Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

DUDES, I want at least two reviews on each chapter starting on fourteen before I add more chapters. I'm not trying to be the bad guy or anything, but I need to know if you guys are liking it. It may sound strange but it is a motivation to me in ways, so please just go along with my one rule :D I would be very grateful.

(Language for warning)

Keep Moving

Shoot Me Now

"I love you." he stated, playing with my thumb in his hand. I couldn't breath, my head was buzzing. Usually when someone says they love you, aren't you supposed to say that you love them back. That's the way it's supposed to go, since the beginning of time.

Nothing in my head was registering to my lips. 'Tell him you love him back, go on. Tell him.' I told myself. It was no use, I was to confused. Out of embarrassment and confusion, I laughed slightly. It was an airy laugh, almost a deep chuckle. He looked at me as though I had punched him, surprised. Dally pulled away from me standing up over me, I couldn't stop laughing. It's not that I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't help it. This moment was like those moments you have that are awkward and you can't think of anything to say so your body takes over. His surprised face quickly turned defensive with a clear off sneer, I finally stopped laughing.

It's not that I don't love Dally, I truly do. But I'm not sure I'm in love with him, I…I'm so confused. I hope he understands where I'm coming from, but he probably wont. He's going to throw a fit, it's in his eyes. They were screaming at me, even though he wasn't making any noise. He finally spoke, venom dripping from his lips. A solid lump was formed into my throat, chocking me almost. On top of the confusion, guilt and regret I felt like I would cry.

"What was that?" he threw out. "I tell you I love you and you fucking laugh."

"I didn't mean too…I."

"Lucy, you are the only person I ever open up to and you just….I don't know what you just did. I'm so mad at you. Not because you don't love me but because you threw the words back in my face. Why did I ever try with you? Why the fuck did I ever give into this relationship? All relationships ever do are hurt you, right? That's why I don't have them. Jesus!" he stomped his foot.

"Dally." I stood up trying to grab his hand. He furiously shook, stepping back form me.

"Don't touch me, you monster. Get away." he said with a sore voice. Like he was about to cry himself, I tried to grab him again.

"Dally baby, let me explain myself." I shook just as much as he did, only we shook for different reasons. My emotions were freaking me out, I was scared of what I was and wasn't feeling. Dally was mad and I could tell, but most of all hurt. I'm sure I should feel like such a bitch, because I do.

"Don't call me baby…just leave me alone." he said backing up slightly but than running off completely. Tears were straining down my face. Confused, guilt tears that mixed in with the new wave of rain water that was falling form the sky. It draped over me like a blanket, pelting my skin even. Once his figure was gone from sight, I ran in the opposite direction. I was heading towards no where, just running. The rain was pouring harder since the fight. It was almost creepy the way that nature reacted to some situations.

Eventually I made my way to the lot, only to sob to myself. The loud screams of the rain blurred out my sounds of my sorrows. I was so confused, I wanted my mom! She would know what to do. She would explain to me how I feel and why I feel like that. She would make Dally talk to me. She would guilt him into understanding where I'm coming from. Mom would do everything in her power to make me happy, to make the world happy. It's just another time like this that makes me sob for her.

"Mom." I said into my hands. I need her! So much!

What is the outcome of our fight? Will we break up? Did we break up? What is the gang going to think? What will my brothers do? What am I going to do? Why do I keep asking myself questions. Because I'm so fucking confused!

I'm not sure how long I was in the empty lot, but I eventually stopped crying. The deep cringe from the fight was still visible on my face. My wet, but warm, body leaned against the old seats that Steve put out here years ago. I leaned my head back on the seat, facing it towards the sky. It was calming but the bubbling emotions inside were too much for me. They were causing me to become sick to my stomach, one thing that I didn't need. The last thing I need right now is loosing my appetite so I loose weight again, and become sick. Maybe it would be for the best, maybe not.

After a while longer of composure, I was making my way home. There was a tingling in my fingers that were telling me to cut my flesh. My head was throbbing with emotions, pain, and misunderstanding. When I walked through the gate, I was numb inside. Both my silver eyes stared straight ahead. Brimmed with red splotches and water, swollen from my tears. There was a big wrestling match between Two-bit and Ponyboy when I entered. Steve followed by my side, getting in my face with his obnoxious, hyper self. I was on my way to the bathroom to take a hot shower, to also do my business. He yelled in my face when I didn't talk to him.

"Hey, how was your walk?" he received no answer. Steve grabbed my shoulder, stopping me from walking into the bathroom.

"Lucy, how was your walk?" he asked as though I hadn't heard him before. There were a few things that came to mind when he looked me in the eyes. Punch him. Kick him. Yell at him. Hug him. Sob on him. Ignore him. Possibly run away from him, but I ended up just answering him with a lie.

