Call Him Aidan
Chapter Six

AN: Really didn't think I'd ever write again, but here I am. This is not the original sixth chapter I had planned, but I've hit a wall with the next part so this is mostly just a filler chapter until I can somehow figure that out and get past it.

"You're a good Mom, Amanda. Y'all will be alright. You have each other. Not to mention a whole mess of people who really love you, even if you forget about us sometimes."-Fin

"God damn it!"

Amanda startled so violently at the sound of her phone trilling with an incoming call, she'd dropped the mug she was holding onto the counter top. It was empty, but had cracked into pieces.

"Yeah?" Her voice was annoyed. She hadn't had coffee and was mentally chastising herself for not having left all notifications on silent as she often did.

"Bad time?" Olivia's eyebrow was raised on the other end of the line.

"No not really," her wife responded curtly, not wanting to go into detail. "What's up?"

"Eh, just dealing with a rough case and wanted to take a second to hear your voice. Did you get Aidan to school?"

"I'm a capable human being, Olivia, we haven't gotten any complaints from the administration. You don't have to check up on me."

"Hey," Olivia intoned, slightly hurt. "If you're just gonna snap at me, I'll hang up."

Amanda shuffled over to the trash can, stepping on the pedal that saw the lid open and tossed the shards of her favourite mug inside.

"Sorry," she said, her cheeks reddening, though her wife couldn't see them. "I startled when I heard my ringer go off and broke a mug. Didn't sleep much last night either. Been a rough morning."

"Yeah, I felt you tossing and turning last night. Did you get up and go to the spare room?"

"Nah, I went to the couch. Didn't help, though." The blonde tightened the messy bun at the back of her head and set about getting a new mug out of the cupboard before proceeding to put on a pot of coffee. "Aidan was also fightin' me on going to school today."

"Did something happen?" Olivia asked worriedly, biting her lip. She'd spent the whole morning nauseous over unspeakable circumstances bestowed upon other people's children. Twins. Younger than her own son. She really didn't know if she could actually handle having that question answered.

"Just some kid being mean about him having two moms."

"In this day and age? Makes you wonder what they're learning at home. If that kid's parents saw what I see at work every day, a household with two moms would be the least of their worries."

"I know." Amanda poured flavoured creamer into the bottom of her cup while she waited for the last dregs of coffee to drip into the carafe and finish brewing.

"What'd you tell him?"

"That kids are mean, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with having two mothers that love him and I'd be by the phone if he really needed to tell his aide to take him to the office so they can call me. He seemed okay about going after that."

"Good. I know you'd go in to help him or pick him up or whatever if you had to, but I'm glad you could convince him to go."

"He misses so much school as it is," Amanda mused, carefully sipping piping hot coffee from her oversized mug before sitting herself down at the kitchen table. "So what's this hard case you're dealing with today? Are you okay?"

"Not really. Had to lock myself in Interrogation One to scream and cry for a few minutes, but I will be."

"Oh, Liv. What happened?"

"Is it okay if I don't want to talk about it yet?"

"Of course." Amanda softened. "Can I ask how old the victim was?"

"Victims. Twins. Not quite as old as Aidan. One of them might not make it."

"Jesus." Her wife's voice was almost a whisper. "Makes me feel bad for bitching about my morning. I'll be here if you want to talk about it later. When you're ready."

There was a lull in the conversation then, but neither woman could bring herself to hang up, seemingly content to hang on to the sounds of the other's breathing.

"I know," Olivia answered softly. "Listen, the real reason I called is because I talked to Alex. She's gonna pick Aidan up from school later so he can have a sleepover with her and the girls."

"What? She never mentioned anything to me about it."

"I told her not to."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Olivia..."

"What? It's Auntie Alex. The school admin have her on his list of trusted contacts. He hangs out with her and Miles and Cheyenne and Layla all the time."

"It's not that. It's... you're being weird."

"I am not."

"You are."

"Relax. I'm getting off in a few hours. I'll see you then. I gotta go. I love you."

