A/N – WELL! This has been a really long time in coming, but for those of you that read my stuff, I'm glad you stuck along for the ride! This chapter's going to go a little faster than usual, but I have confidence in it, and I hope you'll enjoy it! :D Inspiration goes to Rin', and the songs 'Sakitama' and 'Sakura Sakura'. If you're a fan of traditional Japanese music, try that with a modern twist, it's really cool (; Please please please review and favorite! Enjoy!
Chapter 13 – Guilt
"Only those who attempt the
absurd will acheive the impossible."
Her sweet rain scent curled pleasingly around him, taunting in its softness. The dried bluebells and their flowery scent, which leaned towards acrid, reminded him of the fractured love that seemed to permeate even the walls of his palace. Sesshoumaru felt the stirrings of fury in his gut. What right has she to invade upon me? What right has she to invoke such painful memories? And all at once, it seemed his anger centered on the sleeping girl in front of him. She held the keys to his past; and it appeared that she failed to even realize it. Weak. His mind supplied, and suddenly he was filled with the desire to show her just how much she paled in comparison to him. It was a fierce, consuming, and piercing desire, one that set his bones afire and made his youki spiral around him in searing coils. He strode forward, intending to wake her.
She proved him wrong, and just before his clawed hand touched her outstretched arm, she jolted awake from the force of his rage, and stared blankly at his hand. "Sesshoumaru?" There was no waver in her query, and no quailing fear in her shoulders. Dimly, in his subconscious, he noted the absolute need to feel her fear. He needed her to submit to his domination, needed it like an addict to his fix. His footsteps took him forward again, and she looked up to his face and seemed surprised to see the expression there. "Are you alright?"
That damned caring whisper in her voice is what drove him into a red-rimmed haze. His youki pressed in on her from all sides, squashing her reiki as if between his forefinger and thumb. She choked and jolted again, but her shock only lasted a moment before her aura was shoving back against his. The fury that beheld Sesshoumaru came from years of suppression, years of encased emotion, and his own confusion. "Sesshoumaru! What are you doing?" The sharp, spiced scent of her anger only spurred him on.
He bared his teeth at her in a feral grin, and the answering push of his youki followed it. Kagome's eyebrows drew together quickly with her focus, and he saw the tell-tale glow form around her fingertips as she pushed her reiki harshly against him. "Stop this, Sesshoumaru!" She cried out, more out of concern for the other demons in the palace. Her submission. And still, with his youki fighting against hers, he smelled no fear. With a particularly heavy push, her concentration failed, and he was suddenly upon her, her back flush against a bookcase that shuddered at the force.
Heavy eyes fell on his, and he glared, snarling. She'd spent too many years with Inuyasha not to understand the basics of Inu communication. She held his eyes, and dared not bare her throat. She'd never submitted to Inuyasha, and she wasn't about to submit to Sesshoumaru, no matter how angry he was. Instead, she curled her lip at him slightly, baring her blunt teeth. Though she was human, Sesshoumaru would still understand the gesture of defiance.
The onslaught of her reiki lessened somewhat, and it was then that Sesshoumaru understood. Never would she submit, and never would he have the ability to harm her.
The thought left him feeling empty. Void. Rage paled and faded, leaving behind it a profound sense of silence. Bereft was a fitting word; she had taken the oxygen to his flames, and now he had nothing to fuel his fire. Her eyes thoroughly searched his, feeling the relenting force upon her.
Feeling slightly insulted, Kagome made a sound in the back of her throat before slipping from between the bookcase and Sesshoumaru's body, and then left the room with a huff. Though she was glad the ordeal was over she was still confused at Sesshoumaru's actions, and vowed to find out his reasoning after he was done with his tantrum. She supposed even demon lords had rough days, and to judge him before she knew the full extent of the situation was nearsighted. Still, attacking anyone so vehemently with one's youki was rather irritating, and Kagome didn't make a habit out of appreciating things like that, especially right after waking. She smiled slightly, realizing that if she'd held her ground against an angry Sesshoumaru, she wasn't doing too badly at all.
She judged by the lack of Rin running through the hallways that it was early yet, and somehow managed to find her way to the hot spring for a quick but very satisfying hot bath. The heat eased her muscles, which had cramped in the few hours of leaning against the table. In the midst of rinsing shampoo from her hair, a disturbed thought speared through her daydreaming. So, was all that tenderness I thought I'd felt just a ruse? Or did he mean it?
