Chapter 16
September 3rd, 2011
There was a heaviness within Brennan, as she studied the bones on the table in front of her. Logically, she knew that work should be able to help her. It was a distraction, and it had always been her rock. Her one way of escaping and finding a place that was just hers, a place in which she could give everything else away and just be satisfied with the small details.
Not these past few days, though, and certainly not today.
She checked her cell phone again, for signs of messages or missed calls that she knew would not be appearing on the screen. With how sensitive she was to every small noise and sensation, she would have known the moment it made any sound or vibration.
Her background picture, an image of her and Booth, smiled up at her again, and big block numbers in white told her that it was ten-twenty AM. It was still early. And there was no guarantee the call would even come today. It could be tomorrow. Or the day after that. There was no way of knowing. After all, she had been so sure that yesterday would be the day. But it hadn't been, and here she was. Still wondering.
Booth had called an hour ago, sending her heart pounding, but he had only wanted to let her know that he would pick her up for an early lunch at eleven. He had asked to stay out of the safe house for today, and was catching up on paperwork. She was grateful for it, having spent the evening the day before alone and slowly unraveling as she stared at the phone.
As the metallic buzz of the security system sounded, she looked up to find Angela ascending the stairs and coming towards her.
"Hey, sweetie. Who do you have there?"
She glanced down at the bones, staring at the skull for a long moment before the answer came to her. She knew she was out of it, and that it would probably be best if she just took the rest of the day off, but instead she cleared her throat and met Angela's eyes. "A World War II era soldier. He's from the recent arrivals that we got; the bodies that were washed out of their graves by flooding."
Angela nodded. "How's the identification process going?"
"Slow," she said simply, not giving away her reasoning. Angela knew she was still waiting on the results from her doctor, but she said nothing, and she didn't ask if they were back yet. The answer to that question was written all over Brennan's face.
"Hm. Well, he's not going anywhere. Do you want to get a late breakfast with me?"
"Actually, Booth and I are going to get an early lunch."
"Right. I think he mentioned that."
They were silent for a long moment, Brennan staring at the bones but not really seeing them. Angela stayed where she was, until Brennan finally broke the silence.
"I know you're worried."
Angela's eyes widened. "Yeah," she said softly. "Yeah, I am, Bren."
Brennan pressed her lips tight together, taking a deep breath in through her nose. "I'm still waiting on the phone call." The call that would determine her entire future.
Angela swallowed. "I know that… that it's not the same thing, sweetie, but I understand some of what you're going through. Pregnancy is… wonderful, but it's also terrifying." Her voice shook. "We were really lucky. Michael is fine, and he has his sight, and… it all worked out. But I know what it's like to think that it won't."
Brennan nodded hesitantly. "I know you do, Ange. I just don't know what I'm going to do, if this… if…"
"Hey," Angela said immediately, reaching out to put a hand on Brennan's arm. She raised her gaze to meet her friend's. "Just hang in there, okay, Brennan? And if you ever need to talk…"
"Then I know where to find you," Brennan finished for her, nodding. "Thanks."
"No problem. Can I..?" she gestured towards the skull, and Brennan nodded. "I'll be in my office," the artist said, snapping on gloves and tenderly picking it up to take with her.
Brennan watched her go, and then gave the remaining skeleton another once over before she gave up and removed her own gloves, tossing them in a trash can on her way down from the platform towards her own office. She needed some time in solitude.
Pulling the blinds, she shed her lab coat and draped it over an arm of the couch, settling herself down at the opposite end and staring around at all of her possessions. So many places were summarized in her surroundings. So many memories reflected back at her from the artifacts on her shelves. There were items from all over the world, from well-known places and rarely visited corners of humanity. Some of them still brought shivers down her spine, while others instilled warmth and a few even threatened a tear or two.
Yes, she had been far in her life. But there was still so much more of it, and what she had, she intended to keep. She had been circling it for so long, orbiting a future that she hadn't been ready to admit was waiting for her, and now she had finally settled into reality. She had Booth. He was hers, in every sense. He loved her, something she had never thought would be possible. Even more fascinatingly, she loved him back. There had been a time for doubts, and it was long passed. Booth wasn't going anywhere. If she lost this child, he would still be right by her side.
