Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N- Okay, once again L&F and S&S are similar in actions, but not necessarily the thoughts. L&F was written first, although while some scenes are the same, the povs are different. You'll see what I mean. Epically long A/N at the bottom.

The angst ain't over…

My poor beta has been working her fingers to the bone, so this chapter is once again unbeta'd, so all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are my own.

As always, many thanks and lots of hugs to Dannie, this wouldn't be here without her.

"**~~**"

In Their Keeping

Location: Home (Helpless)

"**~~**"

"You have always been my friend
I can see your beauty shining
I will love you till the end
long will I remain in your keeping

and I know this much is true
I have lived inside of you
you have always seen me through
while i am peacefully sleeping." –Jan Arden

"**~~**"

He thought he had hid his love.

He was a fool.

His affection, his love, for her was so obvious.

Well, to me anyway.

Since the day I walked with her into the cafeteria, he had pretended to not care, to not notice her but the light in his eyes said the opposite. Smirking, I introduced them and watched as Jasper's leg bounced up and down and his eyes glanced up from his book to her every few seconds.

I knew Jasper pretty well, hell, I could practically read his thoughts, but Bella was harder to read, and I couldn't tell if the nervousness she felt was because of Jasper or because she was new in the school. Our friendship really began that weekend when we took Bella to the meadow for the first time, and the more time we spent together, the closer we got. The physical casualness we shared caused concern for my parents, and led to a stern talking to from my father. After my mother had found some porn magazines in my room, my father had called Jasper and I into his office for 'the talk'. He was a doctor, I already knew all the technicals, but he felt the need to remind me every so often. That day though, the talk focused on respecting women, and keeping our hands off Bella.

I almost laughed out loud.

I had never seen Jasper more nervous or mortified as he was then sitting in my father's office. His legs bounced up and down, he bit his fingernail and his lip. It was kind of cute. When we left the office, Jasper had practically bolted for the door, and once in the safety of the hallway, disclosed his true fear.

All our porn had been confiscated.

Setting his concerns at ease, I told him of my secret stash.

One of them anyway.

The three of us continued to do everything together. Jasper even dated my sister. They seemed to make a good couple, she idolized him and he doted on her. Some days I think he would have given her the moon if could have. At the same time, I still saw the looks he gave Bella, even thought they were few and farther apart, the intensity of them was still there. His beautiful blue eyes turned shades of green when he saw Bella with other boys. I understood his need to protect her, I shared it. At first, I told myself that's all it was, his need to keep her protected but slowly I began to realize, it was more than that for him.

I found out just how much our junior year.

Bella had asked me to take her virginity.

I had balked at her request, adamantly refusing. Then she began to tell me her reasons, she wanted to someone she loved, someone that would always be in her life, not some guy she might not know in a year. There was no doubt I loved Bella, there was no doubt I would do as she asked.

What was harder was when she asked me to not tell Jasper. I had never kept a secret from him, and I never wanted to. It pained me the night of the Prom to see him watching us, suspecting something was going on but not sure what. While he danced with Alice, he watched me and Bella with suspicious eyes. It was one fucking uncomfortable night.

And it got even more uncomfortable when Bella and I got to the hotel room. I was a virgin too. Not that I wasn't well aware of a girl's anatomy, I had read my father's medical books on male and female anatomies, which I studied before our night together, but my I had never had any hands-on experience. After undressing, we had gotten into bed, our hands roaming and investigating each others bodies. My body instinctively responded to the warmth of another. It was awkward, we giggled a bit, but when her hand wrapped tightly around me, I thought I was going to come right then. I had to pull away, my cock already throbbing. While I felt clumsy, I managed to find her clit and bring her to her first orgasm by another's hand. As her body still trembled, I climbed on top of her and put a condom on. After making sure she was certain, I pushed inside her.

I had never felt anything so good in my life.

She was warm and slick and felt tight around my cock. Gently, I thrust forward through her hymen and felt her cringe under me. Her eyes closed tightly as she held her breath and waited for the burn to fade. I almost told her exactly what was causing the pain, and that she might bleed, but decided it more information than she needed to know at the moment. Closing my eyes, I held off as long as I could before I began rocking my hips and pumping in and out of her. Her legs tightened around me and I quickened my pace. Moaning, I laid my head on her shoulder, my mind so focused on the sensations I had forgotten who I was with.

Her body turned firm, her hair lightened.

Suddenly, without warning, my balls tightened, the feeling immediately followed by my cock jerking and shooting into the condom. Grunting, I stilled in her before collapsing on top of her.

Guilt overwhelmed me after, although I tried to both hide and deny it, I knew she felt it.

It was only a few weeks later that I told Jasper what had happened. That day in the pool when I told him was one of the worst in my life. The hurt that filled his eyes, that sat on their edges waiting to fall, over stabbed me. I wasn't sure if it was caused by me having slept with Bella, having waited to tell him or that she hadn't asked him. The guilt at keeping it from him had eaten at me, and I betrayed my promise to Bella to keep the one I had promised to Jasper before Bella had entered our lives.

That we would never keep a secret from each other.

But…

I had been keeping the biggest secret of all from them both.

I was gay.

I had known shortly before Jasper had arrived to Forks, realizing that my heart raced and my cock twitched when I saw nice looking men or thought about the guy that mowed our lawn without his shirt on. When I would stroke myself at night, it was images of boys that brought me to satisfaction. That day I walked into geometry and saw him sitting at my table, my heart skipped a bit. When he spoke in a slow, southern drawl, stuttering through his introduction, I heard the snickers of those around me and had to grip the side of the table in order to stop myself from shutting them up. In the hall after class, I saw Newton and his friends giving Jasper a hard time. Newton was all bark and no bite, and after I tossed him against the lockers, he never said another word to Jasper.

Jasper had gone to lunch, but I found him sitting alone in the crowd and went over to his table. When I offered him my sandwich, he smiled and it was the beginning of the best thing in my life.