"Fine." my voice was low, pained, and noticeable. He gave me a strange look as I enter the bathroom, almost slamming the door in his face. Quickly, my we clothes were taken off and placed in the sink. The door was locked, Darry had fixed it a while back. The water was very hot on my skin, burning it with hot needles. My body wanted to cringe away from the sensation, but I wouldn't let it. The little hair I had was washed quickly. After that I sat in the middle of the tub, hugging my knees tightly. My head was thrown back, my face being burned by the heat of the water. Eventually, I reached outside the tub for the blade in my wet jean pocket.

Inside the shower I started at the opened switchblade. The hand grasped tightly in my wrinkled fingers. Both my eyes stared at the shiny, pointy tip of the blade. It winked at me in the light of the shower, inviting me in. Once my shaking body relaxed a little, it gathered the courage to ram the think into my flesh. Just as I turned it around in my fingers, the door burst open with a loud bang. I struggled to keep hold of the weapon from the mere shock of that someone bursting into the bathroom. Once I had a grip on it again, I peeked outside the curtain. Two-bit's urgent eyes looked at me helplessly, begging forgiveness.

"I've gotta pee." he whined, parking himself against the toilet. I groaned at him but relaxed against the wall of the tub. The blade still held in my hands and my knees still kept close to my body. After a few seconds, Two-bit zipped his pants up."Sorry Luc but when a guy's gotta pee…he's really gotta pee." he commented over the roaring shower while washing his hands. I could see him through the clear looking curtain but not to the point of making out his face. He chuckled as I sighed to myself. Once again I almost dropped the blade as Darry's bombing voice screamed through out the bathroom.

"Two-bit you idiot." I peeked out again. "You broke the damn lock on the door again."

With protest, Darry grunted at our friend. Two-bit said he was sorry, but didn't sound very sincere. After a moment Darry sighed and looked over at my peeping face. His expression softened slightly with a gentle smile.

"Lucy, you've been in there forever." I blinked at him, hoping he couldn't see the blade. "Hurry up so we can have some lunch, I made tuna."

He shut the door while shoving Two-bit out of the bathroom. Again I was alone, staring at my blade. Tuna…I'm not hungry. I want to speak to Dally, but for all I know he's sleeping with some whore. All because I fucking couldn't say three VERY important words to him. Instead, I laughed like an idiot. Is this punishment? Because it's sure as hell working on me. My brain is screaming at me to take some of the confusion away. Quickly, I slicked my side. It wrapped to the start of my back and ended just above my belly button. I stared at the blood seeping from one part of the wound as the others would shine bright red, ready to spill over. The liquid ran down my stomach, vanishing from the water falling on top of me. The water was a light pink color as it washed down the drain.

Holding up the blade, I frowned at the blood wrapped tip. It didn't wink at me like it did before. It didn't invite me in for more. This time, it spat shame at me. Shame for hurting Dallas, myself but mostly Dallas. I don't care about me. I hurt him, badly. It wasn't like ignoring him or getting in a normal fight with him. This time I had stabbed him in the back, striking his heart. Twisting it around to make sure I got him nice and good. Dally's right, I'm a monster. Before I knew it, I had thrown the blade at the shower head. It clinked against the metal, making me sneer at it. The switchblade fell into the tub, across from me. It screamed at me as it impacted the floor of the tub.

My heart was beat in my chest as tears ran down my cheeks. It was loud in my ears, throwing me out of reality. Until Soda poked his head inside the door, checking on me.

"Twiny, you okay?" swallowing my shaky voice, I answered.

"Yeah." it wasn't too convincing.

"Good. Well, hurry up. We are waiting on you to eat lunch." again I spoke.

"I might be a few more minutes, so just go ahead and eat without me." he muttered an okay while shutting the door. I shut the water off after cleaning the tube of my blood and soap. The blade was take out of the drain and set on the counter. As I wrapped my body in a towel, I winced at the touch of it on my fresh cut. I can only blame myself for my pain, both physical and emotion. I'm to blame, I'm a screw up. Since I hurt Dally, I deserve pain. All the pain in the world, because I hurt him.

Gathering my wet clothes and blade, I dragged myself to my room. The guys glanced at my toweled form with mouths full of food. I heard a quick whistle as I shut my bedroom door. Locking myself in, I took the towel off. The cut had bleed through the towel, staining it. After grimacing at the towel, I shoved some underwear on. Than I stitched up the deep parts of my cut with the first air shit in my closet. Then I threw on a giant t-shirt that weaved down my body. It covered up my underwear, saving me the trouble of looking for some shorts.

After leaving my room to toss the we clothes in the hamper in the hallway. I would of done it before but I had to hide my bleeding side from the guys. Then as I re-entered my room, I lost myself in a heap on my bed. My body laid wrapped in a huge blanket that hide me from the world. As I laid there, I stared out the window. It was still raining, but it was a sad rain now. A shameful rain, shame on me. Silently, I was hoping Dally would jump through the window. A damp cigarette hanging from his lips as he talked to me.