Her hand fell to her abdomen, cradling the small but noticeably bump that had formed there. Her shirts didn't fall as long as they used to, and she had taken to wearing ones without buttons. Her fingers slid over the shape of it, round and soft, and she leaned her head back and released a shaky breath.
The idea that her body could betray her was not something she was unfamiliar with. There were many instances when she had felt out of control, but all of them she had learned from. She had adapted. Learned martial arts and other methods of self-defense. Become an excellent marksman. Kept emotions at a distance. This, though? This wasn't something she could work around. She could not just train herself to fix this problem. If her body betrayed her, if it stole away the ray of life that she had thought would still be growing inside of her for months to come… she truly had no idea what she would do about it.
She wanted this child. More than anything else in the world, she wanted this baby. Needed this baby. How could her body not understand that? How could it fight against the very thing she needed the most in this world?
Science was turning its back on her, all of its answers suddenly dark and condemning. Her research had shown her that in most cases the causes were never fully determined. All of the obvious situations like drug and alcohol abuse or STDs didn't apply to her. No, the only likelihood was that her body couldn't support it and was revolting.
Why? She thought desperately. She did everything she could. She was already healthy and fit before the pregnancy, and she hadn't changed that as the pregnancy began to go through the starting phases. There was nothing. No logical explanation. No fault to be found.
And there was the chilling reality, too, that if this really happened… then it could happen again.
Hadn't she read all about it, when Angela gave her those books and she began to learn everything she could? Some couples suffered countless miscarriages and eventually turned to adoption as their only source of hope. Others couldn't handle the stress and the tragedy and fell apart and away from one another.
She swallowed sharply, reminding herself that she didn't know anything for sure. When the facts came in, she would assess again. She would do all the research over again, and find out what their chances were.
Carefully, she avoided wondering about the gap in between. The time when reality would set in that they had lost a child they had not even yet gained.
Biting back the tightness in her throat, she pushed her shirt up and let both palms lay flat on her smooth skin.
She hesitated a moment, and then said softly, "The books say that… that a baby can begin to hear its mother at around eighteen weeks." She shook her head. "I don't… I don't know if you can hear me or not. I don't even know if you're there." She swallowed, blinking rapidly. "And I know that you can't understand anything yet. Of course you can't; speech won't begin to make sense to you until months after you're born. But if you can hear me, then maybe it will make you feel safe."
Her voice cracked, and she whispered a curse to herself, regretting it instantly but reminding herself that if she could be heard, it wouldn't make any sense regardless. It was the thrum of her voice that had the real effect. She didn't have to be a shrink to know that she was doing this for herself, though. The words were for her, even if the exercise was meant to be for both of them. "I love you," she whispered. "And you have no idea what that means because loving is… really not something I'm used to." She was silent, for a long moment, and then she said softly, "Don't leave me. Please… just don't leave me."
~BxBxBxBxBxB~
"How are you doing, Bones?" Booth asked cautiously, watching her intently over their table at the Founding Fathers.
"Not well," she answered honestly, setting down her fork and shaking her head. "I will feel a lot better after we know for sure."
"And if… we don't want to hear what the doc has to say?"
She looked away. "Then we'll deal with it."
"Bones, don't you think we should talk about this? We've been avoiding it, waiting on the news…"
"And that is the best course of action."
He sighed. "I'm as scared as you are. You know that, right?"
She nodded. "I know," she said seriously. "Believe me… I know."
His eyes slid closed. "We're going to hear soon enough. We'll… we'll get the call, and they'll tell us for sure. Either way."
"Yes," she agreed heavily. "Either way."
"Do you want to hear about the case?" he offered after a pause.
She shot him a grateful look. "Yes. Please."
"Alright. I told you Shaw was able to clone her manager's cellphone. From what we can determine, he's actually playing a larger role in the operation than we had originally believed. He's not the boss, but he's definitely calling some of the lower-end shots."
"This is a big development?"
"Oh yeah, Bones. This changes the game plan. A lot. Now, we're starting to get a better view of who the major players are. Shadwick is one puzzle piece that will lead us to all the others. And every call he makes… now we'll know about it."
