Things I own:
-a copy of Twilight
-the Edward Scissorhands DVD
-And a site that I want you all to visit (http: / / www (dot) sovoyita (dot) webs (dot) com.
BPOV
The day in the meadow with Edward had been nothing less than wonderful. And after he told me about his past, I nearly burst into tears. Nearly. As much as I wanted to, I knew that if I had began to cry, I wouldn't have been able to stop. I had never had my heart truly broken before because my heart had never belonged to anyone. Burdening Edward with my troubles wasn't the way the answer to my problems.
To me, Edward's past was much more painful than I had ever imagined. I never would have suspected it. What kind of person would give up Edward, the kindest, most caring guy I had every known? And he thought I would hate him? Heck, I couldn't hate him if I tried.
When we had headed back home, I must have fallen asleep, because the dream held fantasies that only my mind could create. It was as if I was having an out-of-body experience, watching my dream from afar. There was a tall, dark silhouette of a man before me, strong yet lean. I couldn't see his exact features, but I could see his eyes. They were a vibrant green, like the color of grass. They pierced into me, yet they were gentle. And there was a girl. I could see her clearly; her long brown hair fell down her shoulders, her petite form with her ivory skin and closed eyes on a heart shaped face. The man beckoned her forward and she glided towards him. The pair looked beautiful together, yet there was something out of place. Her eyes were still closed. His hand caressed her cheek and slowly, her eyes fluttered open. They were a clear chocolate brown and she stared at the figure with a look of pure admiration. "Edward," she murmured quietly. And just as he leaned in to kiss her, I woke.
Emmett was carrying me upstairs, trying to be gentle, but obviously having a bit of trouble balancing me in the narrow stairway. I continued to pretend to be asleep and waited for him to place me in my bed. When he did, he kissed my forehead tenderly before whispering a quiet good night and leaving the room. The moment my door closed, I bolted in bed and started pacing the length of my room.
The boy in the dream was obviously Edward, of that I was sure…but who was the girl? She couldn't have been me, no definitely not. The couple looked perfect together, like pieces of a puzzle. But that didn't explain why she looked so much like me, though much more beautiful. It didn't make sense. One, I knew what Edward looked like in general. The feel of his perfect facial structure beneath my hand was enough to make me weak in the knees. His jaw line was squared, his cheek bones taking on a sharp curve, his skin perfectly smooth. Everything was perfect. So why would he like me? When I "saw" him in the sunlight, I could just barely see a hint of gold on what I assumed was the top of his head. I was glad that I could see at least some part of him, but I desperately wished for just a peak at his eyes.
An exasperated groan escaped my throat while I kicked the thing nearest to me. Whatever I kicked, I hurt my big toe in the process, forcing me to stop and put pressure on it to stop the throbbing. Great, just great. Obviously, trying to solve a problem like this wasn't the answer. I lied back in bed, not even bothering to change into my old sweats and holey night shirt. Despite all the questions that were flying through my head at that very moment, I knew three things that were very clear.
One, for some unknown reason, Edward found my company enjoyable at the least. Two, he trusted me with something that he had never entrusted anyone with before. And three…I think I was falling for him.
--
(A/N: Sorry guys, it's going to take a hell of a lot to make her give up her heart that quickly, but don't worry. The moment's coming.)
I hate Mondays. They always seemed to just drone on and on, the wonderful elation of the weekend finally wearing off, making me feel like I was suffering from the crash after an intense sugar rush. My head pounded as I took down notes for Biology. I didn't need to, but it was better than doing nothing. Edward was concerned about me, but I told him not to worry. The migraine wasn't going to go away no matter what he did, so why worry him?
Classes had been easy, but the teachers must have been in a bad mood due to the thunderstorms that had been showering the town all day. After many pop quizzes and one teacher who decided that they needed to call me out in the middle of class to embarrass me, I was allowed to go home. Emmett, noting my bad mood, drove me straight to the Cullen household without trying to carry on a conversation.
He guided me to Carlisle's office and went to find Rosalie. Before I could knock on the door, it opened and Carlisle greeted me warmly, not yet noticing my sour mood. "So, how are you today Bella?" He spoke cheerily. Someone woke up on the right side of the bed today.