0-0-0-0-0
Gut-wrenching, slivered agony. What is this torture? Sesshoumaru thought as he leaned his head against the very same bookcase he'd pressed the young miko into. It emanated from his chest, and was beginning to cause an enormous headache behind his eyes. He remembered the look on her face as she fought against him; the feeling intensified. He frowned and closed his eyes, but that only brought the vision of her face back again, which in turn caused his headache to worsen. He knew she'd felt upset and confused when he left, but now her aura had balanced and evened out.
A strange, alien thought occurred to him. Am I responsible for her unhappiness? He scoffed, but it was too late. The seed had been planted, and he began to wonder. Perhaps…Perhaps I was a bit harsh in my anger. He paused, his breathing having stopped. Perhaps I was wrong in my assessment of her part in this? Is that strange emotion…Guilt? Yes, he knew it now. He was wrong. But that only served to disembody reasons for being furious with her in the first place.
He stared blankly at the bookcase where her scent still hung in the air. An echoing, hollow sensation clanged like a temple gong inside his chest, and his fingers twitched. He inhaled sharply, having almost forgotten to breathe in his examination. Slowly, Kenshin entered the room; his steps were cautious and barely audible.
"Sesshoumaru-sama?" Kenshin ventured, a tentative chord coloring his voice. "Is something amiss?"
The daiyoukai remained silent and stock still.
Kenshin tipped his head down, and chose his next words carefully. "Mm..." He said quietly. "If I may; has something occurred to damage the relationship between yourself and Kagome-sama, my lord?" By not stating directly that Sesshoumaru may have had a part in it, he was saving himself a world of hurt, and silently congratulated himself. He'd used his craftily worded phrases more than once to find the information he desired.
The silver-eyed youkai's weighted words found their mark, and Sesshoumaru found himself bristling. "Silence befits you, Kenshin."
Kenshin bowed, "As you wish, Sesshoumaru-sama." He quickly retreated with a hidden smile on his face.
Left to his silence, the strange emotion welled up again and Sesshoumaru tried to shove it down, to no avail. Shall it always be so? Or does a solution lie within my reach? The Daiyoukai Lord growled quietly to himself for his inadequacy and began to go about his day, sensing a familiar aura on the horizon.
0-0-0-0-0
Kagome saw very little of Sesshoumaru for the next few days, and most of those times consisted of meals or passing glances of his silver hair in the gardens. Without his ever-steady presence around her, and despite the fact she was feeling rather irritated with him, Kagome found that she actually missed him—and in finding that out, she promptly tripped over a flat surface and fell on her face. Reeling with the new information, she instantly questioned it, and quickly doubted its existence; the days she had left here were dwindling, and as soon as she departed she'd have to deal with it.
Shippou was fast recovering, and begging to be let out of bed each and every hour, unless he was asleep. Ayako had firmly refused until today, and now Shippou clung to her shoulder happily, his nose buried in her hair. Kagome smiled and inhaled the scent she knew as Shippou; slightly deep forest and what she assumed sunlight smelled like. With a grin, she poked him gently in the ribs. "Mama!" He giggled in indignation, and wiggled around.
"What?" Kagome asked, feigning innocence.
"You did that on purpose." He had recovered from his laughter, and was trying extremely hard to sound unimpressed with her. His mama laughed lightly, and Shippou's eyes sparkled at the sound of it. She'd been way too serious, in his opinion, and the sound of her laughter was singing music in his ears.
"Of course not, Shippou, why would I ever do that?" She said in a sing song voice, a smirk on her face.
"I love you, Mama." Kagome almost stumbled at Shippou's words.
"I love you too Shippou." She pulled him off her shoulder and held him close for a moment, then pulled back. "Now, how about we go and meet Rin?" Slowly, she was beginning to understand the twists and turns of each hallway, but still had extreme trouble identifying which turn to take. It reminded her a little of Tokyo and how easy it was to get lost there; instantly she thought of Souta. Here I am, enjoying this, while Souta could be out running somewhere in the cold. The thought struck her to her core, sending an icy chill clawing its way up her spine.
Two more days, and I'll be on my way. Kagome jumped with sudden realization—Maybe, just maybe, if Sesshoumaru was feeling particularly gracious he might smell the paper, and tell her if Souta had touched it at all. If Inuyasha could scent people on inanimate objects, then Sesshoumaru could too, right? Maybe I should ask him. Kagome bit her lip lightly in her pensiveness.
"Ah, my beautiful Kagome! And this is Shippou, correct?" Kenshin had rounded an upcoming corner with a full grin in place, his pointed canines glinting.
