A/N: OK my marshmallow peeps!! I have finally updated. You have the right to stalk me and barbeque me much like you would barbeque Barney in that little song. But I think my writing is getting better. I am honestly not sure, though. Do you know what could help with that?? You REVIEWING!! Please review. Rock on my peeps!! (By the way, I really don't like marshmallow peeps. But I do like marshmallows and I do love my reviewing and non reviewing peeps.) Oh yeah, Bella ALWAYS has her cane with her. I've decided that a folding cane is better for her, so yeah. Just accept it. I don't feel like repeating the line, "I unfolded my cane and placed it before me." That's just stupid.
Disclaimer: If I haven't owned Twilight for the first chapters, what makes you think I own it now? Exactly.
EPOV
What felt like minutes after I had fallen asleep, I woke again a rocking sensation beside me. Groggily rubbing my eyes, trying to rid them of sleep, I looked over to my side. There was the angel from my dreams. Her long mahogany covered hair fell lightly around her face, creating a halo around her. Her ivory skin was lit by the moonlight that was coming in through my large, east-facing window. It gave it a heavenly glow that made her look even more angelic. Her movement had obviously knocked the comforter that had covered her off the bed, displaying her long, cream-colored legs to me. I should have felt guilty about taking advantage of this beautiful girl in my bed, but I couldn't find it in myself to look away. But when I was finally able to pull my eyes away from her delicate curves, I saw the torment that had formed on her face.
A grimace had formed on her face, her eyes clenched tightly. Her fingers were gripping her arms tightly, nails sticking into her skin. Her expression was one of pure agony, and I wanted nothing more than to take the pain away. I would gladly suffer through it for her. My fingers automatically made their way to her face without my consent and gently brushed from her jaw to her temple. The tingling sensation hadn't gone away. She seemed to relax under my caress, looking slightly less tensed. My eyes went from hers to her lips. They were slightly parted and full. Oh how I wanted to feel them on my own.
I pulled my hand away from her face and rolled over so I lied comfortably on my side, still getting a great view of her perfect, heart-shaped face. Her face tensed again and she murmured quietly. If I hadn't been right next to her, I never would have heard. "James…." Jealousy raged through me like wildfire. I'm sure my already green eyes were turning darker from what I felt. Who was this James and what did he mean to Bella? Just as I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, Bella spoke again in quiet tones. "James…I'm sorry….so sorry…" To say I was confused would be an understatement. Not only did I have no clue as to who this James character was, but now Bella was saying she was sorry.
Jealousy was still coursing through me, but overshadowing it was guilt. What right did I have over her? Of all the things that Bella had ever said to me, none of them ever led to anything more than the mind-blowing friendship that she had given me and I was more than happy to take that. But I wanted more. The selfish part of me wanted nothing more than to make Bella mine, to hold her and never let her go. The more logical side of me said that I couldn't have her. She was too innocent, too pure to take. I wasn't worthy of her. After dwelling in the pain of realization for a few moments, I tried to relax myself. Bella said herself when we first became friends that we wouldn't be more than that. And I would accept that. I wouldn't push her into anything. As I relaxed my unconsciously tensed muscles, the sleeping angel beside me snuggled closer to my chest, burying her head in it and wrapping her arms around my waist. My heart rate probably shot through the roof from the joy I felt when she held me. That is, until I remembered the revelation I had just had about our relationship.
As I wrapped my around her, I placed a small kiss in her hair. I was, however, unable to keep the tear from falling from my eyes as I held her close, knowing that this was as close as I would ever get.
--
BPOV
I could feel a faint hint of heat on me, warming me. Faintly, I could see a bright orange red color shining through my now opened eyes. Why was the sun shining so brightly in my room? I may have not been able to see it, but I knew for a fact that my window was nowhere near that big. The clothes I was wearing was beginning to itch; it felt like nylon rubbing against my skin. Slowly, memories from the night before began flooding back into my mind, nearly knocking me back from there intensity. The party, Mike, Edward, his room, his bed. I gasped, shock hitting me like a tidal wave. I nearly shot up from the warm, satin sheets around me when I felt an arm tighten around my waist, pulling me tightly to the person it was attached to.
The familiar shock that had run through me was back, warming the skin that was exposed on my arm. It tingled, making me almost sigh. But I remembered that I was not alone and "looked" over towards Edward. The heat from his body emanated from him, drawing me closer, but I knew that there was no way for me to possibly do such a thing. He was Edward, the best friend that I had always wanted. And since when had there ever been a chance that he could be mine? Never. I wasn't worthy of him. I wasn't worthy of anyone. I was nowhere near beautiful and from what I heard, Edward was everything a girl could imagine.
