She hadn't spoken to him in three days, but he rarely left her side. Zedd had ordered her to remain in bed until he was sure the danger to herself and the child had passed, but she believed that it never would. She could feel her heart racing in anger, pain and a fury she had never known before. Each moment he spent beside her was agonizing, but she could do little more than cry. All energy and will had left her body the moment he told her what he had done and she saw no future where it returned. With everything they had been through, she never thought that this would be possible for their end.
Cara would enter occasionally, when it was time to eat and Richard would leave, knowing that his wife would do nothing as long as he was there. Sitting on the floor outside their bedroom, he prayed to the spirits that somehow she would forgive him. His mind raced over what he had done, the look in her eyes as he told her and he began to wonder if he should have. If she didn't know, she would be well, she would be taking better care of herself and their child and he wouldn't be sitting alone in the hallway. He wanted to hold her, to whisper in her ear as he had done so many times before and tell her how much he loved her. It had been so long since he had done so.
He remembered the week they had been married; the way they held each other so close it was impossible to see where one ended and the other began. She had smiled widely as he fumbled through the lacing of her corset, cursing softly for it keeping him from her for so long. They never stopped touching, their hands constantly needing to feel the other just to continue on. He missed it all; if he had destroyed their love, he was finished. There was nothing to him without her. He would have given up long ago; never have taken the Sword of Truth had it not been her who stood before him.
The more time passed, the harder it was for him to believe what he had done. Zedd had told him that the elixir should have taken every ounce of love he had for Kahlan away, but it hadn't, not entirely. The Seeker was terrified of that moment, constantly making himself remember every precious second he had shared with her to keep their love alive, even if it was only within himself. The Mord'Sith exited the room quietly, pulling him from his memories as she stepped around him with an empty food tray. Richard always made sure to see that she had eaten. Within an instant, he was back on his feet and walking back into the room.
Kahlan was sitting against the headboard of the bed with her knees close to her chest, staring down at the large, tan, mug that she held tightly in her hands. He nearly froze in place as she looked at him, he could still see the pain burning within and she gave no effort to hide it. Her eyes were still red and tears still collected, but didn't fall down the streaks left by those that came before. She tightened her hold on the tea mug to keep her mind focused on something else; the heat seeping into her was almost comforting. Dropping her eyes to the top blanket of their bed, she blinked back the tears and slowly shook her head.
He could see her working through something in her mind, but knew better than to speak. Each time he had opened his mouth before had caused her to meltdown and cry harder; he refused to hurt her anymore than he already had. Tilting her head slightly, she looked over at him and seemed to make up her mind.
"Why?" Her voice was so soft and filled with pain that it could barely travel to his ears.
His heart began to pound viciously as he licked his lips before replying. "I don't know."
Richard ducked instantly as her cup came flying toward him at full speed. "That's not good enough!" she shouted as she crawled to the edge of the bed and pulled him to her by the soft fabric of his blue shirt. "You don't know?! You made love to another woman!" The words made her sick, forcing her to swallow back the unpleasant taste in her mouth.
He saw the flare of anger in her eyes, this time there was nothing else to hide it with, she was using her pain to fuel it onward. Her hands were fire to his skin, the heat from the tea having remained. "I never wanted to hurt you," he whispered as she pulled him closer.
She dropped him to the floor as though she was done with him, her hands remaining in place as she closed her eyes to breathe. "Oh, that makes it all right! I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you, but I crawled into bed with another woman and-"
"Kahlan please, I-"
"You what?!" she snapped, opening her eyes and coldly meeting his. "You grew tired of me and decided that it would fun to move on to the next woman? I trusted you! I- I loved you!" The emphasis on the word was more than clear to him as he stared up at her from the cold and lonely floor. "I loved you... How could you-" Shaking her head, she tried to fight the tears, her mind imaging the things he could have done with his old friend. "If I wasn't enough for you, why didn't you let me go?"
"You're everything to me, Kahlan."
