I don't own anything New Moon...yada yada yada...
here is yet another apology for how slow I am, but i'm working i'm working...here's the next chapter with a tiny bit of action but mainly a lot of crying
Hope you enjoy and be sure to review!
I'm Never Waking Up
The phone calls started about a second and a half after I figured out that my book was gone. So did the shouting and the footsteps up the stairs. I ignored my phone basically because I didn't want to talk to anyone at all right now, but I would have to alleviate whoever it was coming towards me as best I could.
"Bella? Bella, are you up here? Bella! There you are! Are you alright? What happened?" It was Uncle Charlie. I couldn't let him see me cry because if he saw me crying he would scream for Sue, who would start crying when she saw me, which would only make me cry more, which would alert the entire house of the incident. And I didn't want that. Uncle Charlie sounded out of breath. "What happened?"
He stole my book. "Nothing of importance."
"Bella, Dr. Gerundy is here. Tell him what hurts, baby."
My heart. My head. Everything. "I'm fine." I wonder how many times I'll have to say that from now on.
"Bella, your phone's been ringing off the hook ever since I got up here. Aren't you going to see who it is? It might be that boy of yours."
"He's gone." I replied simply. I could sense Uncle Charlie's growing discomfort at my emotionless responses. He's used to me bouncing up and around all the time, but he's going to be in for a rough few months. I looked over to my phone once it stopped ringing. 183 missed calls. 312 incoming text messages. 57 new voicemails.
Holy Crap! What is going on? I reached for the phone seeing who was calling and texting so much. It had to be a mistake, no one cared enough about me anymore to show so much interest. I scrolled down the missed calls list to see who had called me so many times. Alice Cullen. Alice Cullen. Elizabeth Cullen. Elizabeth Cullen. Alice Cullen. Elizabeth Cullen. And on and on and on….
What could they possibly want? They left. They 'finally saw' that Edward was 'right' in leaving. I wasn't going to bother answering them, but they kept freaking calling.
The calls kept coming even into the wee hours of the morning. I wasn't going to get any actual sleep since I was just sort of staring at the ceiling thinking about my first move, so I eventually answered once I was up to 400 missed calls. "What, Alice? What? Calling to rub it in? How'd he convince you? YOU READ THE FREAKINGBOOKS!"
"Bella? Bella? Is that finally you? Are you okay?"
"AM I OKAY? HE LEFT, ALICE!" I didn't bother keeping my voice down.
Alice sounded like me, at least with the crying part. "Bella, I'm so sorry. He tricked us. He called Tanya ahead of time to stage a fake slip-up so that he could trap us here. Hang on, Ava wants to talk to you." I heard lots of yelling in the background. It sounded like Ava was trying to rip Tanya's head off, literally. Then Alice yelled for her to come quickly and it sounded like they were starting up a car.
"Bella? Why weren't you answering your phone? I know I called you at least 259 times! Are you alright? Bella, I'm so sorry. Angel and Jasper and all the Denalis tricked us into coming here, but we were able to steal one of their cars. We're on our way back right now. Are you okay?"
I thought I'd run out of tears hours ago, but apparently they're still there. "Ava, he left. I couldn't stop him."
"Bella, it's okay. I promise everything will be okay."
"He told me he didn't want me because I wasn't the real Bella. Ava, what am I going to do?" I was sobbing hard now. I would have thought I would wake someone up.
"We're going to make him pay, Bella. I swear. If I could find him now, I'd kick his ass."
"Wait, what? You can't find him? No, no, no, you have to watch him! He's going to try to kill himself. Make Angel watch him as punishment for tricking you or something."
"That's actually a good idea…okay, we're going to be there in a few hours. Do you think you can hold yourself together until we do? You're already whimpering." I was whimpering? I didn't even realize. There's a lot I apparently don't realize.
"I-I guess so…Ava, will you bring me something?"
"Oh, God! You two didn't really do it, did you? Am I going to be an aunt already? I thought you were kidding! You need a…test?"
"Ava! No, we did not do anything like that. I need you to bring me two other guys! Ben and Jerry, if you can hurry it up!" I had to run to the bathroom soon before I would pass out from crying so much. I just made myself dizzier when I tried to run to the bathroom, and on top of it, I still couldn't stop crying. I am literally shocked that I haven't woken anyone up yet.
Okay, apparently I did. "Bella? Is that you? Open up, it's Leah." No, I don't want to talk to Leah! She's just going to go hard-ass on me and tell me to suck it up. And that step won't start for days. "Bella, I know where the key is. Open up or I will open the door without qualms about what state you're in." Fine then! I opened the door, took one look at someone else that had been through something like me, and just dropped down crying. Leah dragged me back up to sit me on the bathtub. "Come on, it's okay. It's going to be okay." She didn't even look uncomfortable that I was crying like a baby right in front of her.
