Edward's POV

I was aware of everything now. It was like the best thing that ever happened to me... well, besides her.

I know what I am doing. No matter how many times I told myself these things, there was always a fraction of me that said no. No- you liar. How low, lying to yourself. Are you positive? Do you want to rethink things?

Yes...

No-

Please!

I said NO!

Okay...

So I fought with myself and fought and fought. I played dirty- using anything to my advantage. But for which side? That is the very thing that keeps me in utter pain and in the unknown.

I wanted her but I also wanted her safe. I wanted me happy and her- Bella. Then realizing I find joy in both ways is tearing and shredding me. Showing absolutely no mercy of forgiveness.

Maybe that's what I wanted all along- a little forgiveness some sign that I'm not living a wretched life. That someone can give me a break- mercy.

Bella showed me all of that- she bestowed all of it on me. I left it behind...

"It doesn't matter." how in her right mind could she be able to say she didn't care that she was sitting next to a vampire. And so calmly. Amazing.

But somehow it angered me. Liar! Liar! LIAR! She meant nothing- everything was not true.

"It doesn't matter.?" did she think she play like this- lying to a non- human creature of destruction? Lovely strategy.

"No." so assured- how much I wanted to believe it. But believing in change was not something I was known for to say the least. "I don't care what you are." confidence was killing me.

"So it doesn't matter if I am a monster. It doesn't matter if I am not human." I went rigid trying to control myself- she did nothing wrong. I had no reason to act like this.

Except I did. I...loved her. I wanted to beat myself for saying such things, but I couldn't bring myself to it. I wanted her to like me back and see through what I appear to be and see who I actually am. Finally, she was giving me that and I was losing faith in her. The faith that could save me.

"Your angry, I shouldn't have brought it up and kept my mouth shut." she sighed and little blown out.

"Never hesitate to tell me what you are thinking. I'd rather know. Even though you are thinking insanely." I wanted to contradict myself and say she was right and we lived happily ever after. Except there was no- The End- in my head.

"I'm wrong again, right?" ah-ha she was faltering. She never meant it. Please let me die if she changes her mind.

"That is not what I said."

"I'm correct?" was that desperation in her voice?

"Does it even matter?" I sighed and wanted to kill myself. It does matter.

"No-it's just I am curious." she pleaded silently and I caved. I wanted to give her the world. I wanted to give her me...

"What would you like to know?"

"Ugh!" I pounded a nearby rock into dust with my fist.

It was all to real and I couldn't escape it. My only option was to go back. Back to where I belonged- where my heart lay.

But- what if she moved on? What if she didn't want me? I swallowed. There is only one way to know. Going home.

One step...

Two steps...

Three steps...

Three steps closer to fitting the puzzle pieces together.