Chapter 12
June 3rd, 2011
She stopped short just in front of the sliding doors, and his heart raced as he watched her stiff back. The leader said something to her. He sneered. She said something back, her head turning so he could see the side of her face but no more. He watched as she swallowed prominently, taking a subconscious step back. Two other men were behind her. Keeping a close distance, watching her every move.
The leader stepped closer now, getting in her face. He said something, his voice so low that this time Booth didn't even hear the murmur that came with the words. She responded, her voice stronger. But it was high-pitched, and he knew she was terrified.
He smiled at her, tilting his head to the side and regarding her with a new sort of interest. It made Booth's skin crawl. Whatever it was that he said next, it was worse than everything that had led up to it. Her face went white, and Booth pulled uselessly at the handcuffs, instantly wanting to be at her side. Forget all the danger, he wanted to pull her into his arms. He wanted that expression on her face to go away and never come back.
She said a single word. He didn't have to be brilliant at lip-reading to know that it was a simple 'why'?
She closed her eyes when he answered, a shiver running through her slender frame. It only widened the grin visible through the opening in the man's mask. Defiance washed over her features, but she said nothing.
Booth desperately wished he could hear what was going on. He wished he could take her place, because a sick feeling was spinning around in his gut and he had a terrible suspicion about where this was going.
As it began to play out, though, he was trapped in his own mind. Frozen in place, the handcuff pulled tight. He wanted to scream, wanted to cry as the evidence was taken away from her and walked out the door. She looked positively blind with fear as her arms were jerked violently behind her. She was shoved brutally against the wall as the new zip-ties were looped around her wrists and pulled tight.
The communication between the leader and his men was silent, but it was obvious. He left, then, with the man holding the evidence, and the one who remained was large and well-muscled. He pulled his gun out, and Booth realized with a sudden flash that it was his gun. The one the FBI had issued to him. And suddenly it was pressed to the back of her head, and he could hear the sharp intake of breath from her as if he was standing right by her side.
Or maybe it had come from his own lips.
But it felt like he hadn't breathed since they had come in, so that couldn't be possible.
Could it?
He shoved all other thoughts away as the "No!" ripped loose from his throat without any decision on his part to use it. He heard a shout from Angela as well, but had no idea what she had said.
The only thing he could focus on was the fact that Bones was against the wall, pinned, bound, and helpless. There was a gun to her head. She was about to die, and he was about to watch it. He was about to watch as his entire world, as the woman he loved, the woman with his child growing inside of her, was murdered. He was about to lose both of them.
The sound of the safety clicking off was like a pin being dropped. Everyone was frozen. Time stood still.
And then, she was begging. He had no idea what she was saying, but he could hear the sob in her throat as it echoed off the walls. The desperation made her voice thin and high-pitched, and it wasn't a sound he had ever heard from her. It was raw, and terrifying. He felt like he'd just been shoved into ice water.
There was consideration there, on the face of the man. And Booth could see his face, he realized. There was no mask. The face was there, the face from the interrogation room. But he had never seen him before.
He was going to walk away. That was what was supposed to happen in this scenario. Booth could see it. It was a memory. But the scene in front of him was still very real.
And so was the sound of the gunshot.
He jolted upright in the bed, and gasped as he looked around, trying to get his bearings. Had he shouted? He was fairly certain he had, but he couldn't be sure. His eyes swept around in the darkness, trying to find the familiar outline of his dresser, or the lamp on the bedside table next to him.
But he found a short, chubby lamp instead, and a low set of drawers with some sort of artifact on top of it. A thin sliver of light came in through the window, but it was from street lights and cars, not from sunrise. The clock said 2:14 a.m.
He was in Bones' bed, he realized after a long moment. His eyes strayed across to the empty space beside him, and the sheets in disarray that showed he had not been alone the whole night. But the spot was cold, as was her pillow.
The absence felt raw, and he swallowed sharply, still caught on the border between dream and reality. The gunman had walked away. He had left her against that wall and she had slipped down to the floor, numb with shock and weak from the fear that had just drained from her.
