A/N: No excuses right now. I've got tons of homework and I'm procrastinating by doing this. Love all you who have stuck with me through all the crap that I've decided to tread through. Your supporting reviews have been lifesavers. This chapter is extra special, not too much drama but a nice little scene towards the end that includes some tension relief, relief I wish I could get if it weren't for the fact that I'm not attractive enough. Anyway, read on!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but an Ice Bat! Whoo for Ugly Dolls!

CHAPTER 21: HEATED HEALING

The familiar waves of consciousness pulsed over my head, rousing me from my distressed sleep, the darkness that was not similar to my lack of eyesight being the only cloudy thing I could see. My mind felt blurred and colors appeared behind my lids before I remembered that blinking my eyes would help me awaken even though there would be no blinding light to burn my eyes when I did. I couldn't even see the red haze that one would see when they were out in the sun, closing their eyes as they basked in nature's warmth, the sun's light burning past the skin of their eyelids all the way to their retinas.

Life sucks and then you die. That was going to be my new motto. Edward could go on with his silly optimism and watch as I cried in what he would think was surprise and relief and excitement while I hid the fact that I was so messed up inside because of this stupid chain of events that seemed to pull me along with them even though I never stopped trying to remove the links that had encircled my life. It was hard enough to pretend that with my eyesight my tear ducts had become useless as well. At least now I could cry without someone wondering why I was bawling all over the place. For Edward, I would place a smile on my face. That was what I would do, for him.

"Bella? Bella, are you alright?" I bit back the sigh that wanted to escape me. I loved Edward, I really, really did, but I was angry at him as well. He was the one who had brought up all this nonsense and look what he had done. My own inner turmoil had become a boiling pot of molten emotions that made me sick. This is what love got me. I would be lying if I said it wasn't bittersweet.

"Fine, I'm fine," I muttered, my head clearing despite the haziness I felt. It was something I had grown used to, I supposed.

"You scared me," Edward whispered heatedly, his mouth so close to my ear that I felt the moistness of his breath along my lobe. "Do you even know how frightened I'd been? Do you have any idea?" I released the sigh for a completely different reason. Wherever I was, I had enough leverage that I was able to reach my hand over to Edward's face and cup his sharply sculpted cheek, his high cheekbones like dully angular bone beneath my fingertips.

"I'm sorry you were worried," I murmured back to him as I leaned my cheek against the side of his face. He was tense but with the collected warmth of our touching skin, his jaw loosened from its tightly clenched position in my palm. My heart ached as Edward blew hot air at my neck through his nose, anger and annoyance long forgotten with every puff of breath. With all the business that came with being in a relationship with me—business that would have never been confronted if Edward hadn't been the one who had happened upon me in my less-than-perfect state of denial—it seemed Edward and I had put any essence of our relationship on hold. We had continued going through the notions, holding hands, hugging, kissing each other goodbye with those chaste little pecks to the cheek, but we hadn't done anything to excel our pathetic little excuse of a partnership. A crashed date, a couple heated kisses, that was all our relationship had been based on, really. We hadn't been friends long enough for there to be a lasting bond that would bind us even if our courtship didn't work out. There just hadn't been enough time and thought put into what we could salvage from our relationship. It was one of the reasons why I didn't want Edward getting involved in my problems. Distractions were the last things we needed if we didn't want to rock the boat any further. Edward had continued to walk us closer to the ledge of the proverbial plank and we were barely teetering, our problems jeering and mocking us with every step closer. Our hands were tied behind us now. We could have gotten away sooner; Edward could have escaped safely in the beginning if only it weren't for the fact that he was just so good of a person.

"We need to get you home," Edward murmured, removing himself from wherever I was. I hadn't noticed before but as I clenched my fist in agitation as Edward moved himself away from me, my nails had scratched against something smooth and warm. Leather seats I could only assume. The doctor's office had only those plastic and barely-cushioned seats….

"After you fainted, I thought it'd be a good idea if I took you home…or to another doctor. You came to before I had a chance to rush you off like I'd planned," Edward said, his voice still quiet. It scared me, to be totally honest. Was this that moment I'd been anticipating, eagerly yet fearfully? Had he finally just seen what a hassle it could be if he decided that I was what he wanted?

"You're not going to say anything, are you?" he asked. I shook my head and turned my head to lean it against the window. It was much cooler than I had thought it was. The warm air from the car must have just barely been spreading.

"We need to talk about this; you know that," he reminded. I shook my head again and stubbornly bit my lip. I would not cry. It would be stupid not to cry…but then again, my eyes had been against me for awhile now.

"Bella, this affects us both. If we want this to happen—" I cut him off with a harsh laugh as I tried to keep myself from just sobbing into my hands. Honestly, it shouldn't have been just so hard.

