Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N- Apologies for the lengthy time between chapters, I was working on a large project with a deadline and needed to concentrate on getting it done-which it is, so now I can play with the boys, and Bella, again! Hopefully, this 8k+ chapter will make up for the delay.

There were quite a few guesses for the last L&F outtake, a study session being the most popular, but few guessed Jasper's drunken visit to Edward's room. For the next outtake, let's just say that that in studying for exams, the boys might need to blow off some steam (no pun intended).

Warning: This chapter will frustrate a great many of you, and there is some Jasper heartfail ahead, which might lead to some bad decision making skills. Be patient, and let him work through his issues. Don't worry, Texas is right around the corner.

Finally, this chapter is unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise are my own.

Huge hugs and thanks to Dannie for the last minute feedback, and encouragement on this chapter when I didn't think I could get back to it. 'Course, I heart her never ending suggestions for L&F outtakes, and her love for Perfectward.

To those that have read, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

"**~~**"

Except a Void Inside

Location: Seattle, WA (Desolate)

"**~~**"

I can't find anything
except a void inside
I went to places where
I could forget your name
I can't find anything
except a void inside
I don't have anything
because I don't have you~ Vast

"**~~**"

As the holidays rapidly approached, so did our semester final exams. Bella, Edward and I spent a majority of our time at the library or in our rooms studying. Apparently overcoming, at least in part, his fear of books, Emmett joined us several times for library study sessions. Of course, knowing that more than likely Rosalie would accompany Bella might have helped alleviate his fear of all things books. Rosalie and Emmett had continued to date since the frat party, even making plans to be in touch over the long holiday break.

As the semester had progressed, Edward was more stressed than ever, a few of his classes proving to be quite challenging. While Bella and I tried to encourage him, he seemed more and more stressed as exams loomed closer. I felt pretty comfortable with my classes, except math, and had become more certain that I had chosen the right major, my love of history never wavering.

Bella also seemed pretty confident going into her exams, taking on an unusual 'whatever happens happens' attitude-surprising both me and Edward with her casualness.

We had never told Edward about our drunken grope at the frat party, although we clearly had avoided most physical contact since that night two months previous. I had woken up the next morning feeling a bit unlike myself and had taken a long jog to clear my head, the pounding of my feet along the pavement matching the pounding in my head from my hangover. Although I had chuckled at the turtlenecks Bella wore for a few days after, using the material to hide the mark my lips had left on her neck. Bella and I had shared a few knowing looks in the following days, but had never actually verbalized our thoughts to each other.

Apparently, while Bella and I never discussed the events, the nasty look I received from Rosalie the next day confirmed that Emmett had told her what he had witness that night.

Two nights before we were to leave for the holiday break, we were all studying at our house. In our kitchen, Emmett sat at the island while I stood across from him making some turkey and cheese sandwiches.

"So, are sandwiches on your 'approved cooking list'?" He jutted his chin out toward the spread of food before me. I raised any eyebrow at him.

"You've been talking to Bella and Edward." I didn't really need to ask, I knew my reputation preceded me.

Shrugging his Hulk-like shoulders, he continued, "Well, I've heard…er… stories about your lack of skills in the kitchen."

With a big sigh, I tossed the cheese on the bread. "They exaggerate. I busted a few toasters, and brunt dinner once," I paused, "…or twice. "

Snorting, he shook his head. "Only twice? And how does one 'bust a toaster' exactly?"

"Hey, they are more fragile then they advertise them to be," I began in my defense. "Apparently, you're supposed to wait for the little thingie to pop up and not force it. Oh…and by the way, it's not a good idea to stick a knife in the slot to get out the burning bagel," I finished, smiling at the memory of Edward bursting half naked into the kitchen, eye his wild in fright as the fire alarm blared at six in the morning. Pushing me away from the toaster, he unplugged it, waving the smoke away from the top of it, swearing under his breath about how I was never allowed in the kitchen unsupervised again. "I prefer safer foods now."

"Safer?"

"Yea, like those not involving flame, ovens, or…toasters." I admitted, concentrating on my sandwich preparation, finishing up one before sliding the plate over to Emmett, who inspected it diligently before taking a bite.

"I can relate, man. I live in a frat house, and if it doesn't come out of a can, it doesn't get eaten. Did you know that there are one-hundred -one ways to cook Spam?"

Wrinkling my nose, I was relieved Edward hadn't heard him say that. "That is just gross, Emmett." I finished making my own sandwich, squishing the bread down before eating.

He ignored my jab. "You really need some cooking lessons, man," he advised thoughtfully. "That would be a good Christmas present from Edward." Then he immediately changed the subject, "So, did you ever talk to Bella?" he mumbled with a full mouth.

Innocently, I asked. "About what?"

"Oh, come on Jasper. Need I remind you of a certain hallway incident in certain frat house?" he sighed heavily, popping the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth.

"Oh, that. Umm…no, we haven't. It hasn't…come up," I hesitated, waiting to see if he would want more explanation. He did. "Besides, we were drunk, it didn't mean anything. It wasn't a big deal."

Except it was to me.