He stirred beside me, yawning quietly. His quiet voice flowing musically through the air. "Good morning, beautiful." A blush crossed my face as I hid behind my hair. The sleep obviously hadn't left him seeing as he was obviously delusional. He chuckled and slowly, almost reluctantly, pulled his hands away from me. Immediately, the tingling disappeared and I mourned the loss. "Sorry, I didn't mean to use you as a pillow." I could tell he was grinning behind his teasing words. I smiled back, forgetting the loss of his touch.
I stretched my arms above my head, ready to get up and change out of the horrid bride costume I was still sporting. I wasn't wearing the flats that I had been at the party, meaning that either they fell off when I was…attacked or that Edward had removed them himself. My feet found the soft, carpeted floor that was be warmed by the sunlight as well. What a rare occurrence this was! The sun hardly ever shone so brightly in Forks. I smiled, instantly happier due to the beautiful day that was sure to grace us.
"Well, someone woke up on the right side of the bed this morning." A warm hand was held lightly on my shoulder, stopping the bouncing that I hadn't known I had been doing. I was beginning to think that too much time with Alice had caused this. "Bella, what has you so excited?" A blush and smile spreading across my face, I turned towards him and spoke. "It's sunny today. Good weather, which if you haven't noticed, doesn't happen very often."
EPOV (A/N: Sorry about the POV changes, but it IS necessary)
Her voice was like a siren's, pulling me closer to my doom. The only bad thing about getting closer was that I wouldn't be able to get as close as I wanted. If I went farther, I would have never been able to restrain myself from telling her my feelings. But when I had woken up to see her smiling and blushing with my arms wrapped around her waist, it was nearly my undoing. Ravishing her lush lips with kisses wouldn't have been difficult in that position, though I'm sure she would have protested. She was still abnormally calm for a person that had been attacked by that vile Newton the previous night.
After speaking of the way the sun was spreading an unusual warmth, one in which paled in comparison to Bella's, through my room, I knew exactly what I could do today. Bella and I may not have been friends long, but we were by far best friends. And she was my world now, my life and existence. I would show her the one place I had shown no other.
"Bella, how about we spend the day outdoors? Let me just ask Alice what she thinks about the weather." Bella nodded, still smiling happily. But when I turned around, I felt the air tense. I turned to see Bella facing towards the floor, as if an internal struggle was taking place right before my eyes. Mere seconds later, her face was completely composed, a blank canvas. There was something she wasn't telling me, and of that I was sure. I had learned nearly everything about her, but something was hidden. And all of it evolved around one point: her eyes, covered in that milky film that shielded her mind from me. Her emotions, her thoughts, everything, was hidden behind those eyes. And I wanted nothing more than to peer into her mind. To know her better than anyone else ever could.
Right as I was about to open my door, it swung open, revealing an overly-active Alice who looked like she had just consumed an extra-large caffeinated beverage and about a pound of sugar. The only difference between Alice consuming that and a normal person consuming it is that the normal person would crash after about two hours. Alice wouldn't crash…ever.
"Hey Edward, Bella." She had a mischievous glint in her eye and a sly smirk when she saw Bella and me. I looked down at my clothes and saw exactly what she was talking about. They were crumpled, my pants hanging lower than they should, and my hair probably looked like I had just ran my hands through it a couple dozen times. When I looked at Bella, I saw she was in the same state as I was. I had been distracted looking at her face earlier to see that her hair looked like a haystack, though I admit that it was a very good look on her. Her long, mahogany tresses looked as if she had just had…well, you know.
Her dress was falling a little lower, her cleavage showing a bit more than the modest clothing that she would normally wear allowed. After forcing myself to look away, I saw that Alice was watching me with a satisfied smirk on her face. "It's going to be a sunny day today, no clouds or rain until tomorrow. But if you want to spend the day outside, I get to take Bella for a couple hours to get her ready." Bella groaned loudly from beside me, startling me slightly. Her movements were so quiet, I hardly ever noticed them. I wondered if that this was so because of her disability.
I grinned widely and nodded for Alice to proceed. If I was going to be out with Bella all day, I would have to prepare. Alice walked over to Bella, grabbing her arm and bracing herself for a fight. Bella tugged away and looked truly frightened. Then again, I would be frightened as well if I was to face the evil pixie mastermind that was Alice. Bella faced me, her eyes wide and a visible pout on her face. "Edward….please don't let her take me away." Her voice quivered lightly, but it looked like she was fighting a smile. I shook my head and shooed Alice and Bella away. As soon as they were gone, I began running.
