Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

YOU GUYS ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! 103 reviews for ONE CHAPTER! I love you all so much right now! Thanks to everyone who took the time to tell me what they thought, and added it to their favourites and alerts. It really means a lot.

This is the longest chapter I have EVER written and it is the fastest one to come out in a while! I am sorry if the second part seems a bit jumbled, but Bella's thoughts at this time are not that easy; they do not connect well for her. This is from Esme's and Bella's POV, swapping 1/4 of the way through.

I cannot recommend enough that you listen to the song Shattered by Trading Yesterday for the first section of the chapter, because it is what I wrote to and it really fits the feelings I think. The link is on my profile.

I really hope you like this chapter. Sorry for any mistakes.

Enjoy!


Forever Bound

Chapter Thirty Six - Shattered

Bella was worrying Esme greatly.

It had been a week since they had received that fateful letter and yet Bella was carrying on life as normal. She would rise in the morning, wake Alicia and commence playing with her until the afternoon when Emmett would pick Ali up to give Bella time to herself to digest the news, yet all she would do was rest; claiming the pregnancy was the only thing wearing her down. She smiled and spoke about normal, everyday minor events that had occurred during her day and Esme found this extremely disturbing.

Should she not be in such a state of sadness and shock that she would not want to leave her bed? Should she not be making arrangements for Edward's memorial service that was to occur any day now? Esme hated the fact that she would not be able to bury her son, for they had no body and so all they could do was hold a service in his memory. Yet Bella had done none of this, she acted as though she had not received the letter at all.

Esme herself had been shattered by the letter, informing her of the death of her only child. She had not been able to leave her bed for three days due to the shock and sobs that wracked her body. She could not have moved if it were not for Carlisle.

He had helped her get through the initial shock, informing her that Edward would not want her to act this way and reminded her of the final words her son had said to her. He had asked her to take care of Alicia and Bella and that was what she was going to do.

Of course Carlisle himself had been torn apart by Edward's death, but he wanted to honour their son's memory, not taint it with sadness.
So Esme had pulled herself out of bed on that fourth morning and made the journey to Bella's home, for it was not her son's home any longer. She was preparing herself for the mess that would be Bella and how she could possibly comfort her granddaughter and daughter-in-law at this time of sorrow.

Esme was beyond shocked when she found Bella humming in the library as she watched over Alicia, who was colouring in a sheet of paper on the floor. Esme had expected Bella to be showing how upset she was at least, yet her she was, acting as though nothing was different. However it did make sense at the back of her mind that Bella may not want to upset Alicia by showing her daughter the pain she felt at the loss of her husband, but even when Alicia was put to bed for the night or a simple nap, Bella's act did not drop; she continued to act as though everything was as it had been before that letter.

It had taken her these three days to realise what was happening; Bella was in denial.

It was evident in the way she acted, the way she acted, but the most important factor was the fact that Bella still spoke to Alicia about all the things they would do together as a family when the new baby arrived and Papa returned home. Of course Alicia would not understand that her father was dead but Esme believed it unfair on her granddaughter to hear all the things she would never be able to do with her father again.

Esme knew that Bella would never lie to Alicia, even when she was so young, therefore she herself must believe that there was truth in the words she spoke. Even though Esme did not want to cause her daughter or granddaughter any pain, she knew she had to make Bella accept the truth; she need to understand that Edward was never coming home again.

On the seventh day, Esme had finally mustered up the courage to burst Bella's innocent bubble. "Bella, may I speak with you please?"

Bella smiled up at her mother-in-law from her position on the nursery floor, where she was playing with Alicia with some difficulty due to her large stomach. "Of course Esme." She sat there expectantly.
"Perhaps it would be best if we were to talk in your chamber without Alicia," Esme suggested cautiously. She did not want Ali to see her mother fall to pieces, which was most likely to happen.

"As you wish," Bella shrugged. She picked Alicia up with some difficulty and placed her inside her crib. Esme knew that if Edward was home, he would protest greatly at Bella lifting Ali up at this late stage but she did not have the heart to reprimand Bella.