"Dude, her legs were fucking wrapped around you! You were grinding into her. That, my man, is a huge fucking deal, drunk or not. Especially to a chick. Besides, it's just not right to ignore shit like that. What if it doesn't happen again? What if you never feel like this again?"

He had stood up and walked around to my side of the island, slinging his arm comfortably around my shoulders. Keeping my head down, I concentrated on my sandwich, trying to ignore his words of advice. Frat boy or not, he was right. But the fear of the repercussions of a discussion like that with Bella scared the shit of me, much more than I would care to admit to anyone.

"Listen, I know it's scary," he confirmed my fear.

Jesus, were my thoughts that easy to read, or was I just that fucking obvious.

"Take me for example, took me a few days before I got the nerve to ask Rosalie out, and she still scares the shit out of me. But, Jasper man, you just gotta let her know how you feel. "

Say what you will about Emmett, but he was a perceptive fucker.

"First, a few days? I've been dealing with this for…" I stopped, not quite ready to voice the length of time I had been in love with one of my best friends. "a bit longer than a few days."

Sighing, he took his arm off me, putting his hands on my shoulders, turning me to face him completely. "Jasper, some advice? You need to seize this opportunity, man. Carpe fucking diem, ya know what I mean?"

Shaking my head, I looked down at my feet, everything he told me, I had already thought about for days after the party. But even if I did seize the day, did Bella want it seized?

"What if she doesn't feel the same way?" I whispered my concern, relieved to express my feelings, to be honest about them to someone.

Emmett grinned. "Trust me, man, she does. Chicks like Bella don't just wrap their legs around anyone."

Once again, he was right. Bella had, to my knowledge, only been with Edward, and had barely fooled around with Mike. So where did I fit in?

What about Edward? What would me seizing the day do to Edward? What if Emmett was wrong, and misreading her signals. How could I continue to live with them both if things went wrong-it wasn't worth the risk.

"Sorry, Emmett, I just can't risk my rela-"

"What can't you risk?" Bella asked entering the kitchen and promptly sitting on Emmett's empty stool, glancing back and forth between us.

"Nothin-" I began, but Emmett cut me off.

"I was just telling Jazz man he needs to carpe diem-when he sees something he wants, he needs to go for it before it's too late."

Bella frowned, thinking for a minute. "I agree jasper you should go for whatever it is," she suggested quietly.

If she only knew what she was telling me to do, she might think otherwise.

"What should you go for?" Edward's smooth voice didn't betray his stress from the past week.

"Jesus, can't anyone fucking finish a conversation here?" I sighed, frustrated. Edward's hands went up in defense as he sat down next to Bella reaching over to the food to make his own sandwich.

"Jasper, seriously, you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yea, I'm fine, just tired, and a worried about my exam tomorrow." I hated how good I was getting at lying tothem. Bella squinted her eyes at me, and I shifted my weight back and forth under her stare.

"So, Edward," Emmett walked to the other side of the island, draping an arm around Edward's shoulders and whispering in his ear. The smirk on Edward's face while he held my gaze made my heart skip a beat with apprehension of what Emmett was telling him.

Nodding, Edward said, "I agree, Emmett. Jasper definitely needs to get laid. We'll have to see what we can do about that. "

Blushing in relief, I glanced quickly over at Bella, whose cheeks also appeared a little more flushed.

"Jasper man, didn't you say something about a hot chick on your calculus class? Maddie, or Matilda or something?"

"Maria," I answered without thinking.

"Yea, that's it." He put his hand one hand on his chest, and broke into song," Maria, Maria, I've just met a girl named Maria. And suddenly that name will never be the same to me."

With jaws dropped Bella, Edward and I stared at him.

"Emmett," Edward said slowly." I didn't realize you were a," he cleared his throat, "fan of musicals? Something you need to tell us?" The shove Edward received was almost enough to push him off his stool.

"Fuck you," Emmett chucked. "West Side Story spans all generations…and lifestyles."

"Oh really?" Edward laughed, leaning forward placing his elbows on the island, he directed his attention to me. "Details please, Jasper."

I bit my lip, unsure how to proceed with Bella there. Deciding to come clean, at least in part, I began to describe the pretty coconut smelling girl that sat next to me in calculus class. When I described her shiny dark hair, I suddenly realized I had a thing for dark-hair; Alice, Bella, and now Maria. Even my best friend's hair was dark. The more I spoke about her, relaying stories from my class, the more I noticed Bella's quietness compared to the running suggestions and commentary from Emmett and Edward. Then she got up and I watched her quietly leave the room. I shook my head. Why did I always fuck shit up?

"So, she doesn't have a boyfriend, does she?" Emmett asked hopefully.

"No, she doesn't," I replied, putting the food away in the refrigerator with my back to them, I could still feel their gazes on me.

"Well?" Emmett encouraged further.

"Well what, Emmett?" I sighed, turning around. "She's cute, that's all. No need to take it any further than that."

"She free, and she's hot and she appears to be interested. What else is required? If you're not going to do what I suggested earlier, then at least give yourself this as a substitute."

I snorted. As if there could be a substitute for Bella.