BPOV (Again, sorry, but it IS necessary)
"Alice, is this really necessary?" Being given a makeover wouldn't have been so bad had Alice not been doing it. She tended to go overboard with the slightest things. And this was one of them. Whatever make up she had applied yesterday was probably smudged all over Edward's pillows, much to my embarrassment. And now it was taking much painful scrubbing to remove the remnants of it.
"Bella, hold still. If you don't let me take it off, you're going to get acne." I sighed impatiently and mumbled something about how it felt like she was scrubbing my face with wire gauze. Her tinkling laugh filled the room as she skipped around, her tiny feet hitting the plush carpet. "Hey Alice, where is Edward taking me today?" She didn't speak for a few moments, but then sighed.
"I actually don't know. He hasn't told me and from the sound of it, I doubt he has ever told anyone. It seems he trusts you with something that he has never entrusted in someone else." The mischievous tone in her voice gave her away. I knew what she was insinuating, but this was enough. "Alice, stop it. Edward doesn't like me that way. You know that," my voice broke slightly, sadness overwhelming me. "He never will like me anyway. I'm not good enough for him; we all know that." And with that, Alice smacked me, hard, across the top of the head.
"Ow! Alice, what the hell?!" She growled loudly before replying. "You know what the hell. To say he doesn't like you is just plain stupid. In fact, you're being stupid. How can he not like you? Everyone likes you!" Now I was angry. I stood, surprising myself by not tripping, and spun around to face Alice's direction. "Alice, I swear by all that is good in this world, if you continue saying that, you will have to deal with the very angry, very dangerous blind girl who just happens to have a folding cane that hurts like hell." After that, she stopped, but her anger was evident when she pulled a brush through my hair, nearly pulling it out by the root. When she finally finished, she surprised me by pulling me into a hug.
"Bella, whoever told you that were anything other than beautiful is blind, no pun intended. If you don't start "seeing" yourself clearly, then you'll live your life believing it." When she pulled away, I felt the tears that had spilled on the sleeve of my shirt. Tears were bubbling to the surface, but I refused to cry. I wouldn't allow myself to. I didn't deserve it. With a sad smile on my face, I left the room and carefully walked downstairs. I heard a quiet shuffling going from left to right and back again in front of me, but I didn't question it. I just waited at the foot of the stairs.
Quiet breathing filled the air and an arm hooked around mine. "You look beautiful, Bella." A blush covered my face, whether it be from the false compliment or the fact that it was that velvety voice that said it. I mumbled a 'thank you' and Edward pulled me along.
--
The drive had taken maybe about thirty minutes with Edward's intense speeding, much like Alice's. But wherever we were, it was shaded and outdoors. I couldn't see the blurred colors around me and the ground was covered with leafy grass that tickled my ankles. The trunk of the car was opened and shut quietly and footsteps grew nearer. "Bella, I would normally allow you to walk, but seeing as it could be somewhat dangerous, I think it would be easier to carry you." With that, Edward grabbed my arms and swung me onto his back. An annoyingly high-pitched scream came from my mouth and I began protesting. "Edward, really, you don't have to. I can use my cane; I'm too heavy for you to carry."
"Nonsense, Bella. Besides, I think my backpack weighs more than you. Anyway, if I carry you, we'll get there faster." And so the walk began. Leaves and branches would occasionally scratch us as we walked through the brush that I assumed was there. Rays of light would sometimes permit me to see one of the many shades of green that resided in Forks. After half an hour, Edward was still perfectly fine, not even breaking a sweat. His walk slowed and he came to a stop. Gently, he placed me on the ground and steadied me before I fell. He turned me towards wherever we were and pushed me forward lightly. I took a few steps before everything changed.
The sunlight was so much brighter wherever we were. I could see several different colors. The obvious green from the grass and trees, but a few other colors such as red and purples that lay on the ground. But what surprised me more were the things that my other senses picked up. The trickling sound of water signaled that there was a small brook not far away from us. Many floral scents wafted through the air, causing me to inhale deeply. The warmth of the sun on my skin was relaxing. But I was alone. I turned back from where I came from and gestured with my arms for Edward to come forward. The light allowed me to see a faint outline, but that was all. But even a blurred image told me the thing that I had thought all along: he was beautiful.
"Are you hungry?" His smooth, honey-like voice calmed me as my stomach grumbled, answering for me. He chuckled before setting something on the ground and pulling me to sit. "Well ma'am, today we have several dishes. We have turkey and Swiss cheese sandwiches with tomato, Caesar salad with Italian dressing, pomegranate and raspberry lemonade and for dessert...pudding cups." I laughed, "Pudding cups?" He scoffed.