I tried to forget about the fight by thinking about the pain. The horrible pain in my side, it vibrates with sharp stings. Heat radiated off of me as I laid there, drying my eyeballs to a desert crisp. Shuttering into the blanket, I closed my eyes. My body breathed out giant huffs of air, the soft beginning of an anxiety attack. Both hands clenched the large blanket, trying to coil further into it. Anther soft shutter escaped my body, letting a dizzy sensation flow through my head. My legs tried to protect my body by looping themselves near my stomach. Shaking furiously, I cried once more.

Fifteen minutes of crying later, I calmed down. Five more minutes after that of heavy breathing, I was stable. A deep fever cruised over my forehead, letting me know I was in pain. The heat waved didn't stop at my forehead, it hovered over my body. Shaking me with it's every impact of waves, but it numbed me cold. Breathing into the air of my room, I tried to relax. Everything is going to be fine, Lucy. Dally is a tough guy, he'll be rational and try to talk to you soon. Don't worry anymore, just breath. Just relax. I told myself this as a slow knock was ratted on my door. Soda's movie star looks flew into my room, leaving the door open behind him. He was smiling at me, amused at my coiled form.

"Aren't you coming to eat?" he asked sitting on the bed. I shook my head no, looking down with a deep breathe.

"Why not? You know Darry is going to come in here and yell at you if you don't." I shuttered as he placed his cold hand on my hot face. Without thinking, I cringed away from his hand. Soda deeply frowned as I opened my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I shook my head, leaning into the wall away from him.

"Why don't you come and eat with us, we aren't all done." he offered looking concerned.

"Not hungry, Sodapop." now most of the time, I call my twin my a nick name. Mostly Soda, but hardly ever Sodapop. He picked up on this quickly, placing his hand back on my head. This time, there was no where to go so he was able to feel my head. He started to uncoil me, looking slightly frightened.

"You're burning up, you getting sick?" I shook my head no, not caring that he was taking away the blanket. He got close to me, looking me in the eyes.

"Something is wrong. Tell me before I get Darry." now I wouldn't care if Darry was here but I don't want to cause a bigger fuss, so I didn't lie.

"Upset."

"Why?"

"Dally." it's the truth.

"What that bastard do?" Soda stood up, an angry fist clenched up to his face.

"Nothing." I whined because it was all my fault. Because he hadn't done anything, I was the bastard in this situation. "Soda, just leave me alone."

"Can't do that Sis." he grabbed my hand firmly. "Come eat and tell me what happened.""Just get away." my lips curled in anger. It was anger inside of me, but it was directed at myself more than Soda.

"Lucy, you seem upset about it. I want to help, maybe…" he thought for a second. "Sandy."

Perplexed and annoyed, I turned on my good side. "Do you want to talk to Sandy about it? She's a girl, would you feel better talking to her about it."

It was a good idea, but no. I don't know Sandy nor do I really want to get to know her. After me and her had a lunch date, I've made my judgment about her. She is a secret bitch, with beauty to hide it all. Maybe it was just me, being jealous of her. What wasn't there to be jealous of. Two loving parents. Middle-class status, keeping her away from bad Soc and grease. Beauty that everyone admired from afar. A loving boyfriend that she loved back. Her long relationship that keeps the both of them glowing all the time. But than it might just be my anger towards her for taking up so much time with my twin. It was probably all of those things, but either way I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to talk to anyone. Truthfully, I want to be alone! Alone or with Dally.

"No." I mumbled into my arm that rested under my head. Soda groaned at me."Lucy…..shit girl." Soda hardly ever curses, he must be as perplexed as I am. I wouldn't blame him, I'm very confusing as a person. Out of reaction to myself, and my situation, I lashed out at Soda."Just leave me the fuck alone!" when I sat up, I startled Soda. He looked at me, sadden from my outburst. Yet again, I've managed to hurt another person today. Someone that I'm closer to than anyone else, more than anymore ever could be close to a person. Soda frowned, but nodded.

"You want me to leave you alone, I will. But don't turn to me when Darry yells at you for not eating or for staying cooped up in your room." he quickly shut the door and left me alone. I punched my bed, angry with myself.

I'm so stupid, so mentally dumb. Why do I keep hurting people close to me? They don't deserve any of it. Next, I'll make Ponyboy cry. Or I'll end up hitting Johnny or some shit like that. Something bad like that. Something I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for. I'm not sure how I'll be able to forgive myself for hurting Dallas. I suppose the only way from him to forgive me is if I forgive myself first. But how could I…I can't…I wont. I'm such a baby. God, shoot me now.