And yet, without her next to him, he couldn't shake the images that still clung firmly in the forefront of his memory. That shot had gone off.
A light snapped on in the hallway, and it washed into the room through the open door. He lifted his hand up to shield his eyes, wincing and blinking to clear his vision.
"Booth?" her voice said, her form silhouetted in the doorway. She was concerned, and maybe even a bit afraid.
Nothing could have stopped him from shoving off those sheets and scrambling off the mattress to go to her.
"Oh!" she gasped in surprise as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, clutching her to him.
He didn't let go, and she gradually lifted her own arms up to wrap around his shoulders, her slender fingers pressing into his hot skin.
"I love you," he whispered into her hair, his breath blowing a few loose strands away from her face. She didn't say anything in response, but she squeezed her arms around him briefly. And then she pulled back, and he regretfully let her go, stepping back a pace to look her in the eyes.
"You had a nightmare," she said. It wasn't a question.
He reached up a hand to brush it through his hair, and then he nodded. He would have felt self-conscious, normally, admitting something like that. And he still did, to a small degree. But there was something about telling her… that made him feel like it was okay. Like she wasn't judging. Maybe it was the way she had said it, like she understood. Like it was expected, like she just wanted to know the details so she could help.
They were so alike that it was hard to remember them ever thinking they were opposites. He would have done the exact same thing for her, if he had been the one to find her in the wake of a dream like the one he had just experienced. And there was nothing, nothing in the world, that would have made him judge her for it, or make her feel like she was worth any less because of it. He would have just… been there.
And she was doing that now, for him. Because she wasn't saying anything. She was just standing there, tilting her head to the side. Waiting to see if he'd say anything more about it.
He couldn't disappoint her as she met his gaze with a protectiveness in her eyes that seemed to burn through him. Connecting them. She didn't need to say the words. He knew how she felt—it was written all over her, from her eyes to the set of her mouth to the softness of her hands as they rested gently on his arms. She bit into her lower lip lightly, her white teeth puckering the pink flesh.
"I'll die if I ever lose you," he whispered raggedly.
She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She swallowed, and then said hesitantly, "You… you told me that earlier."
"Yeah," he agreed, "But I need you to believe that. Because… I can't live without you. It's just… it's not possible, Bones."
"Okay. I understand," she said reassuringly, fear paling her features. He could see her desperately trying to read him. Trying to understand where this was coming from.
"Today… yesterday, was just… a lot on me," he said heavily, stepping back a few paces and blowing out a heavy sigh.
"That's what you had the nightmare about," she reasoned, slowly nodding as she started to put the pieces together. "And… it ended differently."
The way he set his jaw, and how he looked at her after that gave her the answer she was seeking. A look washed over her face, and it was one that he recognized. The look she got when all her personal feelings washed away and were replaced with endless compassion for someone else.. He didn't think she even knew she did it—especially with the way she still managed to claim she didn't have an open heart. There was another thing for him to add to his to-do list. Get her to stop thinking that.
"How did you know?" he asked, his shoulders sagging as the thought hit him. She was good at reading him, but there was something… different about the way she'd said it. Like she was making a connection to herself rather than between rational points.
She hesitated, her eyes following the skyline formed by the shadows of her possessions on the wall.
"I have experienced similar nightmares. Situations that end differently. It was hard to… not experience them. After you… died."
She didn't mean it maliciously, and she wasn't trying to start a blame-game with him. But he felt the blow hit him and knock the air out of him. She didn't talk about it—didn't bring up her feelings about those two weeks. But he had believed Sweets when the shrink had suggested that her anger was overcompensation for the strength of her other feelings. Well… he half-believed it. Mostly, he believed she was so furious because of the feelings that had been forced out of her for no reason. And really, he couldn't blame her. If their roles had been reversed… he would have died himself over losing her. And to have her just show up again, completely calm and collected about the whole thing… well, he wouldn't have been any happier with her than she had been with him, after the relief hit him, of course.
"I'm sorry, Bones," he said softly.
"Don't," she responded sharply, shaking her head. "My intention was merely to explain the facts. It was… years ago. And I… I admit that it helped me realize a lot of things. It's in the past."
