of men. I felt dirty, felt judged from all quarters. I needed to find Christian and get out of here.
I walked up to Roxy, her face unwelcoming.
"Where's Christian?" I asked her timidly.
"He's not working today."
"Oh." I faltered and then turned and left as quickly as I could without running. I stood outside the Vic breathless, panicky. I needed to see him more than ever. Where was he? If he wasn't working, why had he left?
I went immediately to the caf and there he was, sat at a table with Jane. He looked miserable.
He was talking quietly but Jane replied in her usual carrying voice; "Why don't you tell him?"
"Like I can say anything!" he said, just as loud, exasperated. Were they talking about me?
He looked up, noticed me, so did she. He looked at Jane and then the table. I stood caught in two minds for a moment and then decided to leave.
I wasn't five yards from the caf when I felt Christian's hand on my wrist.
"Wait, Sy."
I wriggled free of his grip. "What's going on?"
"Nothing's going on. Were you trying to find me?"
I looked at him, annoyed that he wouldn't tell me what was up, that he was trying to change the subject. It was clearly about me, they'd stopped talking as soon as they saw me. I wasn't an idiot. Did he think I was?
"What can't you tell me?"
"Sy, really, it's best left alone. Trust me," he added.
"Like you do me?"
"What?"
"Come on, Christian. You don't trust me, I know you don't. You think I'll go back on my word."
"No. I don't."
"Then what is it?"
His hand lifted up to touch my face, me immediately aware of our surroundings but remaining still, yet suddenly he threw his hand down, angry or frustrated. "Not here," he said, as he turned and started towards the flat, me following him completely confused.