"I agree with him, Jasper. You need to get out and socialize. I don't have time for it with my courses, but you should be enjoying your college experience more." Edward added quietly.

They were on a mission to get me laid, and I honestly wasn't sure I could, or even wanted, to stop them. Perhaps it was just what I needed. This was definitely not the time to tell them that Maria had programmed her number into my cell phone in hopes of me calling her.

As I stood there considering my options, Edward sensed my confusion and saved me once again. "Come on guys, we have exams to study for before we can plan Jasper's wedding." He winked at me, getting off his stool, his sandwich in hand, and pushing Emmett toward the living room. Mouthing a 'thank you' to Edward, I followed them, readying myself to face Bella.

"**~~**"

Holiday break arrived a few days later, and we found ourselves in the Cullen's living room making last minute preparations for their annual Christmas party. Sitting on the couch a safe distance from me, Alice instructed us all in our last minute duties, however, she had left our clothing completely up to us for once. As she reviewed the names of guests that had rsvp'd, one caught my attention.

"Jacob Black?" I practically seethed.

"Yes, Jake's coming," Alice over looked at me, and hesitantly continued. "Bella asked me to invite him."

Immediately, my eyes went to Bella, sitting on the hearth by the fireplace, warming her hands in front of the flames. "Oh really now?" I raised an eyebrow, my hands fisting in my lap.

"Yes, I thought it would be a nice gesture after last time." She turned to me, challenging me to question it.

Accepting her challenge, I narrowed my eyes at her. "Bella, that was a few years ago, I'm sure he's forgotten all about it." To my knowledge, neither of us had told Edward or Alice what had happened the night I caught Black with his hands on Bella.

"Bella?" Edward asked curiously, obviously wanting an explanation.

"It was nothing. Jake and I were talking, Jasper saw us, and over reacted. "

Over reacted my ass.

"Over reacted how?" Now his attention was on me.

Shaking my head, I offered some details, hoping it would keep Edward on my team. "Jake had his hands on her, he was..." I swallowed hard, recalculating."It looked like his…affections…were unrequited, so I stepped in and made sure he knew not to show her those affections again." I finished, looking at my hands in my lap, slightly embarrassed at my rash behavior that night.

"Bull shit," Bella's voice was quiet, but the anger that laced it was loud and clear. All eyes went to her as she stood up. "Jake wasn't doing anything that I couldn't stop myself, and you know it. I don't need to you to swoop in and rescue me all the time, Jasper. I can handle myself. "

Of course, I knew she was referring to the frat party, but Edward and Alice were in the dark to her reference of 'all the time'. Shocked into silence, I just sat there as she marched out of the room and up the stairs, to Edward's room I assumed.

Lithely, Edward stood up to follow her. "I better go check on her," he murmured, his voice sounding almost as frustrated at hers. Leaning my head against the back of the couch, I almost welcomed the tiny delicate hand that reassuringly wound its way into mine. I squeezed it in gratitude.

At least someone didn't hate me.

Five hours later, the Cullen's house was overflowing with guests of all ages mingling and eating.

Including one Jacob Black…who was just a bit too close to Bella, but I restrained myself as he guided her around the room with his dark hand on the small of her back, occasionally leaning down to her ear to whisper something. Watching from a distance, I stood in a corner with my clenched hands stuffed into my jean pockets in hopes of keeping them off Jacob's face. My duties for the night were complete, I had already talked with the C's, thanking them for their hospitality; I had even danced with Alice, finding comfort in the familiarity of her body pressed up against mine. Occasionally, I would glance over at her, finding her watching me with an inquisitive gaze, which I acknowledged with a nod of my head.

Alice's dress was black, tight, and looked fucking hot hugging the curves of her body. When she walked away, looking at me over her shoulder with a small smile, I swear I felt my cock twitch. Resisting the urge to follow her, squishing the desire to drag her away someplace dark to fuck her brains out, I scanned the room for Bella again. Watching her with Jake would definitely cockblock any impure thoughts I had about Alice.

Suddenly, found Edward standing next to me. He had chosen to dress up a bit more than me, wearing black pants, a crisp white shirt and red tie.

"You okay? You look a little flushed." He tilted his head before placing a hand on my cheek, which I quickly swatted away.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, I'm fine. Thank you for the house call." I sighed. Figuring I owed him more than my sarcasm, I continued. "Just not too fond of Jake at the moment." Edward's eyes followed mine to Jake and Bella dancing.

"Oh yes, Mr. Black," he mumbled, leaning against the wall. "He's not exactly my first pick for Bella either, Jasper." Surprised to finally hear some concern in his voice over Bella's choice in men, I turned to him.

"How come?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "Long story, but the Black's and the Cullen's don't exactly have the best history."

I glanced back at Jake swinging Bella under his arm before pulling back into his embrace, and felt sick when I saw her smile brightly up at him. "Tell me more."

"Well, I'm not clear on details, it happened many years ago, but something to do with boundaries, some sort of land dispute. Supposedly, we're not allowed on their property, or reservation, whatever you want to call it." Waving a hand, he motioned toward the happy dancing couple. "But as you can see, we have tried to put it behind us. My father insisting we be cordial to Jacob, considering everything that happened was long before our generation. I still don't care for him though…or the pack of guys he hangs out with."

