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I AM SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATES. There has been a lot of drama in the last couple of weeks leaving me no time to write. Anyway, here is the next chapter and I hope you all like it.
Thanks for ALL the reviews, you guys are UTTERLY AMAZING! Most reviewed chapter so far! Thanks to everyone who put this on alert and in their favourties too. There are a lot of quotes in this chapter, Sleepless In Seattle, Maya Angelou and The Vampire Diaries (Which I am addicted to!).
Enjoy! Sorry for any mistakes.
Forever Bound
Chapter Thirty Seven - Halo
Bella had given birth to her son. She had done it alone.
Although she thought that she would never be able to accomplish such a thing without Edward at her side, Bella knew the only reason she had managed to complete the act she must was because Edward was at her side in spirit.
That simple thought was the only thing that had helped her get through those agonizingly slow seven hours.
The moment Bella's waters had broken had caused a feeling of dread to flow through her body. Her baby was coming early and it was all her fault. If she had taken better care of herself, her baby would not be trying to enter the world three weeks early.
Forcing herself to swallow back the feelings of guilt, Bella had walked as quickly as she could, which was not fast at all considering the circumstance, downstairs to the kitchen, calling for Angela the entire way.
After Angela had recovered from the shock of seeing her mistress in such a state, she had quickly gathered herself together and sent the butler off to retrieve Aurora and inform Esme and Carlisle that their new grandchild was arriving. Angela then assisted Bella in returning to her bedchamber once more and helped her prepare for the long, painful hours ahead of her.
An hour and thirty six painful contractions later, Aurora arrived, with Esme and Carlisle in toe, although the moment Carlisle had been able to register the event that was occurring he quickly left the women to it and waited outside.
Six hours later and Bella had lost count of the number of contractions she had had pass through her body. All she could register was sound of Aurora ordering her to push, Esme and Angela's encouraging words and the sound of her own sobs that were wracking through her own body.
It was never meant to be like this. Her son's birth was meant to be peaceful and happy, yet it was anything but that. The entire time Bella's body was preparing itself to birth Edward's child, all she could think about was him. While she was trying was all her might to push her child safely into the world, all Bella could think was that Edward was supposed to be right by her side, coaching her through it. The moment their son was placed into her arms, all she could do was sob.
Nothing but the feeling of sadness filled her body. Bella simply lay in bed, cradling her newborn son to her chest as she allowed her tears to fall onto his small head. Her son did not cry or whimper; it was almost as if he realised what was happening around him. He simply allowed his mother to hold him while she cried as he rested his small boy after such a hectic day.
After clearing up the mess that occurred during the birth, dirty sheets and cloths, Esme and Aurora had left Bella alone, knowing that what she needed then was to be by herself. That had been almost an hour ago and Esme decided it was time to intervene.
Emmett had rushed himself, Rosalie, Isabelle and Alicia to the Cullen household the moment he heard Bella had gone into labour, and had been pacing downstairs impatiently ever since. The second he heard the word intervention, Emmett had grabbed Alicia and run upstairs to his sister's chamber. The sight that met his eyes broke Emmett's heart.
Rushing over to her side, Emmett carefully placed Alicia on the bed before he wrapped his large arms around Bella, allowing her to sob into his chest while she held onto her son for dear life.
"Shh Belly, what is wrong?" Emmett whispered; wiping away his little sister's tears with the pad of him thumb.
"He looks so much like Edward Em," Bella rasped out.
Emmett looked at the baby resting peacefully in her arms for the first time. He was a dead ringer for Edward; right down to the colour of his eyelashes.
"I thought you would be happy about that?" Emmett questioned, wondering why she would not want to have a piece of Edward with her.
"How am I meant to look after him Emmett? When I look at him, all I can see is Edward, and it tears me apart." Bella cried, begging Emmett to give her an answer.
"Bells, he looks like Edward, but he is not Edward," Emmett assured her, "He is his own person. Yes, he is clearly his father's son, but you cannot ignore him due to the fact. He deserves his own identity."