He smiled gently. "Still. I'd change it if I could."
She almost laughed. "I'll let you know when someone invents time travel, Booth."
"Ah, so you think you'll know before me? That's not very fair. I'm more up on modern technology than you are. You wouldn't even have a television if it wasn't for me."
"That has nothing to do with it. I would know before you because if the advances in science are going to happen anywhere… it will be at the Jeffersonian. Or at the very least with consultation with one of our top scientists."
He couldn't help but chuckle. The topic had turned light, and he was grateful of that. But of course, it couldn't stay that way. The smile slowly melted away from her face, and she regarded him again with concern, her eyebrows drawn together.
"Are you okay, Booth?" she asked quietly.
He thought about the question, and then pulled her into his arms again. He felt her heartbeat thudding with his.
"Yeah, Bones, I'm okay," he murmured. When he pulled back, though, it was because he had a fresh question on his mind. "What are you doing up at this hour, anyways?"
She flushed slightly. "I was having a hard time getting to sleep. So… I was doing some research."
He let the second part slide for the moment. "Hard time sleeping?"
"I… also experienced an unpleasant dream."
He raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. What exactly had hers entailed? Had it ended the same way as his? He almost didn't want to know, and yet he was desperate to find out at the same time.
She sighed, brushing her hair out of her face. "I was unprepared for this pregnancy, obviously. And, because I was caught off-guard, I didn't plan things as well as I would have." He was waiting for her to get to the part about her dream, but already his stomach was clenching uncomfortably. "The anxiety that… comes with that has been keeping me awake much more than I would like."
"And the dream?" he coaxed tentatively. She hadn't pushed him, and he didn't want to push her… but it felt like she wanted to tell him and was just having a hard time with it.
She shook her head. And there were… God, were those tears in her eyes?
"Bones…" he whispered in shock. To his relief, she didn't back away or try to push him back when he stepped forward to engulf her in his arms yet again.
"I can't lose this child," she choked into his shoulder. "I can't, Booth…"
"Shh…" he soothed gently, "It's okay, Bones… the doc, she said that there wasn't anything on your tests. She said it was all progressing normally. And you not having the normal symptoms… that's pretty great news since they aren't all that pleasant. It's all okay… our baby is going to be healthy. She's going to be beautiful…"
Bones clutched more tightly around his shoulders, and he nestled her more securely into his shoulder.
One thing he loved about her was how strong she was. How she didn't let anyone push her around, how she spoke her mind, how she could stare death in the face without flinching. It made her all the more amazing in his eyes, even if it scared him to death half the time.
But what so many people missed when they saw all of that… was that she was buried inside of all of that, and she was just like the rest of them underneath. Better. She was tough as nails, but she could also be soft. She could need human contact as much as anyone else, and she could accept help when it was offered. She could cry, even though few had seen it from her.
It didn't mean she did it often. But when she did… it always broke his heart. He was glad to be there, though, at the same time. Relieved, really, to be the one who could soothe her fears. The one who could try and make it better, who could try to coax a smile from her again, and brighten her mood even on the darkest of days.
Her fears did not make her weak. Her tears didn't take away anything from his view on her. If anything, they strengthened it. She needed him as much as he needed her, and neither of them had to hide it anymore.
He didn't ask again what the dream was about. He could surmise enough from what she'd said, and to be honest… he didn't want to hear the details. He didn't want to relive it with her. He wanted to erase it, and fill the spot it left with warm and happy memories.
"You said you were doing research?" he asked, keeping his tone light as he stroked his hand up and down the smooth planes of her back.
She pulled back, brushing quickly at her eyes. He pretended not to notice.
"Yes," she said smoothly. "Angela… gave me an assortment of books on pregnancy and babies in general, and I was looking through them. I have been… putting it off, for a while now."
"Because you were worried about things between us," Booth clarified. Hell, if they were going to be all emotional tonight and talk about their fears… he might as well give them an opportunity to clear some of the other stuff up. He wasn't going to let them tiptoe around the issue anymore. Time to get it out of the way and move on. Although, they had already started them, with their admissions of feelings for one another.