She hung up quickly, leaving Amanda staring blankly at her phone for several minutes afterwards.

/

"I'm here for Aidan Rollins," Alex said softly after tapping on the open classroom door. She knew she was early. Buses hadn't pulled into the parking lot outside. Dismissal was a good forty five minutes out. She also knew it was Friday, and that Aidan wouldn't mind a bit.

"Auntie Alex!" His exclamation was so loud that Mrs. Ashbury stopped her reading and the entire class turned away from circle time, looking in Alex's direction.

"Shhh." Alex's eyes danced with delight as she gently put an index finger to her lips. "Circle time is supposed to be quiet."

"Oops, sorry." Aidan grinned sheepishly. "Can I go?"

Mrs. Ashbury choked back a laugh, smiling warmly, unbothered by the commotion. "You may. I'll see you Monday?"

"Yes ma'am," the child answered politely. Alex made her way to the row of cubbies along the back wall to retrieve Aidan's knapsack and coat, finding only the latter was there.

"My bag is on the back of my chair," he whispered as he unlocked his breaks and wheeled himself closer to her. "Andrea put it there."

"Ah." Alex nodded, eyes scanning the room for Aidan's aide and finally finding her next to Mrs. Ashbury's rocking chair on the carpet. "Do we need anything else?" She did her best to keep her voice low and soft enough so as not to disturb the other children again.

"Nope."

"Okay, then let's go. Can you push yourself or do you want help?"

"I'll do it," Aidan told her decisively. "It's okay."

"Bet you're wondering why I'm here, huh?" Alex questioned when they got out into the deserted hallways, voice returning to normal volume.

"Yeah. Mama didn't tell me you were picking me up today!"

"Mama didn't know that this morning. Mommy called me from work and asked me if I would."

"How come?"

"Well," Alex told him, "she said you'd been begging to have a sleepover with us at our house for a while, and that she and Mama needed some time to themselves."

"You mean a date night?" Aidan giggled.

"Maybe," Alex shrugged, smiling. "What do you know about date night?"

"It's where Mommy and Mama bring each other food and flowers and tell each other how pretty they are. But it hasn't happened in a long time. Mama said so."

Alex laughed loudly. "Really? Maybe they deserve one then, huh?"

Alex opened the back door of her vehicle and unbuckled Aidan from his chair so as to pick him up and put him inside.

"You got a new car!" he shrieked, not having seen it before.

"I did," she smiled. "It's your favourite color."

"Uh huh. Blue! And shiny. Does it go fast?"

Alex cackled. "If I want it to. But I'm not gonna make it go too fast when I have you in it."

"Aw, man!"

"Mmkay, I gotta take your chair apart so I can load it in my trunk. If you're hungry, think about what we should get for dinner and we can stop somewhere on the way back to my house."

"Do you remember how to take it apart?"

"Yes baby, I do."

"Okay. Can I play video games with Uncle Miles when we get home?"

"You'll have to ask him once he gets home, but I'm sure he'll play with you if you ask nicely."

Alex loaded her honorary nephew's disassembled wheelchair into the trunk before making quick work of taking her position in the driver's side seat.

"Did you decide what you want for dinner?" She peeked at his reflection in the visor mirror.

"Chicken nuggets."

"Ooh nice," Alex laughed. "Wanna go to McDonald's?"

"Yes please!"

She pulled out of the parking lot and started driving. "Auntie has a surprise for you when we get home."

"I thought the sleepover was my surprise."

Alex smiled broadly, amazed at what a little conversationalist the child in her back seat was becoming. "Well, kind of. What did Cheyenne tell you she wanted the last time you came over?"

Aidan paused, thinking. "A dog?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"She got one?!"

"We all did," Alex nodded. "He's just a baby."

"How old is he?"

"Ten weeks."

"Awwww! What does he look like?"

"He's a Golden Retriever."

Aidan's face lit up. "Like Air Bud?! Those are Mommy's favourite."

"I know," Alex chuckled. "He'll probably look a lot like Air Bud when he gets bigger. Right now he's just a little ball of fluff."