"I know he does Em. He is a perfect little boy but he deserves so much more than I can give him. I cannot just ignore the resemblance between him and Edward and because of that I will not be able to look after him properly." Bella cried, burying her head deeper into Emmett's shirt.
Emmett quickly pulled her head up and forced him to look at her. "Bella, he is your son. No one can look after him better than his own mother. And you are going to look after him well," Emmett continued before Bella had the chance to interrupt, "because he is yours and you love him to pieces already."
Unwrapping his arms from his sister's body, Emmett carefully reached for his nephew, gently taking the sleeping boy from his mother's arms. However, the moment he was placed into his uncle's arms, the little boy opened his eyes and blinked before he started to cry as hard as his lungs would let him; his face that was so peaceful a moment ago turning bright red.
Alicia, who had been entertaining herself by staring at all the different colours of the quilt was shocked at the noise and covered her ears, beginning to sob herself due to the loud, foreign sound. Instantly, Bella snatched her son back into her own arms and began to soothe him, while holding out an arm for Alicia to snuggle into.
Emmett could not help but smile as he watched his little sister comfort her two children. She was running one hand through Alicia's hair to calm her while rocking her son in her arms, her son who was already calm and drifting back to sleep now that he had been returned to his mother's arms.
"Baby loud Mama," Alicia whimpered, staring at her sibling.
"Yes he is my love, but he is only an hour old. Crying is the only way he can let us know how he is feeling." Bella explained quietly, not wanting to wake her sleeping child.
"This brudda?" Alicia asked, poking the body in her mother's arm curiously.
"Yes Ali, this is your brother," Bella looked down at the boy in her arms, "Anthony." She then shifted her gaze to Emmett, "Anthony Edward Cullen."
Emmett smiled at Bella and knew that, one day, she was going to be okay.
---
It was New Years Eve and the day of Edward's memorial service. The Cullen's wanted it to be held before the New Year, hoping the New Year would bring happiness instead of sadness.
Esme had requested that Bella be the one to speak at the service. She had told Bella that she herself would be unable to speak and knew that Edward would want Bella to be the one leading the tributes to his memory.
Bella was busy getting Alicia ready, for she was already dressed in her own black dress. Alicia was wearing a black lace dress that Alice had made for her and had a simple black headband in her hair. She did not understand what event was occurring today. Bella had explained it to her as best as she could, but there was only so much a two year old could understand, and she did not understand that she would not be seeing her Papa again.
Anthony was in the Moses basket Bella had placed in the corner of the room, fast asleep. Anthony was the perfect baby; he rarely cried and simply observed life as it passed. The only negative side to Anthony was the issues he had developed around people. He was utterly peaceful while he was surrounded by others, but the moment he was in someone's arms who was not his mother or sister; he would cry until he fell asleep due to exhaustion. His family had quickly learnt not to try and hold him, no matter how much they wanted to hold the newborn baby.
"You are ready," Bella informed her daughter, straightening up.
Alicia twirled in her dress for her mother, "Do I looks pretty for Papa?"
Bella's eyes instantly pooled with water at her daughter's naivety. "You look beautiful Alicia." Bella snapped her head around and saw Emmett leaning on the doorframe.
Pushing himself away from the wood, Emmett made his way into the room and knelt down in front of his niece. "Can I have the honour of escorting you, your mother and brother today?"
Alicia giggled happily and nodded, placing her own small hand in her uncle's large, outstretched one. Bella loved her brother all the more for trying to make this day as easy as possible for herself and her daughter. Emmett looked at her for permission and she simply nodded, unable to raise a smile on a day like today.
"Ali, go with Uncle Em and let him help you put your coat on. You will have to wrap up well, it is still cold," Bella informed her daughter and watched as she pulled her bear of an uncle from the chamber. She quickly picked up her slumbering son and followed her family downstairs to await the carriages that would take them to the church.
---
"How are you going to answer all the questions thrown at you today? You can barely stand to answer any of our queries."