"No," she breathed out through a quiet whine. "I am the woman who waited for her husband to return because she thought he loved her. She was foolish."
"No, I am the fool." She looked back to him, the tone of his voice drawing her attention with his own pain. He was staring at the floor, his chest moving quickly as he struggled to find air and the courage to speak. "I- There is no excuse for what I have done; I know that, but I am sorry." Bringing his eyes to hers, he moved to his knees and rested his arms on the top of the bed before her. "I am so sorry, Kahlan. I know that I've made a mistake and I know that there is nothing I can say that would make this any easier on you. I never wanted to betray you and each second that I was with her, I- I couldn't stop thinking about you."
Wiping the fresh tears from her cheeks, she sat back on her legs. "Then why didn't you stop?"
"I tried; I did, but I..."
"What?" she asked quietly, her heart, at last, beginning to slow its pace.
He didn't want to answer her question, it would hurt her even more. "I stopped, but it was only for a few moments. It was wrong and I knew that, but I couldn't... I saw her there on my bed and I- I couldn't stop myself." Tearing his eyes away from her, he shook his head. "She said that I wasn't happy with you, she said the same thing you did and for a brief- I was determined to prove you both wrong. I saw your face, again and again. You were there and then I tried to- Your scar, I couldn't find it. She- Kahlan, she was incomparable to you. Her kiss, skin and her moans- Kahlan, I-"
Richard stood up and gave a heavy sigh. "I waited for your magic, I-" he licked his lips, brushing the fingers of his left hand through his hair as he began to pace. "I wanted it so badly. I needed it to breathe. I opened my eyes and I..." He turned to her and covered his face with his hands, hiding a short wave of tears, before looking into her eyes. "It wasn't you. I couldn't understand what I was doing and I- didn't know why I was laying on top of her. Kahlan, I never wanted to hurt you."
She looked to the door, half expecting someone to be there and tell her that it was all a dream. "You keep saying that."
"Because it's true."
"It can't be. If it was, you- If you didn't want to hurt me, you wouldn't have done it. You wouldn't have left me that way and jumped into bed with her." She was fighting her anger; the urge to scream at him again. "You- You betrayed me. You tried to convince me that there was nothing between you and Cara and- I walked into that next meeting with the council and like a fool I told them that they were wrong; you would never..." Her tears were back, along with her pounding heart at the images in her mind of him and Anna. "Was she what you desired?"
"I thought so."
Nodding, Kahlan blinked and released her tears. "Please go."
"No. I'm never leaving you again."
"This isn't your decision! You made love to another woman! How could you expect me to- I loved you!"
"What I did with Anna was not- I did not make love to her."
"If you had not, I would not be carrying your child."
Kahlan's heart stopped at the sound of the other woman's voice, the pain it caused her was almost overwhelming. Instantly, she rushed from the bed, running toward the other brunette in full force. His first instinct was to stop her, but he didn't want it to appear as though he was protecting the other woman. Pushing her against the wall, the Confessor held onto her small shoulders and leaned in close, making sure the other woman saw the anger in her eyes. "How dare you come here! This is our home!" Anna looked to Richard, hoping for him to step in and stop her. He didn't move. "Do not look at him!"
"You wouldn't hurt the woman who carried your husband's child?" Releasing the other woman, Kahlan took a step back and sucked in a large breath of much needed air. "Very good," Anna said quietly as she approached the Seeker with a sly smile. "We're going to have a child."
"No." It was all he could think of to say, shock and confusion taking all thought from his mind.
"You cannot expect to do the things we did and not produce a child. Though," she added softly, looking back to Kahlan, who stared at them. "it appears that not everyone receives the same amount of-"
"Shut up!" he shouted. Grabbing her shoulders, he lifted her from the ground and slammed her into the door, slamming it shut.
"I carry your child and you do this to me?"
"I will not have you spread your lies!"
Laying her hand on his shoulder, Kahlan pulled him back. "Richard, don't. She's pregnant." The words made her sick, making it almost impossible to say them.