Thinking I clearly had Edward on Team Jasper, I asked hopefully."So what do we do about it?"

He smirked. "Nothing, Jasper. Just like usual. Bella is a grown woman, she can make her own choices."

At that moment, I hated Edward's sensible Yoda-like way of thinking. "Yes, but last time you said that, I ended up beating the shit out of Newton in the parking lot," I reminded him.

Smiling at the memory, Edward pushed himself off the wall and put a hand on my shoulder."Yes I remember. Honestly, I am kind of hoping you get that chance again, and if so," he nodded toward Black. "I want in."

"Deal."

"But we have to wait it out, see what happens. This night could amount to nothing but some harmless dancing." He moved to leave, then stopped."Don't forget, we have a little concert to put on later." Groaning, I nodded, wishing I hadn't agreed to play guitar while Edward played the piano for the guests.

"Unfortunately, I haven't forgotten."

Alice appeared in front of me, holding out a tiny hand. "Dance with me?" I took her hand in mine, wrapping one arm around her, holding her other over my chest. "I saw you watching Black. Did Edward tell you about our families?"

Never taking my eyes off Bella, I confirmed that he had. "I hate to say it, but I think they make a cute couple," she chirped. Luckily, she couldn't see my eyes roll at her comment.

"So do you have a prediction, Madam Alice?"

Giggling, she looked up at me with her wide green eyes. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. They are going to date...long distance of course, but they will date."

"As if," I scoffed, not wanting to admit she might be right. Gently, she slapped my arm.

"I warned you once Jasper, never bet against me," she challenged.

"What's the wager?" Me and my gambling problem.

"Hmm…if I'm right, which I know I am, then you have to let me stay at your house in Seattle for a few days during spring break."

"Okay," I agreed quickly, that was easily done. "And if I win?"

Demurely, she looked up at me through her lashes. "Name it?"

Smiling, I rolled my eyes again, never answering her, but I continued to spin her around until the song was over. The party continued, Black consuming Bella's time so much I had barely spoken to her. It took all my strength, and Edward's hand on my arm, to resist the urge to wipe the knowing smirk Black gave me off his face.

The next morning I found out that Alice would be spending a few days with us over her spring break.

Not only had Bella accepted Black's invitation for dinner and a movie, they continue to see each other every day the entire holiday break while I spent most of my time with Edward, and even Alice, at his place. We watched movies, played some video games, even fooled around on the piano a bit, Edward deciding I was ready for more complicated pieces. While we were definitely bored, it was nice to have some serious down time, I knew Edward needed it after his stressful first semester. I also knew his next semester wasn't going to be any easier.

More than eager for mid-January to arrive, I was packed and ready to go on the day we were to return to Seattle. When I pulled up to Edward's, he was packing his Volvo, his leather jacket open even though it was freezing out. I got out of my truck, and walked over to him, picking up a box to put in his car, which looked rather empty.

"Uhh, Edward, where's Bella's stuff?" He stopped mid stride, not turning to look at me.

"She's getting a ride from Black."

My jaw clenched. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nope." He stuffed another box in his trunk before slamming it closed.

"How long is this going to go on?" I asked quietly, finally beginning to realize this might be a lasting thing.

Shaking his head, I could see some sadness in his eyes, but I was unsure what put it there. "I honestly don't know," he whispered before brushing by me to open the door of his car. "I'll meet you at the house." Starting his car, he closed the door, slid his seatbelt on and left me standing there as he pulled away, his tires squealing as he stepped on the gas.

Back at our house, I ignored the laughter coming from Bella's bedroom as I carried my stuff upstairs to my room and began unpacking. I could hear Edward moving in his room as well, probably also unpacking his clothing and Christmas presents. The Cullens had treated us all very well, indulging in some rather expensive gifts for us individually and for our house. Bella and I had learned long ago it was useless to argue with them, they would always get their way, dazzling us into accepting their presents.

I was kneeling at my dresser when I heard his voice. "What's your problem, Whitlock?" Straightening at the question, I turned to see him in leaning in my doorway.

"Honestly, you're my problem, Black."

"I've never done anything to you, never given you any reason to hate me. I can see why Cullen wouldn't like me but you…I don't get it." He paused, tilting his head thoughtfully. "Unless you are one of Cullen's puppets, just doing whatever the fuck he says."

My heart raced in my chest, my fists curling up at my sides. "Fuck off, Black."

He smirked and rolled his eyes. "And here I thought we could have a civilized conversation. Considering I am going to be around here a lot more, I thought it might be a good idea."

"Around here a lot more?" I repeated, trying to comprehend his meaning.

"Yea, as in I am dating Bella, I expect to be here occasionally. Ya know…sleeping over." He stated simply. When he saw my eyes widen, he knew he had a hit a sensitive spot and twisted the knife a bit more. "Oh, I see. It's not that you have a problem with me, it's that you don't want me with Bella." He paused. "Interesting." Smiling, he glanced over his shoulder quickly before turning back to me and lowering his voice. "So you probably don't want to hear about the hand job she gave me on the drive here, do you?"