"What's his name?"

"Nico."

"Cool! Can I play with him?!"

"Of course you can," Alex nodded. "He's crazy. Needs lots of people to play with him so he'll get tired and be able to sleep at night."

/

White roses. Peonies. Amanda's favourites. The store was almost deserted, but she'd expected it to be at this hour. She'd been permitted to clock out of the precinct earlier than usual, but it was still relatively late.

She grabbed the best looking bunches of both flowers and placed them gently in the basket she carried hooked over one arm.

She'd already strolled by the ready-made food counter, picked out the best looking sandwiches and the biggest container of mac and cheese she could find.

"Olivia.."

She turned slightly when she heard her name, but realized quickly that someone in the small group near to her she hadn't noticed must share the same one. Nobody was trying to get her attention and she was grateful. She wasn't necessarily in a rush, but didn't want to deal with the public any more than she already had that day.

Continuing to stroll down the aisle, she took in everything, though she was fairly certain she didn't need anything more.

A chunky black box stuck out on the corner of one shelf, likely returned haphazardly to the wrong place by a patron in a hurry. She was tall enough that she didn't struggle to retrieve it.

"Let's Get Deep," she read softly to herself. "Questions for couples."

Intrigued, she placed it carefully in the basket she was carrying and made her way to the self checkout to scan her items.

/

"Amanda? I'm home!" Olivia called out, flicking on the foyer light. Hanging her keys on a nail on the wall by the door, she gently set the bunches of flowers and single bag of items on the bench directly beside her.

"Amanda?"

"Yeah?!" The blonde called out loudly.

"I'm home!" Olivia repeated. "Where are you?"

"I was in the bathroom," she answered, stepping around the corner wrapped in a thick, soft looking, navy coloured towel. "Sorry. Just got out of the shower."

"Ooh, you look nice." The brunette gave her a once-over, nodding approvingly.

"I'm in a fucking towel, Olivia."

"Yeah, and? Once again, you look nice."

"Whatever you say," Amanda answered dryly, rolling her eyes, but moving in to peck her wife on the lips. "What's all that?" She tilted her chin in the direction of the items on the bench in the foyer.

"Oh!" Olivia gasped, pulling away. "I brought you some stuff."

She retrieved the bunches of flowers first. "Here," she said softly, holding them out. "Your favourite."

"Babe," the word was elongated, Amanda's drawl evident. "Thank you. I'll go put 'em in water."

Turning to do as she'd said, Olivia went to collect the bag with her other purchases.

"I hope you didn't eat yet," she said, unpacking the food from it and placing it on the table. "I brought dinner."

"What, why?" Amanda set a vase with the gifted flowers, strategically placed, in the middle of the tabletop.

"Because I wanted to. Did you eat?"

"Not really, I had like two cookies earlier, but that's it."

"Good." Olivia opened the plastic containers of food before moving across the kitchen to get plates and utensils. "We're having a date night."

/

"Alex and Miles got a dog."

Amanda was situated on the couch, head resting in her wife's lap as a random playlist cycled through the speaker at the other end of the room. She spoke softly, tone nearly on par with the music, not wanting to disturb the moment.

"She didn't tell me that," Olivia raised an eyebrow, surprised, momentarily stopping the motions of gently running fingers through her wife's hair. "When?"

"Recently. He's only ten weeks old. Aidan called me earlier freaking out. Now he wants one, too."

"Of course he does," Olivia laughed. "What kind did they get?"

"Golden retriever."

"Okay, I don't blame him for wanting one. I want one."

"I know you do, you tell me enough." Amanda sat up. "He's pretty cute." She grabbed her phone off the coffee table, scrolling momentarily, then turning it in her wife's direction.

"Oh my god," Olivia squealed, her voice raising several octaves. "He's so tiny. What's his name?"

"Nico."

She nodded her approval and poured more wine from the opened, unfinished bottle on the table and raised her glass to take a sip.

"What's this?" Amanda reached for the black box, still wrapped in cellophane, that Olivia had purchased earlier and nearly forgotten she'd brought into the room when they'd gone there after dinner.

