Chapter 2:
I couldn't tell Alice and Rose about Edward just yet. I knew I was crazy for feeling all of this. He probably didn't feel the same way, but I knew there was something between us. I was sitting in my car after my first day not wanting to go home. I admired my new car that Charlie paid half its worth for. It is a dark blue Nissan Sentra and I loved it! I got out my phone and dialed up the one person I knew could take my mind off everything.
"Hello?" he answered after the second ring.
"Hey Jake, it's Bella."
"Bells! How was your first day?" he asked and I smiled.
"Good," I lied and he sighed. He knew me too well.
"Sure..," he said.
"Mind if I come over and hang out for a bit?" I asked. Jake was a year and a half younger so he couldn't drive. He definantely looked way older than 15 though.
"Nope! See you soon!" he said and I smiled as he hung up. I heard a knock on my window and looked up. My heart skipped a beat. Edward. I rolled down my window.
"Hi?" I said unsure of what he wanted.
"Hey, just wanted to introduce myself. Your in my English class right?" he asked.
"Yeah. Bella Swan, nice to meet you?" I said again unsure and he laughed.
"Edward Cullen," he said.
"Alright, well I have to go," I said eagar to get to Jake's.
"Off so soon?" he asked.
"I am meeting someone."
"Oh? Maybe I know them?" he asked and I shook my head. I doubted that.
"His name is Jacob Black. He lives down at La Push," I told him and his eyes darkened a shade. "I doubt you know him," I threw in for Jake's benifit.
"I have known Black for a while actually," he said coldly and I didn't know how to respond to that so I looked down at my keys that were laying down on my lap. "Well I guess you shoud get going. Don't want to keep him waiting," he said and then walked away. I looked straight, dumbfounded for a couple seconds and then started my car and pulled out of the parking lot.
All the way down to La Push I kept thinking about what Edward had meant. Maybe I will ask Jake when the time is right. I hoped out of my car and walked into the Black's house.
"Hello?" I called and then Jake appeared from the kitchen. I had always let myself into his house because it felt like a second home to me. Jake's smile was contageous and went up to give him a hug and then to grab myself a drink. I sat down and watched Jake clean the kitchen.
"Are you just gonna sit there and watch me?" he asked and I smiled and nodded.
"It is much more entertaining than you'd think."
"Oh really?" he asked and then threw a wet and dirty sponge at me. I ducked and it hit the window. He frowned and went to clean that up to. I sniffled a giggle.
"Jake, can I ask you something?"
"Shoot," he said and I bit my lip contenplating and decided to ask him.
"Do you know Edward Cullen?" I asked and he looked away from me and bent down to pick up an imaginary mess. I knew he felt uncomfortable then. He coughed.
"Yeah, why?" he said and I was confused. What happened between them?
"I was just wondering," I ended it.
"Bells, he isn't a good kid. I am telling you to please stay away," he said.
"Okay," I told him and then I didn't want to talk about it anymore so I just shut my mouth and got on with another subject.
I decided to head home around 5 to make Charlie dinner. I went ahead and just made burritos to make it quick. Charlie and I talked about my day and all of that fun stuff. I took a shower and decided to just go to bed early that night. I sleep restlessly. Tossing and turning all night with short dreams that didn't have any answers. I woke up to my alarm buzzing I groaned and rolled out of bed to get ready.
The next couple of weeks were the same; we sat and stared. I wanted so badly to just sit with him and talk. It was almost like I needed him around me or else I am missing his presense. I crave him, but have to resist because of my knowledge. He isn't good. I need to stay away. Our English teacher wants us to work with partners and it 'all depends on fate' she would say. You pick a number and have to get together with the person with the matching one. Of course I got paired with Edward. I wonder if the world hates me and wants me to suffer.
Rose and I sat by eachother with our partners sitting across.
"So...," I said and they all laughed at my eagerness to brake the silence.
"Ready?" I asked Edward and he nodded. We learned a little bit about each other.
"I am an independent person. I usually like to work on my own," I said, explaining the truth.
"Yes, you are," Rose cut in. "And she has trust issues."
"I do not!" I said and she arched her eyebrows at us.
"Come here," Edward said and I walked over to find he was listening to his ipod and knew I wanted an escape. "Listen to this."
And I did. It was the type of music that he likes. It was okay, but not my favorite.
"So do you have a boyfriend?" he asked and I scuffed.
"Are you serious?" I asked and he nodded. "No."
"Oh. Yeah I just broke up with my girlfriend. She was a bitchh!" he said and I almost laughed at his bluntness. Rose looked up and gave me the look. She doesn't believe in cussing. It is unnessary.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"It's okay. So...what is the worst thing that you have ever done?" he asked me and I thought about it.
"Well...I have been high before and drank, but didn't even get buzzed," I said. Rose knew this, but cut in anyways. "Yeah and that other thing. You are much worse than you claim," she said and I ignored her. Why was she setting me up to look like a bad person?
"What about you?" I asked Edward but he shook his head and then the class got called to order.
At lunch Rose told me something that I didn't want to hear.
"I think he likes you," she said.
"Nah," I said and then I got the feeling he was looking at me. Shocker; he was.
"Umm..yeah he does."
"Well even if he does I can't be with him...I can do better," I said quietly so she didn't hear.
"Yeah...so anyways...Bella?" she asked and got my attention. I was looking at him.
"What?" I asked Rose.
"Can you give me a ride home? My mom needed my car for the day."
"Sure," I said.
I decided to stay over at Rose's for a little bit and then Jared stumbled through the door. I rolled my eyes as he came over to give me a hug.
