Holding On...

"What. The. Hell?" Claire said through clenched teeth, fist's tight as she looked at Cam through narrow eyes.

"Sorry Claire, but I won't lie anymore." Cam breathed. He knew his job wouldn't be easy. Especially part one.

"Cam, how the fuck could you do this to me?" Claire asked, her vision going red around the edges.

"Claire, I'm really sorry, but I can't lie anymore. I don't love you. I'm really sorry." Cam said, stepping back from her. Claire just watched him walk away, feeling cold and empty, hard and lonely.

I need to get out of here, She thought, turning on her heels and going into the first bathroom she saw. A wave of tears hit her, but it wasn't because Cam left her.

The 'bitch' Massie called Claire in her notes was taking Claire over. She couldn't go back to being sweet and down-to-Earth anymore. Cam was the only hold she ever had on that, and now, she just couldn't do it. Claire felt the need, the urge to make this go away, if only for a minute. She rolled up the sleeve's on her sweater, and presses her wrist to the towel dispenser. Claire took a breath, then press and slid.

The cut wasn't big. Not as big as Claire wanted it to be. She she cut herself again. And again. And again.

Finally, when her wrist was neatly cut open, blood dripping out of the wound slowly, Claire grinned. She wasn't looking through her own eyes. She was watching from the ceiling. Where she wanted to be.


Josh followed Olivia into the mall, trying to think of a positive reason for being here on a Monday morning. Olivia glanced behind her, then took his and and push through Macy's, into the actual mall. Josh looked at her hand in his, almost stunned at her bravery.

"Olivia..." Josh said, but trailed off as she walked into a little cafe, no one inside.

"Comm'on," Olivia said pulling him through the back room, where she waved to a guy with eyebrow and nose piercings. Josh sped up his walking tempo when the man glanced at their intertwined hands. Olivia kept pulling Josh along, even as the got to the loading docks, where Josh had to run to stay with Olivia.

"Where are we going?" Josh asked as Olivia led him across as small street.

"You'll see," Olivia replied, turning left around the corner, then into a little store. Sunflower Bistro, the sign said. Josh shrugged his shoulders, then walked in, watching Olivia talk to an older woman behind the counter. She must've been forty-five, at least, and was heavy-set. She was grinning, nodding to whatever Olivia said, then walked into the kitchen. Olivia sat down at a small table in the corner, motioning for Josh to follow.

"What is this place?" Josh asked.

"Rhonda's coffee and chocolate cherry pie are to die for," Olivia grinned like Josh never said anything.

"Chocolate cherry pie?" Josh asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

"It sounds too intense or even a little gross, but it's amazing." Olivia said, watching the woman - Rhonda? - walk out with two cups of coffee. Her warm brown eyes were flickering in between the two, but never in a rude way.

"Here you go Liv. And random-boy-whom-I do-not-know," Rhonda winked at him, putting sugar and cream in between them.

"Rhonda, we won't need that," Olivia said, waving it off, "And this is Josh."

"Hello Josh. What can I get you?" Rhonda asked.

"Uhm...." Josh replied, clearly confused. He picked up a menu, but couldn't even open it before Olivia picked it out of his hands. She looked pointedly at Rhonda.

"Oh, right, I forgot you weren't a regular. My bad. Okay, well today I made Chocolate Cherry, Frazzleberry, Apple Orange, and Boston Cream. Oh, and I'm frying some hash browns, and I have a batch of eggs done in," Rhonda looked down at her watch, "Three minutes."

"Frazzleberry?" Josh asked.

"It's blackberry, raspberry, lemon and a touch of extra sugar. Sounds gross, but Liv here loves it." Rhonda laughed. Her gray-brown hair shook with her laugh, bouncing off her shoulders.

"Okay. I'll have the, uh, Boston Cream Pie, please." Josh said, looking into Olivia's blue eyes.

"I'll have the Frazzleberry and Chocolate Cherry. Oh, and get Josh a side of the Apple Orange, if you would." Olivia said up to Rhonda, who nodded then went into the kitchen.

"I'm not that hungry."

"When you start eating, you will be. And you can't settle for Boston Cream. Believe me."

"So you're a regular?" Josh asked.

"Yup. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It's nice to settle in here." Olivia said. Josh couldn't agree more. The room was painted soft orange, yellow curtians falling over every window, giving it a stuble glow. Table's were scattered around the room, looking perfectly planned without even trying. Some had white cloths falling over them, while others didn't their wood glowing nicely.