"Oh, please, Edward. Maybe I don't want this to happen. Maybe I just want to continue living my life as a member of the disabled community. Have you ever once considered that?" I could practically see Edward rolling his eyes and shaking his head. I'm sure I sounded hysterical. It was pathetic.

"Bella, you know you don't want that," he said. I sighed and pretended to sweep the hair out of my eyes while running my thumb under my eye to assure that any spare tears would be wiped away. Like hell I would allow Edward to see me cry now. He knew me better than I knew him. He was right, of course. I wouldn't want that.

"Firstly, you hate having to rely on anyone. It's not in your nature to sit back and watch people do things for you. However, at the moment your dislike for assistance is not my concern. What bothers me most is…you've been very distant, Bella," Edward murmured. "At first, I thought that maybe it was because you were truly scared of making such a concrete decision. That would make sense; if it were me, I'd be terrified. But then I thought about it and realized that you hadn't only been distant from the situation but….me too." I didn't say anything. Had I been distant? I couldn't remember. Beneath the entire ruckus that had gathered around me, I hadn't really focused on anything like that. What had I done?

"I understand if you find that I am being overbearing. I admit that this is probably the most determined I've ever been in any situation. For you to be able to see is something I would give anything for," he took a deep breath, "because I want you to be happy. When you're happy, I'm happy. But if you would prefer to go about this without assistance from me, I'd step aside and allow you to do whatever you would like. I have been a bit of a tyrant, after all."

Leaning my head against the window, I contemplated all the stupid things Edward had just said. Of course he'd blame himself. I could bet my life that if I had a dog and someone had run over it, he would have blamed himself for not being able to stop the car with his own body, or something of that nature.

"You love me, right?" I asked.

"With every fiber of my being," Edward replied, so warmly that I felt my cheeks heat up with the words.

"And you know I love you, right?" I couldn't see Edward shake his head but I felt the tangible insecurity in the air. With a sigh, I continued.

"Well, I do love you. Even with all your controlling, tyrannical and bratty attitude changes, I love you. If you turned out to be a vampire, I would still love you. Heck, I'd tell you to make me a vampire too," Edward laughed and mumbled something—something resembling a line like, "As if I could ever be a vampire"—under his breath.

"For you to think that I don't want you as part of the decision-making process, it's like you don't believe that I truly do need you in my life," I concluded. "Which is just the stupidest thing ever. I probably would have tried to drown myself in a puddle if it hadn't been for you being here, just making sure I stayed sane.

"So, is it alright if we go home? I want there to be a minimum of…twelve hours without a mention of my blindness. Mind you, it's a constant reminder when we can't do things together that involve seeing things, but hey, nobody said life was perfect." I shrugged. I felt kind of light, as if maybe I was floating on a feather. My head was kind of dizzy.

The car's engine purred to life and we were soon driving off in what I had learned was a speed that Edward always preferred to travel at. He didn't say anything at first but slowly, I began to realize that he hadn't responded to any of what I'd said. I had made the assumption in my dizziness that he had just understood. Maybe I had been wrong…

"Bella?" I hummed in question.

"Do…do you really love me, then?" I felt like smacking his head again.

"Duh."

"Oh…"

"Jeez, don't sound so depressed," I laughed, the lightness pulling me in a bit. It was dizzying when Edward drove. Despite his smooth driving and the smoothness of the rode, I felt every turn and it made me feel like I was going on a Tilt-a-Whirl. I'd never puked on one before, but everything was kind of blurred now, so I wasn't exactly sure if I was just imagining things like that.

"Bella?" I turned to him, my neck kind of feeling like it was hanging off of a hinge. Things were feeling so strange…

--

"I should have made sure you'd eaten."

"Please, I don't eat all the time. It's not your fault that things got so hectic today that I forgot."

"I didn't forget that I was hungry. I should have assumed you'd be hungry, too."

I sighed. I just had to pass out again. This was just some parody of the day we were supposed to have had; the soap opera of my life.

Edward would blame himself for the incident no matter what, this I knew.

"Edward, if there was a way you could make it up to me, would you do it?" I heard the rustle of Edward's clothes immediately cease, the room suddenly having gone completely silent. I'd thought I'd gone deaf for a moment.

"Yes," he whispered hoarsely, voice sounding slightly awed, "anything." I blushed at the implications of that. He'd do anything…

This was some sort of weird treat for Edward, knowing that I wanted something and knowing that I'd allow him to grant me my wish. I'd never told him what I wanted before, not really. Nearly everything I wanted was something he wanted as well, something we could share. My request was something for both of us but mainly for my own peace of mind. I wondered if Edward had even noticed the rift that had begun opening up between us.

"I...," I paused. My request was so stupid, something so menial that it didn't seem worth it. We could do this any old day. "Never mind, don't worry about it."