The second best thing entered my life about a year later.

Our times were happy.

Until I told Jasper I had slept with Bella. It wasn't long after that he and Alice broke up and Jasper began to spend more and more time alone, refusing to take my calls and avoiding both Bella and I for a few weeks. When school started back up, I walked up to him like nothing had changed and when he chased after me and I put my arm around his shoulders and commented how hot he would look in a skirt, we were back to being us.

Our next rough patch was when we were applying to colleges. Jasper had been tense and short as we all waited to hear back from the colleges we had applied to. Jasper had a beautiful soul, but he lacked confidence. A product of his childhood, but he always felt he was unworthy of being accepted, of anything good in his life. He often told me he thought some day I was going to up and leave him because he didn't deserve such a good friend. Jokingly, I agreed.

I had never understood his lack of confidence in himself. While he was shy, stubborn, and a pessimist, he was also handsome, talented, intelligent, and had an innate southern charm. Those traits lead to a lot of female attention. Jasper could easily have had any girl …but there was only one he wanted.

Once we were all accepted on University of Washington, my father got us a place to stay and we spent that summer daydreaming of life on our own. College started, classes were hard, but we all adjusted well to living together. Jasper met Emmett and Bella met Rosalie. I focused on studying, my classes were challenging and I wanted to make my father proud.

Living together, I felt the occasional tension between Bella and Jasper. Curious, I would watch them interact, the way they practically danced around each other, their flirting cleverly disguised as banter. Sometimes I suspected they had done more than flirt, there was something intimate about the way he would brush by her or the way her fingers pushed his hair back of his face with a tenderness that took my breath away. I saw the way he looked at her, pure love and adoration mixed with an undercoat of desire. She returned it to him, hers more uncertain, hesitant. When she and I were alone one time, I asked her about. She denied feeling anything more than the close friends we all were, but I saw the faint stain to her cheeks, and the way her hand rubbed her thigh anxiously.

When Bella was gone from the house, Jasper and I would hang out and I had even taught him to play the piano. Being alone with him were moments I cherished. I never fooled myself, I knew Jasper was straight, I witnessed it every day, but I admit, a different time, a different place…an alternate universe, perhaps Jasper and I could have been something together. I never dwelled on the fact that I loved him in a different way than he did me, and I never doubted that he loved me. I accepted Jasper for who he was, and enjoyed every facet of him, even his sexuality.

Would I have jumped him if he was gay? Hell, yeah.

But never once did I feel bad for myself, or wallow in the what ifs. He was my best friend, and straight or gay, that would never change.

However, the biggest obstacle we came across was tall, dark and handsome.

We had actually known Jake for a few years, he had always showed an interest in Bella but she had never returned it…until after a holiday party at my parents our freshmen year. Jake was not my favorite person, there was something about him I didn't like, but I kept it to myself.

Jasper did not.

Every opportunity he had to point out Jake's faults, or start something with Bella about Jake, he took advantage of. It became difficult to be in the same room with them both, until finally Jasper started avoiding Bella all together, especially if she was with Jake. The simmering rage that hovered below the surface in Jasper when Jake was at our house was almost tangible. Squinting eyes, darkened with jealousy, the tense jaw and pursed lips were common whenever Jake was around. In Jasper's defense, Jake sensed the dislike and antagonized Jasper every chance he got.

At first I wasn't sure if Jasper didn't like Jake or just didn't like him with Bella.

The night Jake had asked Bella to marry him, she had told him she needed time and space, he accepted her decision but not without some sarcastic remarks about Jasper and I. She had came home late that night and found me studying in my room. When she knocked and opened the door, I saw her tear-stained face and put my books away. Bursting into tears as I motioned for her to join me on the bed, she sobbed out what had happened. As the night wore on, our eyes grew weary and we eventually fell asleep in each other's arms only to be discovered by Jasper the next morning.

As soon as I saw the door open I knew he had seen us.

When I confronted him the next day, he was more agitated than I had ever seen him. He jumped to conclusions, his voice low with anger as he accused me of fucking Bella.

Part of me wanted to scream 'I'm gay' but I bit my tongue, instead taking his abuse and telling him why Bella had been with me to begin with. I wasn't sure why I didn't tell him, but it felt more like an excuse than a coming out and I didn't want it to be like that.

Hearing about Jake's proposal only upset him further.

Then I found the letter.

He had given up a full scholarship in Texas for us…for her.

I no longer doubted it was love.

To me, she was everything, to him, she was the world.

When I had suggested the road trip to Texas, I figured it was killing two birds with one stone. Jasper would get to go home for a visit and Bella would have her much needed space from Jake…literally. At the time I suspected that I wouldn't be able to go, I had had the interview at the hospital and it was looking pretty good but I wanted them to go with or without me. Jasper agreed, and surprisingly Bella did as well. It was what they needed to mend their broken friendship. They had avoided each other long enough, the tension between them was affecting all of us and the hostile environment was getting old.

The day they left was miserable. I knew it was the right thing but the idea of being away from them for so long tormented me. Jasper and I had spent the night before hanging out and I had given him a guitar for his birthday present. The next day, I said goodbye to them both, taking Bella into a warm embrace before sending her and Jasper off to the wide open skies of Texas.

The days without them were long, the nights even longer. The internship at the hospital was busy and kept me occupied but every minute of quiet in the house only made me miss them more. Their presence was everywhere and I took comfort in it, spending what little downtime I had playing the piano, sleeping and reading.

It was the longest two weeks of my life.

The day they returned, I had taken off from work, eager to see them and hear about their trip. The phone calls we had shared had been nice but I wanted to see them and hold them as they told me stories about Texas. Bella burst in the door and I ran down the stairs, picking her up and swinging her around. After putting her down, I asked her a thousand questions about the trip before I looked out the opened door and saw the driveway empty.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked her. She came over and looked outside, her happy expression changed to one of fear and worry.

"He said he going to be in a minute. I text him and he said he had to call his parents. Maybe something happened?"

Closing the door softly, I nodded. "Maybe."

Six hours, twelve phones calls, text messages and voice mails later and there was still no Jasper.

He had left, and I had no fucking idea why.

"He's not at his parents," I said as I hung up the phone again. "And he's not answering his phone either." I stood and looked out the window again, hoping but by some fucking magical shift in the universe, he had reappeared. "Fuck," I murmured when I saw nothing but an empty driveway.

Turning, I saw her curled up on the couch, her knees drawn up to her chest with her chin resting on them. She looked smaller than I had ever seen her. I knew she had grown up, she wasn't the girl I had met in biology, she was a woman. But sitting on the couch, she looked more like that scared girl from high school. I kneeled in front of her and took her hands in her lap.

"Bella, something must have happened. I mean, did you argue or fight?" I asked urgently.

"No. I mean, no more than usual," she replied, staring at our hands.

"Something is keeping him away, Bella. What happened?" I raised my voice, resisting the urge to shake her.

I wanted my best friend back.

"Nothing…"

"Think, Bella… please," I begged. One sob escaped her before she broke down completely and started crying. I took her into my arms.

"Jesus, I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just worried," I whispered as she cried on my shoulder. Deciding to take a different approach, I sat on the couch next to her and pulled her into my lap and began asking her questions about their trip, hoping something would give me an idea as to where Jasper was. With a quiet voice she told me of their nights camping, of meeting Peter and Charlotte and their trips to Dallas and Galveston. She mentioned a singing cactus and playing This or That. Occasional tears fell but she quickly wiped them away.

I knew there was more.

"What are you not telling me, Bella?"

Sniffling, she took a deep breath and lifted her head off my shoulder.

"There was a truck stop. I don't remember where, but these two guys,-"

"Oh, Jesus," I interrupted. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but…well, these two guys came up and started giving me a hard time. Jasper had gone into the store and when he came out and saw them, he came up behind them and told them to let me go. They did and I got in the truck but…"

"But what?"

"They beat up Jasper," she began to cry. "One held him while the other punched him, his face and his stomach. I felt so helpless Edward, it was awful."

"Shit," I moaned, closing my eyes, images of a bruised Jasper battering my mind.

"The clerk came running out and scared the guys off and Jasper and I left."

"Left? You didn't call the police?"

She shook her head. "No, Jasper didn't want to. We left and went to a hotel where I tried to clean and bandage his cuts. You would have been proud of me," she gave me a small smile and I kissed her head.

"No hospital? Was he alright?"

"I think he had some bruised ribs, but his cuts weren't too bad, mostly swelling and bruising. "

"He's so stupid. I should have gone with you guys," I sighed.

"Yeah, he was but he was my knight in shining armor. Edward…" she lowered her chin to her chest her fingers playing with a string on her shorts. "I think… I don't know how to say this but…"

Her voice was broken as she tried to gather the words, they were hidden safely in her and saying them aloud made them real, which made his absence that much harder to bear. I remained silent, letting her take her time, I wasn't going rush her.

After all these years, she was finally going to say what I had suspected.

"I'm in love with him."

I couldn't help but smile as I tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at me, and saw her dark eyes in turmoil and worry.

"I know."

I was tempted to roll my eyes at the look of shock on her face.

"How…how long?"

"Since the day you met," I snorted. "Seriously, I've suspected for a long time. But it was when you started dating Jake and I saw what it did to the two of you that knew for sure."

Pulling her chin from my grasp, she hid her face in my shoulder. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"What was I going to say? 'Bella, you're fooling yourself by dating a guy you don't love'? Love is something you need to discover on your own. Someone can't tell you that love someone, you have to feel it and realize it for yourself. Can I ask you a question?"

Against me, she nodded.

"When did you know?"

With her head still buried, she mumbled against me. "I've known for a long time that I felt something for him, something more than friendship, but I got so good at hiding it, that I became kind of numb to it. But the night of the fight, we slept in bed together. I was going to sleep on the chair but he asked me to sleep in the bed. When he was behind me, holding me, I realized I never wanted anyone else's arms around me. I had never felt more… safe and complete. The next day, I thought maybe it had just been because of the fight, but then each day, I fell for him more. My heart raced when he told me stories about Texas, when he smiled and looked at me. We went dancing one night and it was just perfect. "

She turned her head and took a deep breath before continuing as my fingers played with the ends of her hair.

"I had been fooling myself with Jake. I thought I felt those things with him, but when I was alone with Jasper I realized what I felt with Jake was nothing compared to Jasper. Each day I was with him, I became more certain it wasn't Jake. I broke up with Jake the night before we left and Jasper just held me. He was kind and gentle and understanding. He didn't speak, he just held."

"What happened Bella, why didn't he come home?"

The tears began to flow more steadily from her eyes as she shook her head.

"I don't know. We stopped by a river on the way home and things got… um…" Her cheeks flushed a bit. "physical, but we stopped it and I thought we were okay."

"Why did you stop it?"

"Because of you."

I pulled back to look at her, my brow knitted in confusion. "Because of me?"

"I didn't want to lose you, and felt that if Jasper and I were a couple, you would feel left out. You and I have been together and I didn't know…I just didn't know."

"You thought I would be upset, like jealous?" Embarrassed, she nodded. It was time to come clean, to open that closet door and let her in. "Bella, I'm gay."

For the second time that night, a look of utter shock fell on her face.

"You're…"

"Gay," I finished for her.

"How long?"

"Have I been gay?"

"Have you known?"

"Summer before freshmen year, right before Jasper moved here."

"But we…"

"Yes, and it was good but definitely not what I would have preferred."

"Wow…" she uttered as she bit her lip and took in the revelation. "Jasper?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you…have…"

"Am I in love with Jasper?" Her lashes fanned across the shadows under her eyes as she nodded. "I love Jasper, very much, but in love…he isn't gay, so there isn't much sense in that," I chuckled. "But if he was…"

"Does he know?"

"I've never told him."

"Wow," she repeated.

"You said that already." I pulled away. "Are you okay with this?"

"Yes, yes, of course, I just wished you had felt you could have told us sooner."

"I haven't told anyone, well, until now."

She reached up and placed a kiss on my cheek. "Thank you for telling me."

"Welcome. Now…where the fuck is our boy?" I reached for the phone and call his cell phone again.

The days that passed were a blur, each one melting into the next, days and nights became one as we both waited for any word from Jasper. Bella cried a lot, her mood jumping from anger, to sadness to worried. I think she regretted never telling him how she felt, thinking she could have stopped him from leaving. We were both confused and hurt. But beyond those both, we were lost without him. It felt as if a piece of us both was missing, Jasper had often said I was what held them together, but he was what ignited us. His passion, humor and presence were over us like an umbrella and without him we felt the rain pour down on us. Bella had taken to sleeping in my bed, often in my arms, as she cried herself to sleep. I shared her burden, her ache for him but I knew she carried part of it alone, the part that they had shared in Texas without me, the bond they had made there wasn't one I shared. Those moments she held deep inside, in a warm place of comfort and sorrow.

About a week after she had come home, we were sitting at the table eating pizza. Well, I was eating, she was picking at hers. It had been a hard day for us both, I had gone back to work after taking some time off and had spent the day wishing I was home with her and she had spent the entire day alone wishing Jasper was home with her. I had brought home pizza for dinner and had dragged her downstairs to eat.

Just as I got up to the put leftovers away, Bella's cell phone rang. Startled, she reached across the table for it.

"Hello?" she paused as she waited for a response. "Jasper? Is that you?"

Spinning, I went to her and took her free hand in mine. As I held it, I felt her racing pulse matching my own pounding heart.

"Please, Jasper…is it you?" she begged before letting the phone slide from her hand to the floor.

"Bella? What's wrong? Was it Jasper?"

Nodding, she put her hand over her mouth before the running to the bathroom where she fell before the toilet and got sick. Following her, I kneeled behind her, holding her hair and stroking her back feeling more useless than I ever had.

I was supposed to be the one that \ fixed everything. I was going to be a doctor, my hands could heal people, I could diagnose medical conditions but when it came to a broken heart, there was nothing I could do. Mine ached beside hers, and seeing her so distraught, so shattered, I almost thought I would kill him if I ever saw him again. When her body was done heaving, she sat back and took a few breaths.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"Don't be," I said quietly, still stroking her hair. "What did he say?"

Wiping the tears from her eyes, she turned to face me. "'Bella…please', then he hung up." She began shaking her head, brown waves tangling over her shoulders. "I could hear him crying, Edward."

I sat there and held her for a few minutes, my mind churning with possibilities. Was he hurt, was he safe, was he in danger?

So many questions and no fucking answers.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," I said, standing and holding out my hand. Taking it, she let me pull her up. I started the shower, and without asking, I reached for the bottom of her tee shirt and lifted it. She raised her arms and let me pull it over head. Next, I slipped her sweatpants down her legs and let her use my shoulders for support as she stepped out of them. As I went to stand up, a mark on her hip caught my attention. Curious, I pulled the waistband of her panties down and gasped.

"What the fuck… you got a tattoo?" I asked, looking up at her with wide eyes to find her biting her lip. Exposing more of her inked skin, I examined it. It had been professionally done, was clean and had healed well. The design of each of our initials was beautiful and intricate, each one connected to the other, just like our lives. I placed my lips to the J and looked back up at her. "It's beautiful."

Standing, I toed off my shoes and took off my scubs while Bella just stared blankly at the floor. Down to my briefs, I opened the shower and got inside before I turned to her and took her hand. Silently, she got in and let me direct her under the water, tilting her head back to let the spray soak her hair. After lathering her hair, I ran my fingers through the long, thick hair gently before pulling the showerhead down and rinsing it. Replacing the head, I took some bodywash and squirted it on my hands before rubbing over her shoulders, arms, stomach and legs. Motionless, she stood while I bathed her, moving when I pushed or directed her but never speaking a word. The tears she had shed mixed with the shower water as she closed her eyes and lulled her head back. Finished, I made sure she was rinsed clean and then I took her into my arms, her face pressed against my chest as she began to cry in my embrace. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, my mouth next to her ear, telling her it was going to be okay. Together we stood in the shower, mourning our loss in each other's arms. We missed him for different reasons, but his absence was felt by both of us. Her body shook against mine as she finally let her grief out in the small space of the shower. I felt tears of my own roll down my cheeks, my own heart aching in its own way for her, for me… for them. The warm water eventually gave way to cold and she started to shiver against me. Not letting her go, I reached around her and turned the shower off. Once I had dried us off, I grabbed some clothes of hers and let her change into them while I did the same in my bedroom. Just as I put on a dry pair of underwear, there was a knock at my door.

"Come in," I invited, as if she needed an invitation. She looked so small and weak and alone. "Come on," I pulled back the blanket and patted the bed. Quickly, she walked over and climbed in, immediately snuggling up to my chest.

"I miss him so much, Edward," she whispered. "It hurts," she sobbed. "Please make it go away…"

"Oh, Bella, I wish I could," I held her close and sighed.

"Why did he leave me, what did I do?"

"You didn't do anything. I don't know why he's gone, but it's not because of you."

The next few days came and went, I went to work and Bella sat at home. Sometimes she moved from my bed to her bed but she rarely made it downstairs. I didn't know what to do, I tried to comfort her but it wasn't my body, my warmth she yearned, it was his. I was no replacement. Early one morning after I had gotten off the late shift, I came home and put my bag on the kitchen table. Spotting Bella's phone, I picked it up and scrolled through her call log. One number stood out, and I wondered if it had been the one Jasper had called from. The date and time matched. I hit redial and the phone began to ring. Pacing the kitchen, I let it ring and ring but no one answered. Frustrated, I almost slammed it down until I decided to go through her contacts.

Alice.

Charlie

Charlotte

Cullen, Mr. & Mrs.

Charlotte.

Peter and Charlotte.

I pressed the call button and waited. Unbelievably, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Charlotte?"

"Yes."

"This is Edward Cullen, I'm Jasper and Bella's roommate. Have you seen Jasper?" I wasted no time.

"Ah, I heard a lot about you, Edward," she drawled out. "Nice to meet you. The last time I saw Jasper was the day they left. I took off with my parents the next day and I haven't been home."

"Shit," I murmured under my breath. "Is Peter with you?"

"No, he's home. My parents take me on a vacation every year. Peter stays at home, let's me have some time alone with my parents. What's wrong?"

I told her about Jasper dropping Bella off and leaving again, and how he had called but nothing since. She said she would call Peter and get back to me. I gave her my cell number to call. After hanging up, I put a few things away and started dinner, my heart sinking a bit every time I caught a glimpse of the toaster. Just as I put the pot on to boil the water, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"He's there."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"But Edward?"

"What?"

"He's a mess. Peter said he collapsed when he arrived. He hadn't eaten, he was crying, shaking. Peter said he's been sleeping since he arrived."

It sounded very familiar.

"He's alright though? He's not hurt?"

"Peter didn't say. I assume he's okay. What happened?"

"I don't know. Thanks for your help, Charlotte."

"Welcome, Edward. If there's anything I can do, please let me know."

I turned the burner off and bolted up the stairs, taking them two by two. Pushing her door open, I found her sitting on the floor in front of her new bookcase holding a picture of her and Jasper together. It had been taken at a cookout at my parent's house. She and Jasper were sitting on a swing, she was on his lap, both their hands holding the chain. Her hair was down and blowing a few strands across his face as he grinned huge dimples. The wind tousled his hair as well, mingling it with hers as she smiled at the camera. Jasper wasn't looking at my mother though, he was looking at Bella, his eyes bright and excited.

They looked so in love.

When she heard me, she looked up, unashamed at the tears steaming down her cheeks. Her dirty hair hung in her face, and she made no effort to move it. Clutching the pictures in her hands, she tilted her head when I didn't speak.

Finally, I said the words. "He's in Texas."

"**~~**"

We had grown up together, almost from the time since we took our first steps we had been friends. Our fathers had been stationed together, our mothers became friends and our homes were separated only by few houses in between.

My first solid memory of our friendship was in second or third grade. We were at school and presenting projects on the Oregon Trail. Jasper had stood to give his presentation, his voice stuttering, his lanky body shifting back and forth as he nervously read from his crumpled paper. Jasper was always filling me in on random history facts. We would be riding our bikes to the river and he would blurt out information better than an encyclopedia, and probably more accurate. I sat and watched him, attempting to ignore the cruel remarks a few of our classmates were whispering. The girl next to me, Sarah, sat with wide eyes and a silly smile plastered on her face as she watched Jasper flick his head to get the curls out of his face. Jasper stumbled through his presentation and rushed back to his seat next to me as soon as the teacher gave him permission. I looked over and gave him thumbs up as he sighed in relief. When it was my turn to go, I wasn't nervous. I didn't care what other kids thought of me.

At recess, I spotted one of the snickering classmates walk around the side of the school alone. I followed him, and made sure he would never gave Jasper a hard time again.

We spent almost every waking hour together, we were rarely separated. Weekends at each other's houses, baseball games, fishing and swimming in the river after borrowing Charlotte's horses. Our friendship grew, we were dependant on each other and in the small community of the Base, we were able to grow up without the influence of the outside world in our own protected bubble. I showed him his first porn magazine in the treehouse, and gave him his first beer a few months later.

I had always been the devil that sat on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

It was me that usually got us into trouble, and Jasper that usually got us out. He had a charm about him, innocent, endearing and honest. Usually it only took one of his large dimpled grins and a flash of his blue eye and his mother would forgo any punishment. The Major, however, had taken the belt to Jasper more than once because of me…and that was only the things they caught us doing.

We were inseparable.

Until the Major retired and got a job in Washington.

I'll never forget the day Jasper told me.

He had called, his voice quiet, and said he had to see me and asked me to meet him in the treehouse after dinner. I had barely been able to contain myself at dinner, my mother eyeing me as I rushed through my meal and asked to be excused. As soon as I was out of their sight, I broke into a run. When I climbed the treehouse, I found Jasper already there, sitting with his back against a wall, his knees to his chest, his forehead resting on them as he rocked back and forth.

"Jasper?"

He looked up at me, tears rolling down his cheeks.

My heart sank. Crawling over to him on my hands and knees, I took him into my arms and comforted him, letting him cry on my shirt as I told him it was going to be alright. After a few minutes of sniffling, he finally lifted his head, his blue eyes dark and troubled.

"We're moving," he said without warning. Stunned, I stared at him as I absorbed what he had said.

"Where? When? Why?"

"Washington, three days, my dad got job there."

"Fuck…" was all I managed before I pulled him to me again.

The next three days were both the fucking worst and the best of my life.

I treasured every second we had together, we even managed to laugh a few times. Our parents were had felt bad so they allowed us extra time together and we took advantage of it. The night before he left, we had gone to Charlotte's and borrowed two horses and rode to the river, swimming and jumping from the swing until the sun had long set. We laughed about all the trouble we had gotten into, and made the promise to never forget each other.

When the sun rose, we were still awake, having stayed awake all night, we hadn't wanted to waste one second of our last night. His mother called us in and we ate breakfast silently. It seemed only minutes later the Major was calling Jasper out to the car to leave. Out in the early midday heat, I gave him a quick, manly hug.

"Don't forget me," I whispered in his ear before I handed him a pewter keychain of the Lone Star.

"Never," was his simple answer before he pulled away, the keychain in his hand, and turned to get into the car. I sat on my bike as they pulled away. Through the back window he watched me, and I waved frantically, yelling Texas forever until I couldn't see him anymore. I brushed my unruly curls from my face, wiping the tears away in the process.

I was fourteen and not supposed to fucking cry.

But I did.

Five years later he showed up on my doorstep with a girl. He hadn't changed.

Well, he had gotten a bit taller, but still had his long, blond hair and big grin. After joking about his bruises, my attention shifted to the beautiful girl standing next to him with dark hair and even darker eyes. I watched his reactions as I flirted with her. He chuckled and laughed, but I saw the warning glance he gave me. I was all shit eating smiles until Charlotte ruined my fun and called us inside.

He and Bella agreed to stay with us. Jasper and I showed her around town, even taking her onto the base to his old house. While I waited outside, he showed her inside. When they came out, I saw a serene look on his face, he had made peace with his past. I glanced from him to Bella, she watched him with a tenderly.

It was then that I knew she was more than a friend.

Later that night, Charlotte and I were in bed, having just made love, she was lying with her head on my chest as we both slowly and reluctantly came down from our orgasms.

"I think Jasper's in love with Bella," I blurted out. Giggling, Charlotte put her chin on my chest and traced a nipple with her finger. My entire body shivered.

"You have such sweet pillowtalk, baby," she grinned. I shrugged and pulled her closer, enjoying the feeling of her naked body pressed against my side. Sighing, she laid her head back down. "I think you're right. There is love in the air between those two."

"So what do we do about it?"

"Nothing. They'll do something when they are good and ready."

"But-"

She put a finger to my lips. "No buts. Baby, didn't your mama ever tell you can't hurry love?"

Rolling my eyes, I kissed her head. "My mama told me that once love hits you over the head, you don't let it go."

"Smart mama," she said as she closed her eyes and drifted into sleep. Regardless of Charlotte's advice, I began to make plans to at least talk to Jasper. I began teasing him every morning when I woke them up with comments about his morning wood. I figured at the very least, I was embarrassing the shit out of him. He was always with Bella, but when we out to a bar one night, the girls went to the restroom and Jasper and I were finally alone.

That's when I turned to him and out right told him Bella was head over heels.

His reply nearly knocked me off my fucking seat. She had a boyfriend and he had asked her to marry him.

It explained the hesitation I had felt from him around her. He had been holding back, his feelings sitting just under the surface. More than once I saw his fingers twitch with need to touch her or reach out and push her hair back. His feelings were past simmering, they were fucking boiling over.

I don't know about the rest of the country, but in Texas, if you want something you go after it. And if you love a girl, you don't let her out of your sight much less the state. But here she was, two thousand miles away from her boyfriend sitting in a bar and singing to a boy who obviously loved her.

Not only that, but they were sleeping in the same bed together night after night. Jasper claimed it was because of the fight, they both felt safer, more comfortable but it was more than that.

We took Bella to her first Texas bar-b-que at my in-laws. I don't think she had seen anything so grand before. Charlotte's family didn't do anything simple, including bar-b-ques, and when the family was there, well, hell, they probably had the entire population of a small country attending. I did my duty and embarrassed Jasper more than once with stories of our childhood, watching him blush as Bella laughed and teased him.

They left for a few days but returned in time for Jasper's birthday. While Charlotte went to her parents, Jasper and I went and did something we had waited years to do. We got tattoos- choosing a Latin phrase that meant some to us. Bella surprised us both by getting one of her, though she kept what it was a secret. To celebrate his birthday we had a big party at the ranch, Betty even hiring a band for entertainment. When Jasper had opened the present from Bella, he was speechless. His eyes glistened as his fingers reverently touched the picture. Bella watched with her bottom lip between her teeth. I half expected him to reach over and pull her into a kiss.

But he didn't.

They did dance though, and apparently Jasper had overcome his stage fight and got up and sang with the band. I watched Bella as she watched him, he sang for her, and she saw no one but him.

Pulling Charlotte to me, I whispered in her ear and she smiled, nodding.

There was definitely love in the air.

Just as we walked into the door to our house, Bella's phone rang and she went into her room. I felt awful leaving Jasper alone while he waited but Charlotte's warm body was calling to my cock. With a last word of encouragement, I let him be and went to make love to my beautiful wife.

They left together the next morning.

A week later, he showed up on my doorstep…alone.

And looking like complete shit. He stood before me with greasy hair, blood-shot eyes with dark shadows under them and pale skin. Concerned, I asked if Bella and Edward were okay, when he said they were, he collapsed. After checking him over, I got him into bed. Pulling a chair up to the side of the bed, I watched over him as he slept in a restless sleep, and eventually fell asleep myself. The next morning he told me he had left but not why, before falling back asleep. He slept for days on end, waking only to use the bathroom or when his nightmares struck him so hard, I had to shake him to pull him from their darkness. I never found out what they were about but they were scaring the shit out of him.

I had called into work and took the week off. Charlotte had gone with her parents, and when she called to check in, I told her he was there. I saw him sinking deeper and deeper into a void, and I couldn't fucking prevent it. Nothing I did or said helped, and I had never felt more useless. I had called into work and took the week off. And as his heart broke more each day, mine broke for him. Seeing my best friend so worn and tired and empty was almost too much to bear, but faithfully, I watched over him, never letting him out of my sight. He left a room, I left the room, he went outside, I went outside.

I had even caught him beating up a stuff cactus one time.

One of the worst nights was when we had sat down to watch a movie and have a few beers. It was the first time he had been out of his bedroom for any length of time and I began to have some hope he was getting better. The action movie we were watching turned romantic and he bolted for the bathroom, barely making it in time as his stomach churned up his dinner. Once again, he cried himself to sleep while I sat helpless and watched.

The next day I had found the letter from the University of Texas, and I had gotten fucking pissed. A full scholarship given up for his friends, friends that if they loved him so much, could have gone to Texas with him. I had yelled, in complete disbelief of his ignorance at what he had sacrificed for them. I was all about sacrificing for love, but he had put his entire future on the line.

After I had gone into my room to be alone, I had heard the front door closed and knew he was gone. For a second, I considered going after him but I knew he needed time alone, he needed to think about what he wanted.

Just as I had finally drifted off to sleep while thinking about it, my phone rang and woke me up.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Nelson? It's Roger from the PD.I think we've got a friend of yours here."

"Who?" I asked sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

"A guy named Whitluke."

"Whitlock. Fuck," I mumbled. "What's he there for?" I ran my hand through my hair tossing on my jeans and shoes. I went the kitchen and opened the fridge.

All the beer was gone.

"Drunk and disorderly. Started mouthing off in a bar, he was drunk when he entered, the bartender refused to serve him. Whitluke got agitated, started arguing, tried to start a fight with one of the customers. Gerry from the bar called us, we came and got him. He kept saying he wanted his one phone call even though we hadn't arrested him. When we asked where he was staying, he gave us your address. Said you guys were friends."

"Yeah."

I was in my truck and driving down the road while he continued on. "So we tossed him in the drunk tank to sleep it off. He didn't to any harm or damage, no one is pressing any charges so we were just letting him sleep it off but thought you might want to come get him," he finally finished.

"I'm on my way, be there in less than ten minutes."

Mumbling about his stupid ass the entire way there, I pulled up in front of the police department and entered, saying hi to everyone along the way. Working in the court, I knew a lot of the guys there. Walking out back, I signed in and Roger met me in the hall and took me to the cell where Jasper was. I found him lying on the cot, flat on his back, singing our high school anthem. He sat up when he heard my voice, using the wall to pull himself upright.

"Let's get you the fuck out of here, Jasper," I sighed as Roger opened the door and I walked in. As I neared him, I could smell the alcohol on his breath and clothes.

"Hey, Peter Cotton Tail," he slurred his childhood nickname for me. Pulling him off the cot, I had him lean against me, and I put one arm around his waist and one of his around my shoulder. Holding that hand, I led him through the station and out to the truck. He swayed and stumbled a few times but he stayed upright.

"Whass the mattah?" he asked me.

Ignoring him, I opened his door, I pushed him inside the truck and put on his seatbelt. The ride home was quiet; I had his window down hoping the fresh air might sober him up a bit. Once home, I got him into the house and got him into bed. Seconds later he was asleep, leaving me to think about what the fuck I was going to do.

I wanted to be his friend, I wanted to support him, be there for him, but he couldn't do shit like that. It had been a week, it wasn't fair to any of us that we didn't know what he was going to do.

Stay.

Go.

He had some decisions to make and he needed to know it. It was time to tell him.

The next morning I woke up and found him watching me, feeling a little satisfied that he was hungover. He hadn't remembered much from the night before other than our argument. I got up to get ready to go back to work that day, and told him he needed to decide what he was going to do. I was his friend, and I would support him no matter what, but I wouldn't let him waste his life away any longer. I left for work about an hour later, checking on him one more time before I walked out the door and found him sleeping soundly.

The fucking day dragged. I called home a few times to check on him. Finally, quitting time fucking came and I couldn't get home fast enough. I had missed and worried about the bastard all day. When I walked into the house, I found him in the kitchen, staring at the toaster, some sandwich items laid out untouched before him. He looked like he had begun to make a sandwich and had gotten distracted.

"Jasper?" I asked so I didn't surprise him when I walked up behind him.

Spinning, he faced me and I saw a new look on his face. One of resignation, an eerie calmness that both scared and relieved me.

He had made his decision.

"Sit. I'll make dinner," I offered.

He didn't respond, but he did as I told him. Gathering what I needed, I went out the grill and cooked us cheeseburgers. Silently, he followed me, watching every move I made but never saying a word.

He was starting to freak me the fuck out.

Internally, I berated myself for having left him alone all day. I had thought the time alone would give him the space to think but perhaps it had been too soon. Maybe I had pushed him too fast to do something he clearly wasn't ready to confront. When the burgers were done, I put his in front him and I sat down across from him with my own. The sun was just lowering in the horizon, the hot dry air from the day cooling a bit. Without a word, he picked up his burger and took a bite.

A few bites later, he pushed his plate away and looked at me.

"I decided," he announced.

I calmly nodded and put my burger down. "And?"

"I called U of T today and accepted the scholarship. It wasn't easy, I had to jump through some hoops and they need some paperwork from U of W, but I am going down day after tomorrow to register for classes for September."

"Are you sure, Jasper?"

The night may have been setting and the light on the deck poor, but I could still see the tears as they gathered in the corner of his eyes.

"It's what I need to do."

Need. Not want.

"Can I stay here until the semester starts?" he asked quietly.

"You know you can."

"Thanks," he mumbled before getting up and bringing his dish into the kitchen. We spent the rest of the night watching television until I said I had to get to bed. I headed into the bedroom, Jasper at my heels. Without a word, he got into bed and I sat in the chair. He didn't even argue about me being in there anymore.

"BELLA! BELLA!" he screamed, his body thrashing.

"Jasper, wake up. Wake up, it's okay. It's okay." I repeated over and over until his eyes opened. Panting, he took long breaths as he attempted to calm himself. "Jasper, what the fuck is going on? Tell me…please tell me."

"There's this nightmare I keep having…" he stopped.

"About?"

"On my way back here, I stopped in some town and went to a bar. There was this girl, I took her into the bathroom and pushed her to her knees, she started to give me head, but I stopped it after a minute or two."

I was having a hard time seeing the problem.

Nodding that I understood, he took a deep breath and continued. "In the dream, I'm really rough with her, I have sex with her on the counter, I hit her, I even strangle her," he began to take short shallow breaths. "She turns into Bella just as I kill her."

"Jesus, Jasper," I sighed, sitting back and running a hand through my hair.

"What does it mean?"

"It doesn't mean you're a sick fuck, that's' for shit sure." I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees. "It's just a dream, Jasper. It doesn't mean anything. It's your subconscious trying to work through this shit you got going on. Your heart is broken, that pain has to come out somewhere and for you, it's your dreams."

"But-"

"No. It's just a dream Jasper. It doesn't mean you want to do that shit, it's just your fucked up mind and heart battling it out. Your heart is telling you one thing while your brain tells you something else. I remember Charlotte and I had a rough time once about two years ago, I had God awful nightmares while she was gone. They made absolutely no sense to what was going on, but they scared the shit out of me. Yours are no different."

He took a deep breath.

"Get some sleep, we'll talk more tomorrow." I sat back in my chair and watched him as he rolled over and tried to hide his shaking shoulders. The misery he was carrying on them too much for him to bear, and I couldn't help. It was something he had to do on his own, battle those inner demons he had since childhood. While he slept, my mind raced. He would never be the boy I knew, the one that had the band in his garage, the one that borrowed horses with me, or that swam in the river. As much as I wanted to hold on to him, that memory of us, it wasn't my time with him anymore. It was theirs.

He belonged with them.

He would never find happiness in Texas, he would never find happiness without her in his life. If Charlotte was gone…well, fuck, I might as well shrivel up and die because she was my air and my blood. I knew what I needed to do.

The next day, I was in the kitchen when he joined me, his hair sticking up in every direction, his pants hung low on his hips from his weight loss.

"Sit," I commanded as I flipped the eggs over in the pan. He watched me with a bit of awe as I turned the bacon and put toast in the toaster. "What?" I finally asked.

"Toasters and I don't get along well."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Nothing," he sighed and put his face in his hands.

I put his food on a plate and slide it in front on of him. "Eat, your pants are falling off your skinny ass and I don't need you mooning me."

Picking up his fork, he pushed it around before he finally took a bite. I sat down across from him and began eating.

"Talk to me," I mumbled with a mouthful food. I could see his internal debate and when he took a deep breath, I knew he had decided to tell me everything. He began with her walking into the cafeteria at school to her asking Edward to make love to her, to graduating, getting into college, and finally to Jake. In great detail, he described the complex relationship he had with Bella and Edward. How he felt complete with them, the vow they had made to one another to always be together. How Edward had a soothing, calming and perfect nature about him, that he was the glue that held them all together. I listened to every word, occasionally nodding, but never interrupting.

"Well, Edward sounds great, but tell me," I said, taking a sip of my orange juice. "What does he have that you don't?"

"Everything," he answered simple and honestly.

"Bullshit." My answer caught me off guard. "The guy isn't perfect, Jasper. Neither are you, no one is. But love isn't perfect either. It's full of mistakes, ups and downs. There is a definite flaw in the design but that is what makes it worth it. When you overcome one of those bad times together, the ups are just that much better. You have no confidence in yourself, you never have. Even when girls were practically throwing themselves at you in junior high, you were completely oblivious. You're twenty years told and you've only had one real girlfriend. You've put Edward on a pedestal because you think he's smarter, richer, better looking…who wouldn't want Edward, right?" I waited for my words to sink in. "Look at me," I demanded. Slowly, he lifted his head. "I can tell you who doesn't want Edward." I paused. "Bella. It's has clear as the Texas sky that girl is in love with you. What you've done by leaving her, is potentially fucked up the most important thing in your life. Love."

His eyes welled up at my words. "How do you know? So many signs pointed to him. She said no to Jake to be with Edward."

"She said no to Jake because she didn't want to fucking marry him. Nothing more, nothing less." I sighed. "I wish Charlotte were here, she kicked your ass and then tell you to go home."

"I am home," he said sadly.

I snorted. "You've known for a long time that Texas isn't your home anymore. You belong with them."

"I can't. I can't watch them together."

I ran a hand through my hair. "Jesus, haven't you heard a word I just said? I swear, for a smart guy you sure as shit are dense." Wiping his eyes, he clenched them to ward off any further emotions, but I was relentless. "Being away from them is tearing you apart. Not just her, but him as well."

"It doesn't matter. Even if I could stand by and watch them, they won't take me back."

"What a fucking bet?"

"Okay, say, you're right, say I tell her and she feels the same and then…" he sighed." What if Edward loves her like that too, but what if by some miracle, she chose me over him. I don't think I could do that, I can't remove him from her life. She relies on him as much as I do. It would kill her to not have him around."

"But, Jasper, isn't that her choice to make. Admit it, you're fucking scared that if you gave her the choice, she would chose you."

His eyes widened at my word and I knew I had hit it the soul of the problem.

He was scared.

Scare of the future, scared of losing Edward or Bella or both. Instead of manning up and risking it all for love, he had taken the coward way out and had run.

Not that I blamed him, I might have done the same fucking thing but it didn't make it right.

"Jasper, trust me, you don't fuck with that kind of love. That all encompassing fairytale-can't live without you-love. It only comes around once in a lifetime. Don't fuck it up. "

"I don't know…" he mumbled, staring at his plate.

The knock on my door scared the shit out of me. Sliding my chair out, I went to the door. The knocking wouldn't stop, it was insistent and loud. Praying it wasn't Roger with some bad news about Charlotte, I took a deep breath before opening the door.

Standing before me were green eyes that held the same anguish as the blue ones I knew so well. They could only belong to one person.

"Edward, I presume?"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Can I just say how scared I was writing Perfecward? Yeah, Dannie can tell you just how paranoid I was, she had to reassure me more than once. I mean...it's Perfectward. I can write him in L&F but S&S? Totally diff and really freaking scary.

I hope I did him justice.

And damn I confused myself with this chapter. Three different povs, but one was two different versions, so technically four povs, two of them slashy and one female, and one straight male. Try keeping them all straight and making sure you remember to include everything! It was not easy.

We've got one more chapter and then the epilogue. I know I've been leaving you all hanging with some cliffies lately, and I hate to do it again but I really want to get the next few chapters right and not forget anything,(and I need to write M&A this week) so they will probably take longer than a week to post, and they will probably go up separately.