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Chapter 40
Lisa was lost in thought, thinking about all that had taken place in the last several days. All the turmoil she had been feeling inside wondering if she and House could be together was all lost when they slept together. She should have known he wouldn't have opened up and let himself feel anything for her. He was incapable of having a relationship, she thought. She had taken a big chance and ended up with whatever feelings she had for him, thrown back into her face. What a fool I was, she scoffed. Since their little talk in her office, she had been avoiding him because she just wasn't sure how she would handle his casual air towards her, as if she was just another hooker he had slept with. Then there was Wilson who she hadn't had the courage to even speak to yet. She had treated him horribly and she knew the longer she put off talking to him, the harder it was going to be.
She suddenly realized that she hadn't seen Christy yet, who was almost an hour late. This was not like her. Christy was much too efficient to not call if she was going to be late or not come in at all. Lisa checked her notes to see if she had over looked a message from her young assistant telling her she was going to be late today but found nothing that indicated such. She dialed Christy's cell number, getting only her voice mail. She left a brief message, hoping she would hear from her soon.
She checked her appointments and saw she had only one meeting and it wasn't until the afternoon. She continued to thumb her fingers on her desk, contemplating on doing what she had been avoiding the past couple of days. She knew she needed to deal with the situation and headed to Wilson's office. As she rode the elevators up to the fourth floor, she wondered if he would actually speak to her. Once she was standing outside his door, for a split second, she had the sudden urge to run but held her ground and after hesitating for a few seconds, she knocked.
Wilson wasn't having a good morning and was annoyed by another distraction. He sighed heavily. "Come in." He said as he kept writing in a file. At first he didn't look up but when he didn't hear anything, he glanced up to see who had entered his office. Needless to say, he was surprised to see Lisa Cuddy standing in the doorway.
Lisa smiled, hoping he wasn't going to ask her to leave. "Is this a good time?" She stupidly asked.
"Not really but come in anyway. What's up?" He tried to ask casually.
Lisa quietly shut the door behind her and sat down in one of the chairs facing his desk. "I came here to apologize."
Wilson was not in the mood to talk or to play any games. "For what?"
"You know for what. For my stupid actions." Lisa admitted.
"Oh, you mean for sleeping with House." Wilson stated sarcastically.
Lisa blushed and glanced away. "For being insensitive to your feelings is what I meant." She explained.
"So, you're not apologizing for sleeping with House, not that I think you should. You and House are adults… well you're an adult. House on the other hand is a selfish child and doesn't give a damn about other people… but you usually do… give a damn." His eyes were filled with disappointment.
Lisa's breath caught in her throat when she saw the look in his eyes. "I'm not here to make excuses. I know I hurt you. You should know that House didn't know anything until afterwards." She said hoping this would give him some comfort.
"I gathered that when he told me he slept with you but you knew I felt something for you."
"I know James and I'm truly sorry." She said with sincerity.
Wilson held up his hand for her to stop. "Please stop. I have always known you felt something for House and he for you. But I thought I could change that and I was wrong. It's probably what has been keeping me from asking you out for so long." He stopped and looked away hoping she didn't see the look of embarrassment that crossed his face.
"You don't have to compete with House. You are wonderful person. Besides, I'm pretty sure I made a mistake where House is concerned."
"Nevertheless Lisa, you have feelings for him." He stared into her eyes. "Let's just try and move past this."
"By moving past things, are you saying…"
"Let's just be friends." Wilson answered.
Lisa is somewhat disappointed in Wilson's answer. "I suppose that's better than enemies."
"It is in my book." Wilson said with a half smile.
She watched as he started writing again in his file somewhat dismissing her. "Well, I better let you get back to work." She said and made her way to the door.
Wilson stopped what he was doing and looked up. Lisa was just about to walk out but he stopped her. "Lisa." She stopped and stepped back inside. "Yes?"
"I don't hate you and I would like to say that what happened doesn't bother me but it does. If it had been any one else other than House maybe it wouldn't have bothered me so much. I just need time."
"I know." She answered softly and closed the door.
Wilson listened to the clicking of her heels as she walked down the hall. He wanted to hate her but he couldn't. He was hurt and angry and surprised at how deeply he cared for her. He hadn't expected to feel so much. He didn't know if he would ever find the strength to try and be close to her again. There would always be House and House was a mountain... an impossible object to move or get past.