I snapped. "You son of a bitch," I hissed and stepped forward but was stopped by an iron grip around my waist.

"Let it go, Jasper," his voice soothed in my ear in attempt to calm me.

"Fuck, Edward, let me go." I strained against him and reached to undo his hands clasped around me.

"No." His hold tightened, bracing his weight against me to hold me back. "He's not worth it," he whispered.

"What's going on?"She asked as she slipped into the doorway next to Black. Snaking an arm around her waist, he watched me with a satisfied look, proud he had goaded me into coming after him, making me look like the bad guy.

"I don't think Jasper is too happy with us dating," he smiled sickly sweetly down at her.

When Edward felt my body relax at Bella's arrival, his let me go, but remained beside me.

"Well he will just have to get used to it," she rationalized calmly. As her eyes found mine, I saw a flash of disappointment-in my behavior I assumed. Embarrassed I had lost control again, I looked down at the ground. "Come on, Jake, let's go." And with that, they were gone.

Edward's hands were on my shoulders and he turned me to him. "You okay?"

Fuck no.

With a curt nod, I assured him," Yea, I'm fine. Just something about that asshole that pisses me off."

"Me too, but you just got deal with him…for Bella's sake."

"I'm not making any promises," I vowed as he turned back to his room.

"I don't expect you to," he chuckled walking through the door.

"**~~**"

It was one of the longest, coldest winters I could ever remember, and it had nothing to do with the consistently falling snow or sleet.

Our house was fucking freezing.

Edward was more occupied than ever with his classes, and while I saw him daily, our interaction was usually limited to brief encounters as he was on his way out the door to the lab or library. Even our nightly dinners were dwindling, Edward didn't even comment one night when he came downstairs and found me cooking some pasta and sauce, he simply got a drink and returned to his room.

Bella was either at classes or secluded in her room studying. Black had made good on his promise, and had spent a few weekends at our house. Not able to handle the thought of what was going on behind her closed door, I sought solace at Emmett's, often hanging out at his place the nights Black was over. Seth usually spent his weekends at home, and sometimes Emmett spent the night with Rosalie. I would spend those times alone in Emmett's room, usually playing my guitar and wallowing in my own self hatred.

Feeling I had no one to confide in, I was alone in my misery. Barely attending any of my classes, or paying attention when I did, my grades were shit, far below acceptable, and I didn't give a fuck. My 'I didn't give a fuck' attitude lasted through a majority of spring, but somehow I managed to keep my head above water and went into the final few weeks of the semester with passing grades.

About anything.

Thankfully, Emmett had avoided the 'I told you so' conversation. Instead, he encouraged me to go out and find someone, he kept hinting that I should call Maria, and while I denied his offers of his room to fuck her in, I admit I never deleted her number from my phone.

I never thought I would take his suggestion.

Until late spring when my life, once again, turned upside down.

I remember it clearly, that early Sunday morning when I woke up, dreading the studying for spring semester finals I had ahead of me. Realizing I needed to pull off some kick ass final exam grades, I had begun to actually put some effort into studying for finals.

Climbing out of bed, I tossed on my shorts, sneakers, and a tee-shirt and decided to see if Edward wanted to go for a run with me. After no answer when I knocked, I assumed he was in the shower and opened his door.

The sun streamed in his room, warming him as he lay on his side with is back to me, shirtless, and presumably naked, under the sheet that was twisted around his hips, his hair messed up in a typical bed-head way. As I took a step forward to wake him, I stopped when I noticed he was not alone. The face of his lover was partially covered by locks of long mahogany hair as she spooned with him, her back snug against his chest, held there tightly by his arm wrapped around her waist, one of her uncovered legs curled up. The girl wore only a tee shirt, actually one of Edward's, leading me to assume she had put it on after their lovemaking. With his deep breaths were in time with his lover's soft snores, Edward looked more peaceful I had seen in a long time. In his sleep, he nuzzled the back of the girl's neck, burying his nose in her thick hair, as a contented sigh escaped him.

It had been far too long since Edward had even showed interest in someone, much less brought them home. Although, I hadn't been able to recall him going out the night before, in fact, I remembered he had gone up to bed about an hour before me. Concluding he must have called the girl to come over after he had left me, I smiled for him.

At least he had someone to wrap his arms around.

"Edward," the girl murmured in her sleep.

The voice chilled me, my heart freezing in mid-beat, my blood suddenly running cold throughout my entire body, and my eyes grew wide in shock. Shivering, I leaned toward the bed without taking another step in order to confirm my fear.

The slim figure embraced tenderly in his arms was unmistakably my Bella.

Gasping, I bent over, putting an arm around my waist as my stomach churned, its contents wanting to work their way back up. Before I got sick in Edward's room, I began backing up toward the door, shaking my head back and forth in an attempt to wipe the vision of the lovers in bed out of my head even as I continued to witness it. Stumbling back into my room, I closed the door between our rooms, and slid down it. Putting my head on my knees, I grabbed my hair in effort to suppress the scream crawling up from my lungs begging escape. In a compromise, I let the tears stream silently down my face.