Her eyes widened in surprise, and then she nodded slowly, watching his face with her brows knit together in confusion. As if she was trying to figure out why he was bringing it up. Or how he knew that. Either one.
"Bones… I don't want you to ever have to worry about that again. And if you ever have any doubts, about anything at all… I want you to know that you can talk to me about them. I don't want you to think anything is off limits, because I'm telling you… I will never stop loving you."
And of course, that was when the doubt appeared most strongly on her features.
His heart clenched as he watched her trying to put together the right words.
"You told me… a few years ago," she started hesitantly. "That you loved me. And then you… said it wasn't like that. That it was in an—"
"Atta girl kind of way," Booth cut in, nodding.
She bit her lip again, nodding in return. Her eyes were wide, and she was waiting for him to say something. Probably expecting an explanation for that, and his behavior following it. He could see her thought process now, and it brought him little comfort. He did possess an explanation for it… but the issue was going to be trying to make her believe it.
"I was covering," he started. "I had just realized that what I had, the feelings that I had for you… they were real. And I was… well, I was terrified you were going to panic. Or tell me you didn't feel the same way."
She nodded sharply. He couldn't read the expression on her face. Thoughtful was the best description he could give for it.
"So you were in love with me?" she clarified. "Almost three years ago?"
"Yeah. I was."
She looked like she was about to say something, but then changed her mind and took a different course. "I don't know what I would have done, if you had not taken it back. But…" she hesitated, and then came to a complete stop, at a loss.
"What is it?" he said nervously. "You can tell me anything. Anything at all, okay? I need to hear it, and I'd rather know than have you worrying about it. Believe me."
She took a steadying breath. "I was hopeful," she whispered. "For… for that second before you added the 'Atta girl' bit."
"Because you thought I loved you," he filled in, his heart pounding. God, what had he done, all those years ago? He'd given her some sort of hope and then crushed it before she'd even gotten a chance to process. No wonder she had been so worried about his feelings even after he'd started to make it clear he still was interested in having something with her in the wake of Hannah.
"Yes," she whispered.
And, God, she was fighting tears again. Damn if he didn't hate himself in that moment.
"I love you," he said firmly, drawing her focus back to his face. His voice was serious, leaving no room for argument. "I love you so much, Bones. Remember what I said. That isn't changing, no matter what. And… I'm sorry for everything in the past. For that false start on the sidewalk, for the night outside the Hoover, for… for everything that happened after we came back from our trips…"
"Stop," she said, her tone tight and her eyes closed. "Please, just… stop."
He ground to a halt, running his tongue over his lips and swallowing sharply. Her eyes were still closed.
"I don't like it when you try to… to take guilt onto yourself for things I don't blame you for. It's unfair, to both of us. And I would really appreciate it if you stopped. Now."
He stared at her in amazement, and she finally blinked her eyes open, lifting her lids to look up through her lashes at him, carefully reading his surprise.
"I hurt you," he stated, as though it explained everything.
"Yes, you did. And I hurt you, too. We hurt each other. A lot," she added pointedly. "And I've got a lot of regrets. I'm sure you do, too. But I don't want to live with them anymore. I want to just… be with you, Booth. That's all I want. I just want you. I don't want to have to live with any of this hanging over us."
"Which is why I was trying to get it out of the way."
"Thank you," she said, and her tone rang with honesty. "I'm glad that you did. But… I don't want to keep talking about it if you're going to start blaming yourself again. Yes, there are things I want answers for. And I'm sure the same applies to you. But my terms remain the same. We each take the blame and agree to move past it. I don't need you trying to bear the guilt or whatever it is for me. Understood?"
He laughed. He couldn't help it; she just amazed him beyond belief sometimes.
At first, she frowned in alarm, maybe even a bit of anger, but then it faded as he just smiled at her and said, "You… are one hell of a woman, Bones. You really are."
"I'm… not sure what that means, but… thank you."
"Alright, so while we're at it… what else did you want to ask me? We were going somewhere with that, weren't we?"
