A/N: Sorry for the long wait, folks, especially after all the nice reviews y'all left me. I am superflattered and have oodles of warm and fuzzy feelings and I hope you don't revoke them all by the time this is over. Which may be relatively soon? I think maybe two-three more chapters after this, so. Uh. But yes! Here it is! And I actually have the first half of the next chapter already written so it probably (?) won't take as long to post. Per usual, I own nuffink, etc, etc.
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Dean was pretty sure this was the best summer he had ever had, ever. Even now, fifteen years later, he looks back on those few weeks as one of the best times of his life. Sam was finally reaching that age where he wasn't an annoying snot-nosed kid that Dean had to baby and take care of constantly anymore. He was like a person, like an actual friend – even if he was a huge friggin nerd. Dad was sober and trying so hard – actually trying – to be a father to his kids. He came home after work instead of going to bars or the liquor store. Hell, he even made dinner regularly. He talked to Sam about going into high school, and was shocked to learn that his youngest was already thinking of college. When asked about what his plans for after high school were, Dean hesitantly told him about his and Cas' cross-country trip. John just stared for a minute, then nodded and asked if Dean was gonna take the Impala and told him to take good care of her. And, of course, there was Cas.

Cas.

From an outsider's perspective, it didn't look like much had changed between them. They hadn't really talked about it, but there had been a sort of silent mutual decision to keep things under wraps for the time being. Or forever. Dean really didn't think about it that much. The reasons including, of course, Michael, John, Michael, kids at school and shit they just didn't want to deal with, Michael, uh hello it was friggin Kansas there were probably still anti-sodomy laws on the books or some shit, and did he mention Michael?

So really the only difference anyone could see was that they were together pretty much constantly now. Dean had no idea what Cas was telling his uncle about where he went every day, and he didn't ask (though, judging by the long-suffering look on Ellen's face whenever they saw her, she was involved somehow). All he knew was, Cas was there. All the time.

On his break at work, Dean would meet Cas for lunch at the Roadhouse, and then pick him up there after he was done for the day (usually five minutes early these days; Bobby would roll his eyes and tell him to get outta here boy, you're practically jumpin' outta yer skin to get wherever you're goin'). They spent evenings hanging out at the Winchester's house, eating whatever John had made for dinner and hanging out with Sammy in the backyard afterward. They managed to get a little fire pit going back there, and Dean was pretty sure he ate his weight in s'mores about once a week. Dad did his best to welcome Cas (back) into the family, even if he did send the pair of them a suspicious look every once in a while, if Dean slipped up – leaned on Cas' shoulder a little too long, sat a little too close.

Fact was, sober or not, John Winchester was still a bit of a homophobic prick. So Dad didn't need to know that, when he wasn't home, the boys sat on the couch watching movies, Cas draped over Dean. Or that, underneath the dinner table, their legs were pressed together, Cas occasionally running his foot up Dean's calf while they both tried to keep a perfectly straight face. Or that, left unsupervised at the fire at night, Dean once licked melted chocolate from Cas' nose, sending Sam into hysterical laughter.

Which, by the way, was one of many recent indications that Sammy was possibly the best little brother ever (Dean couldn't help but think he had raised him right). Dean caught Sam looking at him and Cas a lot, especially in those moments when Dad wasn't around and they were a little freer with their affection. Sometimes he smirked a little too knowingly for Dean's comfort (the bitch) but he never said anything, for which Dean was grateful. As much as he excused their secrecy with Michael's potential wrath, he wasn't sure he even wanted someone like Sammy, who wouldn't care, to know about him and Cas just yet.

So they kept it quiet around other people. Even in the privacy of Dean's bedroom they didn't dare do much more than – well, Dean didn't like to call it cuddling, but that's basically what it was. There was too great a risk that Sammy or Dad would hear something they just weren't ready to hear. So when they wanted alone time, they snuck out to the park after close, just like they always had. Except not at all.

Because they hadn't always used the secluded corners for the hottest make-out sessions Dean had ever had in his life (okay, yeah, he was only seventeen, but seriously). They hadn't always held hands as they stumbled laughing down the darkened paths. They hadn't always spent nights in the backseat of the Impala, hidden behind steamed windows, all hot mouths and fumbling hands. They hadn't always been this way, but now they were.

And things were better between them than they had been in a long friggin time, not even counting the making out. Cas was almost entirely sober these days, a damn miracle as far as Dean was concerned. Yeah, there were still the cigarettes, and the occasional drinking, but Dean hadn't smelled pot on Cas' clothes in weeks, and there had been no sign of Lilith's prescriptions since that ill-fated night in the park when Cas had kissed him for the first time.

"This is what we fought about, you know," Cas said one night. "That night. When I took the pills. That's why." They were in the park as usual, in their field. Cas was sitting cross-legged on the ground with Dean's head in his lap, running fingers idly through his hair.

Dean frowned. "What is what you fought about?"

Cas gestured vaguely to Dean. "This. Well, not you, specifically. The whole gay thing."

