Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.
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(Language, intimacy for warning)
Keep Moving
Without Shame
Twelve-sixteen AM in the fucking morning. Hours after my fight with Dallas. Hours after I purposely cut through my flesh. Hours after I yelled at Sodapop. A few hours after I sat listening to Darry yell at me about eating. Three hours since everyone left me to be alone in my room. Two hours since everyone went to sleep. One hour of laying in my bed, regretting my actions. Twenty-five minutes after I stole a cigarette from Pony and smoked it in my room. Now, I lay waiting to fall asleep. I wait to forget what I did to Dallas. Wait to forget pretty much all of the day. I'd be waiting for the rest of my life if I try to forget my parents death. None of this would happen if they were alive.
I wouldn't be the way I am. My family wouldn't be on the edge. We would still be in out old house, happy as ever. Everything has to do with my parents death, everything. Two hundred fifty-two days since they ruined my life by leaving. Mom would know what to do with Dally, so would Dad. My body curled closer to the wall, trying to comfort myself. The feeling of being alone surrounded my room. For another hour, I pitied my life. I was almost asleep when there was a knock on my bedroom window. Sitting up slowly, Dally's face came into view. He waved at me, throwing his thumb towards the back of the house. He moved away from the window, towards the backyard. Without caring that I didn't have pants on, I left my room. Quietly, I stood on the porch looking around for Dally.
It was dark outside because the porch light was out and needed a light bulb. Squinting at the blackness, a hand came down on my wrist. It pulled me off the steps and into a body, Dally's body. He held me close to him, not letting me touch the ground. His strong leather jacketed arms wrapped around me, holding me close. My arms wrapped around his neck as I buried my face in his messy hair. Dallas's face was crushed into my shoulder, rubbing his cheek against it. The pain in my stomach was increased by his hug, but I didn't care until I felt a stitch rub against my shirt. Wincing at the pain, Dally pulled his face away from me to look at my face. Tears filled my eyes minutes ago but he must of not noticed them. When he looked at them, he smirked at my tears.
I tired to give him the signal that I needed to be set down. If the rubbing continued on my stitches, my wound would open. After pulling away more, he set me down. The grass was wet from the earlier rain, it felt good on my feet. I coiled my arms around his stomach on the inside of his leather jacket. My side was still throbbing but the rubbing had stopped, so it was safe from opening. Looking up into Dally's eyes, he smiled at me.
"I'm sorry." he said hiding his face against my shoulder again as he leaned down.
"Why are you sorry? It's all my fault we fought, I'm sorry." he nodded into my shoulder. "Dally, you just through me off when you said you loved me. It was unexpected to say the least."
Looking at me again, he grinned at me. "I know I did, sorry about that. Sorry I yelled at you too, I shouldn't of over reacted. Even if you don't love me, that doesn't change the way I feel about you. For the last few hours, I was trying to figure out why I was so mad at you. I was mad because I love you. I love you so much that it hurt. I don't even care you don't love me back."
I gave him a funny face. "I know it doesn't make sense, but that's how I feel."
"I do love you, I just don't know if I'm in love with you." he nodded."Same here, but I love you!" Dally almost shouted, lifting me up again. I shushed him with a giggle.
"I love you too." I said trying to cover his mouth with my hand. As soon as I did, I felt the small rip against my stomach. Under my breath I muttered a few curse words, trying to keep my pain unnoticed. It wasn't long before I wrapped my legs around Dally to keep the pressure off my stomach. Both my hands held me up on Dally's shoulder. He looked in my eyes, worried at my sudden pain.
"What's going on?" he breathed out, sitting on the steps with me on his lap. "Lucy….baby…what's the matter?"
"I'm fine." I tired to say through gritted teeth, he shook his head.
"Don't lie damn, tell me." he lifted me up again, bringing me back inside. Dally quickly took us back into my room. Once inside he locked and shut the door. Turning on the light, he set me on the bed. He laughed at me after a few seconds.
"I didn't know you didn't have pants on." he chuckled some more, before look closely at my face. He was inches away from my nose, looking me in the eyes. My eyes squeezed shut as I felt blood begin to soak my shirt. I felt Dally step back from me, than I heard him curse. Opening my eyes, he quickly came over to me. In a brisk motion, he tried to lift my shirt. I pushed him away with my bare feet.
"Dally, I don't have a bar on under this. Just chill for a second." he backed off for a second, muttering more curses."What the fuck is that?" he pointed to the blood still staining my shirt. I shook my head at him, ignoring the question.