Kagome snorted in a rather unladylike manner, and rolled her eyes. "Kenshin. Seriously, your lecherous comments are going to get you killed one day, and I just might be the one to do it." She paused, "Shippou, this is Kenshin. He's kind of like a demon version of Miroku, minus the groping. And this, Kenshin", she gestured from Kenshin to Shippou, "is Shippou, my kitsune pup."
Shippou felt a little rush of happiness go through him at being called Kagome's pup, and puffed his chest out a little as he sniffed the air in Kenshin's direction. He smelled slightly of jasmine and sandalwood, and an ever-present current of Inu. He decided he liked the scent, and nodded slightly. Though this was mostly a kitsune greeting, some Inu used it too, and the gesture was well known among most youkai. "Hi." He smiled shyly.
Kenshin's greeting was much less obvious, but Shippou caught the flaring of his nostrils and the slight nod. To the raven-haired youkai, Shippou smelled heavily of medicinal herbs, but his personal scent was composed of forest leaves and the distinctive scent of kitsune; there was even a strong undercurrent of Kagome's soft scent interwoven with his, which made Kenshin blink in surprise.
Kagome, having missed the youkai formalities, was already deciding her next question. "Where's Rin?" She hadn't seen the young girl all morning.
"She's studying with Jaken today, I believe about mathematics." Kenshin flashed her a winning smile. "How about it, Kagome? Let Shippou and Rin torment Jaken, and we'll steal away before Sesshoumaru finds out."
"Oh, of course! Cause uh, you're not courting Ran, and I don't have a death wish." Sarcasm was so fun to use, and Kagome loved it.
Her genius was obviously lost on Kenshin, which was rather disappointing. "Ah, you accept! I knew you would, my dear Kagome!"
"Shut it, Kenshin, there are children around. And besides, Ran's at the end of the hallway, plotting your doom." She deadpanned, hiding the laughter that threatened to break her focus.
He swung around, only to see a shoe rapidly approaching. "My beautiful face!" He cried as he fell to the floor, Ran's slipper embedded in his face. Shippou giggled.
Kagome let loose a loud laugh, one she felt echo her emotions and was surprised at how good it felt. "Nice aim, Ran."
The youkai woman smiled and dragged Kenshin off, "I never miss!" she crowed triumphantly, leaving Shippou and herself alone in the hallway.
Not a moment later, heavy youki filled the air, making the air thick with its potency. Kagome whirled around to see suspicious, azure eyes that scrutinized her almost as critically as Sesshoumaru.
0-0-0-0-0
The only places that Kikyo had ever traveled to were short distances from Edo and never varied in temperature the way this place did. She knew she was heading South, and by the way the sun beat down on her pale clay body she knew that she was entering a separate climate. Her quiver, full of arrows fletched with swan feathers rattled as she trotted through a copse of leafy trees. Even though most times she wished she had a human body, sometimes being partly immortal came in useful, especially when traveling. Her body never tired.
She'd found in the time that passed since Naraku's death that it wasn't necessary for her to absorb maidens' souls. And, she mused, from a most unlikely source. She'd been wandering, moping really, through Inuyasha's forest when Miroku had approached her tentatively, his soft spoken words calming on her waiting ears. A sense of gratitude filled her chest as she remembered.
"If I may so presume, Kikyo-sama, I do not think you an intimately evil being." Miroku had said, rolling forward on the balls of his feet as he spoke.
Kikyo met his eyes coolly, silently unsure of his goal. "I have done many despicable things, houshi-sama." This was true, and she knew it; images of despair and terror flashed through her mind.
Miroku shook his head. "Please, just Miroku will suit me. And I understand your circumstances; though I wish to pose a question, if I may." Bronze rings on his staff jingled as he moved slightly.
Kikyo inclined her head for him to continue.
"Ah, you see, I wish to ask a rather personal question." The violet-eyed monk's voice rose and fell in odd places, she noticed.
"Ask your question… Miroku."
Miroku nodded. "I understand that you require the souls of maidens to continue existing, correct?"
Kikyo knew a carefully worded question when she heard one. "It is true."
"Why is that, Kikyo-sama?" She saw no animosity in his face, or his bearing.
To tell honest truth, she was not entirely sure. It was what the soul-stealers gathered, and they sufficed. She told him so, and he nodded thoughtfully. "Have you ever attempted to use other souls? Perhaps the soul of dying animal, or something akin to that?" Miroku paused. "I cannot imagine that you want to steal the souls of young women like my dear Sango or Kagome-sama."
A real spark of interest coursed through her. "Do you believe it possible?"