"Oh, I'm just peachy! Who wouldn't be on such a nice, cloudy day?" I shouldn't have gotten so short with him, but I couldn't help it. His naturally joyous disposition was grinding my beans. "Bella, is something wrong?" His concern was irritating. There wasn't anything wrong, so why push it? "No Carlisle, nothing's wrong. Everything is fine. So just stop asking." I had snapped. That was it. I just walked out of the room and kept on walking. I didn't know where I was going; it's not like I could leave the house. But I knew I needed to calm down a bit before I face anyone.
Feeling around for some room where I could just sit and relax, I found what seemed to be the kitchen. I sat in a stool and put my head in my hands. "Hello?" My head shot up quickly, turning towards the voice that had just resonated from the kitchen entrance. "Oh, you must be Bella. I've heard so much about you!" The warm, sweet voice almost instantly calmed me. "Hi, umm, sorry. I didn't know anyone else was home. I was just sitting here…" Embarrassed for being found sitting in her kitchen, looking like I was about to have some sort of breakdown, I stood, a blush covering my neck and cheeks.
"Oh no dear, it's fine. I'm Esme, Edward and Alice's mother. And I just got in from the market. But…I thought Carlisle had an appointment with you today?" Again, I blushed and looked down. "I'm sorry…I've been having a really horrible day today and I think I snapped at your husband." Her quiet laughter filled the room as she walked forward. "Don't worry dear. We all have those days sometimes. Now, are you hungry? I was just about to make dinner." My hand slapped against my forehead as soon as she said dinner.
"Oh no, I forgot! I have to go home and cook dinner. I'll go get Emmett." Before I could move, a slight pressure was put on my shoulder and familiar electricity spread throughout my body. "No, it's okay. I'll take you home. Emmett and Rosalie are a bit…busy right now, if you know what I mean." The thought made me blush and I nodded my head once, not willing to go and break up the little "love-fest" that I'm sure they were having right now.
I walked along with Edward to the car, acutely aware of our close proximity. Why did these emotions have to show up now? Why Edward, the one person who was untouchable? This angered me to no end. My already sour mood was getting worse, Esme's calm voice already fading away from my memory, no longer holding me down to sanity. "Bella, are you feeling alright? You look kind of pale."
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to ease away the anger but to no avail. "Of course I'm fine Edward. I'm always fine. And I always look pale. That's what happens when there is no damned sun in this god-forsaken town. You turn albino!"
"Bella, I know something's wrong. Getting angry about it isn't the answer to it. Now, please tell me what's wrong." He pleaded, but I wouldn't give in. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster that, no matter what turns and loops it took, always returned to anger and frustration. "Edward, why don't I just pay you to be my shrink? Obviously you feel the need to analyze me anyway, so why not get paid for it?" The Volvo had come to a stop and I quickly slid out of the car, miraculously not stumbling in the process. My cane in front of me, tapping lightly across the concrete, I stomped towards the front door. Quickly plucking the spare key from its hiding space, I unlocked the door and slammed it shut behind me. I'm sure the door didn't deserve to face my wrath, but I couldn't find it in me to care.
I made my way into the kitchen, pulling the fish and Henry Clearwater's special fish fry from the fridge and placing oil to heat in a skillet. I heard the door open and close quietly. The familiar foot steps just made me angry. Why was he here? "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to prod into your life; I just wanted to be helpful." His voice was heart breaking, so full of sadness, almost like a child who had just been told by their parents to be quiet. I wanted to be sorry. I wanted to apologize and tell him I wasn't in the best mood, but I couldn't. For some unknown reason, my anger overthrew my guilt and sadness.
"Edward, just go, okay? I don't need this right now." With a quiet sigh, he left, closing the door quietly behind him. Walking back over to the fridge, I opened the door to get out a couple eggs. Once I closed the door, I leaned my head against it. Angry with myself for being mad at Edward, I hit my head a few times, trying to rid myself of my stupidity. I wonder what would happen if people were able to stop stupidity by causing themselves bodily injury. Or perhaps they would be so stupid that they accidentally hurt themselves anyway.
A couple minutes later, the oil was hot enough and the fish battered evenly, ready to be cooked up for Charlie and Emmett when they got home. I placed a couple fillets in the pan, doing my best to avoid splattering oil all over my skin. I took out a pair and metal tongs and allowed the fish to fry, thinking over today in my head. Today really had been awful, but I made it worse by treating people horribly. Everyone deserved an apology for my rude behavior, though it probably seemed like I was hormonal today.