"What's wrong with pudding cups? I happen to like them." Still laughing, I replied, "There's nothing wrong with them. It just kind of came out of nowhere, that's all." After laughing about the menu choice, we began. If Edward had made all the food, then I could see that whoever he chose has his partner in the future would be lucky. Everything was perfect, including the lemonade, which he had made himself without the use of artificial flavorings. When we finally got to the pudding cups, which happened to be chocolate, things got messy. I had "accidentally" flicked him with pudding, when he decided to flick me back. In the end, we both had pudding on our clothes and faces. But things got tense when he did something that was unexpected.
We had laughed after our pudding fight and I was grabbing napkins when Edward stopped me. He took the paper from my hand and carefully wiped it across my skin. His fingers lightly grazed my cheek, causing goose bumps to appear on my arms. But I didn't stop him. I'm sure my breathing was getting harder, but I didn't care. It felt as if all my nerves were focused in on wherever his fingers touched. Finally, when there was only my lips that hadn't been wiped clean, his finger ran along it, wiping the pudding that was there.
EPOV
(Okay guys, things are getting dramafied here –no, dramafied is not a word. Oh yeah, I admit, it's a bit steamy as well, but not by much. I rated this story T for a reason)
My forefinger was now covered in the pudding that I removed from my lips. I brought it to my mouth and licked it clean. It was funny that originally, vanilla pudding had been my favorite, but now that I had met Bella, everything had changed. Somehow, the pudding was sweeter. I very nearly moaned at the taste. My heart had pounded louder than ever when I was cleaning Bella off. She made the most sensual expression when my fingers brushed across her skin. Her body was tensed, but she didn't object to it. Could she have the same feelings? No, but I was going to take whatever I could get. I was about to apologize, but she spoke before I got the chance; and of course, she surprised me with her question.
"Edward…what do you look like?" I chuckled, still slightly nervous about how she would have reacted towards my ungentlemanly behavior. "Uh, where do I begin?" Her eyebrows furrowed slightly before she answered. "Well, how about with the top of your head?" I laughed as she blushed and laughed along.
"Well, if you can imagine it, my hair is the color of a penny. Kind of…I don't really know how to describe it." She sighed and lifted her hand. "May I?" I was confused until I saw what she was doing. "I don't mind." Her hand made its way to my hair, gently patting the top of my head. And then her fingers combed through my hair. It sent shocks through my scalp all the way down to my toes. The slight tugging was pleasant and so much more.
Her hand slowed a bit before she pulled away a bit. A groan escaped my throat and I quickly thought up a reason for her to continue. "Bella, I can't adequately describe myself to you. Why don't you "see" for yourself?" With that, I took her hand and glided it towards my face. As soon as our skin made contact, her tensed posture relaxed a bit. Her fingers crossed the expanse of my forehead, her face taking a concentrated look as she tried to memorize my features. Her hand trailed down between my eyes, tracing the shape of my nose and cheekbones. "What color are your eyes?" She didn't stop, her hand was then following along the line of my eyebrows.
"Green," I breathed quietly. She nodded her head and allowed her hand to trail down to my jaw, her hand cupping it gently as she shaped it. Her effect she was having on me was unreal, but I didn't want it to end. If anything, I wanted more. "The color of your skin?"
"It's the same as yours; maybe a bit lighter." She sighed before slowly putting her hand down. I fought back my growl of annoyance at the loss and sighed.
"Thank you, Edward. You know, for letting me "see" you." I chuckled breathily. "It was my pleasure, Bella. But there is something I do want to talk to you about." I don't know why I needed her to know, but somehow, I knew it was time to tell her. Something had bothered me ever since we became friends. She closed herself off from me, blocking herself. But I wanted her to trust me, and in order for me to have her trust, I would have to tell her the truth about my past. And whether I liked it or not, Tanya was part of my past.
"What did you want to talk about?" Her forehead was furrowed, confusion etched across her face.
"I wanted to tell you why I am, no, was such an ass before. Why I treated girls or people in general the way I did." She sighed quietly and motioned with her hand for me to continue. Taking a deep breath, I spoke. "Now, just to make myself clear, what happened before doesn't excuse my behavior to anyone, especially you! I'm completely ashamed of my actions and I don't even know why you even forgav-," I knew I was babbling, but that didn't stop me. I needed her to know how sorry I was, but before I could continue, her hand covered my mouth. A strange scent, like a mix of freesia and vanilla, soothed my senses and helped Bella's hand stop my incessant babble. "Edward, there was nothing to forgive. You already said sorry anyway, so there's no point in you repeating an apology. Just tell me what you would like to say." I nodded to myself and started off again.