"This is a nice place," Josh said.

"Do you like coffee?" Olivia looked down at his cup.

"Oh, right. I forgot." Josh picked it up, then took a sip. Olivia was right. This was to die for, even of it was black. "This is good."

"I told you." Olivia replied, leaning back for Rhonda to put her pie in front of her. Josh leaned back too, not realizing how close they were.

"Thanks Rhonda." Olivia said.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Not a problem kids. If you need anything, you know where to find me." Rhonda said softly, going back into the kitchen. She waved at another couple that were leaving, then pushed through the door.

"So how did you find this place?" Josh asked, picking up his fork.

"Rhonda is an old family friend. My dad helped her start this place, and she always took care of me when my parents went out of town. She's like my second mom in a way, but I can tell her anything." Olivia said wistfully, taking a bit of her Frazzleberry. Josh looked down at his Boston Cream Pie, then took a bite.

It was pretty darn good, that's for sure. Josh took another bite, then another, wanting to snarf it all down, then eat the whole pie.

"Easy there. I know it's good, but if you eat to fast, you'll get a stomach ache. I figured that one out the hard way." Olivia grinned, cutting another piece of pie out then biting into it. Josh grinned, looking down at his hearty piece.

Josh took a breath. He really didn't want to ask this question. "So why did you bring me here?"

"Just listen for right now, okay? I have something I need to tell you," Olivia said. Josh nodded, then looked at her. "Okay, so you know how I'm stuipd and all? Well, I'm actually not. See, when I still lived in Chicago, I was the smartest kid in my class, but never the most popular. Almost every kid in the school hated me because the teachers always compared me to them, and I always got an A+. So when my dad said we were moving, I was estactic. I could get a new start and have tons of friends. I took notes on the popluar girls, and realized what they all had in common: They were all ditzy. So stuipd, yet glamorous, so everyone loved them. So when we moved up here to Westchester, I tried to be like them: I tried to be dumb and glamorous so everyone would like me.

"But, of course it backfired, so everyone throught I was so stuipd, and I still wasn't popular. Why I wanted to be popular, I don't know. But I hid my true self, and I've been living a lie since seventh grade. Josh, I don't want that to be you. You think that when you go to college, when you go to Duke, everything's gonna be okay, and you can start over. But you can't . If you try, something will go wrong and you'll just live a lie and be unhappy. So when I make my valedictorian speech at graduation, this is what I'm going to say:

"I've lived a lie. I tried to start my life over to become something I wasn't meant to be. And with what's happened here this year, I think more than one person will try to start their life over, to forget everything that's happened at Briarwood-Octavian County Day High School, and move one. But for as good as that may sound, it won't be. So maybe, just maybe, we have to hold on to what's happened here. We shouldn't forget everything that's happened this year, we should just live. Live like it did happen, and learn from it. So as you toss your cap, live in the moment. Remember, cherish and love, because if you try to forget, you'll just remember and fight." Olivia breath, closing her eyes, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Josh, I don't know if you knew this, but in her last few months, Massie got close with me. She was the only one who knew I hid my grades, my GPA, my life. Do you know what she told me? She said she's sorry. For everything. For making fun of me, for not realizing, and for having me hide my secret. The whole time we were friends, I knew that she was breaking. That she was broken. I wish I had done something. Something to stop her, something to let her be here... You probably wish the same thing. That if we had just said something...

"But I didn't. You didn't. None of us did. We let her fall. And it's our fault. It's her fault. It's everyone's fault. Yet, no one is to blame. She told me this in the note she wrote to me," Oliva tossed down a lined piece of paper on the table, wiping her tears, "She told me not to blame me. Not to blame her or you, or even Alicia, even though she wanted to. She said that this was the way God planned for her. It wasn't the picture perfect life she had planned for herself, but this is how it was. And even though Massie didn't say anything I could pick this up from her note.

"She wanted us to remember her. She wanted us to hold on to her, to keep her in our hearts. It sounds selfish, and right now I feel like I'm just repeating myself, but I know what she meant. She knew we would want to move on, to leave her in the dust and walk away. Which is why she wanted this. She wanted us to learn from her own life. And Josh, that's what I'm going to do, everyone else be damned. That's what I want you to do." Olivia said, looking at him. Josh sat, open mouthed, feeling the pie in his stomach tumble.

This couldn'tbe happening. It just couldn't. It was all to much to take in. Olivia being Massie's friend, Olivia being valedictorian, Olivia living a lie... Josh needed reach is arm out, to swip through Olivia's figure, to realize this was all a dream.