"How do you know it's going to be okay? How did you get over your…him?" Okay, that might have been a little harsh. "I'm sorry, I'm just so mad at him and I'm taking it out on everyone else. I'll go back to bed now. Sorry I woke you up."
"No, Bella, it's fine. I know what you're doing. Come on, let's get you back in your room. I'm going to tell you the secret." She handed me tissues and walked me back to my bed. This is the first time we've acted anything like family. I guess she's my make-shift sister. "Alright, here goes. Bella, you have to forget him. I know, it's hard, but you have to." I just shook my head. She didn't understand. I have a book of what my wedding to him might be like. I can't just forget him because, mainly, I don't want to. "Okay, you just have to pretend to. If he comes back here, he's going to see you as an attractive happy girl with tons of guys that want you. Bella, he'll realize that he didn't actually want to leave you."
"But that's not how you act. No offense, but you're sort of bitter after you're around all the people from La Push."
She actually laughed. "Yeah, I am. It's just my way of dealing, but I can tell with you it won't work. You really loved this guy, Ethan or whatever his name was. And, from what I know about him and his family, he did not just stop loving you. You and him are going to be alright one day, but until then, it'll be okay to make him hurt just a bit." She knows about werewolves and vampires because of Sam. He told her about the whole thing once he imprinted on Emily. I guess that means she knows about Ava too. That probably is not a good thing. But she knows that vampires find their true loves and stick with them…forever.
But, instead of not forgetting how much he loves me, I think I might like inflicting pain. "How much am I allowed to make him hurt?"
She smiled now. This is starting to get strange. "That, Bella, is where you start having fun."
November
-drove past the Markses' house every single day waiting for my motorcycles to go on sale
-flirted with Eric, Mike, and Tyler on a daily basis (all part of the 'I'm not really sad' persona)
-made my two best friends sick with worry about my new and strange behavior
-burned my life-size Edward Cullen cut-out in effigy (after I drew the villain mustache and goofy eyes and glasses on it)
-tried throwing away the ring Edward gave me for my birthday, but eventually went dumpster diving with Ava and Alice to get it back
-saw New Moon…yelled liar and cried throughout the break up scene (Alice had to drag me out until I was actually able to control myself again), yelled even more when he came back
December
-Alice and Ava sent Angel and Jasper to casually spy on Edward…who is in South America (I guess he didn't hear my warning after all)…also they prank-called him multiple times (apparently he was as miserable as I was on the inside)
-went to Port Angeles and drank all night (okay, lie, but I wanted to!)
-almost got on a plane to Brazil to search for Edward...it didn't work...
-thought about calling Jacob, but instead hung out with Leah and Seth (well, just sort of made forced conversation with Seth, but went surfing with Leah, despite the cold—then got swine flu for a month )
-went home for Christmas…Mom figured out that I'd had my heart broken, and told me the same advise Leah did, but not to scare Uncle Charlie too much
January
-Ava and Alice demanded that I call Jacob before I drove them insane
-drove Ava and Alice insane
"Bella, are we feeling any more…alive today?"
I looked up from my math book to see Leah smirking in my doorway. I put on the most unemotional face I could muster. "I've been alive for months. You should be proud of me."
"Bella, I've seen dead people look more alive than you. Honestly, I thought Alice and Lizzie were doing a better job than this. Mom and Charlie are going to send you home if you don't start acting happier."
I put on my now-normal fake smile. "I'm happy…" She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'm content." Again with the eye rolls. "Alright, I'm 100 percent completely miserable! Happy now?"
"Yes, now get up. We're going to pay someone a visit."
"What? Who?"
"Alice told me to take you to see Jacob and I am more than happy to comply. You haven't seen Jacob in months and I know he will cheer you up."
No, not Jacob! "I can't go. I've got homework, and I'm…I'm already going out tonight!"
She didn't believe me, but then again, why should she? I've lied about a lot of things lately. Mostly about how well my 'revenge' plan was working. I haven't been completely boring and zombie-like, just a little. And only when I'm at home. I flirt with the guys at school every day, talk to Jessica and Angela, and act reckless on the weekend. Okay, the last one's a lie since I haven't been able to purchase those bikes yet, but they're going to be coming my way soon. "I'm going out with Lizzie and Alice…and Angela and Jessica. We're going to see a movie tonight." Even though tonight was Monday and we weren't planning on going anywhere.