"Yes, we were," she said truthfully. But she glanced towards the door. They were still standing in the middle of her bedroom. "Maybe if we went out to my living room?"
"Excellent plan."
The plan had been to go back to his place last night. And then… one thing had led to another, and they were closer to her apartment, and he hadn't found any reasonable objections. Her place was nice, too. It was her, through and through. From the design to the modesty of her decorations. He had always loved going there for takeout and paperwork on late nights, because it was wide open and yet inviting at the same time. With her large flat screen tv, it wasn't hard to picture them living there. Although, the question still remained about how they were going to handle the changes to their living space, what with the baby and Parker.
All in all, though, her place was more acceptable for accommodating a family. He would have to discuss it with her, though. A part of him still had an idyllic picture conjured up, of a grassy front lawn with a couple kids running around. Maybe a dog, too, and a few rows of daisies and daffodils lining the front of the house.
There was no way of knowing where she might stand on something like that, and he pushed it off for another time, storing the pleasant mental image for later reference.
He couldn't help being surprised when they stepped out of the hallway and into her large sitting area. The couch, chair, and coffee table were covered with books. She hadn't been lying about the research. She moved past him to clear off enough room for them to sit side-by-side, and he glanced at an open book on the table as he sat down, seeing an unpleasant image of a C section. He flinched slightly, and turned to focus on her, trying not to think about it. They could discuss her 'research' later.
He raised an eyebrow at her expectantly. The conversation was in her hands, after all.
"What I wanted to say before… was that a lot seems to have happened between you figuring out you had feelings for me and… now."
In other words You've slept with and had relationships with other people, claiming to be in love, since figuring out you were in love with me. It was a loaded question, and it wasn't even an actual question that she'd given him to work with.
He sucked in a deep breath.
"I told you once… that you can love multiple people at the same time. But, you always love one person the most—there's always someone you're meant to be with."
"And… you're saying that despite your relationships in that time, you were still in love with me."
"Yeah, Bones. That's what I'm saying."
She considered that for a moment.
"You asked Hannah to marry you."
He tried not to feel guilty for that, and it helped that she sounded only curious. Not even slightly accusing. She just wanted to know. She just needed an explanation, like he had expected she would. She was a scientist, after all, through and through.
She thrived on answers that made sense. Rationality was her best friend.
"And if she'd said yes… I'd probably be in the middle of trying to figure out how to cut off an engagement. Bones, I don't want you to think that… that I didn't have feelings for Hannah. Because I don't do that—I don't lie about those things, and I've certainly never manipulated women like that. But… I was looking for a way out. After things didn't work with you. And Hannah was the first thing I found. I guess it just… felt good, to have someone in my life, and to feel needed, and I latched onto it. I got attached, and I sort of fell in love. And because of that… I misinterpreted a lot of stuff and mistreated a lot of people in my life." He looked at her pointedly as he said it. He didn't want to start apologizing again, since she disapproved of that so strongly, but he also wanted it to be known that he was aware of what he had been doing, and he was sorry for it. She deserved to know that, at the least.
"You were… in love with me while you were with Hannah?" she asked. He could tell she was having a hard time wrapping her mind around it. He didn't blame her—he'd been horrible to her while he was with Hannah. Of course it would be hard to believe he'd still been head over heels for her while he was seeing the other woman. In all honesty, the more he had missed Bones, the more he had gotten serious with Hannah. Desperation did funny things to people.
"I didn't want to be," he said softly, trying not to grimace at the flash of pain that cut across her features. It vanished almost instantly, though, and she nodded in understanding. He didn't like this at all. Didn't like telling her things that hurt her. But she had told him things that had hurt him, and she had wanted this to be a fair thing. She wanted them both to accept what they had done, and he had to agree with her there. And it was hardly fair if he was saying he wanted her to be honest with him, if he was dying to unburden her, and then refusing to comply with her wishes. It was an odd sort of selfishness, wanting to feel more pain that someone else.
He didn't enjoy any aspect of that particular part of their situation.