But it wasn't. Josh could feel the weight of Olivia's words on him. How he needed to remember Massie, to learn from what happened, to never forget.

"Josh?" Olivia asked, looking at him.

"I'm sorry, I..." Josh couldn't finish. He picked up a napkin from his empty pie plates, and presses it to his mouth, breathing in.

"Josh, calm down." Olivia handed him a new napkin, watching him wipe his tears. She probably shouldn't have dumped it all on him like this. But she had to.

"Why?" Josh looked at Olivia's perfect face, wondering how this could all happen.

"I don't know. But this is how it has to be." Olivia repiled. She really didn't have an answer.

"Olivia, I really... I just... I don't think I can. Remember any of this. I just..." Josh trailed off.

"I understand. But Josh, we'll get through this. I promise." Olivia said, taking his hand across the small table. She stood up, leaving some money on the table, before walking out with Josh tucked under her arms, coaxing him the whole way.


William sat at the large dining room table, spinning his gold wedding band. He watched it for a long time, spinning on the dark wood. He needed to get his wife back. He loved her. But she didn't see it as she packed her suitcases, headed for the Ritz-Carlton, not even glancing behind her. William stared out the window, then realized what he needed to do.

He picked up his Droid, pressing speed dial six, then waited. And waited.

"Come one Kendra, pick up." He muttered, listening to the sixth buzz. Then the seventh.

"What is it William?" Kendra asked into the phone, clearly annoyed.

"Have lunch with me. Please. Let's at least talk this through." William pleaded, looking at their family portait from when Massie what a baby. Kendra was holding her close, her arms supporting her head, soft but sturdy. Kendra was looking at the camrea, smiling proudly, while Massie was asleep, her arm resting on Kendra's. William was looking down at Kenrda, bubbling with happiness and love. He didn't even realize that the photographer had taken the picture, but when it came out, he knew it would be a keeper.

"I don't know William." Kendra breathed.

"Please Kendra." William said again, his voice growing horse.

"Okay, fine. But I pick the place."

"Okay. Tell me where."

"It's a little place called Sunflower Bistro, on the corner of White Water Street and Sonka Avenue. Meet me there in twenty." Kendra hung up, leaving William with no option.

*

Twenty mintues later, Kendra walked through the door, looking around the room, she spotted William leaning over a menu, his eyebrows knotted together. Kendra waved to the owner, then sat across from him, looking at her own menu.

"Hey," William said softly, looking at Kendra.

"Hello," Kendra said, waving over the woman.

"Hello, my name's Rhonda, what can I get ya'll?" She asked, hands on her hips.

"I'll have lemon water and the Tuna Fish on wheat, please," Kendra said.

"Okay. And for you sir?"

"I'll have a Diet Coke the LA Burger with swiss cheese." William handed the woman his menu.

"It'll be right out," Rhonda said, spinning on her heels and pushing into the kitchen.

"Where did you find this place?" William asked, looking at her.

"Oh, Inez is a friend of Rhonda's. She intorduced me to this place a few months ago. It's a one woman buisness, but she runs it so well, it's amazing." Kendra said, crossing her legs.

"Interesting," William folded his arms on the table, leaning in a bit.

"So why did you want to have lunch?" Kendra asked, thanking Rhonda for the drinks.

"Because I think we need to talk about this. We can't just leave each other without talking it through."

"But William, there isn't anything to say."

"How do you know that Kendra? There's a thousand things to say, and you know it. Please, let's just talk." William looked at Kendra intensely.

"Fine. What do you have to say?" Kendra said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

"I..." William leaned back, letting Rhonda slide his burge on the table.

"Thanks," He said. Rhonda nodded down at him, then put on a big smile for the group of five that walked in.

"You what?" Kendra said, picking up a pickle slice and popping it in her mouth.

"I - this is beyond embarrassing, by the way - I only cheated on you because... Well... I was never fully satisfied. In, uhm, bed." William blushed, whispering the words quickly.

"Oh," Kendra said, snapping back a little. So he always loved her, just... Not it bed.

"Yeah. Then, when I found out you were cheating on me, I got pissed and started cheating on you because, well, I was insanely jealous. I lost interset in the, er, pleasure department and did it because I was pissed and wanted revenge. And I'm sorry. I wish I never had. I wish we had just talk about it. I wish I had been there to stop Massie." William's voice cracked as he wiped a tear. Kendra looked at him.