"So it won't be much longer."
"Hopefully not. If everything goes according to plan, that is."
"What about Taylor?"
"She's safe, although she hasn't given us anything else useful recently. I'm not sure she knows any more, but if she does, it would be great if she'd spill it for us. They are trying to kill her now, after all."
"She became conditioned to that lifestyle. It will take a while for her to break those bonds, regardless of if doing so will help her in the end. Loyalty is not logical. Especially in a group dynamic like the one we are dealing with."
"Sweets said something similar. He hasn't been to the safe house, but he's been pretty valuable with consulting, and especially when he's working with Shaw. They make quite a pair, the two of them."
"They really do. Have you found anything new that might link to our original murder investigation?"
He sighed. "You know, sometimes I forget this all started with a body and a note scrawled on a napkin…" He shook his head, and then continued, "We don't have much, but I do have some surveillance images of Shadwick from Shaw, and I'm having Angela run them to see if she can match anybody from our original surveillance footage from Kaminski's place."
"What about the missing laptop?"
"That's Shaw's next step, if Angela confirms he was the one that took it."
She frowned. "I find it unlikely that he would have it at the club, Booth."
"Which is why she's going to need access to his house."
Brennan's eyes widened. "Oh."
"Yeah," Booth muttered. "Another of Hacker's brilliant ideas. Sweets is working up an alternative proposal, though, and I like the sounds of it."
The waitress came by and delivered their plates, and for a moment they were distracted by the warm food in front of them.
"What is this plan?" she asked, lifting a fork of asparagus to her mouth and eyeing him expectantly.
Booth swallowed his bite of cheeseburger. "If we can prove that he was the one that took the laptop, then we can get a warrant to search for it."
"Wouldn't that let him know about the investigation?"
"The murder investigation. Not the one centering around the drug ring. At this point he should already know we're involved in hunting for Kaminski's killer."
"Isn't it likely that he would have destroyed or disposed of the laptop?"
"Yeah, it is. But for the sake of our investigation… we're hoping otherwise."
~BxBxBxBxBxB~
"Got some big news for you, G-man," Angela said as soon as she saw them coming around the corner. They had been on their way to Brennan's office, but she quickly ushered them into her own to show them what she had discovered.
On the screen were two blown-up images, one of Shadwick and the other of the shadowy figure in the hoodie. Familiar dots and lines wove across both of their faces.
"We've got a match," Angela said, beaming.
"I could hug you, Ange," Booth said, grinning at the screen. "I've got a few calls to make, but I think we just saved Shaw a lot of time, and a lot of unpleasantness."
"I'll take your word for it. What's our next move?" the artist questioned, crossing her arms and looking to Brennan as Booth pulled out his cell phone and paced away from them.
"Booth tells me that with this he should be able to get a warrant to search Shadwick's home for the laptop. From there… hopefully we can get a better picture of the operation."
"And Kaminski's killer?"
Brennan tipped her head. "Booth seems to be hopeful that we will be… killing two birds with one stone."
Angela turned to look again at the images on the screen. "The question is, how do we prove that he killed her with just this image?"
"Get him to talk," Brennan murmured, her gaze drifting towards Booth, who was talking quietly with what was assumedly another agent. Perhaps even Hacker. She reached down to pull out her own phone, glancing only briefly at the screen before sliding it back out of sight. Still nothing. For now, the waiting game would continue.
She didn't know how much longer she could do this.
Angela watched her do it, but averted her eyes when Brennan glanced towards her. She didn't ask, already knowing the answer to the question on both of their minds. No news yet.
Booth turned around, dropping his phone back into his pocket and rejoining them.
"Hacker's moving forward on the warrant, and he's going to contact Shaw and tell her to keep up the same profile as before, and stay mostly out of the way. No need to draw attention to herself; we're going to get our man."
"Good," Angela emphasized. "The sooner this is all over, the better. I'm planning a big get-together to celebrate, and I would prefer if it didn't coincide with a major holiday."