Emmett and Bella were riding in a carriage together towards the church, Bella holding a sleeping Anthony in her arms while Alicia rested her head on Emmett's lap. For the past three weeks Bella, Esme and Carlisle had been receiving messages of condolence from almost all members of the town, questioning their wellbeing and if there was anything that could be done to help them. Each message was appreciated but none of them had eased the pain Bella felt whenever she breathed, so she had simply chosen not to reply to any of them. Everyone who lived in the town would be at the service today, for it had been their future Lord and Mayor who had died, and Bella would finally have to face up to their questions.
Bella thought about her answer for a while before replying. "Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile and it will be believable. The smile will say 'I am fine, thank you. Yes, I feel much better'. I will no longer be the sad little girl who lost her husband. I will start fresh. It's the only way I will make it through."
"And how are you really feeling Bells?" Emmett pushed gently. "How are you going to cope after today, after everyone else begins to move on?"
"Well, I am going get out of bed every morning; breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while, I will not have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out. Then, after a while, I will not have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while." Bella responded, gazing down at Anthony so that Emmett would not see the tears that had filled her eyes once more.
"You will not be sad forever Bella," was all Emmett said, for right then their carriage pulled to a halt outside the church.
Bella carefully placed Anthony in the Moses basket once more before she reached for Emmett's hand to help her down. Once Alicia had been placed on the floor next to her, Bella took her hand and allowed Emmett to guide her forward to the mass of people in front of them; his hand on her waist giving her moral support.
She was instantly bombared with questions and sympathy.
"How are you dear?"
"I am so sorry for your loss."
"Edward was a great man."
"Is there anything you and your family need?"
Bella wanted to scream. Of course she was not okay that was a given. Why were they asking her if she was well? She had just lost her husband and the father of her children. She wanted to tell them she was also sorry for her loss and she knew Edward was a great man; that the only thing her family needed was Edward back. But like the lady she was trained to be, Bella simply smiled tight lipped and thanked them for their concern before she made her way into the church.
"Why they sad Mama?" Alicia asked as Emmett guided her into their designated pew.
"They are sad that Papa will not be coming home angel," Bella whispered, knowing that if she were to speak any louder, her voice would crack with emotion.
"Oh," was Alicia's reply, for she did not understand the weight of her mother's words.
Esme and Carlisle soon entered the pew and as soon as she sat down, Esme placed her hand in Bella's; her eyes already bloodshot with tears. As the service commenced, the two women clung to each other; needing all the support they could get.
Before she was ready, it was Bella's turn to say words about Edward. She stumbled towards the front of the church, her eyes already hazy due to the tears that had fallen from her eyes. Raising her gaze, Bella began to address the people that had gathered.
"Apart from our family, no one knows that when we were first married, Edward and I hated each other. We could not stand the sight of each other and would do everything to avoid one another. But one day, that all changed and we realised that no matter how hard we tried to fight it, love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope. And that is what we had when we welcomed Alicia into the world; our lives were full of hope and love. We were so happy, and then we discovered that I was pregnant once more, with our son Anthony. However, the day I was told that I was pregnant was the day Edward was told he would be sent to war. He promised me that he would be safe, that he would come home before the birth of our child and we would be together until we were old and grey. He did not keep his promise.
"His family and I have no doubt that he tried as hard as he could to survive, he just could not beat those who deemed his life worthless." Bella's voice broke and she could not continue. She looked at the faces of those in front of her and saw her family in tears, but everyone else looked at her with pity and she could not stand it any longer.
"My brother told me today that I will not be sad forever, that I will have to learn to move on, because soon everyone will start to forget about Edward and move on with their own lives. I know that people will forget what I said here today, people will forget what Edward did, but I know that I will never forget how Edward made me feel. I will always remember the love he had for me and our children. The selflessness he possessed to go to war to ensure the safety of one town's doctor. The way he made everyone who knew him laugh and smile, he was the man who could always make you happy when you were upset." Bella paused once more.