"What?" Dean asked, alarmed. "I thought you said Michael didn't know?"

"He doesn't. Not really. But he suspects, obviously." Cas looked down at Dean, raising his eyebrows. "Let's be frank, Dean, even when I'm not trying to get into your pants, I don't exactly come off as straight. He was lecturing me rather pointedly about how homosexuals are an abomination against God. It was…incredibly upsetting. Particularly given that I was under the impression at the time that you didn't return my feelings and my abomination…ness was in vain."

"Well, it's not," Dean said awkwardly after a minute, struggling to find something to say that wasn't how much he really fucking hated Michael Milton. "And you're not an abomination. You're too pretty." He grinned, and Cas huffed a soft laugh. There was a pause, when the only noise was the crickets before Dean cleared his throat and asked, "So you're gay then?" (You'd think this woulda come up at some point before this, but it hadn't.)

Cas rolled his eyes. "No, I've just developed a sudden but purely academic interest in your dick."

"That's not what I meant, dumbass," Dean rolled his eyes right back. "I mean, 'cause I'm not, I just – ya know, I like girls too. I just wondered, I guess."

There was another long pause where Cas' fingers stilled in Dean's hair, and he wondered, terrified for a minute, if he had offended his friend somehow, if Cas was gonna stop talking to him again. But then, thoughtfully, "Yes, I suppose I am gay."

"Only dudes?"

"No, Dean." Dean looked up and found those blue eyes staring very intently into his own. "Only you."

Something about the combination of those words and the way Cas was looking at him practically knocked the breath out of Dean, and he couldn't think of anything good to say back. Dean Winchester had never exactly been the best with words. So instead, he reached up and put a hand on the back of Cas' neck, bringing his face towards him and rising up to meet him halfway. He tried to say in that kiss what he was still too scared to say aloud, that right now, me too, Cas, only you.

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Dean supposed it was inevitable that someone found out about them eventually, and when they did, he supposed he should be glad it was only Jo. The shark grin on her face made it kind of hard to be glad about anything, though. Dean was a little scared for his life, actually.

They had all gone up to the lake one day, parents and all this time. Well, by parents and all he meant Ellen, Bobby, and Dad, which meant Dean and Cas had to be extra careful about the way they acted. They had gotten pretty lax around Sam and Jo, and Dean was pretty sure Sam knew anyway. Kid was stupid insightful, it was really annoying sometimes. Ellen wouldn't care, who the hell knew what Bobby thought of anything, but yeah, still wanting to keep John out of the loop here. So at one point, Dean and Cas went back up to the car to grab the lunch stuff (and maybe also fool around a bit in the back of the Impala when nobody could see them). And Cas had Dean crowded back against the car and was saying something that had Dean laughing as they kissed when suddenly someone spoke and they both froze in place.

"Okay, yeah, I don't even want to know whether it's sanitary for you two to be touching our sandwiches now," Jo said, irritation the only emotion betrayed in her tone. Cas couldn't seem to make himself turn around, panic growing in his wide blue eyes, his breath catching in his throat. Dean gulped and put a hand on Cas' shoulder to calm his down.

"Hey, Jo," he managed. "What are you doing here? I thought you were busy burying Sam alive."

She sighed and stepped around the boys to pick up one of the coolers full of food. "I was, but you assholes were taking too long and we're starving down there, and your father," she looked pointedly at Dean, "offered to come help you guys out, but I told him I could handle it. I said we'd be good. Are we good, Winchester?" Dean nodded mutely, and Jo turned to Cas. "Milton? We good?"

"We're good, Jo," Cas replied solemnly.

"Okay. Now, if you idiots could untangle yourselves and actually help with bringing down lunch, that'd be awesome." She grabbed a cooler from the ground near the boys' feet and started back, leaving Dean and Cas to untangle themselves and scramble for the food. Halfway back down the path to the lake, Jo turned to them with her shark grin and added, "Also, tell Sam he totally owes me five dollars."

So that was how Jo found out. And Sam apparently found out officially when Dean passed on Jo's message. His little brother just pursed his lips, pulling one of his disappointed bitchfaces, and said, "Seriously, Dean? I bet her you would tell me first. You suck."

"Actually – " Cas began, but Dean put a hand over his mouth to stop him from going any further. Sam's eyes got big with horror and he closed his book and practically ran out of the room, muttering something about "brain bleach."

So they could relax a bit around Sam and Jo, which made life kinda easier. (It also conveniently made for great material for threatening Sam – Dean just had to casually mention that he and Cas needed alone time or something and Sam would blanch and freak out about being scarred for life. It was hilarious.)

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So that was how it went. It was good and it was quiet and Dean didn't think about it other than to think about how amazingly fucking happy it made him. Cas, of course, couldn't do the same. Cas, apparently, thought about it.

Dean discovered this one night maybe two weeks before the end of summer vacation, when they were walking through the park, just holding hands, shoulders bumping. Cas was laughing mildly at some stupid, elaborate explanation Dean was giving for some pop culture reference he had made that Cas didn't get because he was a freaking alien or something. Suddenly, there was a slight rustle in the trees around the corner of the path. They fell silent and, without even looking at each other, practically leapt apart, Dean shoving his hands in his pockets, Cas suddenly three feet away.