"Likely story. Well, then, I'll just have to call Alice and make sure of your plans. I wouldn't want my step-cousin getting into any trouble." She smirked some more as she walked out.
Crap, now I have to call Alice and tell her where we're going before Leah does, plus Angela and Jessica. I really did talk to them on a daily basis, just kind of like I was out of it, though. They both understood, okay, Angela was empathetic towards my situation. They both knew that he'd left and broken up with me.
They both agreed to hurry over to my house to go to a movie that started at eight in Port Angeles without Ava having to make them. She'd agreed too, wanting to see if a different movie would help me more than seeing New Moon did. She was still kind of guilty about taking me to see that in the first place. I didn't think I could handle it, but she'd insisted. After seeing what I did in the theater because of that, she was a little weary of taking me to see another movie, but I'd told her it was the zombie movie from the book, so she'd accepted the invitation. Alice did too, but I could tell that she was seething that I wouldn't be going to see Jacob.
We all rode together in the Mercedes Alice had stolen from the Denalis. They hadn't asked for it back mainly because Ava told them to forget about it. She also forced Angel and Jasper to grovel at their knees until they were given their punishments of following Edward around without Edward figuring it out. Edward. The name that hurts every time I think of it, and I can't help from thinking it. I really can't! I tried just calling him 'him' for a while, but no one would know who I was talking about, so I had to explain and use his name.
His name also makes my temper flare up unnecessarily. I still am so mad that he took my book that I want to hunt him down myself and make him give it back. I've tried before, too. One time I went so far as buying a plane ticket to Alaska and almost boarding the plane before Alice came and got me. She's been watching my future very carefully ever since.
Jessica and I had semi-gotten along since the accident because we usually gush about how cute Mike's hair looks at a specific angle. I, of course, am faking it. His hair looks like Edward's and only serves to piss me off during school hours. But, in any case, that is what we were talking about as we pulled into the movie theater parking lot. "Oh, Bella, did you see it after he woke up when English was over? It was hilariously cute then!"
Alice glared at me before I could respond. She was kind of pleading too. I know I've been driving them crazy lately, but I can't help it. I'm crazy myself. "Yeah, come on, let's go get tickets. I need to see some gore."
Ava and Angela were whispering as they walked behind us all. Jessica went first, leaving me alone with Alice. "Bella, honey, I know you're upset, but how much longer are we going to do this? You know what you need."
"Alice, I am not, repeat not, going to see Jacob. I don't want to fall in love with him!"
"I didn't say anything about falling in love with him, just go see him. Hang out. Be friends…you need it."
"I am doing just fine without him."
"Oh yeah? That's not what your uncle told me."
Oh, Dear God! "What did he tell you?" She just shrugged.
"You know, Ava and I can hear you scream all the way from our house. I know you've been having nightmares every night, and I know that you've probably read New Moon at least eight times in the last week. And I don't think I'll ever go into a Twilight related movie with you again after what happened with New Moon. And, this is what is really starting to get annoying, you sing 'Forever and Always' way too much. You need help, Bella, and you know it. Just go talk to him, and besides, you'll need to since those bikes went on sale this afternoon." She winked. Oh thank God! Sweet Motorcycles! And I do not sing 'Forever and Always' that much. I just happen to like Taylor Swift, that's all.
"Really?!? They're on sale?! Oh, yes, Alice, thank you!" I hugged her like the squeal-y teenage girl I was. She just laughed and hugged me back.
"Don't thank me. Thank the book's timing. Oh, Bella, I was going to ask you something. I wasn't sure how you would react though. Well, okay, I did see how you would react and I'm kind of hoping that you won't, you know, freak out." She looked guilty. Why would she be guilty? Unless she's taking me to go confront Edward right now, I won't be mad at her. Well, I probably wouldn't even be mad about that since I really want to tell him off anyway.
"Alice, you aren't going to tell me that we have to run to Italy all of a sudden, right?"
"No, no, no! Of course not! Angel and Jasper have been keeping an eye on him. He's fine…well, not really, but he's…well, no he's not breathing either…so…you know what let's not talk about…my brother. I need to tell you this now so we can make a night out of tonight. First, let me tell you that it was not altogether my plan, but I know Jazz is right. Bella, your semi-ex-boyfriend is not an idiot. He's going to figure out soon that we are not up in Denali because, honestly, how many times can you be out hunting whenever he calls? The odds are not that great. So, because of this, I'm going to leave but just for a little while…okay? I want to go and find my niece, you know, Cynthia? I hope you understand."