"Bella," Edward murmured, his face suddenly only inches away from mine. "You can't do that to me. Please, don't leave me in the dark. Anything, anything, I'll do it for you." I shivered as his warm breath caressed my face. When had gone from being Bella to being a hormone-driven Bella?

"I…I want to just sit with you. We can watch a movie, just be together." The request sounded so childish, so very different from how I was actually feeling. I needed to be around him. The static in the air grew in frequency as his distance from me was shortened.

"Of course, Bella. That'd be wonderful," he murmured. He sounded possessed but his voice was so warm that I could help but think that he really didn't mind. He guided me to his couch, the leather beneath us cold to the touch but soft. I leaned back and tried to not be so tense with the feelings coursing through me as result to him touching my skin.

Edward didn't question me when I stated I wanted to 'watch' a movie. He just asked which one to which I replied with anything was fine, trusting him to choose well. He did.

Shawn of the Dead was as good as any. Any movie with too many visuals would be useless for me and plenty of dialogue was necessary. Plus, if I'd needed subtitles, well…yeah.

Was it only me or when the lights turned out and his hand grasped mine, did the charged air prickle my skin? I felt it, the pleasant and unnerving prickling brushing my skin in a consistent torture that had me breathing shallowly. Even with the screams and humorous dialogue of the movie, I couldn't focus on it. It hardly did anything to quell the heat in my cheeks. My free hand clenched in effort to not reach over and touch Edward.

We were seventeen, a perfectly normal age to be feeling the result of physical abstinence. I'd never done anything more with James than kissing. I wasn't sure about Edward but I wanted to have something more with him, a physical relationship along with the emotional and mental. If I could just gather the cour—

I gasped as a warm mouth covered my own, my hands clutching at strong shoulders as if they were my lifeline. Edward was doing a fine job of moving his lips against my own, so close that I felt his hair ticking my cheek.

"I'm sorry," he murmured between heated kisses. "I can't stop. Please tell me to stop."

"Don't stop," I murmured back. He growled and continued with fervor, my mouth opening on its own accord to allow him to continue his wicked ways. He didn't pull away but he definitely didn't take the initiative to thoroughly plunder my mouth. He took a different but equally amazing route and moved from my mouth with chaste, warm, open-mouthed kisses down from the corner of my mouth to my neck. He kissed a bit more roughly there, one suction-like kiss making me whimper from the heat.

"Please, Bella. I can't stop. God, I don't want to stop…" I dragged his mouth back to my own and kissed him roughly. Like hell he could pull away now. As embarrassed as I was from my needy whimpers, I wanted his mouth on mine. I knew we wouldn't go so far as to hitting home with sex but I'd wanted so much from him. It had happened somewhere between the tension and the kissing, my revelation on our relationship. We were both so self-deprecating, so needy for someone to understand us. Edward had his past and I had mine and we were slowly healing each other. We'd both never thought of the fact that the thing we'd both ignored was our own physical needs. Only the heat of the moment could cure our cooling emotions. We needed this so much and we could only get it from one another. As we healed, we needed the heat to ease the pain.

Never once did I remember I was blind. I forgot my problems, my name, my very existence in exchange for only knowing Edward. It was like a beautiful song, instruments playing the same song, taking the melody from one another in a corresponding cacophony of emotions and music. When we finally pulled away from one another, panting with our hands still clenched in each other's hair, I felt as if a bit of myself had come back to me, a missing link that had hindered me now returned and making me breath so much more easily, as if it had never even been gone.

"Wow." I nodded and leaned back. My lips itched and were swollen. The pressure from Edward's mouth had eased that and I was tempted to pull him back to continue what he'd started.

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to lose control like that." I shook my head and pulled his face forward, kissing him again. This one was chaste and I tried to put something into it, easing my content onto him with my lips.

"I could have stopped you. I didn't. What does that tell you?"

He groaned and kissed me again.

A/N: This chapter was a lot more...steamy than I expected. I was so torn with it that I wasn't sure where I wanted to turn. I have two versions of this chapter that I was throwing around and this one came to the rescue.

Okay, little contest time! Whoever can come up with the best innuendo to fit into the whole ""Yes," he whispered hoarsely, voice sounding slightly awed, "anything." I blushed at the implications of that. He'd do anything…" moment will get a shout out and, if it's good enough, I'll write up a one-shot dedicated to you. You can post it on your own profile if you'd like (I'll be posting it on mine as well). And it has to be a request from Bella that can also be an innuendo or something slightly sexual. You might want to explain it too. I'm a bit slow at the moment. And I don't mean straight out saying, "Give it to me Edward." I mean an actual innuendo, something clever and original. If I get a "Take me you fool", you're not going to win.

Thanks again to all who have stuck by me through my crappy updating. I love you all and I'm working on my predicaments as we speak.

Please review!