Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.
(Language, violence for warning)
Keep Moving
Eavesdropping On Darry
"YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE!" adrenaline kept my body from breaking from pain. Anger fueled my rash actions as I launched myself Rocky. Her eyes were large with fear as I sharply punched her in the face, my hands still clenching the hair as I did so. With my left hand, I knocked the blade out of her hands.
Repeatedly I punched her. My side screamed for relief as yells escaped my lips. They were not just screams for pain but for all emotions racing through me. Anger. Betrayal. Sadness. Fear. Love. Now love is strange to feel when your experiencing all of the bad emotions. I was feeling love for my mother, even if it was in a strange way. It took me over so much it made me mad with hate for Rocky. How could she be so horrible to me? I fucking saved her life. She was like a sister to me, even if I didn't trust her fully.
She laid on the ground, her face covered in blood as it continued to swell. I pointed down at her as I kicked her in the side. "How dare you!"
I kicked her again. "How fucking dare you!"
When I stopped kicking her, I got in her face. "Rocky, you pull a blade on me….ME!" she tried to get away from my voice by moving away. I grabbed her by the collar, pulling her into my face.
"I fucking save your life Rocky. I treat you like a sister for more than half my life. My mother fed you and took care of you when your mother was too fucked up to! And you disrespect her like this!" her eyes were terrified as she whispered uncle.
I shook her furiously. "You don't get it! You fucking back stabber! Look what you've done!" I held the hair in her face, screamed uncle this time. Nothing was going to stop me, I was running on anger. My rage was turning into an uncontrollable fit, if I wasn't stopped soon something bad was going to happen. I shook her again, hitting the back of her head on the ground.
"I'll never forgive you for disrespecting my mother! Or trying to get with my family. For hitting them and hurting them you fucking bitch!" I screamed in her face. As I went to punch her, I felt two arms try to pull me away from her.
"Uncle!" she screamed as someone came up and pulled her as the arms pulled me. I screamed out in pain as the arms hit my tender ribs, but they kept pulling. My eyes were blinded by rage and tears….hateful, angry tears. Someone else came and tried ripping my hands from Rocky's shirt. Two large hands came around my shoulder and arm pit. They held on to each other and pulled, finally I was ripped away from her. Three other people lay around me as I scrambled back up. All I could hear were my sobs and Rocky's terrifying scream. Someone caught my ankle and I crashed to the ground.
I saw someone lift Rocky and carry her away as I beat the ground with my fists. The crowd around me was trickling away as a few lingered around me as I stood up. My body was shaking as I looked at the faces but couldn't recognize them. Both my legs flew past them as I continued to freak out, looking for Rocky with crazy eyes as I did. The small group followed me, a few very close behind. I made it too the merry-go-round when someone tackled me. My hurt side flew into the bar of the merry-go-round as I fell onto of it.
My body arched in pain as I choked out a few sputters of blood. It was hard to breath in and out, but I managed to sob. They were wheezy cries as I squeezed my eyes shut. When they opened I was turned over on my back, my arms and legs flailing around. My heart pumping harder in my chest as I lifted myself from the ground. Despite the pain and the hurt, I walked while sobbing loudly. A felt people behind me, but I didn't look back. Both my hands clenched ups a tiny bit of my hair left, they were brought to my forehead. It was than that I realized I was screaming for my mother.
"Mom!" it was loud and horse. Sounding almost confused as the word dripped of my tongue. It was like she would almost come to help me is I yelled loud enough. After a few more times of screaming out to her, I realized she wouldn't come. The fear of her not coming to my help was real to me now, more real than it's ever been before. I needed protection now. To feel safe again. Someone to take away my hurt soul and pained body, than I noticed I was screaming for someone else. That someone I knew would come if I called.
I threw the remaining strains of hair form my hands as shook with anxiety. The taste of blood came into my throat before I was able to scream. Spitting out a small chunk, sobbed for my brother.