Even Brennan could tell that she was only partway teasing about that last part. And she was right. The sooner this investigation was closed, the sooner Shaw was free of her undercover work, the sooner all of their lives could return to normal. They hadn't worked another case in what felt like ages. She had insisted to both Booth and Hacker that her team could work another investigation with this first one being so spread out and slow-moving, but he had insisted that this was top priority, and that he didn't want any of them distracted by another murder case. So they spent the days waiting for anything new to go off of, and slowly slogging through the backlog of cases in Limbo.
It was probably for the better, if she was being honest with herself. Were they working a typical murder case, she would want to be out in the field with Booth, following leads and questioning suspects and witnesses. And with the pregnancy, that would be difficult and possibly dangerous. The choice had already been made for her, here. She wasn't seeing the outside of the lab for anything other than trips to her apartment or the Diner or any number of stores that Angela brought her to. It all seemed very typical; boring, almost. Like her life had been separated from the one she had been leading before.
She wondered just how much it would continue to change after the baby was born. If she could go back to field work and the long hours that came with it. Angela had struggled, initially, to readjust and get used to not being with Michael twenty-four-seven.
The Jeffersonian had an excellent daycare facility, though, she reminded herself. Admittedly, her late night hours would probably disappear, but it seemed that they had already begun to do that quite some time ago, when she began her relationship with Booth. She couldn't remember the last time she had awoken to find herself on her office couch, having spent yet another night at work. There had been times when she would realize she hadn't seen the inside of her apartment for days, and someone, usually Angela, would guilt her into going home.
Somewhere along the line, that had changed. She had gotten back into what Booth liked to call a 'healthy routine.' She woke up in their home, with him by her side, and they rode into work together, him dropping her at the lab before driving over to the Hoover. Sometimes he would come in for a few minutes to see everybody, but mostly he only came by again later to pick her up for lunch and then at the end of the day.
She pulled herself out of her musings as Booth called her to the door with him. She said a hasty good-bye to Angela, and the moment the door was shut behind them Booth took her hand and pulled her towards her office.
"I'm going back to the Hoover," he told her, turning her around to face him as they stood outside her door. "I'll come back to pick you up at five, but if you get the phone call… just call me, alright? I'll be here right away."
She nodded. "I will, Booth."
"Love you," he said softly, giving her a gentle kiss.
"I love you too," she whispered, burrowing her head quickly into his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him.
He gave her a soft, hesitant smile, an understanding passing between them before he turned and walked away. They were in this together, she reminded herself. He was hanging in the same balance as she was, waiting for the answers to all of their questions.
One phone call.
She hated this.
~BxBxBxBxBxB~
There was really nothing much to do in his office but fill out paperwork, and he was far from focused on it, which was why it sat in a large stack to his right. He hadn't been focused in days. Not since he had called Bones and gotten Angela instead. Not since she had told him quietly, and as reassuringly as she could, that Brennan was okay, but they had just been to the hospital.
Shakily, he had asked why, and she had told him that Brennan had just had something the doctor's had declared as a threatened miscarriage. The first word went right over his head, and the second slammed him the gut and knocked all the breath out of him.
"Is the baby… is the baby still..?"
"We don't know, Booth."
He'd had no clue what he was supposed to say to Brennan when he finally arrived home that night. What would she want to hear? Certainly not false promises that he knew he couldn't keep. And he couldn't be reassuring and hopeful when in all reality he felt like someone had just smashed him in the face with a hammer.
These things weren't supposed to happen to them.
Her life hadn't been easy, and he still didn't know all the details, but he imagined that some of it he probably wouldn't want to hear. There were stories from his past that he doubted she would want to hear about, too, but they existed. And all these years, working together, fighting attraction, hurting each other… they were supposed to end differently than this.
For God's sake, he was finally doing something right. All these years in love with her, and he had gotten his heart broken and broken hers in the process. He had just started to mend both of them. They were together, like they were supposed to be. They were working through their issues, they were getting over the past, and they were building a future. They were going to have a baby. They were going to build that family that they both so desperately deserved after all they had been through. Watching the changes in her, watching the joy in her eyes and confidently helping her get through each hurdle and each small concern, had been the most exciting and rewarding thing for him.
He just couldn't comprehend that it could be taken away.
A gun had been pressed to the back of her skull, and she had talked her way out of it, right in front of him. They had let her live, because she was pregnant. That was supposed to be a blessing. A miracle. It was not supposed to be a tradeoff. They were both supposed to survive, to be with him.