"Oh. I found it on a random shelf in the store and grabbed it."

Amanda raised her eyebrow, confused at the non answer. "Let's get deep. Questions for couples," she read out loud. "Can we open it?"

"You're not too tired?"

The blonde shook her head to the negative. "Not yet." She peeled the plastic off the box and opened it, grabbing one of the decks of cards. "Do we just read them and each give an answer?"

"Looks that way, yeah. You can go ahead first."

"What's one small way I can be a better partner?"

"Well shit, diving right into it," Olivia deadpanned.

"I could pick a different one." Amanda moved to change cards, but her wife stopped her.

"No, no. It's fine, I'll answer." Olivia thought for a moment, and silence hung in the air between them.

"You can say the first answer that came to your head," Amanda nudged her, realizing she was probably wrestling with herself. "It's okay."

"You would be an even better partner if you didn't yell at me so often." Olivia spoke quietly, but kept eye contact.

Amanda's heart broke a little, not because of her own feelings, but how she hadn't realised she'd apparently affected Olivia's.

"What? You think I yell at you too often?"

"I don't think, love. Since Aidan was born, you kinda do. You're not quick to yell as a mother, but you snap at me pretty easily."

Amanda was quiet for a long time. "That makes me wanna cry."

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered.

"No. I'm sorry. I mean, I know I've had more to deal with since we had him, been more stressed, but so have you. I know we fight, but I didn't realize I was affecting you so much. Not like that. That's not okay at all. I'll fix it. I promise."

Olivia gently pulled her wife's body back against her torso, taking the deck of cards out of her hand. She sifted through them, trying to choose one for herself.

"You didn't answer. What's one small way I could be a better partner?"

Amanda exhaled. "You don't touch me enough, but I guess now I understand why you wouldn't want to, since I snap and yell at you so much."

"I want to be close to you," Olivia told her. "I do. But sometimes you really don't let me, Amanda. You gotta ask for what you need from me sometimes. I can't read your mind."

"Ask you to touch me?" Amanda scoffed.

"If that's what it takes, sure.

"Hey Olivia, I'm really mad and today is hard and I just really need a hug. I know this sounds stupid, but can you please just hug me and let me cry for five minutes?

"Babe, I'm really overwhelmed today and didn't have time to do the last few dishes in the sink, would you mind doing them when you have a second? I'm sorry.

"Olivia, I know you're busy, but can you please come home for your lunch break if you can swing it today? I miss you.

"Liv, Aidan is having a meltdown and I don't have the energy left to deal with this one. I need help.

"Honey, I don't remember the last time we had sex and it's really starting to bother me, can we figure out how to set aside some time?

"Ask me things like this. Talk to me before letting things build up so much. I know it's hard, but you have to try."

"You're right," Amanda said hoarsely. "I need to get better at that. I just feel bad asking for something as silly as affection when you're so busy all day and come home so tired."

"Babe," Olivia moved a stray strand of hair off her wife's forehead. "If I wasn't tired, I'd be doing adulthood wrong. Doesn't mean I won't make time for you. Our relationship suffers otherwise, but if you shut me out and act like you're angry at me, I'm not gonna push intimacy on you."

"I'm sorry. Truly."

"I know, but you have to show me that, too. Next question?"

"Yeah, go," the blonde urged, curious as to the contents of the card in her wife's hand.

"What's something you've changed your mind about recently?"

"Having another child," Amanda answered without pause.

"Are you serious?" Olivia hadn't heard mention of this outside of the current moment.

"I mean, yeah? Maybe. Obviously not like, tomorrow. But I've thought about it."

"Were you gonna tell me?"

"Eventually. After Aidan was born I swore I'd never even entertain the idea. We went through so much so fast and I still feel like everything that happened during that time is my fault. Anytime he's upset or struggling or suffering, I put that on myself. I feel like it's all because of me. I carried him. What if I did something wrong? What if I could've fixed it?"