How could he fucking do this to me? Those were supposed to be my arms, my body, my love in that bed.

I made a quick dash for the bathroom, barely lifting the seat before my stomach finally won the battle and my dinner reappeared.

A few hours later I sat in my truck overlooking the Pacific with the half empty bottle of Patron I had stolen from the kitchen cupboard sitting next to me on the seat, the effects of it still strong in my body. The numb feeling the booze had given was a welcomed relief from the betrayal and hurt coursing through my heart.

I picked up my cell phone, ignoring the blinking light indicting the voice messages that had been left in the past hour and scrolled through my contacts until I found the one I wanted.

After a few rings, the phone was answered, "Hello?"

"Maria?"

"**~~**"

"So I was surprised to hear from you, Jasper?" she purred, sitting next to me on the couch at her sorority house. With my bottle of vodka nestled in my lap, I stared straight ahead considering my options in my drunken state. There was still time to make a clean getaway, I could easily get up and walk out, blaming my rash behavior on the bottle between my legs. "What brings you here?" She leaned into me, her hand resting on my thigh, as she gazed up at me.

With a deep breath, I turned to her, a blurry view of her breasts greeting my drunken eyes. Deciding I needed to touch them, pinch and suck them, I smirked at her. "You know what brought me here, and you want it too."

I was going to use this girl to fuck myself numb and I was okay with it.

I was an asshole.

"I suspect I do," she confirmed, sliding her hand closer to my crotch. "Why don't we go up to my room where we can be more comfortable. My roommate went home this weekend, so we have the place to ourselves." Slithering off the couch, she stood up, grabbed my vodka and held her hand out for me.

I took it and let her led me upstairs to her room, my heart hardening with each step I took, screaming at me to turn around and run back to Bella.

Maria let me up the stairs to the second floor. She must have sense my hesitation because she peeked up at me, urging me to follow her down a long hallway to a door, which I assumed was her room.

At that point, I didn't give a shit where I was.

I needed to fuck.

After opening the door, she closed it behind us and leaned against it coyly, looking sexy as hell, her legs crossed at her ankles, her bottom lip tucked in between her teeth. I hadn't noticed how small she really was until now. The top of her head barely reached my chest; she couldn't have weighed more than ninety pounds. I could feel her determination waver as she looked me over, head to toe. Placing my vodka on her nightstand, she pushed off the door and I gave her my most 'come hither' smirk, curling my index finger at her in an invitation.

Time to get the show on the road.

With delicate steps, she crossed the floor to me, reaching her arms up around my neck, tilting her head upwards. My lips crashed down on hers and my world turned upside down. That was when things changed; unexpectedly, so quickly that I felt sick again. Suddenly, her lips were fuller, harder as they teased mine open to allow her tongue to explore my mouth. Her fingers ran down my back to the hem of my tee shirt. I broke our kiss, grabbed the bottom and pulled it over my head; tossing it onto the floor. One of her hands rested on my chest, while the other continued downward to my jeans, fingertips grazing lightly over my stomach muscles, which quivered in response to her light touch.

"Mmm…." She stood on her toes to press open mouthed kisses along my collarbone to the base of my neck. I hung my head back and sighed, allowing her more access.

It felt so fucking good.

She was gentle, she wanted to take her time, and received no argument from me. Suddenly, she took a step back, tossed me a wicked grin, and to my surprise, grabbed the hem of her shirt and quickly pulled it over head, exposing her small perfect breasts dressed in a dark blue satin bra. Her hands reached behind her, unclasped her bra and let it fall from her body to the floor.

So much for going slowly.

My eyes traveled from her chest up to rest on the small silver charm hanging delicately around her dark-skinned neck.

"My father gave it to me for my high school graduation. He said it was to watch over me at college. Do you like it?"

Enough of the get to you know you shit, I didn't give a fuck who was watching over her, I wanted her tight pussy wrapped around my cock.

"It's beautiful. Now, where were we?" I answered curtly. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I began to guide her toward the bed behind her, but she stopped me, grabbing my wrists and placing my hands by my side. With the most deliberate of motions, she pressed herself tightly against me, and slowly dragged herself down my chest until she was kneeling in front of me. Dark fringed eyes glanced up at me and I nodded my silent permission as she undid the button and zipper of my jeans, sliding them, and my boxers, down past my hips, freeing my cock. She paused, her breath catching a bit in her throat.

"Like what you see?" I asked as she giggled and gently grabbed the base of my cock, sliding her hand slowly upward. I hung my head back and moaned.

Fuck. That shit felt amazing.

It had been far too long since another hand had stroked me. I mean, I rubbed one out whenever I got the chance, usually in my morning shower, stroking myself at the thought of Bella riding me until I came all over my hand, the evidence of my fantasy traveling down the drain with the shower water before I my orgasm had faded.