"Darry!" I was scared and pained as I sounded more desperate than I have in a while now. My eyes squeezed shut at the pain as I turned around, hoping to have Darry right behind me. Who ever it was, wrapped there arms around me. They shushed me as I wheezed out painfully. Maybe I would fucking die, maybe I could finally see my mother again. My father again. Maybe all this hurting could be over for good, just maybe.
The person lifted me up in their arms, cradling me against their chest. When I opened my eyes, I saw Mickey Mouse smiling at me. Two-bit was the one who was carrying me, my hand clenched Mickey Mouse.
"Two, it hurts so fucking bad." I'm not sure what I was referring to. My swollen, throbbing head. My ribs that might possibly be cracked or broken. Or the emotions that scrambled inside my mind. As I chocked out a few more sputters of blood onto myself, I felt Two-bit's pace increase. His grip on me tightened slightly as I looked up at him. After glancing down at the fresh blood that fell onto my chest, he looked over his shoulder.
"We're right here baby girl!" I heard Darry as he came up next to Two-bit, looking over his shoulder. The screams that came from me didn't subside as we traveled. My head was thrown back as a spasm crashes over my body. An agonizing scream echoes the air as we went. The shaking increased as another wave encountered my body. With every prickling feeling, it increased.
The physical pain was being produced by the mental. The affliction in my thoughts was brought out through my body. Unable to express it with words, I screamed to the heavens. Both my eyes were shut tightly, trying to forget all that has happened in the last few hours. Eventually, I felt myself being laid down. My eyes opened to see a bright light in my face. As they focused, I noticed it was the kitchen. They laid me on the kitchen floor as Darry and Two-bit crouched down next to me. Darry looked away from me and pointed to who was ever in the living room.
"Get them out of her Sodapop." there wasn't much noise but it was intense in the room. It was think with discomfort, and noisy with unspoken silence. The silence blared threw my ear drums, causing dizziness to come over me. Even though I was sobbing, I couldn't hear myself. All there was to listen to was the little wheezing sounds coming from my lips. My chest arched up as my back threw me forward, a small sting cause me to convulse slightly. Darry looked at me but only for a quick second before standing up.
"Everyone out of this house, Two-bit take Soda and Pony to get shakes."
"No, I want to stay here with her." Soda whined.
"GO!" Darry yelled causing several foot steps to move around while there was a large crash of the door. Than I heard Darry sound a little softer but serious."Dally, you stay with me." the two men showed up in my vision, Dally came down and kissed my forehead.
My lips moved to speak but only wheezing came out. Both men read my lips as I mouthed, 'It all hurts.'.
"What hurts, baby girl? Point." Darry told me. Slowly, I shakily pointed to my head, my side, and the back of my neck. Finishing off by placing my hand on Darry's heart, he understood with a cringe on his face.
"We need to get the bra off her." Darry said looking at Dallas, who looked seriously at Darry. "It looks like it's crushing into her ribs and I need a clear view to make sure they aren't broken."
"What if they are?" Dallas looked angered almost.
"We'll have to take her to the hospital." I furiously shook my head as I tried to sit up. My voice still wouldn't come out, but I mouthed 'No.' over and over again.
"Okay, calm down." Dally said getting close to my face, trying to calm me down. He did a very good job because I stopped my fuss and laid back down. He looked back at Darry who smiled slightly.
"That's why I wanted you to stay, so you could keep her calm. Sodapop could of kept her calm, but he's too emotional when it comes to her. He would have been sobbing in her face along with her. Pony's too young for this stuff, so I picked you. Don't let me down." Darry stood up away from us, Dally huffed at him.
"No pressure pal." he muttered looking down at me. Darry returned with cold wet cloth, a few towels, scissors, and everything needed for stitching. He told Dally to carefully place on of the towels under my neck, to stop it from bleeding. He placed the cold cloth onto my feverish forehead, sweating like I was on fire. Darry told Dally to get up by my head, so he did. He placed my head in his lap while he hovered over me. We looked into each other's eyes, each upside-down.
"I'm cutting her bra off so cover your eyes." I brought my arms up to my chest, looking over at Darry.