"Which was why I asked her to marry me, I think. I wanted it to work so much that I was ignoring the truth. And that was that I could never get over you, no matter what. I mean… Bones, I don't think you realize just how much I missed you, during that time. I used to feel so guilty, thinking about how I wanted to spend an evening with you doing paperwork over going on a date with my girlfriend. And so… I took it out on you."
She was chewing on her lip again.
"I remember," she said shortly. "And… your explanation makes sense. I turned you down and… hurt you a great deal by doing so. I deserved the consequences that followed. I don't blame you for the way things went while you were with Hannah."
And there she went, breaking her own rules.
"It thought we weren't blaming ourselves?" he said, his voice half-serious, half-teasing.
She frowned, and then realization washed over her features. She cracked a nervous smile. "It's… a lot harder to do than it is to say."
"You aren't kidding," he agreed emphatically.
"But… that's because we feel so strongly about one another. I don't want to see you in pain."
"And I don't want to see you in pain, either," he finished, nodding.
They both fell silent. There didn't seem to be much else to say, which amazed him. He had been so sure there was more there. It had felt like he'd been living under the weight of the earth, with everything burdening him down. Now, to think he'd said all he could think of… was simply indescribable.
He reached over onto the cushion beside him to pick up an unopened book that was sitting there. It was about time they changed the subject. He felt lighter, now, and despite the late—or early, depending on how it was looked at—hour, he wasn't tired in the slightest. He felt energized.
"Baby names," he read, raising an eyebrow and flipping through, stopping on the pages that were dog-eared to scan through the names. None of them seemed like the kind Bones would have marked, though.
"Angela's," she reminded him, as though she could read his mind.
He nodded, remembering that she'd said that. "Did you… have a look at this yet, then?"
She shook her head. "No, I was more so looking into the technical aspect. It's early, of course, but… I'm displeased with being unprepared for anything, and I want to know… everything that I can. I find that I'm surprisingly uninformed on the topic."
"Hey, there's always something new to learn. I think you told me that, at some point."
"Probably."
"So, you haven't even glanced at this?" he continued, flipping a few more pages and crinkling his nose at a few names he would never consider. He felt sorry for the kids whose parents actually thought it was a good idea to call them these things. Like those celebrities who wanted to be unique. He'd never understand it.
"No," she said again, her lips twisting in that way that told him she wasn't sure if she had something else to say or not. He didn't get the chance to ask, though, because she started speaking again after only a moment. "I wanted to wait. Look over them… with you."
She blushed again as she said it, something he was starting to get used to enjoying. She was so beautiful, and he didn't have the heart to tell her she had nothing to be embarrassed about. It would probably only make her flush a deeper red if he mentioned it.
He beamed. "That was… that's great, Bones. I'm really… I'm really glad. Do you want to… take a look now, maybe?"
"It is still early," she reminded him, but a slight spark had lit up in her eyes, and he knew that she wanted to do this. It was strange, to think that they had only barely figured out their joint feelings, and here they were, going through baby books. Strange, but wonderful. This was what he had always wanted with her. He'd have to remember to tell her that, sometime. To tell her just how much he had always wanted to share these exact moments with her.
She was giving him everything he'd ever wanted, just by being her. He wondered if she would ever fully understand that. If she'd ever get the full extent of just how valuable she was, just how much she had impacted his life just by existing.
Probably not, but he could certainly try to make her see it. Every day, he vowed. From now until the end of time.
"Rose," he said, raising an eyebrow as they flipped past the page.
"I never liked the idea of naming children after flowers."
"Alright, how about…"
~BxBxBxBxBxB~
She blinked her eyes open in the glow of the morning light that had crept in through the gaps in her shades, and let out a low moan as she stretched. The space next to her in the bed was empty, and she frowned for a moment before she heard the shower running in the background. A contented smile spread across her face, and she slumped back onto the pillows, sighing.
It had been a long time since she had brought a man back to her place. A very long time.