Maria's wrist flicked at my tip, squeezing a bit before sliding back down, her languid strokes were gentle and teasing. I stared down at her as she leaned to take me in her mouth, my muscles twitching as her tongue darted out give one long lick down one side and up the other. When her soft lips wrapped themselves around my shaft, I hissed in pleasure. Not wanting to set the faster pace I desired, I left my hands at my side, and let her take her sweet time. Her tongue stroked my length in a steady, maddeningly slow pace while her lips tightened around me even more and the head of my cock repeatedly meet the back of her throat. Small hands found their way to my ass, her thumbs rubbing absent circles on the clenched muscles there.

"Mmmmm…" It was about all I could manage while her lips continued to tease me.

Someone had taught this girl the art of a good blow job.

I silently thanked him.

As her pace began to quicken slightly, I rested a hand in her hair. Her warm mouth embracing me while her tiny fist pumped along my shaft caused the sensation to build inside me much too quickly, and I didn't want to be exiting the ride before she even got on.

That is just fucking embarrassing.

I gently tugged on her hair, wide eyes opened and stared up at me, and I swear I saw them twinkle, in satisfaction of her performance.

"That feels incredible, but why don't we save something for the main act, okay?" Her lips released me with a slight pop and she stood back up, once again dragging her perfect breasts along my hips, across my wet cock and up to my chest. Once again, I placed my hands on her shoulders, guiding her toward the bed. She lay down, the down pillows cushioning her head as I rested over her on my elbows, staring into lusty eyes. Slight shivers ran through my body as her fingers ran up and down my spine, her firm breasts pushing against me with every breath she took.

Nuzzling her cheek with my nose, her manicured nails traveled up my back and weaved into the hair at the nape of my neck, her lips parting as she drew me to her. Only, her taste was different this time, strawberries instead of mint. Her perfect white skin became flawed with freckles dancing across her nose. Her hazel eyes turned warm and called me home. Black hair became brown, straight strands became waves. The small breasts I suckled became fuller, one slightly bigger than the other. Hands that weaved through my hair became larger, clumsier. Delicate fingers softened by expensive lotions became ones calloused by years of neglect. My hands caressed over a toned abdomen that became softer. Slim hips widen, thighs strengthened as they wrapped themselves around me, grinding into my hips. My cock twitched in the confines between our bodies, as my heart swelled. I gasped and pulled away, kneeling, shaking my head in attempt to chase away the invading thoughts. Maria's piercing eyes followed me, her hands sliding down my sides to rest on my hips.

"What's wrong?" the fear of rejection quickly showing her face. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Maria still lay before me, waiting patiently, her lips pursed in concern."Is everything alright?"

'Yeah, everything's fine." I held her gaze as my hands went to the waist of her designer jeans. My fingers traced the waistband, dipping below it, garnering a slight shiver from her, before coming back to undo her button. Reaching out, she grabbed my shaft once again, her fingertips grazing my entire length. As I slid her zipper down as she lifted herself up to me, and I hunched forward a bit, not wanting to lose the contact of her hand on me. She helped me push her jeans down with one hand while keeping her tantalizing pace with the other, but she finally let me go to completely remove her remaining clothes and then lay back, naked and giving before me. Hot, toned and flawless, she was everything any sane man would want in a woman.

At that moment, I was not a sane man.

Fuck, I wasn't even a sober man.

A slight blush crept up her neck and colored her cheeks a lovely pink, making her eyes dance more prominently. Sliding my pants and boxers off completely, I settled back between her legs as her warm skin surrounded my cock, creating a pleasurable friction, but still not enough to meet my needs. My hips ground into hers as my mouth sought hers. In caresses, gropes, pinches and teases, my hands never stopped roaming her bare skin. She moaned into my mouth as our tongues met, entwining easily and comfortably. Leaving her mouth, I made my way down her neck, her scent taking on a sweetness I was trying my damndest to avoid. My eyes fluttered open to see jet black hair fading to brown in sunlit room. I closed them again quickly and she whimpered as my mouth came in contact with her breast, arching up off the bed toward me in offering, soft puffs of air escaping her open mouth. As my mouth suckled one of her hardened nipples, my rough hand kneaded the other.

"Please…."

"Please what?" I teased, but couldn't help but let out a gasp myself as her hands fisted my hair and her hips brushed against my erection.

"Please…more…Jasper" she whispered, almost shyly. I tensed for a second at her casual use of my name.

Answering her begging, I slid a long finger between her folds, she was damp, and so fucking warm. Her hips bucked into my hand, and I pushed my finger deeper, angling it up, sliding it in and out of her at a lazy, agonizing pace. Quickened breaths and her writhing body signaled that I was hitting the right spot. Each small thrust of her hips made my cock twitch against her.

I was a bastard, but I had manners.

Ladies first was my number one rule.

When her hands pulled at my hair tighter, crushing my mouth tightly to her breast, her breathing quickened even more, and her hips continuingly sought a rhythm to match my fingers, I knew she was close. Finally, I moved my thumb to circle her clit, and with a few small circles, her body tensed beneath me. A long moan escaped her and I continued to slide my fingers in and out as she rode out her orgasm, her hands finally loosening on my now sore scalp. Resting back on my elbows, I watched as she opened her eyes, a small satisfied smile on her face that I couldn't help but return.