"Get me that little bag in the right corner of my closet." I ordered, he did so. After unzipping the bag, I turned away from Dally. Lifting my shirt up, I observed that two of the stitches had ripped apart. With a groan, I threaded the needle putting my shirt down. Dally came over and sat on my bed, I turned to him. He was staring off in the other direction, not looking at me. Turning away from him again, I lifted my shirt. Quickly and painfully I stitched up the opened wound. Getting off the bed, I returned my supplies to the bag and put it back in the closet. Dally looked at me, saddened. My hand was thrown at him, motioning for him to turn away. He did so as I took that shirt on to put on another one just as large.
Breathing in a huff of air, Dallas turned back to me. I walked back over to him, standing in between his legs that trialed off my bed. His large boots were planted on the floor as he sat up straighter. His cold hands were on the sides of my thighs. They traced up and rested just under my shirt, ready to pull it up. When I tried to pull away, his other hand caught me as his right pulled my shirt up just under my breasts. Immediately his hand traced the stitching on my flesh. He scowled at it, looking up at me.
"What the fuck is this Lucy?" he growled."I was upset." I looked away from him as he let my shirt fall to it's original place. Both his hands pulled me closer to him.
"About our fight?" he asked a lot nicer than before. Nodding yes, he grunted.
"I told you if you ever felt like hurting yourself to come to me." "I thought you hated me." I admitted truthfully.
"Lucy." he growled again. "What are we gonna do with you?"
"What are you going to do with me?!" I said a little bit angry. Without thinking, I pulled away from Dally. Backing up into the wall across from him, I felt a tear fall from my eye. "What am I going to do with myself?"
His face was angry for about a minute, before he sighed. Standing up, he pressed me against the wall. Brushing the tear away, he spoke to my ear.
"Times are rough Luc, but please don't hurt yourself again." he paused as I looked up at him. "Especially if it's over me!"
"What's wrong with me Dallas?" another tear fell without hesitation. "I thought I was getting better, but I'm not. Just because my health is better, doesn't make my mind better. I thought Ruth was helping, I thought I was getting over all this shit." furiously I shook my head back and forth.
"I'm fucked up, babe. I hurt people that I care about. I hurt myself. I cry way to much. I'm not hungry. I'm so….I don't know what I am." he stopped my head from running it's self back and forth.
"You're just overwhelmed, babe. Just take everything one step at a time. You've just got to chill out for now, let things fall into place. Okay, I love you….everything will eventually be okay." I laughed a little bit, trying to stop this ugly yet romantic moment.
"Dallas Winston, were did you start becoming soft on me?" he smirked, getting closer to my lips.
"When I met ya." he cooed against my lips. Finally, his connected with mine. My hands ran themselves through his leather jacket, only to find his head. The right twisted into his hair, pulling him closer to my face. The left played with his earlobe, making him smirk into the kiss. His right hand rested against my neck and cheek, cupping my face in his large mitt. The left one trailed up and down my body, massaging it gently. We began to back up, working our way to the bed. After midway, he tripped over my lingering converse that should have been in my closet.
We both tumbled to the ground. My nose was flown back and impacted to his chin. After a moment of holding my nose, I started to laugh. Knowing I was alright, Dally joined in my laugh. He looked towards the door.
"I hope that didn't wake your brothers." I waved my hand at the door.
"They could sleep through anything, lucky bastards." Dally laughed at me as I turned back to him. I hadn't noticed but my legs had instantly straddled Dally's right leg. Realizing my position, I looked down at my legs. They were in fact, wrapped around his leg. He looked down too, laughing at me. When I looked at his face, he was smirking at me.
"Can't keep ya off me." he joked.
"Never." I said shacking my head at myself.
"Well, that's okay with me." he paused, rolling me on the bottom. He looked down at me, his hand propped up over me. My legs still wrapped around that one leg. "I enjoy having you on me."
I turned my head away from him, a little hot. He leaned over, kissing my cheek. Dally trialed down to my neck. In a small motion, he moved my t-shirt to the side. The neck of it was so big that it slid down my shoulder. My shoulder and some of my chest was bare, not showing my breasts though. Dallas kissed down to my collar bone, sucking heavily on it. My breathe hitched with pleasure, I closed my eyes. In a airy voice, I spoke to Dally.
"Babe…don.." I was stuttering it felt so good. Swallowing a little bit, I tried to speak again. "Babe, don't do that." I ordered in a low voice.
He moved forward, breathing on my ear. I shivered underneath him. His smirk was pronounced in his voice. "Why not?" he cooed.