Bella kissed her daughter on the top of her head and ruffled her hair, "Mama is going to talk to Nana for a minute little angel. It is time for you to take your nap anyhow sweetheart." Alicia simply giggled, an action that was constantly coming from her mouth, at the terms of endearment her mother used before she fell onto her side, stuck her thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes. Esme could not help but allow a small smile to flicker onto her face; her granddaughter was a very good baby, never causing any trouble.

Bella simply stood over her daughter's crib, running her fingers soothingly through her hair until she fell asleep. Esme watched the scene with a broken heart; she did not want to be the one to shatter the peace these two had found but knew that she had to. Bella could not hide from the truth any longer.

Bella slowly made her way past Esme, her walk now resembling a slight waddle. Esme followed her to the next room as Bella allowed her into her chamber. Placing herself onto the bed and stretching out luxuriously on the sheets, Bella rubbed her large stomach lovingly with one hand as she smiled down at it.

Esme shut the door quietly, careful not to wake Alicia, before she placed herself gingerly at the end of the large bed; wringing her hands as she was unaware how to begin.
"What did you wish to speak about Esme?" Bella asked politely, staring at her mother-in-law.

"B-Bella, I am very concerned about you," Esme began slowly, wary of Bella's reaction.

Bella looked instantly perplexed, "Whatever for? I am perfectly fine, Alicia is perfectly fine and this little one is completely fine, I can assure you due to rate he is kicking me!" Bella smiled at Esme, but she could not find it in her heart to return it.

"No Bella, you are not fine," Esme contradicted gently, "you are in denial."

Bella still appeared confused; the smile had fallen from her face, "Denial? In denial about what?"

"About Edward," Esme whispered.

Bella laughed, "Why would I be in denial about Edward?"

It was now Esme's turn to be confused, "You are in denial about his death Bella," Esme told her daughter-in-law slowly.

The smile that was on Bella's face fell away instantly, "What are you talking about Esme? Edward is not dead."

Esme moved closer to Bella and picked up her hand, clasping it in her own, "Yes he is Bella. Do you not remember the letter you received last week?"

Bella snatched her hand back, "How could you say such a thing about your own son? Edward is not dead, the letter was a mistake." She stated defiantly.

"No they did not make a mistake Bella," Esme whispered, the tears beginning to fall from her eyes, "They do not make mistakes with letters such as these. Edward is dead. He is not coming home."
Do not say that!" Bella yelled, jumping, as much as her large stomach would let her, off the bed, "Never say that again!"

"I understand it must be hard for you—"

"Stop it! Stop it! Please, just stop it!"

"—it is hard for me too, I have lost my son, my only child, but we need to accept it, Edward is not coming home." Esme concluded, the tears that were falling from her eyes caused her vision to blur but she could still see Bella clearly.

"He is! He is!" Bella shouted as tears of fury fell from her eyes, her face turning bright red. Esme began to worry for her grandchild but she had to get to the bottom of Bella's denial.

"Why will you not believe me Bella? I have never lied to you before," Esme asked quietly, hoping to calm Bella's temper slightly.

"Because he promised! He promised me!" Bella cried, stamping her foot. Esme was growing even more concerned for her health; she had never seen Bella act like this. Usually Bella was calm and collected but now she was so distressed that Esme knew she could be harming the baby.

"Who promised what Bella?" Esme questioned gently.

"Edward, Edward promised. He promised that he would come back, that he would be home for the New Year. He promised he would be home before the baby is born and he promised that we would raise Alicia and our son together. He promised that once he was home we would never spend another day apart and he promised we would grow old together. He promised." Bella's revelation ended in a whisper, her voice cracking as the tears finally began to fall from his eyes.

Esme wrapped Bella into her arms and pulled their bodies as close together as she could manage as she began to run her fingers through Bella's hair, "I know he promised sweetheart, I know bu—"
"He promised I would feel it," Bella whispered into Esme's shoulder. Esme was confused but before she could question the words, Bella continued, "He promised I would be able to feel it if he died." Bella raised her head from Esme's shoulder and stared her in the eye.

Esme's heart broke at the sight of the girl in front of her, tears were pouring from her red, swollen eyes and her cheeks were flushed an unhealthy shade of pink, "What kind of wife am I if I cannot even feel my own husband leaving the world?" Bella sobbed, looking to her mother-in-law for answers.