"When you asked me last week why I was a player, I had a reason why I didn't tell you. I was…afraid that you would hate me even more than you already did." She opened her mouth to object but I quickly shushed her and continued. "But I know now that for some unknown reason, you have allowed a friendship to brew between us. And for that, I am eternally grateful. But there are things that I haven't told you about yet, and I know that I can trust that you. I haven't told anybody outside of my family, and even then, I didn't exactly tell them. They sort of just found out by themselves." Taking one last deep breath, I started. "Before we moved from Alaska, I was dating a girl named Tanya Denali." Bella visibly stiffened, her hand clenching around her wrist tight. "I thought I loved her; so much so that I really thought that I was going to begin a new life with her. I was naïve and stupid to believe that." I shook my head in anger and annoyance with myself. "I was so stupid! We had been dating for about a year when one day I went to her house. I was going to surprise her with a promise ring; a promise that we would be together for the long haul. I remember everything so clearly from that day; it's like a video continuously playing in my head. I had knocked on the door, carrying a bouquet of flowers. I had made reservations at the lodge. It was the closest thing they had to an upscale restaurant. We were going to spend the weekend there, not that we would do anything. I told her that I wanted to wait until marriage." I was speaking slowly, trying to rid the painful memories from my mind.
"When she didn't answer, I just walked in. My family was friends with hers, so I saw no problem with it. I guess I am glad I did. She was on the couch with my best friend, Laurent. They were…well, they were doing it. She didn't even realize I was there until I slammed the door when I left. She came running outside in nothing but the afghan that was on the couch. And I just left. I didn't even say anything. I couldn't say anything. That night, I got rid of everything that reminded me of her; her number, her email address, the ring I was going to give her. Everything, I just burned it all. Jasper had to pull me away from the fire that night. Alice knew what had happened; she always seems to know that kind of stuff." My eyes were still down. It felt like I hadn't even been looking at anything the entire time I had been speaking. Bella's breathing was quiet, so I continued.
"Tanya never even apologized. She just walked up to me the next day and pretended like nothing happened. And so when Carlisle said that he was offered a position in Washington, where they were in dire need for a good doctor, I automatically told him that it he needed to take the job. He knew why I was pushing him to go, but he didn't say anything. No one did. We just upped and left. When we got here, I was hit on a lot. People were acting like small children that were attracted to a shiny object. I was one of those shiny objects. But I had to get Tanya out of my head, so I just went with it. From there, things progressed and I acted like a complete and total jerk. I don't know how my family lived with me. I am unworthy of their kindness." I heard a quiet sniffle from next to me, but before I could look up, I was pulling tackled to the ground.
Bella had her arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her and tried to calm her down. Though I had no idea why she was crying, her pain was my pain. "Bella? Bella, you need to calm down. What's wrong?" She sniffled once more before hastily wiping the nonexistent tears from her face. I could have sworn I had heard her crying, but there was no trace of tears on her face, nor puffy or red eyes. Her eyes looked like they had watered, but no tears had poured out.
"Edward, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I'm sorry for being rude when we met. I'm sorry…just so sorry." I shushed her again. "Bella, it wasn't your fault. And I'm fine now. It's the past and now its over. I'm just glad that now I have a friend like you to talk to." Yet I still wanted so much more. I scolded myself for thinking that way, but couldn't take the thought from my mind. She was everything I wanted and more and anybody would be stupid not to want her.
After a few hours of lighter conversation, we left. On the drive home, she fell asleep, her hair hanging limply in front of her face. I pushed it back behind her ear and caught her mumbling in her sleep. "Edward…" The feeling of pure elation that spread through me was powerful. When I finally dropped her off at home with Emmett, all I could think was that maybe, just maybe, some of my feelings were returned.
And so this chapter ends. I hoped you all enjoyed it. Edward's past finally gets revealed. Did I do okay?
I know it's kind of late, but whatever. And for those of you who don't know, I finally put up my site. It's www (dot) sovoyita (dot) webs (dot) com. It has a whole bunch of stuff but its still in editing, so more shall be up soon. But I do have a forum up. The discussion at this moment is on why so many of the Twilight fandom dislike Bella. Sign on to the forum and give your opinion.
Just realize that there is a whole bunch more to come. Oh, and if you haven't read it yet, I posted a one-shot called There's a Reason These Tables Are Numbered. Please read and review it!! Oh and please review this chapter as well.
Toodles,
-sovoyita!!