"I could not have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it today; pretend that it would all be okay. I wanted today to be the day I brought life to someone without the past and without the pain of the death of a spouse. Someone alive. But it is not that easy, the bad things stay with you. They follow you. You can't escape them, as much as you want to. I will never be able to forget the death of my husband, nor the pain that comes with it. All I can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, I can accept it, because I need it.
"Thank you all for coming today. It means a lot to me and my family and I am sure Edward would be honoured by the number of people who have travelled here in his memory." Bella walked straight back to her pew, refusing to look at anyone; afraid of their reaction to her words.
Esme engulfed her in a hug and sobbed into her shoulder. "It was beautiful Bella, Edward would have been so proud."
All Bella could do was nod as she allowed the service continue.
---
The Cullen family were standing outside the church, receiving hugs and good wishes from members of the town. While Carlisle was accepting the latest condolence, Esme pulled Bella to the side.
"People are going to arrive at our home within the hour for a reception. Can I assume that you will be joining us?" Esme questioned.
Bella looked towards the sky and saw that it was blue, with just a small cover of clouds. The weather was warmer than she had predicted it to be, and Bella was suddenly struck with an idea.
"No thank you Esme. There is somewhere I would like to take Alicia and Anthony, and I think I have embarrassed myself enough today in front of those people," Bella attempted to joke but all she received was a half hearted smile that did not reach Esme's eyes.
"As you wish dear. Where are you planning to take them?" Esme questioned, curious as to where her daughter-in-law would want to take her grandchildren today.
"Just somewhere Edward took me once." Bella replied, before she leaned in a bid farewell to her mother-in-law with a kiss on the cheek.
After kissing each member of her family and thanking them for their support, Bella picked up Anthony in his basket while holding onto Alicia's hand and made her way towards one of the waiting carriages, providing the driver with directions to her meadow.
---
It was not easy climbing the bumpy path to their destination in a long dress with a toddler and a sleeping infant in her arms, so Bella reluctantly released Alicia's hand, and ordered her to stay within her mother's sight which was a hard thing for Alicia to do for she was bursting with excitement; so much so that she would constantly trip on roots that she had ignored but she simply stood up and giggled, wiping her soiled hands on her dress. Alice was going to kill Bella for allowing her to do such a thing.
They finally arrived at the opening to the meadow and Alicia charged forward, ignoring her mother's pleas for her to wait. Bella reached the clearing as fast as she could and watched as Alicia tumbled to the ground once more as she raced towards the trees.
Bella sighed, knowing that her daughter would not listen to her if she was reprimanded. She knew it was harmless and that Alicia would soon tire, and deemed it safe to allow Alicia to do as she wished.
Settling herself down in the middle of the meadow, Bella gazed down at her son, who was staring at her with wide eyes. His pupils were still the blue of a newborn, but Bella noticed the brown tint around the edges. Anthony was going to inherit her brown eyes instead of the emerald eyes of his father and sister. Perhaps that would make it easier for her to look at him in the future, when the initial pain had died away.
Luckily, Bella had placed a large blanket over Anthony under the assumption that he would need more than his woollen blanket to keep him warm. Bella quickly took it out of the basket and laid it on the floor before she gently lifted Anthony out of the basket and onto her lap.
She could hear Alicia's giggle floating through the air and knew that her daughter was fine and left her to play as Bella began to talk to Anthony.
"We will be fine Anthony. I promise. I may find it hard from time to time, but that is simply because you look like your father so much. I loved him more than anyone, and the moment I saw you looked exactly like him, I did not think I would be able to cope," Anthony reached out his hand and grabbed Bella's little finger tightly, "But you are your own person and deserve the chance to build your own personality, without it being based on your father. He gave you to me and for that I will always be thankful for Anthony. I love you." Bella kissed the top of her son's head as he squeaked in what Bella assumed to be agreement.
Alicia's laugh came closer and closer and Bella turned her head in search of her daughter. Bella saw her little girl running as fast as she could towards her. Alicia's chocolate coloured ringlets were bouncing as she run, her little black lace dress rising up as she pushed herself forwards. Bella was stunned she had any energy left at all.