"She's not pregnant but if she is, it's not mine." He turned around to face her, locking eyes to be sure she could see the truth in them. "She's not carrying my child Kahlan, she's lying."
"How can you be sure? Richard, you were with her; it's possible."
Shaking his head frantically, he tried to touch her face before she pulled away. "No, it's not. Kahlan if she is pregnant, I am not the father of the child. I never- I didn't empty myself within her." Kahlan found it nearly impossible to look at him, the hurt and anger building up so quickly, she thought she would explode. "The child is not mine. I know that I betrayed you; that you have no reason to trust me, but I did not- I pulled away."
Blinking through a heavy set of tears, she stepped away until her back was pressed against the wall on the far side of the room. "You two should go."
Rushing over, Richard reached out for her in desperation. "Kahlan, please-"
"Please," she whispered, closing her eyes. "just go."
"I will not leave you again. Kahlan, I love you."
Throwing out her arms, she pushed him away from her, knocking him onto the ground. "How can you say that? After everything you've done! I trusted you! I loved you!"
He looked up at her in sadness, understanding her words completely. "I do love you, Kahlan. I love you more than anything. When I was with her, I- It wasn't the way I have always been with you. I did not make love to her."
Dropping to her knees beside him, she slammed the fist of her right hand on his chest and cried. "I loved you!"
"I never made love to her, Kahlan."
"Your husband is telling the truth. He did not make love to me." She brought her eyes to darken blues of the woman kneeling on the floor in tears. It was heartbreaking to see. "The memories he has are false. He- His love for you was supposed to be taken from him, the elixir should have turned it into anger and-"
"What are you talking about?"
"You were supposed to be mine." Anna said quietly, looking to the Seeker. "I waited for you to come home; to pick up where we left of, but you never came back. I came here to find you and I saw you two together. It should have been me." Richard sat up and moved to his feet. "You were meant to be with me." He stepped closer, but remained several paces away, still not wanting to upset his wife. "You were never that happy with me, with anyone."
Kahlan, unsure as to what it was she was hearing, struggled to her feet and walked toward the other woman. "I don't understand."
"I met a woman at the tavern; she said that she could get me what I wanted. After his first drink, he would feel the urge to return; each time getting more of the elixir. It should have worked after the first three, but... His love for you was too strong. It took him four extra mugs before he- I thought it had taken effect, but once we reached his palace, he- It must have faded because I- I kissed him; I laid before him, naked and he kept saying your name." She pushed past Kahlan and stopped before him. "How could you still want her? You felt it working inside of you, but you still wanted to be with her." She smiled coldly for a moment. "But when I told you that you weren't happy, you were mine. Is that the way you kiss her? Do you always touch her like that? But then you realized who I was and you tried to leave. That was when I..." She looked back to Kahlan, who stared in confusion. "He was never inside of me."
"Anna, I-"
"No," she whispered. "I thought that if I made you believe that we had made love; that I carried your child, the elixir would work and you would want me. You stared up at me and nothing happened, but the moment I mention her name, your body responded. The sound of her name was all it took for you to be ready and I did the only thing I could." Reaching into her bag, she pulled out something the size of a nail and handed it to him. "I used this to make you think we had-"
"We never-?"
"No. If you open it, you will have your true memories back."
"Why are you doing this?" Kahlan asked quietly. She couldn't understand why the other woman was saying this, if she had kept quiet, she would have Richard back.
Anna blinked out a few tears and looked at the Confessor. "After everything I did to make him love me, he wanted you. He loves you so much that after I gave him those memories, he screamed out in horror because he had betrayed you. When he was with me, he wanted you and with each moment of realizing that it wasn't, it pained him more. When he left, I thought maybe it would just take time and once you found out, you wouldn't keep him and he would come back to me. But the look in his eyes when he last spoke to me, I couldn't... He doesn't love me and if I cared for him, I wouldn't try to take away the one thing that has ever made him happy."
