Melanie helped me get the door open and closed. We walked down the small hallway shoulder to shoulder moving as one around the sharp corners and turns, never loosing contact. I think I needed it more than her. I know I needed it more than her.
We must have sat there in the room for what seemed like forever, by the time we got to the kitchen most of the people had already left to start their work. Including Ian.
My shoulders slumped in relief and sadness. He just left? He wouldn't do that, even if I was mad at him, would he? Jamie came running up to his, all arms and legs, at least a head taller than me now and he was still growing. "Hey guys!" He skidded to a stop almost bumping into Mel, she instinctually putting her hands up to stop him, though she didn't need to. "Wanda, Ian told me to tell you that he was sorry, but Jeb wouldn't let him wait. I guess he needed help with something." He panted from his run.
"Oh, okay." I nodded a little less disappointed, but still sad. Although that did give me time to think of how I was ever going to explain what had happened this morning.
Mel nudged me with her elbow nodding over to the food. I nodded, my stomach growling. We grabbed our trays taking our bread, soup, and water. We were getting down to the basics, there would have to be a raid soon. I felt worry settle in my stomach, clearly there to stay.
Melanie and I spent breakfast in silence, I cleared the table when we were done with out a word, putting them in the dirty dish bin and taking them down to the river to wash them. No one would ever give me anything to carry so I usually just took it upon myself.
The bin was cumbersome and it made me sort of waddle when I walked. I grabbed a lantern and put it in the bin before I left the great room, it never mattered how well I knew these caves, I always found something to trip over. Tripping over air, Ian would say. He was always there catching me before I fell, now he wasn't and I felt a strange sense of nervousness.
I walked around an especially dark corner and bumped into something solid, falling backwards on my left hip, the dishes toppled over and fell on the hard rock. Luckily only one broke, I looked around wildly, trying to find the lantern with my right hand, my left pinned under the heavy bin. I pulled the lantern in front of me, flooding the hall with a blue light. I didn't remember a wall here.
Although it wasn't a wall, it was Kyle, and at this angle, in this light, he absolutely terrified me. I pulled my left arm out, scraping the inside of my forearm raw, and scrunched up the wall behind me as far as I could. In that moment I wished I could melt into the wall.
"Woah! Woah!" Kyle held his hands up in a surrender. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!"
The terror I felt just a moment ago almost erased but I could not settle my pounding heart.
He took a couple of steps forward, stopping in front of the bin, his hands still raised, "It's okay, I'm just going to carry these down for you."
He sounded so much like Ian in that moment that I would have gone anywhere with him. I nodded, "Okay." I stood and followed him toward the river.
"Sorry about that," He apologized again throwing me a glance over his shoulder. "I was just going back up to the field." When we reached the bank he set the bin down and looked down at me, "I'm sorry about last night too, I was just trying to mess with Ian. I didn't mean to cause any..."
I held up my hand to stop him. "It's okay." I nodded again, then knelt to start washing the dishes.
He nodded, shoving his hands in the pockets of his shorts and walked out of the cave leaving me alone with my thoughts. Sunny had come down with Trudy less than a half hour later with more dishes.
Sunny and Trudy chatted while we were washing but I didn't say much, nodding and just giving one word answers, I was too much in my head trying to figure out these emotions to keep up an intelligent conversation. No one really pushed me to talk.
Ian wasn't at lunch either, nor was Jared. Melanie was only there for a short time, no doubt they were trying to plan a raid, but if they were, why wasn't I involved. A new deeper wave of sadness came over me. One I couldn't quite place. It was too dark.
At the end of lunch I noticed Lacey taking some trays down to Doc's, I didn't even try to follow. I knew what I would find there, and I didn't need to see it to know that I had been deliberately left out of the planning. They didn't need me anymore and if today was any evidence, neither did Ian.
After I had put my dishes in the dirty bin, I shuffled out of the kitchen and into the great room, the light blinding with the midday sun. I was planning to go see who was doing the laundry and try to help, I looked around the room, feeling someone's eyes on me.
Ian leaned against the hallway leading down to Doc's, watching me. He smirked, looking down at the ground at his feet, then back up at me. All I could do was shrug, "I'm sorry." I whispered. He didn't even hesitate, he was across the room in only a few strides, his arms around my waist, lifting my feet off the ground, burying his head in the crook of my neck. "I'm sorry." I whispered again, wrapping my arms tight around his neck. I never wanted to leave his arms ever again.