"Mama!" she cried as she flew into Bella's arms. She was only content lying still for mere seconds, before she shifted her small body once more and began to play with the necklace Edward had given her mother; the necklace Bella had never removed from her neck.
The movement Alicia had created had startled Anthony and he began to whimper, and Alicia moved around in Bella's arms until she could get a good look at her brother.
"I think Tony hungry Mama," she stated as she stared up at Bella with her wide green eyes, as she tried to be helpful.
Bella smiled softly at her daughter as she cradled Anthony to her chest, his cries softening as soon as he realised he was safe in his mother's arms.
"Shh little one," Bella cooed, "Everything is okay. Mama is here. Alicia was just saying hello; that is nothing to be afraid of."
Soon Anthony's whimpers had completely silenced, and Bella lowered her arms. She stared at her sons tear stained eyes and felt an unexplainable amount of love surge from her heart to his.
At that moment, Alicia planted a kiss on her little brother's forehead and then laid her head on her mother's chest, staring at the child in her arms. Right then, in that moment, Bella found the peace she had been craving for as she held her two children tightly in her arms.
"Thank you," she whispered towards the sky. "Thank you for giving them to me Edward."
---
Bella had returned home that evening with her two children and the peace she had found still resting in her soul. Yes, it still hurt to think about Edward and every breath was a challenge, Bella knew it would not be that easy to overcome, but it was almost as if the pain had been numbed until it was bearable.
After putting Anthony to bed, Bella had spent the rest of the evening with her daughter.
Angela prepared the pair of them a bath, and for the first time in a long time, Bella shared the tub with her daughter, allowing Alicia to splash her as much as her little heart wished to and blew bubbles in her face with soap, causing Alicia's beautiful laughter to fill the room.
Making sure Alicia was tucked deeply into her blankets, Bella had sat on the edge of her daughter's bed and told her the same bedtime story her grandmother had told her during her own childhood.
Alicia was deeply asleep by the time Bella had finished her story and it was just as well, for as the last word hung in the air, Anthony began to cry; it was time for his next feed.
Sitting on her bed, Bella pulled her top away and allowed her son access to her breast. He grabbed on eagerly and began to suck as if he had not been fed before. Bella simply watched her son feeding, taking in all the motions his face made and the expressions he pulled as he sucked. She ran her finger down his cheek, causing Anthony to pull away and dribble slightly.
Bella tried to return him to her nipple but he turned his head away, apparently full up. After carefully burping him, Bella gently placed Anthony back into his crib. She leant forwards and placed a kiss on his soft baby hair.
"Now, I do not want to hear a peep out of you until the New Year. Allow Mama her three hours of sleep before you decide you are hungry again." Anthony simply shut his eyes and Bella smiled before placing one last kiss on his small head.
Bella changed into her nightgown and blew out the candle on her bedside. She slid into bed and prepared for the New Year without Edward by her side.
Hours later, a cry fought through the cloud that had formed in Bella's mind. Groaning, Bella reached for the watch that she had placed on her bedside table. It was two hours into the New Year. Anthony had not woken up for four hours, a new record.
Anthony. Crying.
Bella listened. There was silence. She was sure she heard Anthony crying and yet there was silence in the room. Anthony did not stop crying until he was in her arms and full with breast milk.
Bella quickly spun her head until she was facing the crib at the end of her bed. There was a figure standing over the bed, their back towards Bella.
Instantly worried that someone was trying to take Anthony away like they had Alicia, Bella began to scream.
The figure at the end of the bed immediately spun around, Anthony in their arms. Bella's scream died in her throat as all the air left her body.
"Edward?" she gasped.
---
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Only two more chapters left before an epilogue I think. I have my own site now that has pictures for each of the dresses, homes etc. http://greenfallenleaves(dot)webs(dot)com/ I also write on there if there are slow updates etc so check it out :)
Until next time. :) Hope it will be sooner than last time!