Her home was hers, a sanctuary of sorts. Whenever possible, she had gone to her partner's place. There, it was so much easier. If she was unhappy with his company or did not wish to stay the night, she could leave and not risk the complications. It didn't work that way if he was the one in her bed, although on the few occasions where that had occurred she hadn't really faced much trouble in sending her company packing.
With Booth, things were completely different. She had wanted him at her place; it was a place that belonged to the both of them, anyways, and a place she felt completely comfortable with his arms around her. And it felt a bit like she had finally fulfilled something. Like she'd finally succeeded at something in her life. All those years thinking about him, all that time wishing she could have the courage to do something about it, wishing she could trust herself to never hurt him, trust herself to try for him… and now, here she was.
In an actual relationship with Seeley Booth.
The smile on her face only grew wider as she closed her eyes and breathed in his familiar scent from the sheets that surrounded her.
They belonged to each other, and they belonged together. She didn't care if it wasn't logical, didn't care if it wasn't rational. The laws of the universe were changing. Or at least, the ones that applied directly to her.
And for once, she didn't care how upside-down things became. Because they were finally working in her favor.
She lazily slid a hand up to rest her open palm on the warm skin of her abdomen. It didn't feel real, in many ways. None of it did, except when she thought of her time with Booth. When she thought of the moments they shared, and the electricity of their skin as it came into contact again and again.
That was real, without a doubt.
But the pregnancy… it still had her off-balance. There were the minute changes, like those she had mentioned to Booth, but there wasn't anything that truly shouted that she was pregnant. She wasn't showing, at all, yet. She didn't feel much different, truly. But she knew that she was different now. That everything was different now.
The fears had subsided on that front. Booth was here, with her. He loved her, and he loved their unborn child. She no longer had to worry about the situation she might be bringing her child into, or the confusion that she might be faced with herself if she had been right about Booth's lack of interest in her.
Never had she been so glad to be wrong.
They had come up with a list of names, last night. Before they had wound up back in bed. Booth had been happy to just search out suitable girl ones, but she had insisted that they consider boy names as well. He might trust her gut, and she might be pretty sure of it, but science still told her she was being ridiculous. It was a fifty-fifty chance at either boy or girl. And she wasn't going to be unprepared for anything else in this pregnancy.
There would be no serious shopping until the sex of their child was confirmed, and she had tried to stress that to him. But at the mention of shopping, Booth's face had lit up in a way no man's face had ever lit up at the mention of the word. But she knew that it was because of the baby, and no other reason. He had missed out on a lot of that stuff with Parker, and he had told her that he was going to do everything with her. No matter how un-manly it was, or how ridiculous—she had no cravings yet, but he assured her that she would, and that they'd likely be weird—he had said he was in it all the way. Not because he felt some sort of duty… but because he loved this. Loved her, loved the fact she was pregnant, loved the idea of being a family.
And God, if she didn't love him more for every one of the sweet words that came out of his mouth.
The shower turned off, and a moment later he emerged into the bedroom wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist. She couldn't help the predatory smile that immediately leapt onto her face.
"Good morning," he said, his voice smooth and warm. He was already awake; his voice lacked the gravelly, morning edge to it that she sometimes heard when he was still bleary-eyed at the office.
She merely raised an eyebrow, and he laughed, shaking his head.
"You have no idea how much I don't want to say this, Bones, but we do have to go to work at some point."
She frowned. Right, work. It was fascinating how quickly her priorities could be rearranged. She was late to work almost never, and she abhorred it on the occasions when it was unavoidable. And yet, even now, thinking about how she needed to start her morning routine in order to arrive on time… she still felt no sense of urgency.
He saw that she was making no move to get up, and he chuckled shortly, coming around to her side of the bed to offer a quick kiss before he turned his attention to gathering up his clothing from the night before.
"You're going to go to work in the same clothes as yesterday?" she asked, shoving the sheets off of herself and turning to sit upright with her legs dangling off the side of the mattress.
"I thought we could stop off at my place on the way, so I could change."
"Unnecessary," she informed him, smiling smugly as she stood and moved to her dresser. She opened a drawer and extracted a clean shirt of his, holding it out to him.
"And how exactly did you get this?" he asked, laughing even as he accepted it.