Kahlan looked over to her husband, who stared down at the small cylinder that he clutched tightly in his hand. It was obvious to her that he had stopped listening some time ago and was now lost in his thoughts. If Anna was telling the truth, all of the memories inside his head were lies and the pain he felt and had caused could be undone. "You can go now, Anna," he said quietly, his eyes at last moving to hers. "And if I see you again, we will discuss this." She left quickly, not wanting him to have time to rethink his response. Closing their bedroom door, he brought his eyes to hers. "Was she telling the truth?"
She could hear the desperation in his voice and see the hope in his eyes. The memories inside his mind haunted him and for the first time in days, she didn't find it difficult to look at him. "Yes."
Relief washed over him, releasing a heavy sigh. "Thank the spirits," he whispered as he stepped backward and sat down upon the edge of their bed. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and laid his head in his hands.
Walking slowly, she removed the small distance between them. Kneeling down before him, she gently pulled his hands away from his face. "Are you going to open it?"
"No," he sighed sadly, handing her the vial. "Kahlan, we don't know what's in here."
"The truth." Licking her lips, she gave him a warm, sad smile. "You didn't do anything wrong."
He stared at her, his eyes moving over her face, grateful to see her smile again. "If none of these memories are true, I still betrayed you."
"No you didn't, Richard and I- I should have known."
"What?" he asked confused. "Kahlan, no. How could you have known? I told you that I-"
"And I know you," she stated factually. "I should have known that there was something wrong."
Moving to his knees, he laid down the vial and cupped her face. "You looked into my eyes as I told you and you searched desperately for proof of my lie. You trusted me with instinct and I betrayed you."
Leaning forward, she lifted her nightgown and crawled onto his thighs as though nothing had ever changed between them. "You didn't betray me." Picking up the skinny vial, she smiled. "Open it; I'll still be here." Taking it into his hands, he slowly pulled out the brown stopper. It began to glow instantly, the liquid rising quickly from its prison to swirl around his head, changing into a light dust before falling upon him. "Are you all right?"
He blinked. "I think so. Kahlan, I'm sorry I hurt you."
She sighed in relief. "I know."
"Can I ask- Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"
"I don't know," she said quietly. "I didn't want to tell you while you were away and then when you returned, I... I was going to mention it, but I thought that maybe you'd notice."
Richard frowned. "I'm sorry that I didn't." Nodding, she licked her lips and leaned forward. Pressing her forehead against his, she tried to calm herself, but the tears kept flowing. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tightly. "Kahlan, what's wrong?"
"I was so afraid that we had lost you."
Brushing her hair back with his fingers, he pulled back to look at her. "Me too."
"I'm sorry I didn't know something was wrong."
Wiping her cheeks dry with his thumbs, he gave her a small smile in an attempt to comfort her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Kahlan you- You had every reason and more to believe that I had betrayed you. I looked you in the eyes and told you what I had done and it was true."
"No it wasn't."
"We know that now... Kahlan, I thought about it over and over again and even now that I know that it's not real, I still feels like it is."
"What do you mean?"
"Both memories are here and they're not in my head alone. You're thinking about it and I- I see it there in your eyes and I want so badly to take it all back. You're looking at me and it feels like you're waiting for me to betray you again." He tightened his hold on her face for a moment, bringing her closer as he took in her exhaled breath. "I love you, Kahlan and I know that through the past few months, I have done nothing to show you that it's true, but I intend to make it up to you." The Seeker leaned back, seeming to be defeated by his own words when he sighed through a smile. "Do you remember the week we were married?"
"Of course," she whispered through a subtle smile.
"We'll have that again. Nothing will keep us apart and we will spend more time in here than we-"
Shaking her head, she lost her smile. "We have duties, Richard."
"You're right and as your husband, my duty is to you."
"You're more than my husband; we were lucky to have been given that week."
Richard raised an eyebrow, widening his smile. "That wasn't given to us. Kahlan, we laid in bed together for hours while someone knocked on our door and do you remember what you said?" She laughed softly, remembering the moment very well. "That week wasn't given to us, we took it and I know that the people need you; they need a leader, but we need each other too."