"Come on Lucy, I've seen you naked before and I need to see your injuries." Darry looked annoyed but was talking to me softly. Soothingly, more smooth than I've ever heard him before. He sounded so caring, so desperate for me.
"Baby girl, I'm going to cover you up once it's cut." he reassured me so I removed my arms after a moment of hesitation. When I looked up at Dallas again, his eyes were shut tightly but his hands stayed around my face. Each cupping my ears and cheeks. His left thumb massaged my good cheek, the other stayed away from the gash in my face.
Darry cut right threw my straps, letting them fall over my shoulders. As he lifted up the middle to cut that part, it put pressure onto my ribs. My face cringed as I barked out in protest, he immediately let go without cutting. When I looked at him he looked concerned, but determined.
"I have to cut it Luc, be strong." he told me as I nodded, bracing myself for pain. Once again he slide the scissors under my bra, cutting the middle of it. My breasts go limp without the support, only to put a small pressure onto my ribs. There was a small relief as the remains of my bra were tossed aside. Darry gently place a towel over my bare torso, only to roll it up to reveal my pained side.
He poked and probed the way Mom had taught us to do to determine a fractured rib. When Dally opened his eyes, I could almost see sadness…almost. Or maybe it was fear. I closed my eyes against his hand, never wanting to see those things in his eyes again.
Thing moved along after that, after Darry said I had two cracked ribs from what he could tell. He said I didn't have to go to the hospital, but he did make me take pain killers. It took a good thirty minutes trying to convince me to take them. Well they never convinced me but with the help of Dally, he shoved them down my throat. Not a while after that, Darry started to stitch up my face and neck. The entire time I would come in and out of consciousness. Once when my eyes opened, I heard the front door open. The gang, minus Johnny popped over the counter to look at me.
"What the hell did you do to her? She looks stoned." Two-bit commented as my eyes rolled in and out of focus.
"Lucy." Soda whined almost all the way over the counter. "Is she gonna be okay?"
"Yeah, don't worry about her. She's just haven't a bad night." Dallas said looking down at me. When I looked at him, I whispered to him so only he could hear.
"Don't leave me please." he shook his head.
"I'm not goin' anywhere." my eyes closed again and when they opened, I was in my room. I was numb emotionally and physically, so I closed my eyes again to fall asleep.
While asleep, my subconscious brought me into a dream. A night-mare. Something that I hadn't had in a long while. But it was just as bad…and real as before. It began with me walking, in a white abyss. My voice called out several names, but no one came. Finally the last person I called, was Mom. I kept calling for her, until I came upon Dad's car. It was smashed in many parts of it's interior. When I began to run over to it, I noticed a small bit of movement coming from inside. With a hopeful grin stretched across my face, I continued to run.
Finally, Mom stumbled out from the car. She looked over towards me, with a smile on her face. Mom's head was bleeding and she was badly injured in many parts of her body, but she was smiling. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of her, she's my Mom. It was her, she was right there in front of me.
As I started to speed up to get to her, she started to get closer to me as well. A light giggle fell off her lips as she came towards me. Happy tears trickled down my cheeks as I closed my eyes. When they opened, Rocky was behind Mom. Her face held a malicious smirk as she advanced towards Mom. My mother hadn't even noticed as she trotted towards me, still wearing a smile. I tried to get to them, to save my mother from Rocky but I knew I couldn't make it in time. Instead I tried to warn Mom.
When I tried to scream, only a wheezing sound came out. Mom stopped at the sound of my wheezing, she looked concerned. She opened her mouth to say something, but didn't get the chance. Rocky tore and slashed into my mother's back, than she screamed. Those horrible, agonizing screams that came from my mother, matched to the ones that tried to escape my mouth. Only a whistling sound came from my mouth in attempt to yell.