"Bella, you are a perfect wife, you were the best wife Edward could have ever asked for. Do not doubt yourself simply because you do not know the exact time he passed, it does not make you any less of a wife not to know that small detail." Esme spoke the words but she knew that Bella would doubt herself; she would believe that she had failed Edward as a wife.

"Edward made all those promises because he believed he could keep them. You know he would never, ever break his word to you. He never expected to be in danger; he could not foresee the events that would occur. I told him that if he was ever in danger to just run, he was a medic and not a soldier, so I believe that he kept his word, the enemy were simply faster. Edward has broken his promise, but it was out of his control, I assure you Bella, there was nothing on this earth he wanted more than to keep the promises he made you."

"Why did it have to be him? Why him? He was perfect, he was innocent. He has a daughter and another child on the way; why did God choose to take him?" Bella sobbed.

"I do not know my love, I do not know. All we can do is take comfort in the fact that he is in a better place." Esme whispered.

However, at that moment, neither woman believed the words she spoke. The best place for Edward to be was at his wife's side, watching his daughter play and his son grow. That was the best place for him to be, yet he would never be in that place again.

---

Bella had not left her room in four and a half days. She had not even managed to get eat and simply drank enough to keep her alive. She knew that Esme and Carlisle, not to mention her brother and his wife were beyond worried about her but she could not bring herself to reassure them. She was in it too deep.

After Esme had finally planted in her mind the realisation that Edward was dead, something a simple letter could not do, Bella could not get away from the pain she felt.

Bella had never experienced a broken heart in her young life until now, and if everyone was in the amount of pain she was currently in, it was not a state she would wish on her worst enemy. She had tried everything to get away from the pain, she had tried to sleep but life was not that kind, she had tried to curl into a ball and compress the feelings but nothing hurt, she had screamed but all that achieved was making her throat sore and she had cried until there was not enough liquid in her body to produce tears.

On the third day in bed, exhaustion had taken over and her body shut down, forcing her to sleep, but even that sleep was not restful. As soon as her eyelids had flickered shut, Bella could see images of Edward behind her eyes; however they were not memories. They were the pictures her mind had conjured up about his death, the fear he must have felt, the running he must have done, the pain he must have gone through, the blood pouring from his body, this life dwindling to an end in the mud; a way nobody deserved to die.

Bella did not realise that she had woken up screaming. She could not even hear the sound her own body was making. She did not see Esme entering the room with a sobbing Alicia on her hip. She did not register a thing until she felt Esme shaking her shoulder, yelling to be heard over the sound of Bella's screams that she must calm down before she caused any damage to the baby trying to grow strong inside her belly. That stopped her screams but it could not stop her sobs.

Bella fell into Esme's side, sobbing coursing through her body at such a rate that she found it difficult to draw breath, her chest heaving with the effort.

Alicia was the one to break her mother out of her heart retching sobs. Bella had not even noticed her young daughter was in the room until she felt a small, clammy hand in her own frozen one. Turning her swollen eyes to those of her daughter's, Bella noticed that she too had red eyes, with tears drying on her cheeks.

Pulling Alicia to her side, Bella began to comfort the small child; the child who was too young to understand that she would never see her Papa again. Running her hand through Alicia's soft brown ringlets, Bella began to whisper words of love into the little girl's ear, but they did not seem to be easing her worry.

"Mama sad?" Ali asked in her small, innocent voice.

"I was slightly upset sweetheart," Bella whispered; not wanting to lie to her daughter but not wanting to take away her happiness, "I am fine now you are here with me, I am sorry for scaring you."

"It's 'kay," was the final sentence Ali was able to construct before a huge yawn took over her body, causing her to snuggle into her mother's side and shut her eyes; entering the blissful world of sleep once more.

After Alicia had been asleep long enough, Esme made a move to pick her up, knowing that nothing would wake her now. As she wrapped her hands around her granddaughter's waist, Bella placed her limp wrist around her arm.

"No, let her stay," Bella whispered, her wide eyes pleading.

"I think it would be best i—" Esme began before she was cut off.

"Please Esme. I do not want to be alone. I will make sure she does not fall from the bed, I promise. I just need Edward her with me and she is the little piece of Edward I have left." Esme could not refuse Bella, Alicia was her own daughter after all and if the small girl could give Bella any sort of comfort then Esme was in full support.