Prodding the fish with the tip of the tongs, I realized I was probably burning it and flipped it quickly. Quickly remembering to add a bit of salt, I crossed the kitchen and grabbed it. My hand hit it, causing it to fall and spill over. "Damn," I mumbled to myself. I picked it up and crossed the kitchen again, only to trip in the process. My hands reached out in front me, desperately trying to grasp something to keep me from toppling to the ground. But what my hand hit wasn't pleasant. My wrist the curve of the skillet, causing my skin to burn and stick to it. I gasped in pain, but what came next was much worse. Oil from the pan splattered on my arm, searing it and causing a horrible stinging and burning sensation to erupt across my nerve endings. I screamed, the pain too unbearable to take.
Grease from the pan had splattered on the floor, making it hard to move without slipping and the pain was turning into a constant sting on my skin. I didn't hear someone open the door, but I did hear what came next. "Bella, I'm sorry, I think I left my jack-Oh my god, Bella!" I heard Edward run towards me, apparently much more graceful than me because he didn't even slide against the greasy floor. The click of the stove dial told me that he had just turned it off, saving me from having a kitchen fire. Taking in the situation, I assume he understood what happened because he automatically dragged me over to the sink, running cold water down my arm, easing the burn.
I wanted so desperately to cry, to get my emotional release…it was getting harder to keep them in. "Bella, it's okay; you're fine." I turned into his chest and held myself there; willing the tears away, but they were resisting my pleas. "Bella, please, tell me, are you okay?" My head shook, or maybe that was my whole body. Everything felt so cold compared to the burning on my arm. "No, no, I can't. I can't cry. I can't cry…" I mumbled to myself, trying to rid things away, hoping my words would be enough. Apparently, I didn't say the mantra quietly enough, because automatically, Edward pulled away, grasping my face between his hands.
"What do you mean you can't cry?! Bella, if you need to cry, go ahead. I won't judge you." He had it all wrong, but his words made it even harder. I shook my head again, trying to pull away from him, but he held my arms to him, his iron grasp not relinquishing any.
"Tell me Bella. There's something you aren't telling me. Please. I can't stand this." My knees weakened beneath me and I nearly fell over. His strong arms supported me, slowly lowering me to the floor so he could sit along with me. "Bella, trust me. I've been here. I've always been here, just tell me."
"I can't. I can't…I just can't…I'm sorry…so sorry…so…"
EPOV
Her quiet pleas for me to not ask weren't going to work. It killed me for her to be in pain, but whatever it was that she wasn't telling me was causing more pain than she was letting on. "Bella, please." I pleaded, hoping desperately that she would talk to me, let me hear her. She didn't move, she just sat there, making me want to know exactly what was going on in her head. "I will tell you, but you will hate me afterwards. You will never want to see me again," she whispered. Her eyes watered, the milky veil still shielding what her mind held, but not hiding the clear emotions on her face. Pure agony, pain that I knew wasn't from the crescent shaped burn on her wrist or the oil splattered on her upper arm that were now bright red against her ivory skin.
"I could never hate you Bella." I tried to put in as much sincerity into my voice as possible. She shook her head, mumbling "Never say never" once.
(A/N: I was going to then put, "And then she told me her story." And then ended it. But I know I wouldn't be alive tomorrow if I did that, so yeah. LOL. Are you ready?)
"I don't know where to begin," she murmured quietly, pain seeping through her words. I put my arms around her, not caring if this was crossing the friendship boundaries that we had set up at the beginning of our friendship. "Just start wherever you are more comfortable." With a small nod, she began.
"Remember when you asked me about my blindness? You asked how long I'd been blind." I nodded, and then remembered that she couldn't see it. "Yes, I remember that."
"I didn't tell you because…that's the whole reason I left Phoenix. I can't go back." Then I remembered something. A little piece of information that just seemed to stand out above all the rest. "Bella, who's James?" She visibly stiffened, her jaw clenched shut.
"How do you know James?" she spoke through clenched teeth, her voice etched with pain and anger. I tightened my hold around her and spoke in her ear. "You talk in your sleep, Bella. Please, just tell me, who is he?"
"He was…my boyfrie-," she paused momentarily, "My ex-boyfriend." My breathing stopped short. Green clouded my eyesight as jealousy took over, but the look in Bella's eyes washed it all away. "And it's all my fault that he's dead." A gasp stopped in my throat. Dead?