"Oh, honey. Amanda, you can't think like that. You can't. It'll eat you alive. I know it's hard not to blame yourself, but you didn't do anything wrong at all. You took care of yourself and a good chunk of your pregnancy was pretty smooth sailing. We didn't have any reason to suspect anything."

"I don't wanna go through that again. I don't think I'd ever recover if something went wrong a second time."

"I don't want that either."

"What if he hates me when he's older, Liv? He's all rainbows and sunshine now, but he's a kid. What happens when he realizes how the world really is and has a harder time coping? What if he absolutely hates me for bringing him here and blames me as much as I blame myself?"

"Amanda," Olivia cooed, clicking her tongue. "Sit up."

Amanda wiped her eyes, which had filled with tears, and did as instructed, Olivia repositioning her own body so as to take her wife's face in both hands.

"He's not gonna hate you."

"You don't know that. Sometimes I think he already does. People on the outside don't see the moments where he's mad because he can't do something on his own and isn't like other kids."

"That doesn't mean he hates you. He's frustrated and doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. You're an amazing Mom. I worry about what the future will be like for him, too. All the time. But we just have to take it as it comes."

Amanda nodded wordlessly.

"I'm getting tired," she said, yawning. "Can we talk more in the morning?" She moved to tidy the cards from their impromptu date night activity and collect their wine glasses to take to the kitchen.

"Absolutely we can." Olivia smiled softly. "I'll do that," she said, gently taking over Amanda's tidying. "Go on to bed. I'll be there shortly."

"Thank you."

"Manda?"

The blonde turned. "Hmm?"

"I love you."

/

"Mmm, don't pick it up. Please don't pick it up," Amanda groaned sleepily, pulling away from her wife in bed at the sound of her work phone ringing. "I thought you were off the rest of the weekend."

"I was supposed to be," Olivia answered, looking at her apologetically. "Unless it was important."

Amanda listened to the one sided conversation as Olivia took the call. After a few uh-huhs, yeahs, an I understand and I'll be there, she hung up.

"I gotta go into the precinct for a bit."

"No," Amanda groaned, running her hands over her face.

"I know honey, I'm sorry, but it won't be long, I promise." She squeezed her wife's hand affectionately. "You can come with me if you want to. We'll swing by Alex and Miles' place to pick up Aidan afterwards."

"All right," Amanda relented. "I'm gonna shower then."

"Can I come with you?" Olivia winked.

"Like you have to ask."

/

"My old stomping grounds," Amanda spoke to herself almost wistfully as she looked around the one six while Olivia took care of what it was that needed tending to.

"Is it how you remember it?" Fin asked as he came up behind her, causing her to startle a little.

"Yes and no," she answered when she'd composed herself.

"Sorry, didn't mean to make you jump. We miss you around here, Rollins." He pulled her into a hug.

"Thanks, Fin. I miss you guys too."

"Think you'll ever come back?"

"Nah," Amanda answered, shaking her head. "As much as I miss it sometimes, I think that part of my life is over. Feels like a lifetime ago. I don't even know that person anymore."

It was all behind her eyes. The weight of the world she'd been living in since her departure. The joy, the love, pain, sorrow, and uncertainty. She thought she could hide from everybody, but not him.

"You're a good Mom, Amanda. Y'all will be alright. You have each other. Not to mention a whole mess of people who really love you. Even if you forget about us sometimes."

"Fin," she smiled, "I could never forget you."

"I'm all done." Olivia sauntered over, taking her wife's hand. "For the rest of the weekend. Swear. You ready to go?"

"Yeah," Amanda smiled, casting her gaze between her wife and Fin. "I am."

"Where y'all going?" He questioned.

"We gotta go pick up Aidan from a sleepover at Auntie Alex's house," Olivia told him. "Someone's super excited that his aunt got a new puppy."

"Damn, I'd be excited too," he laughed. "You tell little man Uncle Fin says hey."

"We will," Amanda promised. "You know he's gonna ask when you can come hang out with him again as soon as we mention it."

"I'll take him for ice cream my next day off," Fin winked.

"Deal."