It had been two days since then and Bella had still not emerged. Alicia stayed with her mother for most of the day, drawing her pictures, humming and simply talking nonsense, trying anything to make Bella smile, for even the twenty month old realised something was wrong.

Bella knew she was being unfair to her daughter, but she knew that if she were to leave her chamber and see reminders of Edward around the house then the small piece of sanity she retained would be lost, and she could not do that to her family, especially Alicia.

Esme had finally given up trying to persuade Bella to leave her room and simply ordered her to eat, informing her that she may not care about herself, but the child growing inside her was the last bit of Edward they all had, and she would be damned before she allowed anything to happen to the innocent child. It appeared to have snapped Bella from her stupor and she began to eat small pieces of food, enough to keep her body nourished, which was all Esme could ask for.

Of course she was still hurting, her heart would never recover from the loss of her child, but she had made a promise. She had promised Edward that she would look after Bella and she was going to stick to that promise until the day she died; she was never going to let her son down.

Emmett had also tried to get Bella to leave her room, to try and make her live a little more. He had tried everything, he had spoken to her, he had yelled at her, he had pleaded with her and he had cried with her, but it was all to no avail; Bella simply refused to move. So, with Bella's permission, Emmett had taken Alicia to his home with Alicia for the week, to allow her to be a happy child again. Of course, Alicia was thrilled to be going for she would be able to help "look after" her baby cousin, a very important job, Alicia claimed, for she was to be a big sister in a few short weeks.

Although Bella had been upset and found it difficult to be away from her daughter for the first time, the separation was not the thought at the front of her mind. For the past few days, Bella had been reliving her last night with Edward over and over again.

-o-

After Edward's shirt had been carelessly tossed on the floor behind them, Bella felt her knees hitting the back of the bed, causing them to buckle as she and Edward fell onto the bed, Edward landing on top of her.

"God Bella," Edward moaned, lifting himself off her body just long enough to remove his trousers. "I love you so much." Their lips joined together once more in a hurry; almost as if their lips provided the much need oxygen.

Edward lifted Bella's hips and shifted them so that they were both placed on the bed, Edward placing his weight careful over hers, not wanting to risk hurting their baby in any way.

Edward ran his fingers down her face, as he unashamedly ran his eyes down her body. "You are breathtaking my love," he whispered, causing a blush to light Bella's cheeks. Edward lent down to kiss them, "I love this blush, it tells me how you are feeling, no matter what you try and tell me to the contrary."

-o-

Bella raised her own hands to her cheeks, expecting to feel the heat she normally would when thinking of a moment like this, but all her hand came into contract with was tears.

-o-

He began to kiss lower, moving his lips to her neck, electing a moan from Bella as she pushed her head back, allowing her beloved husband more access to her neck.

After lavishing pleasure on her neck for at least a minute, Bella had lost all concept of time; Edward moved his kisses lower still, until he reached the peaks of her breasts.

"I think you know how much I love these already," Edward whispered huskily, raising his head so that he was able to look her in the eye, "I am certainly going to miss these while I am away," and before Bella had chance to voice a response, Edward had attached his lips to her left nipple, erasing all comprehensible thoughts from her head.

All Bella could do was wrap her hands into Edward hair, encouraging him with the moans he was causing to come from her mouth, as she began to feel the familiar coil beginning to form in her stomach.

Edward's hands began to wander lower, until they hit the spot he was searching for, causing Bella to lift her hips from the mattress in pleasure from just that simple touch. Placing two fingers into his wife's body, Edward began to rhythmically move them in and out as his switched his attentions to her right breast.

Bella could hardly taken it, the pleasure was about to overtake her and she had given nothing to Edward in return. "Stop, pleas-oh God- please stop!" she panted, pulling Edward's hair slightly to get his attention.

Edward's lips were lifted off her nipple with a pop and Bella had to bite her lip to stop the protest being vocalised. "What is wrong love?" Edward asked, clearly confused about his wife's actions.

-o-

The tears fell harder from Bella's eyes. Why, why did she stop him? If she had known it would be the last time he would ever touch her, would ever hold her close to his body, then she would have told him to never stop. She would have told him to do whatever he wanted, because all that would have mattered was the fact that Edward was doing what he wanted; it could have lasted forever.