"Shh," Ian pulled back and kissed me so tenderly and so sweetly I felt my insides melting. "It's okay," He said against my lips.
I shook my head pulling away a little further. "No, it's not okay." He slowly put me on my feet, but he didn't back away from me, "In every planet I've ever taken a host in, I have never been a teenager. I have never been placed in the middle of growing. I'm not as good at dealing with emotions as I was in Mel's body. I overreacted and I'm sorry." I spoke only to his chest, too afraid to look up.
Ian took his hand and tilted my chin up, forcing me into his gaze. "It's okay, everythings alright." His large hand cupped the side of my face. "You just have to tell me when something is bothering you. If you get upset, you have to tell me."
I nodded. "Okay." I looked around the room seeing that we were alone, I figured I should say it now while I had the courage. Heat started rising on my face, with just the thought of what I was about to say. "Why did you stop last night?" I took a step back and fidgeted with my hands. "After Kyle.. You said you were happy about it."
"Oh Wanderer, do you know how difficult that was?" He pulled my right hip and then my left, I winced involuntarily, this bruise from falling throbbing up my side. His eyebrows crinkled together with confusion. "What happened?" He pulled my left side to face him, and pulling my shirt up just a bit to see the blackish purple bruise forming there, "What happened?!" His voice started to rise, looking me over trying to find any other damage, finding the scrape on my arm. He didn't wait for an answer taking my hand in his and leading me down the hallway he had come out of. "Come on, Doc needs to take a look at you."
"Ian I'm fine, I just fell is all." My voice coming out in a whine. Ian ignored me.
We stopped halfway there before he stopped abruptly. "Uhm, can you wait right here?"
"What?"
"It's nothing bad, I promise, but... Just wait here, please?" Ian kissed my hand and ran down the hallway.
What was going on? I could hear Ian shouting for Doc, a female voice, and then finally footsteps. Doc, Ian and Kyle rounded the curve in the hallway. "Dude," Kyle voice becoming clearer the closer they came, "I didn't mean to scare her, she just came out of no where. And then she fell." As they came into view Kyle had his hands up in surrender. "Honest to God."
"Okay Kyle, I get it," Ian said brushing him off. "She's got a pretty dark bruise on her hip and she scraped up her arm." Ian turned his attention to Doc.
Doc took my arm in his hand then turned me to get a look at my side. "Does it hurt at all when you walk?"
"No," I shook my head, "Only when I hit it against something."
Doc nodded then looked at Ian. "She's fine, Ian." He winked up at me, knowing that Ian was just being overprotective. "I think she'll live."
"Can you give her something? To heal her?"
Doc and I both shook our heads, I didn't want to deplete the already small inventory of medicine that we already had. Surely someone would need it more than me. "We don't have that much to spare, and they are just surface injuries, she'll heal on her own. I'll grab some bandages for your arm," he winked at me again, then turned to go back down the hall.
"See she's fine." Kyle threw his hands up as he muttered his way down the hall.
Doc had returned shortly and then bandaged me up, once he was done, Ian had declared that he was taking me back to our room to rest. He took my hand in his and pulled me down through the hallways opening the door and closing it again before he spoke.
"I'm glad that Kyle stopped us because I don't have any.." He pursed his lips, clearly concentrating on something. If I wasn't mistake, a light pink color flooded his cheeks. "I don't have any precautions."
At first I was confused, then a small memory of what Jared had once said to Melanie flashed through my mind. My mouth made a small 'o' in recognition and a heat flushed over my face.
Ian rubbed the back of his neck as he walked toward me, "Not because I wanted to stop," One arm snaked around my waist, "and again, hardest thing I've had to do, but because, as much as I would one day love to see what we can make together, I don't think that this is the time, or the place."
I nodded, completely agreeing with his reasoning. I placed my palms flat on his chest, "I understand."
"I love you," He whispered, kissing my forehead. "I will always want to be with you," He held my face in his hands, "Forever."
Peace flowed through my veins and eased the tension from my shoulder, all I could do was nod and rest my face against the beating of his heart.