The verb 'to leave' should be purged from the dictionary. It really should. It hurts like hell whenever someone says it and never has a good connotation. But Alice is right. Edward isn't all that stupid, except when he broke up with me, and would figure out that Alice and Ava aren't in Denali sooner or later. Most likely sooner. And, of course, she wants to find her family. It is understandable, but that doesn't mean that I can't be a little upset. "Yeah, I mean, when are you leaving?"
She was scanning the future for my reaction, but she must have seen that I wasn't popping a blood vessel. "Tomorrow, most likely. Ava wants to stay here for you and so she can finish her first high school career."
"Alright, who's ready for a fun and bloody good movie?" Ava came up behind us. No doubt she could hear us, so she's probably worried about my reaction. Why does every one think I'm so volatile? It's not like I'm a werewolf or anything.
"I'm ready! But you know what I'm really ready for? Some bloody good fun on motorcycles." I whispered the last part so Angela wouldn't hear me.
"Bella, are you sure this is the movie you want to see? I mean, wouldn't you rather go see a romantic comedy or something without much blood?" Angela asked, looking worried.
"No, I'm good. Romantic comedies don't hold my attention much nowadays." What is holding my attention, though, is the bar down the road with those creepers that almost got me last year here. I know they're in there and I'm not going to be the one who needs help getting away this time. Tonight is going to involve the most reckless thing I've done so far. I'm going to get some revenge on these guys.
Alice and Ava both sat next to me in case I lost it again. I hid behind Alice before the movie started and the happy couple bounced on screen. "Come on, Bella, they don't look anything like you and you-know-who."
"Yeah, I know, but that doesn't mean they aren't sickening. I don't know if I really can do this." I admitted. Maybe the movie wasn't such a good idea as I thought it would be. Maybe I should just go tee-pee that bar or something and go home.
"You can look up now. The zombie ate them." She made me sit up and watch the gore that I had basically dragged them all to see. I was hoping that I wouldn't have some grand realization that I was the zombie character and not the screaming girl, but I'm pretty sure I won't because there is no way that— Oh, crap. The zombie is a tall brunette. And she did look like me.
I could feel Ava and Alice's eyes on me, but I couldn't take my eyes off that stupid zombie. I was so sure that I could keep myself together just because I knew that Edward still loved me, but keeping what he said about the real Bella in my head hasn't helped. Just staring at the zombie made me actually consider what Alice had said about me needing Jacob. Maybe I did.
Maybe if I did talk to Jacob a little I would turn back into the screaming girl instead of the zombie. Well, maybe not the girl since she's a zombie now, too. I'll turn into one of the characters that actually survives until the end. Or perhaps werewolves have some 'anti-death' formula they can give me. That might work…
Okay, I am losing it. I can't watch anymore of this movie that has so much semblance to real-life. Alice must have seen me getting up and leaving because she threw me a look right before I got up. I ran out of the room before she could stop me, but I didn't stop there. I ran all the way over across the street to the bar. I ran in without a second to think about it. I even ignored the voice that may or may not have been yelling in my mind.
I moseyed my way to where my almost-captors were sitting. I thought for sure that it would be the one who's name, I think, was Lonnie, but I forgot that it wasn't actually the same guys. These were apparently 'safe' guys, or, in my opinion, frat guys who had too much time on their hands. That didn't mean I couldn't mess with them. Especially when I caught a glimpse of their motorcycles parked in the lot behind the building.
I just needed a way to get their attention. Aha, bingo. There was a sign on the front of the window that said 'Karaoke: Monday Night! Winner gets $100 booty!' I guess the booty part was going with the pirate theme for the place. One-Eyed Pete's sounds piratey enough.
I walked straight to the make-shift stage in the room and told the guy to play 'Bad Romance' by Lady Gaga, since it was the only song I could think of and we'd listened to it in the car on the way here.
Oh, boy, did I get their attention. I wiggled and danced and sang like no other. Okay, maybe Lady Gaga could sing and dance better, but I was rocking it! I felt loose and for about a second forgot how depressed I was supposed to be. Zombie-girl, be darned!
And the best part was that I finally caught a glimpse of something I was hoping to see ever since I watched the New Moon movie.
I didn't hear Edward yelling at me. I saw him slouching angrily against the bar in the back of the room.
No, he wasn't really there, I was just imagining, but still, it was awesome seeing him there. I bet if he was really here he would be going crazy by now. Once I jumped off the stage and was promptly given the hundred-dollar prize, one of the frat guys came up to me. "That was awesome! Can I buy you a drink?" He was semi-tall with blonde hair that didn't look anything like Edward's.