-o-

"I want y-you to be i-inside me," Bella whimpered, trying to get her breathing under control.

"We have all night love," Edward whispered gently, as if to tell her they had all the time in the world.

"Yes Edward, all we have is tonight, and I want to spend every moment of it as close to you as possible." Bella mumbled, not wanting to think about what the morning would bring.

Edward smiled sadly at her, "As you wish my darling." He leaned up and placed a kiss on her lips, before peppering them around her whole face as he aligned himself with her entrance.

Both Cullen's moaned as he entered her, but Edward, always being the gentleman, stopped when he was fully sheathed, allowing Bella to get used to him once more.

Bella could not stand it; they only had a limited amount of time left together, "Move Edward, move."

Her wish was Edward's command. He began to move at a slow pace, causing the coil to become even tighter in Bella's stomach.

"Faster, please. Edward please!" Bella began to beg her husband; she needed more.

Edward smirked at her, "We do not want to rush this love," and he continued to move at his agonisingly slow pace.

Bella wrapped her legs around her back and tried to push Edward faster, causing him to go deeper than he ever had before. The coil inside her snapped and Bella screamed as her orgasm ripped through her body like a fire, causing the most pleasurable sensation.

-o-

It was now sobs that shock Bella's body. Never again would she feel such a sensation. Never again would she feel her husband inside her body. Never again would she feel Edward plant kisses all over her face.

Why did God take him from her? She was only eighteen and he was only twenty; they had their whole lives ahead of them but God decided to cut them short. What sin had they committed in a past life that was bad enough to cause this sort of punishment?

-o-

As Bella came down from her high, Edward began to move fast and fast, working towards his release. The action caused the coil to form once more, and Bella began to struggle for breath, the sheer pleasure overwhelming her.

"Little more," Edward began to mutter, "Almost...almost... there...Oh God...Bella!"

And with that, husband and wife exploded together in a whirlwind of pleasure. It was the most intense feeling of Bella's life; never again did she want to go without this feeling of absolute bliss.

Edward removed himself from Bella's body as he collapsed beside her, panting for breath.

"That was amazing Bella," and he leaned over, placing a passionate kiss on her mouth, one she eagerly responded to. Their kisses were limited; it would not be long before their lips would not touch for another six months.

As he pulled away, Edward wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulder, pulling him close to her side. Bella pulled her body as close as she could to his, burying herself in his scent, he smelt like spices and musk. It was Bella's favourite smell in the world.

"It is hard to believe that all you have to do to create a human life is experience that level of pleasure," Edward chuckled, running his hand up and down Bella's abdomen.

Bella began to laugh along with her husband, but it was not long before the laughter became choked sobs.

-o-

"If only your Papa could see you now," Bella whispered to her swollen stomach, rubbing just as Edward had all those months ago. "He would be so amazed at how you have grown little one." Tears began to hit Bella's dress; there were too many pouring from her eyes for her cheeks to handle.

"He would have loved you more than any other little boy has ever been loved, that is for sure. He would have spoilt you rotten but made sure you knew how fortunate you were. He would have showered you in so much love and praise that you would never stop smiling." The child inside her belly gave a reassuring kick, as if trying to tell his mother that he wanted to know more about his Papa.

"He would have treated you and Alicia as equals, taught you how to ride a horse, how to read, how to play piano, how to hunt, how to play chess and how to be an amazing man; just like himself.

"I am sorry you only have Ali and me now. I know we will never be a whole family, but I promise you son, I will try my very best to give you everything you deserve, everything you ever wish for. I promise you."

-o-

"What is wrong?" Edward asked, instantly concerned about his wife's sobs. Raising himself onto one elbow, Edward gently wiped away her falling tears. "There is no need to cry Bella. I could not be happier to have this little baby coming into the world. I love them already." To prove his point, Edward shifted his body until he was parallel with her stomach and began to place kisses all over it.

When Bella's tears did not cease, Edward came back up, worry and slight panic clearly reflected in his eyes. "Bella, you are scaring me," he whispered, while guilt instantly flooded Bella's body.

"I am sorry. Tonight was meant to be a happy night but I cannot stop crying," Bella hiccupped, hurriedly wiping away the final tears.