"Hey Bella," he said.
"Jared. How are you?"
"Great!" he said and crawled onto the couch to watch TV.
The next morning I was walking to my locker like I do everyday. I always pass by Edward and his friends, but never did anything like talk and what not. And one of his friends yelled at me.
"Hey, Bella! With the brown hair!" he said and I looked down at my hair and it was brown. I just blushed and ignored it. Edward probably talked about me. I really wish I could let him go and vice versa. Because even if he does like me...I couldn't go through with that.
Despite the image Edward gives off, he was actually pretty smart. Of course I had to do most of the work because he was just too cool for it. He didn't actually say that...but I just thought that. At lunch one day he came up to me to ask about it and I told him I would do everything. He felt bad but let it go without talking to me about it a second time.
I went to sit by Alice and Rose. I decided it might be the time to tell them. I told them about the weird feeling I have and that I have never felt it in my life.
"So you have feelings for him?" Rose asked and Alice scuffed and rolled her eyes.
"She basically just told us that," Alice said and it was quiet for a little bit of time.
"Well I don't know what you see in him," Rose concluded.
"Well it is not like she can control the way she feels!" Alice defended me. I sent her a silent thank you.
"See that is where you are wrong...everybody can control how they feel. I mean just because you are attracted to them doesn't mean you have to have feelings for them," Rose said.
"Well I disagree. I mean, in my opinion, you don't have control over that kind of stuff," Alice said.
"Sorry dear, be you are wrong," Rose said. Of course she believes she is right. Nobody else can ever be right. I, however agree with Alice. But to make them happy I just told them how I felt.
"Well this is what I think," I began and they looked at me. "I think that you can't control how you feel..but you can control your actions."
"Nicely put," Rose said and Alice nodded.
All I had to do was stick by my word. But to be honest, I don't know if that is possible.
Over that weekend I had a ton of homework and sleep to catch up on. I decided to take a break and hang out with Jake for a bit on Saturday night. As of right now we are just taking a walk down by the beach and talking about things.
"So how is school going?" he asked.
"Good. A lot going on right now," I explained and he nodded.
"Is your boyfriend keeping you from your studies?" he asked and I just scuffed and rolled my eyes.
"I'm single, Jake. You know that," I told him.
"Just checking," he said and I nodded.
"And what about you? Have your eye out for anyone?" I asked. I was truly curious. I would hope he would start getting over me.
"Uh..yeah," he said and coughed. "I have for a while now actually."
"So..who is it?" I asked still praying it wasn't me. I didn't want this silly crush to ruin our friendship. He sighed and stopped to face me. He met my eyes and I couldn't look away from his intense stare. I started bitting my lip because of my nerves. He took it the wrong way. He looked back and forth from my lips to my eyes and I was frozen. He leaned in and our faces were inches apart. I finally snapped out of it once he closed his eyes and I took a breath in and found myself shuffling backward. He caught me before I hit the ground and we met face to face again. He smiled a little bit and tried to pull me closer but I backed away.
"Jake...," I said as I backed up a bit. He sighed and turned away with his eyes closed.
"Don't say it. I know you don't think you feel the same way...but I know you do," he said the last part quietly and I wanted to cry. I swallowed down hard to hold back a sob.
"Jacob...you are my best friend. You are more like a brother to me than anything else. I love you. Just not the way you want it to be," I said calmly. He turned around a minute later and had an unreadable expression on his face.
"It's getting late. You should go home," he said. I drove us both down here from his house. He was right though. It was almost 10 o'clock. I nodded and I started walking towards my car and Jake went a separate way.
"Where are you going?" I asked confused.
"I think I will walk home. I will see you around Bells," he told me. He has no idea how much it hurts me to see him like this.
"Okay," I peeped and opened my car door and started it. I called my dad to tell him where I am going; Alice's. She was always helpful. I notcied that I was about to cry while my vision blurred up. I wiped my eyes with my sleaves and walked up to Alice's front door. She answered it and gave me a hug noticing my pain. I cried for a little bit and then we walked to her room.
"Okay...what happened?" shes asked.
"I was over at Jakes and he decided to tell me," I said and she got a confused face and then it turned into understanding.
"What did you say to him?"
"I told him I loved him like my own brother, but he is convinced otherwise. He didn't want to talk to me and so I left," I said.
I told her more and then I finally went home around midnight and got to bed. I cried myself to sleep and didn't wake up until about 10 the next day. I looked in the mirror and I looked terrible. I splashed water on my face and then went downstairs to get breakfast. There was a note from Charlie saying that he went fishing. I decided to have a lazy day and just mope around all day.
It has been almost a week now I have not heard from Jake. I decided that I would try and call him later tonight. It is Thursday today. I have not been very social all week, but nobody has asked questions or anything. I just want a hug. From someone who I know would make me feel better. I know exactly who that somebody is, but I can't go there. Edward is not good for me. I have to keep telling myself and maybe someday I will beleive it. I decided to get out of English to go to the library. Edward wasn't in class so it just made me feel worse because usually if he is around me I feeling happier for some reason.
On my way to the library I felt a little better oddly and I found out why. But it didn't help to look because all emotions came tumbling down. It was Edward making out with his so called 'bitch of an ex-girlfriend.'
I felt my stomach drop as he moved his hands up and down her curves. She had her fingers tangled in his hair. They broke apart and he leaned in and whispered something in her ear. I literally felt sick to my stomach when he looked at me. His eyes held lust and then turned into something like guilt. He grimanced at me and I walked away and pretended like nothing happened as I felt the tears poor down my face.