Speaking of Edward, the apparition was still glaring at me, but was now right behind me. I grinned at the sight of him. "I don't drink. Sorry."
"Well, that's okay! You can come hang out with me anyway." He winked and pulled me to the rest of the frat group.
"I actually need to get going. I sort of ditched my friends, and they're my ride home. Bye!" I was getting kind of depressed now since my vision of Edward wasn't speaking to me. I could feel the happy feelings going away pretty darn quickly. Lady Gaga, you have failed me…
"Wait! I could take you back to your friends. I have a motorcycle parked out back, you want to go see it?" He said proudly. I wonder if the motorcycle is even in proper working condition. I bet it looks worse than the ones I'm getting tonight are.
"I would love to see your motorcycle. You know what would be even better? Taking a ride on it! Wanna teach me?" I purred, only mustering enough life into my voice now by pretending I was seducing Edward. Edward. I shook off the sadness for a moment to look back again.
"Sure, doll, let's go." He grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the parking lot.
We were barely out the door before I heard someone yelling towards me. "Oh, no you don't! ISABELLA MARIE SWAN GET YOUR HEART-BROKEN BUTT BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" A distinct vampire voice said from behind me. And she sounded mad.
"Ava, go away!" I hissed at her. I wanted to hear Edward talk to me, not her!
"Sir, I don't know what you're thinking, but you want to go back inside that hell-hole of a bar and forget about ever seeing this girl tonight." She said looking directly into the guy's eyes. He stood in the same spot for a minute before sauntering back into the bar with that darned dazed expression.
"Great, Ava, there goes my only chance of hearing Edward's voice tonight. Thanks a lot!"
She just glared back at me, looking a lot like my mom. "Bella, get a grip. You were just about to ride on a motorcycle with some random guy just so you could hear your ex-boyfriend's voice. You have gone off the deep end, Bells, and I am not about to let you do something that could get you killed."
I couldn't find it in me to be truly mad at her because, mainly, she was right. I had gone off the deep end, and just to make my vision of Edward talk to me. But I the thing about Alice was starting to really get to me. I mean, I can see her side, but can't she see mine? I am terrified that she is going to come running back one day and tell me 'Edward's run off to Italy, let's go run after him'. "Well, it would just speed up the whole New Moon process! I wouldn't even have to talk to Jacob at all. If I got into an accident, then Edward could just go straight to the Volturi now!"
She didn't look angry, just frustrated. I'm starting to think that maybe my current behavior has something to do with this. And yes, I am being sarcastic. Of course I make everyone frustrated because I can't seem to stop thinking about being depressed without hyperventilating. Or dream about Edward without screaming. Or even daydream about him coming back and sweeping me into his arms saying that he was a complete moron and that he loves me totally without bawling my eyes out. I am a hopeless case and I need a good deal of medication to make me better.
"Bella, go back with Ava." I spun around to see my apparition staring at me with the same glare he'd had inside that bar.
"Edward…"I whispered. He talked to me! He talked to me! I felt a hand on my shoulder at the same time.
"No one is there, Bella. Come on, please don't tell me you're…oh, dear God, you are! Come on, now!" Ava started pulling me away from him. I struggled, but it was useless. I hate vampire strength!
"NO! Let me go! He's right there! He came back early!"
"No, he's not. Bella, please, don't do this." The vision was gone and I was an idiot. A really really really really really big idiot! I'm trying to jump into the arms of a figment of my imagination. And now I must be scaring the hell out of my best friend who's only trying to help me.
I stopped struggling and looked up at Ava. "I'm so sorry," tears were falling and soon Ava started hugging me, "I can't…I don't know…What's happening to me? I'm just so stupid all the time, and I want to change but it hurts too much." I know what I need to do and from the way Ava keeps giving these significant looks, she's really trying hard not to say 'I told you so'.
I nodded, whipping my puffy red eyes, and started walking back towards the movies with Ava. "Alright, I'm going to Jacob's in the morning."
I swear, I think I could hear Alice screaming and clapping all the way from outside the building.
And here comes Jacob! I'm not particularly excited about it, but I will have to deal and consult with Bella on how much she likes him or doesn't like him
Preview for the next chapter:
"Honestly, Jake, I thought you would finish that car before now! Now I might actually feel bad about giving you another project."
He brightened up again. Maybe he doesn't really like the Rabbit. I sure as hell don't, it looks disgusting! "What kind of project?"
"Jacob, how good are you at motorcycles?" A grin spread across both of our faces. This may be the beginning of a new friendship...