"What is upsetting you so?" Edward asked, the love he held for her evident in his voice.

"I am just afraid that you will not be here with me to experience the pregnancy. How am I meant to get through it without you?" Bella asked; her voice breaking.

"Bella," Edward stated slowly, "I will be here for the pregnancy. I will not be here for all of it but I sure as hell will not miss the end of it. I will be here the moment you bring our child into the world; supporting you just as I did at Alicia's birth. And after our baby is born, we will have the perfect family, you, me, Alicia and the baby and we will raise them together; never wanting for anything because we have each other. We will never spend one second away from each other, even when we are old and grey and you are sick at the sight of me."

Bella let out a watery giggle, "I will never be sick of you."

"Even when I have grey hair and wrinkles?"

"Even when you have grey hair and wrinkles," Bella confirmed.

-o-

Edward would never have grey hair or wrinkles. He would stay young eternally.

Bella did not want to think about the terrible damage that would be done to her husband's body as it was covered in dirt. She simply chose to remember him as he had been that night; young, beautiful and happy.

-o-

They lay there together in silence, simply being.

Although externally Bella was silent, her mind was buzzing with questions and there was one she could no longer repress.

"Edward?" Bella questioned into the darkness, making sure he was sill awake.

"Mmm?" Edward affirmed.

"What am I meant to do if you are killed?" The look of shock on Edward's face caused Bella to backtrack, "I know you are only a medic and not on the battlefields, but there is always the possibility is there not? I just want to know what you expect me to do."

Edward turned on his side and lifted is body until it was covering her own. "Bella, I am not going to die out there. I will not die without you by my side when we are old and grey." Bella opened her mouth to protest, but it was as if Edward could predict what she was about to ask. "If something does happen to me, I want you to move on with your life."

Bella instantly began to shake her head, "Edward, there is no chance of me ever being able to move on with my life without you. You are my life, my soul mate."

"I know it would be difficult, but what would you do if you were in my position. I know you Bella; you would be telling me to do the exact same thing. I am not asking you to forget me, quite the contrary in fact, I am simply asking you to find happiness again. You have our two children to look after, they do not want a Mama who did not care for them in their childhood because she was too busy mourning the loss of her husband. I am just asking you to remember me, but move on."

Bella nodded slowly. Although she hated the thought of ever having Edward leave her side and the thought of raising their children alone scared her beyond words, Bella knew she would do whatever Edward asked of her; there was no hope of her ever trying to defy his wishes, her love was simply too deep.

"How am I meant to know if you have left me?" Bella asked quietly.

Edward was silent for a moment, and when he answered, he spoke slowly; as if he were considering and weighing each word carefully.

"You will feel it," Edward lifted her hands from the mattress, placing her left hand over his own heart, while her right hand rest on top of hers. "Do you feel that?" Edward asked quietly.

Bella shook her head. She did not know what she was trying to feel.

"Our hearts beat at the same time. We are each other's soul mates and our hearts beat in time; they beat together. If either of these hearts were to stop, the other would feel it; we are connected that deeply. If I am to die in Belgium, then you will be the first to know, I promise you. But Bella, you will never feel that sensation, because nothing is going to happen."

-o-

Edward was right. She did not feel that sensation. He was wrong.

He was dead and Bella had felt nothing. She did not feel the moment his heart stopped beating and no matter how much Esme tried to reassure her, Bella would doubt her skills as a wife for the rest of her life.

However, she did take Edward's words to heart.

He wanted her to move on with life; he wanted her to be a good parent and role model for her children and that was what she was going to do.

It had been two weeks since she had received the news of her husband's death and although her heart would never be whole again, Bella would work to get used to that feeling, she would work as hard as she could to fulfil the promise she had made to her Edward.

Thinking about how she had neglected Alicia for the past week and put her baby at risk due to the lack of food Bella had allowed into her stomach made her feel physically sick. The first thing she would do was fix her relationship with her children; starting now.

Slowly, Bella moved her legs, until they were dangling from the side of the bed.

Lowering her body, she placed her feet on the floor and taking a deep breath, Bella pushed herself off the bed; standing on her own two feet for the first time in too long.

The moment she let go of the bed was the moment the water began to trickle down her leg and the cramps hit her right in the stomach.

---

I think we all know what is about to happen.

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