A/N: This chapter starts off from Bella's POV right after the fight between Edward and Bella. It continues on after the end of the last chapter. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns all.
POSSIBILITIES
BPOV
I don't remember ever having sworn at my pillow before.
In fact, I don't remember inflicting so much abuse on any one object before; my pacifistic tendencies normally didn't allow that. But my pillow was being punched with my good hand repeatedly, facing the punishment I desperately wished I could inflict upon myself without the risk of Emmett stopping me. After all, he was standing just outside my door, still waiting for me to unlock the old door. He probably could have broken it open by now. I didn't know why he didn't.
As I swore and cursed at myself and at Edward, I let the burning tears rush down my face and didn't even try and wipe away the saline water from my mouth. I could taste the salt on my tongue and it disgusted me. It was the blood without the rust.
It took hours to actually begin thinking clearly, to begin seeing that this wasn't all Edward's fault and that I needed to shoulder the blame so much more than Edward did. The anger had worn me out and left me to sit on my bedroom floor in a jumble of emotions, tears, and thoughts.
When the flow of tears had begun to slow, I began asking myself questions in which I would have to answer. For every tear that fell from this point on I would ask and answer a question. It wasn't logical but it was all I could think to do without opening my door and having an awkward Emmett try and help me sort out what was wrong with me.
For the first tear, I began my interrogation of myself.
Why did Edward get so mad?
Because he's a pompous jerk who is controlling and arrogant. He acted that way when we met. I should have known he'd be that way again.
Do you really believe that?
...No, I don't believe that.
Again, why was Edward so mad?
He was angry at me for not telling him the truth about my eyes. I didn't tell him that there was a chance that I could be cured.
Why did he want to know the truth so badly when he knew that you hadn't told him yourself?
Because he likes being aware. He likes to know what's going on.
Is that all?
No...
What else is there?
He...cares. He wants to know everything about me. He wants to be able to see what I see and know what I know because he cares.
Why does he care so much?
I don't know. He shouldn't.
Are you sure?
He doesn't love me. I've worked that out already, okay? Having a blind girlfriend is one of those phases that he's going to go through. He's getting his chance at being the knight in shining armor to the damsel in distress. That's all there is to it. When he finally gets tired of playing dress up, he'll see what more there is. That's all there is to it.
Fine, if you insist. But why didn't you tell him the truth in the first place, before he got mad? Why didn't you tell anybody?
Because...I'm scared. If this doesn't work, if I go and get something done, it may not work. Once it's done, it can't be reversed. One mistake and I could have no other chance. I'd prefer to live in the dark than get a chance at seeing the light only to have it taken away from me forever. Not seeing is better than hallucinating about sight only to find it isn't real for me.
The tears had long since stopped falling but I felt a strange satisfaction in admitting all this to myself. It was my version of coming clean. It was like being cleansed of my mistakes even if I still had the scars of it written upon my eyes.
Emmett was pacing outside my door, his heavy footsteps just barely concealed by the door that was between us. I don't know what time it was but I needed to do the right thing. I needed to fix things even if the pieces to this puzzle weren't there. Things needed to be set right.
I opened the door to my room and heard the steps stop.
"Bells, are you alright? I –"
"Emmett, I need a ride."
--
Emmett didn't talk back to me on the drive. He wasn't usually this awkward when it came to conversation. His jokes normally filled the silence and left us both feeling light and happy. I didn't see that happening now that emotions had been involved. My brother wasn't exactly the sensitive kind of guy when it came to this.
The night air was cool when we reached the Cullen home. It caressed my skin and pushed me forward as I rang the door bell, Emmett at my heel, still wondering why he didn't speak up. I didn't expect him too, not yet. I would explain after I fixed everything. I had to do this first.
Someone answered the door and didn't say anything. Did they feel the air the same way as I was, the cleansing properties it seemed to hold when it poured in through the doorway? I just walked in to the warm home. The light, powdery scent that I could only describe as maternal and soothing infiltrated my senses. Was that Esme? I thought I had smelled her before when Carlisle was fixing my hand.