I pushed back on to my knees, reaching over the side of the bed for my jeans. Curiosity crossed her face as I searched my pockets one by one, finally succeeding in my quest, and pulled out the square foil wrapper.

"Boy scout number one rule: Always be prepared." I rested on my heels and tore the wrapper with my teeth, dropping the pieces on the floor. Slowly, teasingly, I slip the condom down my cock, watching her eyes follow the movement of my hands.

"Ready for me?" I asked as I shifted slightly, positioning myself at her entrance. Her pink tongue darted out to lick her lips as she reached between us, grabbed my cock and slid it down her wetness. With a long groan and one slow push, I sheathed myself completely in her until I rested deep and warm inside her. Instinctively my hips began small, short thrusts, setting a slow pace. My hands were placed on either side of her shoulders and I watched her face as I moved in and out. Traveling up and down my body, her hands caressed me. Briefly, she rested a palm on my cheek and I leaned my face into it, enjoying the comfort she offered me, I felt as though she could take away some of the pain, if even only briefly.

I knew I was fooling myself, I knew deep down I was just trying to fuck her out of my mind.

It didn't matter.

Maria was here, she was not. Her eyes closed as she gasped when I pushed a bit deeper. I leaned down and rested my head in the crook of her neck, breathing her in as her hands grabbed my ass, eager for a slightly faster pace.

Her groin raised to meet mine, her legs wrapped completely around my waist pulling me deeper, and my thrusts became more determined. Our bodies slickened with sweat as pleasure grew inside me, my muscles began straining with the need to hold off, yet, reach that peak at the same time. With my eyes tightly closed, my open mouth breathed gasps against her suddenly freckled collarbone. My pace quickened, my hips thrusting into her softness, her body accepting all I had to offer, even if it wasn't her I was offering it to.

I was close.

I wanted the release, those few minutes of ultimate pleasure where nothing else in the world matters, she pulled my face back to hers, kissing me hard and deep and with a need I returned.

"Come for me," she whispered against my lips in the gentlest of demands. I could only grunt and increase my thrusts in reply.

Deeper.

Harder.

Faster.

Smooth legs tightened against me, their strength surprising me, hips pushed in demand of mine own. My fists sought her hair, to grab the brown waves I imagined. My lips sought hers, to kiss the chapped ones I desired most. My cock pulsed and sought to come inside the one I loved with all my heart. My entire body clenched as I came with one last thrust deep within the ordinary, but beautiful girl that I imagined lay beneath me. The name that flowed through my veins, the name I longed to call out in the height of my passion, was not the one belonging to the slight girl whose pelvis was grinding against my own.

"Oh, Bella…" I cried out as I collapsed on her for a brief moment to catch my breath before placing a kiss on her neck in an attempt to camouflage the single tear that had fallen.

The room was hot, it could have just as easily been sweat. Gently, she fingered my hair, twirling my waves around her fingers, murmuring in my ear, words I did not catch. All I could make out at the time was "Ssssh, it's ok". I pushed off her, searching her face.

"Are you ok?" she asked quietly.

"Of course I am," I leaned in and kissed the damp wisps of hair that clung to her temple. She pulled me back to her mouth, her sweaty legs finally releasing my hips as my limp dick slid from her. I reached down and removed the condom, tossing it in the small trashcan near her nightstand. Frowning, I tried to fight the urge to get up and leave immediately, feeling like I owed her some cuddling, or at the very least, a few moments of kissing while I came down from my delusional orgasm.

She was a smart girl, she would let me leave with no questions asked. There was no doubt she knew I wanted nothing more. From the moment she laid eyes on me, she was a means to end for me, and I was sure this fact did not escape her.

"Who is Bella?" she pulled my face back from hers, her intense gaze making my heart tense.

Sighing heavily, I swung my legs over her, sitting on the edge of the bed, I rubbed my hands through my damp hair.

"No one," I growled, standing up, immediately searching for my boxers, my heart racing a bit too fast for an after sex pace.

She sat up, pulling a sheet to cover herself. "Look, don't worry about it," she almost chuckled.

Ignoring her, I pulled my boxers and jeans up, leaving my button undone while I reached for my shirt. Taking a deep breath, I gathered my patience as she sat, quietly observing me from the bed. With my tee shirt in one hand, my other reached down and cupped her cheek, still flushed from her orgasm. Her eyes closed slowly, her lashes thick against her dark skin. "Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm just… going to grab my things and go."

Her nod was so small I almost missed it, but I could feel it through my palm. I pulled her closer, and kissed her forehead once again, tasting the tangy sweat gathered there, letting my lips rest there for a minute. Silently thanking her for what she attempted to give me, her gift of a few moments of bliss, of not remembering what I longed to forget.

Even if it didn't work.

My bottle of vodka remained on her table as I walked out of her room, closing the door behind me.

In my truck, I picked up my cell phone, once again ignoring the voice messages, but opened the one text message.

We need to talk-E

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading…oh, and don't kill me, or Jasper. Have faith in him, even though he makes some stupid ass decisions.