"Bella, I'm sorry, but I don't really understand." She nodded once again, and continued. "About a year and a half ago, James Whitaker was the most popular guy in my school. I wasn't exactly popular, I didn't have many friends, so when he asked me out, I was confused but ecstatic nonetheless. So, we went out on a date." She paused, collecting herself, before continuing. "We went out for about four months and one day, he surprised me by coming over to my house. He brought me flowers and told me we were going out to dinner…and then, he told me that….," she tightened her grip on me, "that he loved me." I instantly stiffened, unable to get rid of the undeniable anger and jealousy I felt. Someone else loved her…but did she love him?
"And I didn't say it back. I didn't love him, not yet. When I told him, he got angry. He said that I was cheating on him, that I did love him but I was in denial. And he left me at the restaurant until my mom could pick me up. He didn't talk to me for days and so one of my friends, Victoria Scott, invited me to a party. She said that it would help get my mind off of James. I didn't know then that she hated me because he loved me." She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. "When we got there, everybody was drinking and smoking and I just wanted to get out of there.
"When I went to find Victoria, I was pushed into a wall. I freaked out when I saw that James was pinning me to the wall. He was drunk and I couldn't get away from him. He tried to….he was going to…" I held her tighter, silently telling her that she didn't have to say it.
"Someone walked into the closet thinking it was the bathroom, so James just pulled me out and dragged me to his car. I tried to get away and he just kept pulling me. He pushed me in the car and he just started driving." I quiet sob escaped her throat. "I tried to get him to stop, but he didn't listen. He was swerving on the road and people were honking at us, but he just didn't stop. I was too busy trying to stop him to see that he was heading straight for a tree. All I remember is hearing the crash and then not being able to see. I didn't feel anything, I just couldn't see. And James…he was…just…he…wouldn't wake up. And it was my entire fault!" That's when her hot tears landed on my shoulder, searing my skin with the pain that she felt. I carefully lifted her up and carried her to the living room couch. Her sobs didn't stop, but they quieted slightly after a few minutes. When they stopped, I pulled away slightly to see that she had fallen asleep. I didn't want to leave her, but I needed to bandage her arm and apply ointment if she didn't want to be in pain in the morning.
I placed her down on the couch and quickly ran up to the bathroom to look for the first aid kit. As soon as I got it, I got to work on her arm. The oil splatters weren't that bad, but she was going to have a crescent shaped scar on her wrist from the skillet burn. I bandaged it carefully, hoping that she didn't feel any of the stinging. When I finished, I tossed away the used swabs and sat next to Bella on the couch, lifting Bella so she could lie in my arms. I knew that lying on my body couldn't be anymore comfortable than the couch, but I was too selfish to care. I wanted, no, needed to hold her tight, to reassure her that everything would be alright. To tell her that it wasn't her fault, but the fault of James.
What could have been hours or mere minutes later, Emmett walked through his front door and took in the scene in front of him. He ran up to Bella and fell on his knees when he saw the bandages. "My god…Edward, what happened? Bella, are you okay?!" His frantic voice nearly woke Bella, but I quickly shushed him. "Emmett, she's fine. She was making dinner and well, you know how clumsy Bella is." His tensed posture relaxed before he started eying us, his gaze switching between Bella and I.
"OK, then what happened between you two?" His gaze seemed teasing, but there was an honest curiosity behind it. I sighed quietly, looking deeply at Bella's closed eyes and the calm look on her face. "She let me catch her when she fell."
And there you have it! You have Bella's story, which seemed pretty simple to me. And I've researched blindness from an accident like that, and it actually can happen. And no, Bella didn't get glass in her eye. That's like a remake of some sort of Lifetime movie. But we'll get into that in later chapters.
So….if you review…I'll sing play the Happy Birthday song for you on Christmas!! Maybe….
And for those of you who didn't know, I'm still doing the word challenge. I really wasn't focusing on that though because this chapter was super important. But the word "gold" by the3rdBronte was used in this chapter. Thank you the3rdBronte!!
And I was serious about you people visiting my site. I really want people to read it. I promise to have more crud on it later, but for now, please just read it or whatever. Oh, and please sign my guestbook or contact me or something. I also have up a couple blog entries. I think the most recent one is more important, but whatever.
Please review!!
Sincerely Yours,
Laura a.k.a sovoyita