Finding my way wasn't hard. It was like I could see an imaginary path lit in my mind that told me exactly where Edward was and exactly where I needed to be. I followed this path up the stairs, warm hands touching my shoulder as I made my up to the third floor, reassuring me. No one spoke. They too must have sensed the importance of the silence before it was broken.
In the silence I found a hint of something. It was like the tinkering of glass as it hit the floor, broken and beautiful as the light hit it just right to where it set off blinding lights, colorful and rainbow-like. It was a reminder, a remembrance of where everything had begun. It had seemed so horrible at the time, so fatally devastating. But as this blanket of hope and unspoken reassurance covered me in its warmth, I knew that whatever happened in the next moments would make or break me. And I was ready to take that chance. I would risk my heart and soul in this game of chance and let the one who stole everything I could give to decide my fate.
My hand grasped a cold door handle and I braced myself for this. I could sense him just behind the wooden barricade that separated us. Would he want to see me? I knocked just in case.
"Come in," a muffled voice called. I breathed in deeply and opened the door, exhaling as I stepped into the room. A scent, warm and inviting graced my senses. I could almost see him in my mind's eye, sitting before me.
"Hi Edward."
He didn't speak. The door shut behind me quietly, the click the only thing that gave it away. A sound of shuffling against the carpeted floor came closer. The warm smell was closer now, the warmth of a body making my skin tingle. My hand lifted on its own accord and reached for him.
His long fingers wrapped around mine and lifted them. His face beneath my fingers was smooth and moist and warm. My other hand lifted to join the first as I drew closer. Something was different, almost wrong. The pads of fingers gently searched his face for the one thing that made it different from what it was before. I felt something, like a slight lift of the skin around his eyes. Edward hissed quietly.
"What happened to your eyes?" I asked, worried and frowning. I didn't remember that being there.
His breath was warm and sweet across my face. "I don't remember, but that doesn't matter. I'm so sorry," he murmured, holding my hands to his face.
I shook my head and opened my mouth to retort but he had already placed his finger on my lips, silencing me.
"I will take responsibility for this, Bella." I liked the way my name sounded when he said it. It distracted me slightly but I tried keeping my attention on what he was saying. He shouldn't have had this affect on me.
"I was a fool, Bella; a complete imbecile that doesn't deserve you. And I intend to repent for what I've done. I will fall to my knees and beg if that's what it takes."
"Don't be ridiculous," I murmured, trying to see him through the cloud that covered my vision. The lights weren't bright enough in the room. I couldn't even see a shadow of the man in front of me.
"Do you know how important you are to me?" I didn't say anything. He was speaking in a more determined voice now. I wasn't sure why this made me more eager and more scared of what he would say next.
"Remember when I told you about Tanya, about how I burned everything I had that even held a trace of her?" A nod was all I could handle. I looked back into my memory and searched for that time, that time when everything had seemed so much easier when I knew that I was still withholding most of the truth...
That night, I got rid of everything that reminded me of her; her number, her email address, the ring I was going to give her. Everything, I just burned it all. Jasper had to pull me away from the fire that night.
"I don't think I had ever been so distraught before, at that point in time anyway. I don't even remember what else happened that night. After the fire, everything just blurs," he didn't speak for a moment.
"Carlisle told me the next morning that I hadn't been myself. He didn't say anything else but I just felt...ashamed. I couldn't even control what I was feeling." He stepped away from me, untangling his fingers from mine. I missed his warmth.
"As you can see from tonight's events, I'm a control freak," he said grimly. He was pacing the floor. "I made the mistake in getting mad at you for just keeping to yourself. I shouldn't have expected you to tell me everything, especially since we haven't even known each other all that long and we had just barely entered a relationship." That pulled me out of my silence.
"Wait...we had just entered a relationship? Does that mean you...." I couldn't finish the sentence. This was the judgment I had been waiting for, his decision on how this would end.
"I...don't understand you, Bella." He sounded confused as if he had expected me to see his answer clearly from the start. I guess I did. I always knew how it would end.