Rocky finally looked up at me as my mother fell to the ground, dripping in blood. She looked happy as she turned to walk away, satisfied with herself. My body shook as I tried to run after her, but was unsuccessful. When I went to scream for her to come back, I woke up. Hot, sweaty, shaky and in pain in the middle of the living room floor. All my brothers looked down at me with the same perplexed look of concern. I wanted to tell them I was okay, but I wasn't. Again, my mind was haunted with horrible emotions. Again, I was hurt from the core.
I wanted to be left alone, but than again….I didn't. Darry picked me up, pulling me close to him. It was still slightly dark outside, from the looks of it. My body shivered against him, feeling his warmth and taking it in. We ended up inside his room, he laid me down in his bed. Than he placed himself next to me, sighing with exhaustion as he did so. Soda and Pony stood in the door way, looking us over. They looked content with the new sleeping arrangement, so they came inside. Ponyboy reached over Darry to give me a kiss on the forehead, which made me breath out a sigh. Than before leaving, he nodded to Darry who lightly ruffled Pony's hair. Soda did the same as Pony did, only his was a longer kiss. His forehead was placed against mine, trying to get inside my head. Than he gave a light peck to Darry, with no shame.
After that he stumbled sleepily towards the door, turning out the light as he shut the door. Darry and I were quiet, I assumed he had fallen asleep because it was quiet for a long time. The dark room didn't scare me, but my thoughts did. Just thinking back towards the bad dream made me nuzzle closer to Darry. He was breathing pretty normal from the sounds of it, until I heard a slight hiccup. Dar must of thought I was asleep, because he was talking to himself or praying or….something.
"Ah shit." he mumbled to himself. Brother sounded as though he was crying, but I knew he thought he was doing it in secret so I didn't do anything about it. Just hearing him, made tears form in my eyes.
"I don't know what to do, Dad." he was talking to Dad. "Ponyboy doesn't like me. He always disobeys me, I know I'm rough on him but he should know better. Pony…he should…I don't even know where to start. He's becoming a man, kind of fast too….I went through the same thing but I don't know how to help him. He just so moody and…I tried to talk to him about it but it just ended in us fighting."
He paused. "Tell Mom I wish she was here to give it to him like she did me and Sodapop, she was really good at it."
I tried not to make any noise as I coiled into the blanket. Darry was quiet again, trying to make sure I was asleep. My eyes were closed but I could feel his face close to mine, making sure I could hear him as he continued to talk to Dad.
"Sodapop is a good kid, and helps out a lot around here. With the bills and taking care Pony when I can't…but he needs to grow up a bit more. All he ever does is mess around and hangs out with Sandy. More than I would like him too but what can I say, I was the same way with Pure." I remember Pure, she was Darry's first love. His only love, she was a sweet girl. Her real name wasn't Pure either…it was…I have no idea. It was too bad that she had to move away, I wonder if they ever talk.
"Lucy." he mumbled. At first, I thought he was talking to me until he continued. "Baby girl…I don't know what to do with her. She's a girl…so fragile, ya know."
"I hate seein' her get hurt, more than anyone I've ever known. Probably even more than the guys, or Pure. She's one of the hardest to handle I think. Always talking back and putting me in my place." he laughed slightly in his tears."She's so much like Mom too." he said seriously. "Sometimes its even hard to be around her because of that, it just makes me miss you guys more. But have to protect her, she's too…delicate to me. I can't loose her again, I can't loose anyone again. I don't know what I would do, Dad." he sobbed quietly.
After that Darry sobbed quietly to himself, while I uncomfortably listened. As he started to calm down and drift off to sleep, I slung my arm around him. I heard him sigh against my me, whispering to the dark empty room.
"Love you too." he said like he knew I was awake, but thinking I wasn't.
When I knew he was asleep, I said goodnight to my parents. Of course they didn't answer, but I felt the need to tell them goodnight. After hearing Darry's prayers to Dad, it gave me knew incentive again. To forget all the bad feelings again, or to at least try too. Because I need to get better for him. Darry needs me to get better. Hearing him sob tonight made me realize that he is more human than he makes out to be. And I need to treat him as such. Brother, I love you and am going to do my best to keep you going.