Miroku nodded. "It might even be possible to extend the time between taking souls in. I spoke of this to the others, and they seemed to share my opinion. Since it is possible your soul still exists on this mortal plane, maybe you could find a way to draw it back to you. I am not completely assured in either theory, but there exists no evidence to disprove it. I do believe we've come to the understanding that Kagome's soul is her own." The evident force behind the tone of his voice conveyed importance.
Kikyo stared at the monk in shock, her lips parted and her breath coming in shallow gasps. Would it be possible to be free of this curse? "I thank you, Miroku-sama." She bowed low, her eyes pricking with foreign emotion.
"Kikyo-sama, there does not always have to be bitterness and anger between yourself and my friends. Sometimes forgiveness is the path to redemption." The monk said softly before bowing to her and turning away, his staff jingling and his humming voice drifting on the forest air.
Silence had followed his gentle remarks, leaving an empty but promising road ahead of her.
Kikyo had walked that road, and found that moving forward was only as hard as taking the first step.
0-0-0-0-0
Katsumi thought himself a sensible daiyoukai, especially when it came to determining a course of action. That, he knew, was the reason he was chosen so long ago to be Sesshoumaru's second-in-command, his beta so to speak. In light of his abilities and station, he could not fathom for one second why his Alpha had invited the purest and most formidable aura he'd ever sensed inside the palace walls. He was not averse to humans, no; rather, humans were averse to him. Especially priests and priestesses, who held a generations-deep hatred for his kind. And, he thought, one is making itself at home in the Western Palace. Katsumi evaluated the state of the aura, and found it mostly calm, if slightly irritated; which felt to him as if someone was rubbing his fur the wrong way.
He extended his senses outward to make contact with Sesshoumaru's youki, and found him unresponsive, which worried him. Had the aura purified him into a daze?
The aura seemed decidedly feminine, tendrils of her reiki curling in smoky waves around her. A small ball of youki rested underneath her aura. With a burst of his own youki, he propelled himself forward to the palace, bypassing guards and familiar paintings, speeding directly to the woman's position.
Katsumi stared into a pair of deep, soulful brown eyes that gave him pause, threatening words dying in his throat.
"Who are you?" Her voice rang strong and true, those calming strands of reiki disappearing as her defenses went up. Jet black wavy hair hung loosely about her, the locks reaching her waist in some places. She wore a deep blue kimono that clung to her supple curves gently, and her pale skin looked soft enough to nuzzle. Her lips were full, and her cheekbones gave her the look of a queen. Her scent, fresh rain and vanilla, was strangely soothing to his nose. A fierceness in her eyes and a tightening of her arms led his gaze downward to the youki he'd felt earlier. A red haired kitsune with jade green eyes glared at him with the same ferocity.
Katsumi realized the irony of her question a bit late, lost in his examination. "I might ask the same question, Lady…?" He let the subtle question stand.
She snorted. "Kagome." She waved her hand, and Katsumi saw a flash of light. "Don't bother with the titles though; I don't really care for them. Now, who are you?" He had long hair, though not as long as Sesshoumaru's, and it hinted more at an icy blue-silver rather than white, but it still made Kagome jealous. Stupid youkai and their flawless hair. His eyes were strikingly blue and bright, probably a perk of being youkai, she mused. He didn't seem old—then again neither did Sesshoumaru—but there was an edge to his features that made Kagome think he was always pondering and observing. A single navy stripe adorned each cheek. His kimono was black and white, with silver trim that swayed as he moved.
The daiyoukai blinked. "Katsumi. I am Sesshoumaru's second in command."
To his surprise, she rolled her eyes. "Of course! Universe, you suck, you know that?" Kagome seemed to glower in Sesshoumaru's direction.
"Mama, he's an Inu." Shippo said from her arms. He met Katsumi's eyes. "You're not going to hurt my mama, are you? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you couldn't." He puffed his chest out, a grin on his face.
Katsumi's mouth dropped.
"Shippo! That's not a very nice thing to say." Kagome admonished. "Do you think you could find Rin from here? I'm sure she'd love to play with you." The kitsune blushed and nodded before scampering off.
Kagome faced Katsumi again, a faint pinkness on her cheeks. "I'm sorry about that, he really is a good boy, but he's just a little… much sometimes."
"You're his mother?" He could have sworn the kitsune was a full-blooded youkai.
"I'd like to say yes, but his parents died a few years ago, and my friends and I have raised him since then. He sort of became my son." The young woman said, her eyes meeting his with a gentle emotion that he couldn't identify.
The daiyoukai was still reeling from Kagome and her youkai son, but had yet to determine her reason for being here. She should have seemed out of place here, but she didn't. In fact, she seemed comfortable here and with Sesshoumaru's presence. "Why are you here?"