"Please don't make me say it," I pleaded, turning away from his paces. My eyes were burning even though I thought all my tears had long since run out.
"Bella...oh my goodness, no Bella!" His arms were around me immediately and his face was burrowed in my neck.
"Don't you understand? I love you!" He whispered into my neck, his breath warm on the skin. "I'll do whatever it takes to prove it to you, anything. If it takes a lifetime to do it, I'll spend every second of every day trying to convince you." His voice lowered slightly, "That is, if you really do love me back...."
I don't know why I did it but I guess it was just instinct for me to do so when I heard that very stupid comment coming from his lips. My hand collided with the back of his head.
"Ow, what was that for?" he whined.
"What kind of idiot talk is that?" I said angrily.
"What do you –you just slapped me across the head and you expect me not to wonder –"
"No, I mean how could you not be sure if I don't love you back? Why the hell would I have come back here if I didn't love you? Dammit, Edward, you can't give up so easily, not now. Fight, Edward, fight back!" I grabbed him and pulled his lips to mine, our teeth bumping as our mouths collided. After kissing awkwardly and clumsily for a second, he tilted his head properly (why the heck I didn't think of that in the first place, I'm not sure) and kissed me for seconds longer before pulling away from me, gasping.
"So...you...love...me?" he gasped over my own ragged breathing. I tried to glare at him but my breathing didn't make it at all convincing. Instead, I raised my hand to slap across the back of the head again only for him to catch my wrist.
As his breathing became even, his mouth moved to my cheek where he kissed lightly, a grin curving against my skin. "Sorry, love, just had to make sure." I tried not to but my lips turned up at the corners.
We stood in silence, reveling in each other's presence for moments before I broke the quiet with a sigh.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked quietly.
"I guess you want an explanation, huh?"
"Only if you want to tell me," he assured quietly. I could hear the curiosity burning behind the assurances though. He just didn't want me to feel pressured.
"No, I think I need to tell you the truth," I sighed once more. "This is going to make me sound like a coward, though."
"I don't think anything could make you sound like a coward," he muttered. I ignored him.
"I didn't tell you the possibilities because I was...scared. The possibility of never having another chance, of doing something permanently and never being sure that it would turn out right until after its been done, I can't stand it. Ugh, see, I told you it was cowardly!" His fingers lifted my face. They made the skin tingle.
"Do you honestly think that I would find you a coward because of that?" he murmured quietly. I tried to turn my head away but he kept it in place. "Do you?"
"I wasn't sure what you'd think. I didn't want to get your hopes up either. I was avoiding telling you because of that. If you realized that there might be a chance only for it to be taken away from you, I couldn't live with that. I'd be keeping you with me longer because of the possibilities. It's like a weapon I didn't want to have. I didn't want it to influence your feelings for me, so I didn't tell you."
"Well, you were wrong," he stated. "No matter what, I would have stuck with you till the end. I love you and there's nothing you can do to influence that."
"I guess I'll just have to accept that," I said in a mockingly sad tone. He chuckled and chastely kissed my lips again.
"Yes, I guess you will."
"So, when are we going?" I asked, trying to keep my voice normal and nonchalant.
He seemed confused. "Going where?"
"Well, you're going to the optometrist with me, aren't you?" He didn't answer. I just got pulled into his arms once more, his lips moving against mine, curved up in a triumphant smile.
A/N: This chapter was more emotional and gooey than I thought it would be. Kind of in a good way, kind of in a sickening way...not really. I enjoyed it.
Oh yeah, as I've stated on another AN, I've gotten a couple reviews about grammatical or spelling errors. If its something huge like a sentence that doesn't make sense at all because I'm butchering the English language then tell me immediately so I can go back and fix it. Otherwise, please don't make a huge deal about a word that is missing a letter because a button on my keyboard got stuck or something. Most likely I won't fix it until the story is already over and done with. I dislike getting chapter alerts for chapters I've already read. It gets my hopes up and fills my inbox.
Well, hope you all enjoyed the chapter. More will be coming your way...hopefully soon!!! Please review!!!