Not just one of them.
He buried his head in his hands.
She didn't want to talk about it. A part of him was grateful for that. It meant he didn't have to talk about it either. But a part of him was also scared stiff. Because he knew that this could truly go either way, that control was completely out of their hands. What would happen if she had a miscarriage? How were they supposed to move on from that?
He pictured the nursery in the home they had slaved over together. The walls were not yet painted and it needed some decorations, but there was furniture and carpeting and a beautiful window seat in the corner. There were lacy white curtains and light purple pillows. It was the room of an angel. Their little angel.
He didn't want it to remain empty forever, a hollow reminder of what they had lost.
And what if she didn't want to try again? Or what if she did, and it didn't go through?
These were things he had never considered. When she had told him she was pregnant, there had only been joy. So many promises for the future, so much to do, so many things to explore.
He refused to accept that it had all been for nothing.
He lifted his head and sent up another desperate plea, all the while wondering why. Why him? Why Bones, who had been through so much, and who deserved more happiness than anyone in the world? Where had they gone wrong?
A knock on his door made him shake himself out of it, and he blinked his eyes and recognized Hacker. He motioned for his boss to come in, and Hacker pulled the door open and leaned around the frame.
"That warrant should go through by tomorrow morning. Thought I'd give you a heads up on where it stood."
"Alright, sounds good."
"Do you plan on heading the team?"
He opened his mouth, and then paused. "No, I don't think so," he said at last. "Let Charlie have this one."
"Can do." He gave a little salute, laughing to himself over his joke, and then disappeared once more. Booth stared after him, shaking his head. Bones had dated him, and for the life of him, he still didn't understand why.
He glanced at his clock, and then decided it was worth going to the lab a little early. It was nearly four-thirty, now, and the odds of him actually getting any amount of work done were getting slimmer as the hour waned.
He pulled on his jacket, snatched up his keys, and headed to go see his Bones.
The lab was quiet when he arrived, with the typical murmur from other squints and the occasional bustle as they passed through with charts or files clutched in hand, talking rapidly to one another. Angela and Hodgins were on the platform, but there was no sign of Cam, Wendell, or Brennan.
When he came into view of her office, though, he spotted her immediately, sitting behind her desk under the soft glow of her lamp, staring at her computer screen. She glanced up and saw him, but only kept her eyes on him for a moment before turning her attention back to the work in front of her.
He knocked on the door, opening it as he did so and slipping inside. "Hey, Bones."
"You're early," she greeted, offering a small smile. A crease between her eyebrows told him she was focused, though, and a moment later she began to type again, her focus drawn away from him and back to the screen. He was glad to see that she was distracted; working hard on something just like the Bones he remembered.
"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat. "Nothing to do at the office, so I thought I'd come see if you were ready to go home just yet."
"When I finish with this I will be," she agreed with a nod. "Doctor Todd from the paleontology department thought I might be able to help him with something, and I want to respond adequately. Although I told him he would have to wait on any in-person consultation until sometime next week."
Booth nodded, hovering a moment and then finally settling for a spot on the couch.
She finished a moment later, tapping a final key on the keyboard, her eyes rapidly scanning back and forth for a few seconds before she nodded to herself, sent the email, and pushed her chair away from the desk.
"They didn't call," she said calmly, gathering up her coat and her belongings.
"Yeah, I figured," he murmured softly, moving quickly to her side to help her.
"I can't help but wonder if the… if the delay is a good thing, or a bad thing."
He brushed her hair away from her face, wishing he had the answer for her. "I don't know, Bones. We'll just… keep waiting."
She set her jaw, eyes flashing briefly. "I hate waiting," she murmured under her breath.
"I know. I do, too. But this just means that… they will definitely call us tomorrow."
"If they don't, then I'm going to drive over there and ask them myself. Maybe… they forgot to call us. That could be why, right?"
He opened his mouth and shut it again, and then finally answered, "It could be. Just… don't go without me."
She paused on her way to the door, eyes softening. "Sorry. Of course I won't."
"Hey, no worries, Bones. Let's just get home, and we'll make supper and keep ourselves busy. Okay? Like the doctor said."