"Because, I like it." I chuckled as my body moved on its own. Damn teenage hormones, I thought as my hips raised a little. They ran up next to Dally's lap, making him laugh into my ear making me shiver again.
"That's the point." he said before kissing my cheek again. His lips moved over to my ear lobe, playing with it. I stuttered again.
"Da Da Da…" he pulled away looking satisfied.
"I've never seen you like this." Dally commented looking amused at me.
"I usually hold it in." I admitted to him. "But right now, I couldn't care less. So feel blessed that I'm finally showing my lustful side.""It's great, you shouldn't hold back." he laughed more at me. "I love seeing you like this, makes me feel victorious."
"Why would you feel victorious?" for a moment he thought about it, pursing out his lips slightly.
"Because…I, Dallas Winston, have gotten the great Lucy Curtis to stutter." I laughed at that, so did he.
"You should feel victorious. There hasn't been a guy that I've dated that has ever gotten me to stutter before. Or anything like that." I said thinking about it.
"Oh really?" he smirked at himself. "I thought it was special to hear you moan, but stuttering is way different.""Has anyone made you stutter?" I asked, feeling a bit strange that it was focused on me."Nope, I'm to tough for that." Dally said confidently.
"Oh yeah?" he nodded.
"Yeah." smiling at him, I bet him.
"I bet you at some point in our relationship, I could make you stutter. I bet I could make you, Dallas Winston, scrim." he laughed.
"I wouldn't doubt it." he breathed into my ear again. "You've got me wrapped around your finger."
I shivered, pushing him off of me. When he rolled over, I sat on his stomach. His hands rested against my bare thighs. We continued the conversation, where I was in control this time. As much as I enjoyed him on top of me like that, I didn't know how much more I could take before I was over taken by lust. He laughed at me as I leaned over him, my hands in between my legs resting on his chest.
"Didn't like pleasuring you a little?" he commented.
"Liked it too much." he laughed again, this is the most I've ever heard him laugh. It really was a treat, I love his laugh. So airy and deep, definitely something I wished he would do all the time.
"Are you a virgin?" he asked out of no where, I sat up a little bit.
"That's a random question." I said with a chuckle. He nodded but looked quite serious about it.
"Umm…" did I really want to tell him this? It could be a mystery to him for the rest of his natural born life. I chuckled nervously as he stared at me, I played with my fingers. Suddenly, I found myself trying to change the subject.
"Well we both know you aren't." he smiled at that."True, but only one of us knows if you are." I looked away. "So why don't you tell me? I don't care either way babe, I just want to know."
"Yeah, I am." I admitted.
"Was that so hard?" he laughed as I looked back at him, fully feeling the heat on my face.
"Yep." my man continued to laugh, enjoying making me fell uncomfortable.
"What's it like?" I asked after a moment. He stopped laughing.
"Uh...well…I.." I pointed at him with a huge smile.
"HA!" he looked confused after a moment. "I made you stutter."
He smirked at me. "That doesn't count, I meant…in a different context."
"Fine." I said as I stopped celebrating my almost victory. But I pushed further on the subject, trying to make him feel just as uncomfortable as I did.
"So, what's it feel like?" I rested my chin on his chest, scooting myself father down his lap. He looked down at me, thinking.
"I really couldn't tell you how you would feel because you're a girl. It's different for guys." I nodded slightly. "Oh and just so you know."
My eyes connected with his again. "Nice try making me feel uncomfortable, didn't work so hot.""Aw come on, you were sweating the moment I asked you that question."
"A little bit, but not enough to bother me." he laughed at my defeated face.
"Meany face."
"Feeling better?" he changed the subject yet again."A lot, I love it when you completely make me forget about everything!"
"You do that for me every time I think about you." he said silently to himself.
"What time is it?" I asked out loud. Sitting up, I turned to my clock.
"Damn, it's three in the morning."
"We should get at least a little bit of sleep." he said easily lifting me up from his stomach. Dally placed me on the bed, then walked over turning out the light. I heard him kick his boots off before joining me in the bed. He coiled his arm around my stomach, getting closer to me. Again the shirt rubbed against my stitches, making me convulse away from him.
"Sorry babe." he cooed, moving his arm behind my head instead of my stomach.
"Sokay." I told him, moving closer into his stomach. After a few seconds, he sat up and through something that landed on the floor with a small jingle.
"Leather jackets aren't good to sleep in." he chuckled into my ear. I laughed too, getting comfortable again.
"Night babe, I love you."
"Love you too." I said back this time, without any shame.
