6. Santana

Friday, 10 am, the hallways of McKinley are crowded with students going to their lockers or on their way to other classes.

"Okay, ladies, this is our moment. We are just four against six boys, so we need new girls to balance it out, because even though I can beat fifty men on the stage, I need more female back-up singers. Am I understood?" Rachel's pep talks usually tended to look like 'How to make your ego grow in 12 steps' master classes.

The four New Directions' girls were dressed like they had just performed at the Moulin Rouge ninety years ago. "We know the plan," she carried on. "Turn on her boyfriends so they want to join us and be as sexy and talented as I… sorry… as we all are."

They walked out of the bathroom and made a sign to the band so that they would start playing.

[Show me how you burlesque – Christina Aguilera]

Rachel:
Underneath the city lights,
there is a world few know about
where rules don't apply, no.
And you can't keep a good girl down.

The crowd fell silent, astounded by "the impromptu performance." They conformed a circle around the girls and watched them amazed.

Brittany:
She's going through the club looking for a good time.
Gonna make that, shake that, money on the dime.
Don't need a sugar daddy, she'll be working it just fine.
Up on the table she'll be dancing all night

Tina:
He-eh-eh-hey!

Brittany and Sugar:
Ah-uh-uh.

Tina:
Babydoll just comes alive.

Brittany and Sugar:
Ah-uh-uh.

Tina:
Under the spotlight.

Brittany and Sugar:
Ah-uh-uh.

Tina:
All the girls wanna fall in line.

Tina with Brittany and Sugar:
We say.

Rachel:
He-eh-eh-hey!

Sugar:
Here come the ladies about to give a little show.

Rachel:
He-eh-eh-hey!

Sugar:
Here comes the boozie, gonna show a little more.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany and Sugar:
Won't let you rest.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany and Sugar:
This is not a test.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany and Sugar:
Gotta give me your best.

New Directions' girls:
So get your ass up.
Show me how you burlesque.

Hit it up, get it up.
Won't let you rest.
Hit it up, get it up.
This is not a test.
Hit it up, get it up.
Gotta give me your best.
So get your ass up.
Show me how you burlesque.

Every boy (and some girls) in the hallways enjoyed the song, and the dancing. Especially the dancing. And especially Jacob Ben Israel, whose camera was already on the floor because he needed his hands to hide his "excitement."

Tina with Brittany and Sugar:
A little bit of naughty is a little bit nice.
She's a whole lot of glam, sweet, sugar, sex, spice.
Shimmy, shimmy, strut, strut.
Give a little work, work.
We'll be up on the table.
We'll be dancing all night.

Rachel:
He-eh-eh-hey!

Brittany and Sugar:
Ah-uh-uh.

Rachel:
Everybody just comes to life.

Brittany and Sugar:
Ah-uh-uh.

Rachel:
Under the spotlight.

Brittany and Sugar:
Ah-uh-uh.

Rachel:
All the boys wanna fall behind.

Rachel with Brittany and Sugar:
We say.

Tina:
He-eh-eh-hey.

Brittany and Sugar:
Here come the ladies bout to give a little show.

Tina:
He-eh-eh-hey.

Brittany and Sugar:
Here come the boozie gonna show a little more.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany:
Won't let you rest.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany and Sugar:
This is not a test.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany, Sugar and Tina:
Gotta give me your best.

New Direction's girls:
So get your ass up.
Show me how you burlesque.

Hit it up, get it up.
Won't let you rest.
Hit it up, get it up.
This is not a test.
Hit it up, get it up.
Gotta give me your best.
So get your ass up.
Show me how you burlesque.

Sugar:
Okay, girls, let's show 'em how it's done.
It ain't over 'till we say,
and we've only just begun.

Rachel:
Let me hear you say:
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Say yeah, yeah, yeah.
Say yeah, yeah, yeah.
Say yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany:
Won't let you rest.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany and Sugar:
This is not a test.

Rachel and Tina:
Hit it up, get it up.

Brittany, Rachel and Sugar:
Gotta give me your best.

New Direction's girls:
So get your ass up.
Show me how you burlesque.

Hit it up, get it up.
Won't let you rest.
Hit it up, get it up.
This is not a test.
Hit it up, get it up.
Gotta give me your best.
So get your ass up.
Show me how you burlesque.

The girls were enjoying their standing ovation while Rachel handed everyone a business card. "Here's my number, call me at any time, night and day, if you're interested in joining our Glee Club. " Jacob took his, practically pulling it out of his idol's hand. He smelled the card and ran to the bathroom before Rachel's disgust. She came back to the group. "We nailed it!"

And suddenly a hand appeared out of the blue and slapped Rachel in her face. She stumbled down and fell to the floor.

"And now you're gonna tell me why you are nailing my girlfriend!"


Sue took Rachel and Santana to her office.

"WWE lady wrestlers, let me introduce myself. My name is Sue Sylvester, coach of the Cheerios, mother of the second president of Earth, Sylvester Sylvester, because we all know that globalization is something unstoppable; and security manager of the William McKinley High School, the same William McKinley High School you use as boxing ring."

"Mrs. Sylvester, we know who…"

"I know who you are too, Sandbags, it's just I like to reset my brain every time a promotion graduates, because I really hope that I don't have to see them ever again! Now tell me why you two are here and why you were fighting in the hallway."

"First of all, we weren't fighting. I was physically assaulted in the middle of a standing ovation that I've earned due to my proficiency as leader of New Direc…"

"Oh, come on, Berry, cut the crap," Santana interrupted. "Let me explain it to you. The dwarf was living the dream in New York, but she shitted herself the moment she found out his chubby boyfriend was licking her butt no longer."

"A) Finn is not chubby, he's just less defined than other guys. And B) I didn't shit myself, I left it all for love."

"And you smack her just because she isn't able to manage her relationship? Santana, you have some serious problems." Sue started writing down on a piece of paper. "This is the number of my shrink. That woman keeps calling me asking about my mental state, so if you entertain her with your post-teenage dramas you will really help the both of us."

"No! I hit her because she nailed Brittany!"

"What?!" Rachel stood up.

Santana stood up as well. "You've heard me, Moustache!"

Sue pulled them back down into their chairs. "Is that true, Rachele? You've been doing dirty things with Brittany?"

"Of course not! I'm not into girls!" Rachel started freaking out.

"Then tell me why I've been sent this." Santana showed Rachel her cell phone. The picture on it really was Rachel kissing Brittany.

"That didn't happen! Oh my God, Santana, are you blind or what?! This is a fake! Don't you see that I'm dressed like the day we lost Nationals?"

Santana looked harder at the picture. "Oh. When Finn tried to eat you on-stage."

"Actually, Brittany is not even dressed, or standing. And there's a watermark that says 'Two girls one cat'. Santana, is everything okay with your eyes?" Sue couldn't believe what a lousy collage she was looking at.

"The doctor told me that I should wear glasses. But you can't wear glasses in New York without a bunch of hipsters trying to get your Twitter," she answered.

"You've flown more than 500 miles just to slap me because you are jealous?"

"You wish." Santana stood up and walked away of Sue's office.

"I will never get rid of you all, right?" Sue asked Rachel.


Santana waited for Brittany in the hallway until her calculus class finished. Her smile lit up the whole high school the moment she saw that blonde coming out of the classroom. They didn't say a word. Just hugged for ten long (but short for them) minutes.

They went to the cafeteria and had lunch together. Santana felt strangely happy. That infinite line, that tasteless food, the chairs and tables which they had danced on so many times… All those memories came back to her while she was holding her girlfriend's hand.

"You haven't told me what you're doing here. I thought you were coming for the weekend." Brittany rested her head on Santana's shoulder while holding the line.

"I miss you. But let's talk about you. How's everything going?"

"Well… it turns out that calculus was not about dead languages, it's actually Math. And now I know how to divide." Brittany smiled proud of herself.

"I love you so much."


Rachel went running to Sebastian's table. She hit his milk box against the tray. "I am angry."

"Come on, Rachel, you don't intimidate me. You can't intimidate anyone. It's physically impossible for you to induce fear. You're too…" Sebastian didn't find the words, so he just patted Rachel under her chin like she was a cat. "And please, don't take it out on the milk. I'm sure you would have grown taller if you had taken more milk when you were a child instead of trading it for tacky clothes."

Rachel took a deep breath and sat in front of Sebastian. "Can you tell me why the hell you've sent Santana a 'picture', if it can even be called that, of me and Brittany making out?"

"You have no proof, Berry. And that's a very ugly accusation."

"It's obvious that you don't give the best of yourself unless there are penises involved, you perv."

"I'm eating, Rachel, please. Don't be rude." Sebastian grinned while he took a bite out of his apple.

"You disgust me. You disgust us all." She pointed out with her finger.

"You know what's disgusting? You trying to rape poor poor Blainey." He carried on before Rachel could even reply. "I know what you tried to do. I know that you're an emotional train wreck, but I came here for a reason, and when I set a goal, I go for it till the end, not like you."

Santana and Brittany joined them. "So I've already been replaced?" Santana raised her eyebrows. "Is everything okay?"

"Nice to see you too, Jenny." He held Rachel's hand, but she quickly took it away. "I was just reminding my dear Barbra that if she keeps getting on my way, I will show her my not so beautiful face. Okay?" He stood up.

"Don't threaten me, Sebastian," Rachel replied.

"It's not a threat. I'm just saying that I don't know what you're playing, but I am willing to go all the way. And if that way goes by that dude you used to call 'fiancé'… well, I warned you." He smiled and walked away.

Santana sat next to Rachel. Maybe they weren't BFFs, but she actually had a heart, so Santana couldn't help worrying about Rachel the moment she saw tears in her eyes. "Hey. I… I owe you an apology." She stroked Rachel's back. The crying girl just smiled as a sign of forgiveness, but she couldn't speak. "And we are not gonna let that motherfucker play with us again."

Brittany sat down too. "Yeah, Rachel. Don't cry. He can't steal your teeth too." The other two girls frowned.

Rachel turned to Santana. "He can't find out. He can't find out anything."

"Who? Finn?" Santana answered. "Find out about what?"

"About me and Blaine."

"About you and who?" Kurt frowned standing right behind them.