"I have a few others as well," she said matter-of-factly.
He just shook his head, seeming to accept that she wasn't going to explain how she'd came into possession. He didn't ask about the other shirts, either, and she was grateful. She planned to keep them; some she'd had for years, and she didn't plan on parting with them.
Accepting that now that she was up it would be wise to be somewhat productive, she dug into her closet to find an outfit for the day. As she slid her hands through the materials, pushing aside hangers in her quest for a red blouse she was partial to, strong arms slid around and wrapped her in an embrace from behind. She laughed as he rested his chin down on her shoulder.
"Changing your mind now?"
"No, just enjoying myself."
She stepped away, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head to give him a warning look. "You weren't wrong before. I do need to get moving, even if I want to postpone the grilling I'm going to get from Angela."
"Hey, you got that one right."
She grinned. "Yes. I did. Now… are you going to join me in my shower, or make us breakfast."
He grimaced. "You kill me, Bones, you really do. Breakfast it is, but only because we're in a hurry. I expect a rain check on that. Tomorrow morning?"
"I will be taking you up on that offer," she said firmly, raising her eyebrows suggestively before she turned and headed into the bathroom.
Being with Booth was fascinating. There were a million things that she found she'd been wanting to say for years. Things that had jumped to the tip of her tongue before she had swallowed them because they didn't fit on her side of the 'line.' There were thoughts that had crossed her mind so many times, and dreams that had taunted her during the waking hours that followed them.
Having it all now… it changed things.
And this was almost natural. They bounced off each other with their flirting, with their confident remarks, just as much as they had been doing for years in the workplace in relation to casework. In some ways, things hadn't changed much. They had just… gone up a few notches. They were still on the same playing field—it felt like they'd always been there, to be honest. Like they'd just been waiting to get to this part.
As she stepped out of the shower, her thoughts went along a path that they had never taken before, though. Not with any man she'd ever been with. This was something that belonged. This was something that was permanent. And for the first time in her life, she was forced to hold herself back from diving in too quickly.
Because now, with all of this in front of her, and all the truths hanging there—reassuring her that he loved her, that this was right, that they belonged in each others arms and they were going to be a wonderful family together—she found herself planning. Thinking about a house, about whether or not she might want more than one child down the road, about the sort of neighborhood she would want to live in, and about all the things she wanted her child to have growing up.
She couldn't say all of that, though. They had only just confirmed their feelings for each other the day before, even though it felt like a lifetime ago. She had known, she realized now. She'd known all along that this was how it was supposed to be. That he loved her, and she loved him back just as much. And knowing it made her wonder how she could ever have doubted it. It just seemed like… reality. Her reality. But the point was that she couldn't just tell him she wanted them to live together, that she was excited at the prospect of house shopping.
How many men had she been with who had started moving too fast? None of them had ever worked out. And while she was sure of Booth in every way, she didn't want to overwhelm him. The pregnancy had already done that job very thoroughly, and there was no need to start throwing more at him.
Those things could wait. They would happen, and she was sure of it. But for now… they were for her to keep to herself. To consider, and dream.
The warm smell of eggs cooking hit her when she opened the door, and she smiled.
When this case was over, she wanted a vacation. With just her, and him, and unlimited possibilities stretching out in front of them.
And that… was something she was going to mention to him.
A/N: Ah, smooth sailing feels so good, doesn't it? A lot of heavy stuff out of the way. They do still have some things to work out, and there is some angst ahead... but I thought it would be nice to catch up with them and their relationship and take a quick break from the case details for a while. Plus I haven't had the pleasure of writing BxB as a couple in a very long time.
Feedback makes me write faster, so don't leave me wondering how well this chapter was received. Just hit the button and let me know! :D
PS: Has anyone else heard about the 13 episode season we're going to have? I feel better knowing it ahead of time, and I understand the reasoning what with Emily's pregnancy... but as a Bones addict, I can't help but feel rather saddened by the news. I just hope they can get together a fantastic set of episodes what with the story arc they have planned, so that it's action-packed and makes up for it.