"Will, I'm so sorry. I-" Kendra cut herself off, realizing what she was about to say. 'I wish I hadn't cheated on you either.'

But in truth, Kendra was glad she did.


"Okay, whoever that asshole was who invented that beyond ah-noying song needs to die. Now." Alicia said, glaring at a few girls before they shut down their iPods, running away with their song. She sighed, the sat back down at their lunch table.

"No need to be a bitch," Kristen rolled her eyes. In truth, it felt amazing to stand up to Alicia, but inside she was sick with nervousness. Not because of Alicia would do to her, but because of something else...

"Excuse me?" Alicia turned her stare at Kristen, raising one eyebrow.

"I said, 'No need to be a bitch'. Got a problem?" Kristen said right back, Dylan silently agreeing with her while Claire looked at the ceiling.

"Maybe I do. Maybe the little beta's shouldn't be mouthing off." Alicia sneered.

"And maybe it's time for the 'beta' to break away from the damn alpha." Kristen returned the look.

"Shut the fuck up you little whore." Alicia hissed through her teeth. Today was not going as planned.

"I'd rather not, thanks for asking. And if you think I the whore, you might wanna look down. I think you'll find who the real whore is if you do." Kristen smirked as Alicia looked down at her boobs, falling for an old trick.

"You little fucker."

"Uhm, no that would be you." Dylan stepped in, folding her arms across her chest.

"Would it Dylan? At least I haven't been sleeping around with Chris Polvert all year." Alicia said loudly.

"At least I wasn't the cause of Massie's death!" Dylan shouted at her. Everyone turned to look at Alicia, who was going pale.

"Dylan, shut up." Alicia whispered, looking at her with vemon.

"No. You killed her. It's all your fault and I won't let you forget!" Dylan yelled, tears blurring her vision.

"Please." Alicia whispered, even lower than before. Her stomach was knotting, nervousness shaking her body.

"Never." Dylan hissed. Kristen took her friends arm, pulling her away. Kristen whispered into her ear as they walked down the hall, not making eye contact with anyone. Alicia breathed deeply, trying to stay strong as the eyes fell away from her, slowly, one by one. When they all dropped away, their mouths moving in hushed whispers, Alicia looked at Claire who was still studing the ceiling.

"Why didn't you help me?" Alicia asked quietly. Claire continued to look up, as if Alicia hadn't said anything. "Kuh-laire, answer me." Alicia said. Claire looked at Alicia now, her eyes cold and distant. She looked long and hard, then back up at the roof.

"Claire, what the hell is wrong with you?" Alicia asked, waiting for Claire to reply. Claire just turned her gaze to the window, blinking only when she had to. Alicia looked at her, before shaking her head and standing when the bell rang. She looked at Claire a moment longer, then walked away.

Claire rubbed her band aid while the crowds cleared, a semi smile on her face. She didn't say anythign to defend Alicia. It felt good. Just like the raised cut on her left wrist. Even after two hours, Claire still wasn't in her body.

She was where she wanted to be.


Derrick watched the melt down, trying not to think about it while he walked away.

Dylan was really pissed. And blaming Alicia for the death of her former best friend. Could things be any weirder?

"Hey man, what are you doing here?" Cam asked, stepping into place beside Derrick.

"I came to make sure your plan was going... As planned. Then I was gonna go. Being here just..." Derrick faltered, looking at his shoes.

"Yeah man, I know. And the plan is going well. I'm gonna tell her in a few minutes, if you wanna stick around." Cam looked at Derrick through his black hair.

"No, I'm good. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm gonna go now." Derrick turned around and headed for his old Chevy. Cam watched him go, then found Kristen.

"Kristen!" He shouted. She turned around and grinned at him, saying something to Dylan before walking up to him.

"Hey Cam." She whispered, blushing a little.

"So, have you thought about it?" He asked her, touching the back of her hand

"Yeah," She blushed a deeper red.

"And...?" Cam waited.

"I agree. I've felt it too." She grinned, looking in his two colored eye. Cam breathed a sigh of relief, then leaned down and kissed Kristen.


Hehehe, GASP! So that was the plan all along!!!! I bet you never would have guessed.... Well, maybe you might've, but I thought I kept it kinda secret, with Cam and Kristen.

And Olivia being SMART! NO WAY! I thought that there should be a huge twist. And, yeah, she might've made a huge/long speach that kinda repeated it's self, but I wanted to get the point across.

And last time, no one answered me. Do you want Kendra and William to stay together or not?

Let me know by review!

Thanks my little munchkins! :)

xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder