Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.
*Tiny bit of smut, just for a second, nothing big. Just Two-bit being drunk. For your warning.*
Keep Moving
Fears
(Lucy's POV) December 18th
Today is Ponyboy's birthday and I've just about cried myself dry. For the last hour and a half I've been in this gas station bathroom. Weeping and cursing myself to hell. I've been debating on whether or not I should call Pony up to wish him a happy birthday. I could be risking them finding me, they could track my call or some shit, right? Maybe I'm just being paranoid! I should just call him. Yeah, I should call him. It's been long enough. Everything has cooled down, they would run after me anyway. I'm not that important. I'm too far away anyway. For the last two weeks or so I've been in East Ohio. Not exactly the most exciting place to visit, but it's got okay people.
Secretly I've been on my way to New York. I want to check it out, see what Dallas was talking about. Maybe look up some of his friends I've heard about. Hell, he might even be there. That would be the best Christmas gift I could of ever received. It's a fat chance for him to be there though, but it's a nice thought. I'm sure he's moved on, I don't blame him. If I wasn't moving around so much, I would look around at some of theses good looking boys. What am I thinking? No I wouldn't.
After washing my face, I stared at myself in the mirror, cringing at the sight. I've lost so much weight. My skin is a sickly pale color. Giant bags hang under my eyes as a reminder that I never sleep. I sniffled a little as cold snot tried to escape my nostrils. Grimacing before looking away, I went into a coughing fit. Wheezing in and out with huge heaves of sick air running down my throat. I've been sick, and haven't gotten any better. A while ago I had to use the rest of my money to buy myself a coat. I bought it from this one guy, who left two dollars in the pockets. Two more dollars that I didn't have before. I still have those two dollars, saving them for this phone call I want to make. It hasn't really helped to keep me healthy but it is a lot warmer than plaid shirt and jeans.
After recovering from my fit, I brushed my teeth and hair. I haven't showered in five days so I'm greasy all around. My eyes are hallow with loneliness. I've hardened in the last thirty-two days. I'm sort of like a freak that walks around everywhere. people don't really approach me, I confront them. It's a good thing I've already established a ride for the night, other wise I'd bee sleeping in a gas station again. A nice trucker offered to take me as far as Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. She told me she would be ready to leave in a half hour. I've got that long to gather my balls together and call Ponyboy.
Exiting the bathroom, I grabbed my bag. Going up to the counter I asked for two dollars in change. With my eight quarters in hand, I left the gas station. I should of probably bought something to eat since it's been two days since the last time I did. Pony is more important than that, I could steal something I suppose. Oh well, maybe I can bum the trucker for something.
In the cold air, I trudged up to the payphone across the lot. Setting my bag in the snow, I stared at the coins in my hand. After coughing a few times, I through a quarter in the machine. With shaky I dialed the number, leaning into the payphone for warmth. Coughing again, I turned away form the phone. Putting up to my ear again, I grimaced. Sighing nervously while the phone rang, I clenched the cord. Finally after a few rings, Steve picked up the phone. Maybe I shouldn't tell him it's me right away, if I do he would give me away. Pony's birthday phone call was to be a surprise, besides I don't want them to make a fuss.
"Hello?" he giggled into the phone.
"Hi, is Ponyboy Curtis there?" I frowned at my voice. It sounded horrible, all scratchy and low. It is all raspy, kind of like Walt's. It's changed, not just from being sick but from the lack of use. I hardly ever talk anymore, it's like I've turned mute again. Things are different now, so I had to be different. I just wish that wasn't the case.
"Hold on…" he said chuckling. "Ponyboy, there's a girllll on the phone for you." I heard lots of whoops and wristlets. Pony chuckled at Steve, demanding the phone.
"Shut up, Steve." he told him as he put the phone closer to his face. "Hello?"
I was silent, I couldn't believe how he sounded. His voice had finally changed. It was deep and…well…not the voice I remember. My baby brother is growing up. A tear fell from my eyes as he asked for me to answer him.
"Hello?" say something Lucy.
"Ponyboy." even to myself I sound unfamiliar.
"Yes, this is him. Who is this?" I could just see in my mind his face looking confused. It made me want to cry loudly into the phone, but I held my composure.
"Pony…. it's me. Lucy." I cleared my throat a little. He was silent for a while, making me nervous. I started to cough as my throat tickled, pulling away from the phone. When I came back, it was still silent. Then he spoke, sounding baffled.
"No shit." he said in a low whispered.
"I shit you not." I said more clearly, finally I sounded a little bit like myself. He then fell silent again. After what felt like forever, I heard a crash and him screaming.
"Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!" he yelled into the phone. I could hear the gang in the background wondering what the excitement was all about. Darry's booming voice yelling for Pony to calm down. His voice made me want to yell at him. The way it sounded just scared me, why did he sound so mean?
"Is it really you?" he asked more calmly but still excited..
"Happy birthday, Pone." I answered trying not to speak to much. My throat was killing me but speaking with him was worth it.
"Wow, you're awfully casual Luc." he told me with a chuckle. I then heard lots of male voices screaming 'what!?' and 'no way!'.
"Did you get my gifts?" I rasped out.
"Yes, thank you. I can't wait to read them." he went silent again. The only sounds were the trucks driving by me and the sounds of the gang demanding answers.
"This is strange." he said in a low voice.
"I know." I agreed it was strange. "Just imagine if I showed up there, that would be even weirder." I laughed quietly.
"No shit, it would be REALLY…." Pony was interrupted by loud shouts from Sodapop. They were muffled and the only thing that I could hear were Pony's whines.
"Soda, you can talk to her in a minute." he grumbled talking to me again.
"Are you alright? You sound a lot different." he offered sounding concerned.
"Your one to talk, going through puberty and what not." I started to laugh with him but was stopped by a fit of coughs.
"Lucy, you okay?" he sounded more concerned than before.
"Yeah, just sick." breathing in and out a few times I spoke again. "So how are things at home?"
"Not exactly perfect."
"Tell me about it." I said wanting to know details.
"Well…ya know…." he said warily.
"Yeah." I responded sort of understanding, but not. We went silent for a while again. Until I spoke up.
"I wish I could be there, I'm sorry all this shit happened. I don't know what to say, I just…"
"Luc, I get it, I just want you to come home. I know that you would be taken away if you did but still. I know in your mind its a lot worse than leaving."
"Oh you know me so well." I said dramatically.
"I see you still haven't lost your sense of humor. Something's never change." he muttered with a chuckle.
I went silent, thinking he has no idea. I've change a bunch, everything. Appearance, vocally, emotionally…everything. I even think that my handwriting has changed. "You don't seem like you've changed. Except your voice, all manly." I said clearing my throat of this mucus shit.
"Oh don't get me started, the gang has been hassling me for a month. Always making fun of me when I squeak or something." he told me still fighting off Sodapop and the gang.
"Okay, okay. Lay off Soda, let me say goodbye." Pony got silent.
"I love you." I told him.
"I love you too. Don't for get to send letters and try to call. Here's Soda, he is dieing to talk to you." Ponyboy was distant when he said goodbye, hopefully he wasn't to upset.
"LUCY!" Soda screamed into the phone as I giggled. This made me go into another coughing fit, then I sniffled miserable. Sodapop's voice was concerned on the other line.
"Twiny, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I assured him, popping in another quarter.
"Twiny, oh how, I've missed you." he sounded relieved but pained.
Across the lot I looked to see the trucker revving up her engine. She honked at me to hurry up. "Shit Twiny, I have to go. My ride is leaving without me. I love you. Hey, tell Dallas I'm going to the place with the blue birds."
"What is that supposed to me?" he sounded a little angry.
"I can't explain, he will understand." I said grabbing my bag up and motioning for her to wait a second more.
"WAIT! When will we hear from you again?!" Soda sounded panicked.
"As soon as I can. Hang in there babe, I love you." before hanging up the phone hurriedly, I heard him muffle a 'I love you too.'
I raced over to the truck on the other side of the lot, trying not to cry. After throwing my bag in, I climbed up in the truck. We were off, excited to get on the road. She talked casually to me as I listened. After about an hour, I fell asleep in a sorrowful way.
(Soda POV) January 12th
We have not heard from Lucy since Pony's birthday. The first sign of her in weeks, showed up today. There was a letter that came today and I have to wait until Darry gets home to open it. I've barked and bitched at everyone that has talked to me. Surprisingly when I yelled at Dallas, he just patted me on the back. Giving me a look I've never really seen from him, sadness. Sure Dally is a broken guy, but he doesn't like to show it. He never shows if, it's about time he did I suppose.
Everything has cooled down since she called. Darry isn't as irritable as he used to be, but you never know when he is going to flip out. I swear on my left toe that he is secretly a women. Just because he is so moody, so bi polar. Like he has a monthly friend that says, 'fuck you all!'. I've discussed this with Steve before, which was VERY stupid on my part. He goes and mentions it to Superman, looking for a death wish. The other day Steve almost got knocked out because of his big mouth. I think about Darry being a girl but than forget all about it when he is really tough. Showing off his muscles and what not. He threw his back out a few days ago, I had to fix it. Of course I didn't do as well as Lucy could have, but it was decent work. Darry was up at work two days later, today.
Pony still can't seem to get over the nightmares, it seems I will permanently be rooming with him again. Which is okay with me of course. I've always like to cuddle. Its also nice to have someone to talk to all the time. Pony and I have defiantly gotten closer over this ordeal. I guess I had to latch onto something. Like Sandy, we have been really getting close. She visits me everyday at work, sometimes even skips class to be with her man. Damn, she is ever so fine, quite the looker. Her personality too, she is so sweet and energetic.
I've noticed I've changed since Lucy left. There is something missing in whatever I do now. Sometimes everything seems out of place. But I always seem to come back to reality and live everyday life. I hope she is coping as well as I am, but you never know with Luc. If it wasn't for the letter I hold in my hands, I would of thought her dead. For a while there, I did think that.
FINALLY, Darry just walked into the door. The letter was addressed to me and my brothers so after a while I kicked everyone out. They seemed confused but knew they shouldn't mess with me now, I'm to uptight at the moment. As soon as Darry set his tool belt down and took off his coat, I opened the letter sitting next to Pony on the couch. I didn't wait to start to read it out loud.
Dear Brothers,January 1st
Christmas passed. I'm sorry I didn't call or something, I suppose I owe you some information since I haven't sent you anything in a while. One, my stuff got stolen. Two, I've made it to a destination I plan on staying for a while. Three, things have happened that I can't explain in a letter. And four, I got in a fight and was sent into the local cooler. They kept trying to look me up, Maggie Lou Patrick, but they couldn't find me. I told them the story that I told everyone else I met, nothing different. They were planning on sending me to the state prison, so I escaped with the help of some friends. I've been rooming with them ever since.
Joan is one of the girls I'm staying with. She isn't exactly Mother Theresa but she's better then nothing. She is an artist, WAY talented. Carla or Smoothie, as I call her, plays a mean guitar. Something that I've never seen before, she is WAY talented too. Chris, Joan's man, lives with us too. I call him cigs because he ALWAYS has a cigarette in his mouth. The three of them have introduced me to a lot of people. To them I'm known as Rogue or Ray. It's not the best names, but I didn't pick it. If I could pick my name it would be Lucy.
I was thinking the other day about you guys needing money. . If you need a little extra cash, sell my clothes. Sell anything you want to in my room. Just save me a leotard, one of Dad's shirts, one of Mom's scarves and a dress. That's all I ask. Otherwise, get rid of the shit! Get rid of it so I don't have to come home to it. I will come home. I promise! Truth be told my brothers….
I've changed. Things have changed. It scares me, I think I might be loosing myself. It's not fun to watch it happen to yourself. I had to adapt, so I did. I only hope I don't stay like this. It's like the whole world turned Greaser and I'm in the middle of it. I miss you guys so much. The thought of seeing you, is the only thing that I have to hold on to. Everything else, got stolen along with my clothes. Besides that, Mom's necklace is the only thing I have of you guys. I love you guys. Sorry if I can't get a hold of you in a while, don't worry.
Love you now and forever,
Lucy Lou Curtis
We were silent. We were baffled and worried. I felt like slamming my fists into the wall until they bled. I felt like drinking, even though I never drink because I hate the taste. For once in my life I wanted to fucking go insane, I need her back! Who cares if she gets taken away, she needs to come home. There is only one person that I know that might have an idea where she is. Dallas. He should know 'where the blue birds are.'. I never mentioned it to him that she told me to tell him that, now should be a good time. I got up and started towards the door, throwing my coat. Shoving the letter into my jean pocket after folding it, I sighed.
"Where you going?" Darry asked throwing me the keys.
"To find Dallas. I need to have a word with him." I didn't sound angry but more distant. "Then I might swing by Sandy's."
"Don't be out to late, I need the truck for work tomorrow." I nodded heading out of the house. I stomped down the steps in a rush, throwing myself in the truck I slammed the door. Turning on the truck, I sped down the street search for Dally. He should be at Buck's.
It took me about ten minutes to get to Buck's. I parked and locked the truck up right in back of one of his Chevys. With a firm grasp on the keys, I stormed up to the door. Knocking loudly, Buck swung the door open. He sized me up before leaning forward so I could hear him through the loud music that was inside.
"You Sodapop Curtis?" I nodded waiting to be invited inside.
"What do you want?" if I was Lucy, he would have had me inside by now. Her and Buck always got along, unlike me.
"I need to speak with Dallas."
"He's busss." I interrupted him.
"I don't give a fuck, tell him to come here or I'm going to him." I ordered. Where the hell did that come from. I never shouted, I never lost my cool. Putting my hands in my pockets, I breathed out shakily. Buck then scowled at me right before slamming the door in my face. I started to bang on the door again, right before Dallas shoved the door open. He looked me up and down with a cigarette in his mouth. With nothing but jeans and socks on, he motioned for me to follow him inside.
The party was boss, but I had to ignore that. Walking past the party goers, I followed Dallas up the stairs. But not before hearing Two-bit holler up to me in a drunken manner. "Sooodapooop!" he laughed out. Turning to look at him I shook my head trying to get the images out of my mind. The guy was naked sitting on a broads lap as she stroked his, area. I quickly turned around, trying not to vomit on my way up the stairs. I could hear his shaky laughs all the way up in Dallas's room.
Dallas shut the door behind him, motioning for me to sit. But I did, I stood my ground while he sat on the bed. "Two-bit's crazy." he muttered taking a drag of is cigarette.
"How close were you with my sister?" I asked to start off with. He looked at me baffled or what seemed to be anger. Perhaps he didn't want to talk about Lucy, but I didn't care. It seemed to be a testy subject.
"Why?" his voice was cold and it stung my ears. Dally's stare pierced right through me, trying to intimidate me. I wont lie, it did a little bit. But not enough to make me cower away from him.
"Dallas." I said, he caved.
"She was my best friend." he said without emotion. But looking at me in a way that told me he didn't want to talk about it.
"You love her?"
"Yes." plain and simple.
"More than a best friend?"
"No." there it was, all I need to know about that matter. Breathing out a sigh I took a seat next to him. He offered me a smoke, I reluctantly accepted.
"Got a letter from her today." I said coolly. He grunted as if to say, 'Okay, why should I care.'
"She found a place to stay, she's rooming with some people. She didn't say where."
"Sodapop, what are you getting at? Because if it's of any conciliation, I'd rather not talk about this."
"Do you know where the place is with the blue birds?" I looked at him take a small drag, very small drag.
"Why?" he looked at me warily.
"She told me on Pony's birthday that she was going to the place with the blue birds." Dallas's face lit up for a second but was quickly emotionless again.
"I don't remember what it means, but it sound familiar." he said pondering with a drag of nicotine.
"You got the letter." Dallas read the letter silently and then handed it back to me.
"Anything familiar."
"Nothing, nothing at all." Dally said giving me a serious look, that said 'Get the fuck out.'