Her mind began to spin with thoughts she knew better than to say, but she was done holding things back from him. "I'm here; you're not." She knew the way it sounded instantly, but it was far too late to take it back. "I'm sorry," she breathed out before attempting to move away from him.
"No." His tone was harder than he realized as he held her against him. "You're right."
"No, I'm not." Bringing her eyes to his, she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, the way she did when she could think of no other explanation. "This isn't your home Richard."
Smiling, he nodded, letting the fingers of his left hand wiggle deeper into her hair. "I may feel out of place in this palace, but when I'm with you, I am home." He knew what those words would do to her and he waited as she stared into his eyes. Shifting beneath her, he leaned back against the foot of the bed clutching her to his chest. "I'm home and I don't know what I would do without you."
He held her the way he used to, when they had first married and almost instantly, she felt her entire body relax against his. Closing her eyes, she focused on the pounding of his heart beneath her head and for what seemed like the first time in months, she fully smiled. Lifting her head, she shifted in his arms, pleased when he made it clear that he wouldn't let her go. "Are you all right?"
"Do you think you would have been able to forgive me?"
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"Kahlan, you- If she hadn't come here and given us the vial, would you have been able to-"
"I don't know," she interrupted softly, looking down at the floor beside them. She was grateful that he hadn't said her name, the ring of it still making her hand stand up. "I asked myself that question so many times, I thought I had driven myself mad." Bringing her eyes to his, she frowned. "I couldn't stop thinking about what happened in the meeting hall." His mind replayed the event as she moved above him. "It didn't make sense."
"What?"
"My magic went through you."
Her simple statement said it all. "You wondered how I could love you one moment and then betray you the next."
"That's why I should have known, Richard. If I had trusted you; thought about you instead of-"
"Instead of what? Kahlan, I looked into your eyes and told you the truth; your thoughts or trust in me would have changed nothing. I betrayed you, but it wasn't in my heart."
Fisting his shirt in her hands, she nodded. "What happened to your hand?"
"What?" he asked in confusion.
Smiling, she abandoned his clothing and took his right hand in hers, bringing it up between them. "Zedd's healed it recently."
Raising an eyebrow, he looked down at his hand. "How can you tell?"
"The small scar above your knuckles, it wasn't there before." Tracing the middle finger of her right hand over the lightened skin, she looked at him. "What happened?"
"I hit something... Hard."
Laughing softly, she shook her head. "Why?"
"I hurt you," he whispered, laying his hand over hers.
"And you wanted to be even?"
"No. No amount of pain would make us even." He watched the passionate darkness rise in her eyes; it thrilled him. She stared at him as though she was waiting for him to give her permission and it was something he could not give. "Kahlan, I-"
"It's all right," she whispered with a sad smile. "I understand."
"No Kahlan, it's not that- I don't understand how you can look at me like that."
"How-"
"Like you did when I woke you up that night."
She grinned and leaned forward, pushing her fingers into his hair to bring him closer. "Mmm... How should I-"
"I don't know," he whispered. His mind was spinning and he couldn't stop his body from calling for hers. Pulling back, she shifted her body above his, slowly moving against him as her hands slid to his chest. Pushing open the top of his shirt, she froze instantly. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she lied, pulling her hands away.
Looking down his shirt, he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "Kahlan, I-"
"I know." Her next actions surprised him completely, but he remained silent as she traced her fingers over the unfamiliar scratches on his chest.
Before either could form another thought, she leaned forward and flattened her tongue against his skin and slowly ran it over the fresh wounds. He let out a low moan, the feel of her tongue against his burning flesh was a refreshing comfort. Lifting his shirt, she began kissing his stomach and chest, her mind trying to remove all trace of the other woman. Pulling her away from his chest, he crashed his lips against hers and leaned forward. A soft moan left her lips as she pulled the shirt from his body, her hands instantly moving rapidly over his back and chest. This would be the start of their new beginning.