An opossum scurried out from the trees and, after pausing briefly to stare petrified at the pair of humans, scurried away again. After another moment of nervous silence, Dean let out a shaky laugh, and Cas groaned. Once again alone, without risk of being caught, they gravitated back toward each other, Cas burying his face in Dean's shoulder and wrapping his arms around Dean's waist.

"I hate this. The sneaking." Cas' voice was muffled by the fact that he was speaking into Dean's shirt, but Dean heard his friend perfectly fine. He stiffened.

"Cas, we can't…"

"I know, Dean," Cas snorted, straightening. "I'm not saying that I want to leap out of the closet covered in rainbows. I'm saying that I hate sneaking around. School this year is going to be hell, you realize that?"

"School is always hell," Dean said with a shrug, his hand finding Cas' again. A drop of water hit his head, and he frowned up at the sky.

"You know what I mean," Cas replied with a roll of his eyes. Then he frowned up at the sky, too. Another drop. And another. "It will be better when we leave." Dean turned sharply back to Cas, who turned to him with a slight smile. "For our road trip. We can get out of Lawrence, go to New York or San Francisco…" He trailed off as the raindrops became a steady drizzle.

"Cas…"

"It's raining."

"It's not that bad," Dean said, trying to find words for what he really wanted to say.

"Famous last words," Cas sighed as the drizzle became a downpour.

"Shit," Dean agreed, and they ran for the car.

Their night was cut short as Dean drove Cas home. In the rain, at night, without the park, they had nowhere else to go. Not really. The short drive was mostly taken up by a minor disagreement over where to drop Cas off (which Dean won, by the way – "Cas, it's pouring, I'm not dropping you off two blocks away – " "Dean, Michael knows what your car looks like, if he sees it outside – " "Fine, if you want to explain to him why you went for a walk in the rain at two in the morning – " "Oh, for God's sake, Dean, fine – "). But when they turned up Cas' street, Dean slowed and cleared his throat. Cas looked over at him, question clear on his face.

"What you said before – do you really think that far ahead? Like, that we'll really still be…together. Next summer." Dean could feel Cas' eyes on him from the passenger seat, and Dean couldn't really blame him. It was the first time that something other than friendship between them had been acknowledged aloud.

(Whatever, so neither of them was exactly awesome at talking about their feelings. Sue them.)

"Of course," Cas said at last, just as Dean pulled up in front of the Milton residence. Dean parked and turned to meet Cas' gaze. Those blue eyes were open and serious and full of something that made Dean's chest hurt. It was a look he had seen on Cas' face a lot the past couple weeks, and it never failed to completely shut him up. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Dean, but I've always assumed that if we – if we were ever together," Cas' mouth twitched up around the word, "That this would be a forever kind of thing."

Oh.

Okay.

What was he even supposed to say to that? Dean hadn't even been able to think until the end of the summer, and here was Cas, planning out forever, and Dean was a little terrified by how okay with that he was. He was scared of how that didn't scare him. Cas kept staring at him, expression even, waiting for Dean to say something. He didn't seem scared either.

Dean kissed him. Enthusiastically. Cas responded in kind.

When they broke apart, panting slightly, Cas just smiled and shook his head. "One of these days, you're going to have to learn to express your feelings with actual words."

"But my way's so much better," Dean said with a grin.

Cas opened his mouth to respond, but then stopped, whipping his head around to fully face his house. "Did you see that?" And now, now he sounded scared.

"No," Dean said, following Cas' eyes. "Cas, what's wrong?"

"My moth – Lilith, she was standing in the window."

"What?" Dean's voice was harsher than he meant it to be, but Cas didn't seem to notice.

"I didn't see her until she moved, I think she was holding the curtain up because it fell, which is when I saw and Dean what if she saw us?" Cas sounded like he was on the edge of panic, and it was all Dean could do not to join him there.

"Cas, it's okay." Dean tightened his hand on where it rested on Cas' shoulder and Cas looked back at him, eyes wide. "Really. She was probably just looking at the rain, right? And even if she saw anything, what's she going to do? Probably stoned, won't even remember tomorrow, right? Hell, maybe she's sleepwalking, it's gotta be a side effect of at least one of the pills she's on."

Cas nodded, drawing a deep, shaky breath and running a hand through his hair (which didn't exactly help the state of it, as Dean's hand had been tangled in it not a minute before).

"You're right. I'll see you tomorrow," he promised. With a quick glance outside to check the windows of his house, Cas kissed Dean on the corner of the mouth and got out of the car.

Dean couldn't help but feel happy as he drove away, the pit of unease in his gut fading away. Any fears about Lilith were far overshadowed by what Cas had said. They had a future. Even if it was a stupid one where they wandered around San Francisco for a day holding hands or something. They had a future. Together.

He and Cas, they were gonna be okay.