His voice was deep, but smooth in a way she'd never heard before. "Sesshoumaru took Shippo and I here a while ago to treat Shippo's illness, and he's still recovering." Kagome explained, and smiled when she mentioned the man she'd been missing these past days.
Katsumi nodded, noticing her clear intelligence and unusual way of speaking. She didn't greet others like a normal human woman with deference and submission. If anything, she reminded him of a proud, independent daiyoukai female. "And how, La—Kagome, did you and Sesshoumaru become acquainted?"
When her laugh rolled through the hall, Katsumi found himself smiling. "Sesshoumaru's half brother, Inuyasha? I traveled with him for a few years, but back then Sesshoumaru and I were enemies. He even tried to kill me a few times, but that didn't work." She laughed again at Katsumi's expression of shock and doubt. This woman is the Shikon Miko. "Anyways, after Naraku was gone and so was the Jewel, things quieted down." A wistful edge entered her tone. "Sesshoumaru just kind of showed up again a few weeks ago."
"Katsumi." Sesshoumaru's baritone, cool voice made both of them jump, and Kagome felt her heart skip a beat. He seemed colder than usual, his shoulders just a little squarer. "We will speak after lunch." Katsumi jerked his head forward in a nod stiffly. "And Katsumi", he said softer than before, "It is good to see you."
Sesshoumaru's beta left the hall in a flash of movement, and Kagome was left alone with Sesshoumaru. The silence drew out, neither willing to speak in light of the words exchanged days ago. Sesshoumaru was definitely not admiring the way that deep blue complimented her skin tone. "Miko; your presence is required this evening in my study. We have things to discuss before your departure tomorrow." He glanced at the skin of her throat, once again reminded of those alien dreams that caught him so.
Kagome had been caught up in the silver sway of his hair when he murmured his name for her. "Kagome." She corrected absentmindedly, ignoring the way his lingering eyes made her heart flutter. "Tonight?"
Her scent filled his nose. For some reason, listening to Katsumi and the miko's exchange had grated severely on his nerves, and felt the need to intervene. Why that was, exactly, he refused to contemplate. "Hn."
"Hang on!" Kagome exclaimed, and suddenly a sharp spice of anger swirled around her. "You can't just be so normal after what happened the other day!" She crossed her arms. "I understand that this is your palace and all, but people have boundaries, and shoving your youki down someone's throat isn't just crossing that boundary, its squishing it with those black boots of yours!" Her brown eyes flared brightly, and she rested one hand on her hip.
Sesshoumaru was silently stunned at her outburst, but something in the back of his mind told him that he should have expected it. "An explanation will be yours tonight." He met her dark eyes, and felt the slow release of her reiki, brushing calming trails against his youki. He doubted she knew what she was doing, but before that thought occurred to him, he had already returned the gesture.
His golden eyes bored straight into hers as she felt his youki react to her, and she felt butterflies in her stomach. "Sesshou—", She started, intent on pushing her argument.
"I propose this: If I call you by your given name, will you acquiesce to my request, miko?" Sesshoumaru interrupted, exasperated but somehow slightly entranced with the idea of saying her name more often.
Kagome giggled at him, tempted to say that she was 'disinclined'. But, the thrill of his voice was too much of a beautiful idea to pass up, so she nodded.
"I expect you at dusk." The murmur was soft, but his mouth was at her ear and the heat of his breath sent shivers up her spine. He couldn't deny himself the pleasure of hearing her heart stutter in response.
0-0-0-0-0
Thick forest passed by quicker than a human eye could track, and the youkai slowed his pace. The thick scroll from the pale priestess who smelled of clay was situated firmly against an inner kimono, secured by his obi. He had made fully sure that none had followed him; in all his years collecting and amassing knowledge, he had only come across an amulet like the one that woman wore once, and even then it was vague and nondescript, only stating that it was connected with dark and ancient rituals. This fact alone was enough to confirm his fears of a true threat.
With as many possessions as he was able to plausibly carry, mostly various scrolls concerning those same ancient rituals and his personal effects, he made his way to the edges of his pine forest and into the West. He was constantly alert, searching for the aura that would blaze like wildfire on a moonless night; his salvation.
End of Chapter 13 – Guilt
A/N – SO! I hope you enjoyed it, because I loved writing it! I hope it wasn't too much information, and I really hope for reviews and favorites, they keep me alive! Thank you so much! (: asdkfagpoakjho! Sesshy is getting a conscience! xDDD!