"Right," she said, but he could tell her heart wasn't in it.
He draped an arm around her shoulders, taking her bag from her despite her sharp look of protest and slinging it over his own shoulder.
They were walking past the platform, Booth waving to Angela and Hodgins and them calling their farewells for the evening, when Brennan's phone rang. She stopped short, and he was pulled to a halt beside her, all the breath gushing out of his lungs as she jerked it free of her pocket and glanced at the screen for only a moment before pressing it to her ear and saying a breathless, "Dr. Brennan."
He couldn't hear what was being said, but he watched her face desperately for any clues, not getting anything. Her eyes landed on his, though, as she nodded, said she would be there right away, and hung up.
"What is it?" he asked immediately. Over Brennan's head, he could see Angela and Hodgins both staring at them, moving closer to the edge of the platform.
"They can't release results over the phone… but we can get them at the hospital. Dr. Lee said that she can fit us in for a quick appointment to discuss them."
He nodded, a slow swirl of anticipation circling in his gut. He couldn't decide if he was ready for this. These past few days, all he had wanted was to know. And now, now that the answers were waiting for them, he could see the same level of undecided dread reflected back at him in her expression.
They had to believe this was going to work out, though. He couldn't let that go.
"Come on," he said, taking her hand as they both rushed for the door.
"Drive safe!" Angela called after them, her voice an octave too high.
~BxBxBxBxBxB~
"No matter what happens in there, Bones," Booth said, as the elevator doors closed behind them. "I will love you. Forever. Okay?"
She nodded, her eyes dark and her complexion an unhealthy shade of pale.
"I love you," she whispered back, leaning into his side. "I will always love you…"
The doors opened again, and she took a reassuring breath, squeezing his hand and then leading the way out.
"We're here to see Dr. Lee," she said at the window in the waiting room.
"Temperance Brennan?"
"Yes, that's me."
"I'll tell her you're here."
"Your doctor must really like us," Booth said, as the receptionist disappeared.
"I think we intrigue her," Brennan murmured back, trying to reassure herself that there would be good news at the end of this long wait they had endured.
The doctor herself came out to lead them down the hall, this time to a different examination room. Brennan tried not to let that panic her. Maybe the other room was just being used by someone else. Maybe because of the late hour of their meeting there was a different set-up. Maybe this was just a more convenient place to meet.
She held a folder, and Brennan's eyes landed on it, staring expectantly.
Dr. Lee handed it over, smiling softly. Booth's hand was on her shoulder, squeezing gently, but as she flipped it open and began to flip through the pages, the doctor answered the question for her.
"Your hCG levels are rising as expected, Dr. Brennan."
Her gaze snapped up. "They are?" she asked, her voice sounding too small for her own good. A hesitant smile twisted on her lips, and she turned to Booth with wide eyes, hardly daring to believe what she had just heard.
"From the tests that we ran, I can tell you that in all likelihood your pregnancy will continue as normal. Now, of course, you will have to continue to monitor…"
Whatever else she said was lost on Brennan, as she threw her arms around Booth's shoulders, trembling, her vision blurring. "We're going to have a baby," she choked out, a wave of warm disbelief shooting through her.
Dr. Lee was standing by, a patient smile on her face and a glimmer in her eyes.
Booth's eyes were swimming, too, when she pulled back enough to meet his gaze. And she laughed for no reason at all, shaking her head.
They were going to have their baby girl.
It was really going to happen. All of it. Everything they had been hoping for.
And she could hardly breathe through her joy.
A/N: And there you go! I felt warm and fuzzy for hours after writing this, and I hope the feeling is mutual with all of you. Only a few more chapters to go, now! Everyone looking forward to tonight's new episode? I'm all caught up on this season, and I know I can't wait to see where this one takes us. Although I will be really furious with Hart and the rest of the writers if Brennan isn't put in danger at SOME point through this new serial killer story arc. Really, guys? No serious danger since Season 2? You're killing me.
But anyways, yes, only about three more chapters and an epilogue left to go. I'll be sad to see this story finished, but I think a little relieved as well. Although the idea of picking up Hidden after all this time is just a little scary...