He looked at his watch and saw that it was almost time for his appointment. He needed to work, hoping it would distract him from the irritating thoughts that filled his head.
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Chase stood outside the lab and watched Cameron as she looked through the microscope. How many times have I silently watched her, thinking how beautiful she is? He thought. He was definitely not looking forward to the conversation he was about to have with her but now that House knew his secret, he had to come forward. He wasn't absolutely sure if House was serious about his threat but he didn't want to find out. He opened the lab doors and saw the curious look Cameron gave him as she looked up.
Cameron was surprised to see Chase walk in. She watched him silently as he moved towards her.
Chase stared into Cameron's green eyes and waited, hoping she would say something first but she didn't make a sound. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke.
"Do you have a moment?" He asked more meekly than he meant to.
Cameron furrowed her brow. She was curious why Chase sounded so nervous. "I have a moment."
Chase nervously glanced away. "I have something I want… I need to talk to you about."
Cameron raised her right eyebrow. "Okay." She said and relaxed her stance slightly.
"I know I have hurt you. I also know that I have been blaming you for everything."
Cameron didn't say anything. Only waited for him to continue.
Chase hesitated. "The truth is, I haven't been completely honest with you."
This comment brought a response. "Really? How's that?" She asked softly.
"I have…" He cleared his throat again. "I have been… seeing someone else… while we were still together."
The last part was barely audible but Cameron understood what he had said. She swallowed hard and breathed in deeply. She was quiet for several minutes.
Cameron's silence only made Chase more nervous. "Say something Allison, please."
"Say what, exactly? Are you here to ask for my forgiveness so you can be guilt free?" She asked in a cold, unemotional tone. She was reeling inside but she was trying to remain calm.
"No. I'm not here to ask for your forgiveness because I know you would never give it to me but I thought it only fair to let you know that what happened between us wasn't just your fault."
"I know that." She paused for a few seconds. "How long?"
Chase looked curiously at her. "What?"
"How long have you been seeing her?"
Chase took a deep breath. He was very uncomfortable talking about this. "A couple of months, maybe a little longer."
"Someone here at the hospital?"
"I think it's best you not know who it is."
"Why do men say that? That is a stupid comment. Best for who? If she works here don't you think I'm eventually going to figure it out?" She asked with a cold little laugh.
"Brook."
"You mean Brook who is on your surgical staff? Go figure."
"It just happened."
"Another stupid comment. Nothing ever just happens." Cameron couldn't stop the tears that suddenly swelled behind her eyes making them a lighter shade of green.
Chase saw the emotion welling up in her eyes. "I'm sorry Allison."
Cameron turned her head and wiped the one tear that escaped down her cheek.
"I really didn't plan on having a relationship with Brook. She and I just started talking and one thing led to another. You know I have been unhappy for awhile." He said defending his actions.
"So, that makes it okay for you to sleep with someone while we're still together?"
"No, of course not. I know it was wrong. I just…"
She stopped him. "I know. I knew that you weren't happy. I just figured it would pass. You know me. I have this need to make everything work."
"I wanted to make it work too." He said truthfully. "But this obsession you have with House is going to ruin any relationship you try to have."
"Are you kidding me?" Cameron suddenly became angry. "Do not make this about House again."
"You know he will never be able to give you what you want or need."
"Chase, stop. I took this job because I am good at it and I like doing it. My feelings for House are gone."
"No they aren't Allison. You love him, still. I can see it in your eyes. I felt it every time I was with you. He is why you couldn't leave. Be honest with yourself. No one is ever going to measure up to House in your mind and he is never going to care about you the way you want him too."
"Can we please not talk about this any more?"
Chase looked at the floor and shook his head. "He knows about me and Brook."
"Who? House? How does he know?" She asked.
Chase laughed slightly. "He saw us together the other day and confronted me about it. He actually threatened me if I didn't tell you."
Cameron's mouth fell slightly open. "So, this is why you are telling me?"
"Yes. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have had the balls to come forward. As much as I hate to admit it, he was really concerned about you. Maybe he has a heart after all. If anyone can bring it out, it would be you."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you are probably the only person who is capable of bringing that part out of him that makes him human." He gave her a little smile. "I just don't want to see him hurt you again."
"He's not going to hurt me."
Chase looked away and was silent for a minute. "I'm sorry I caused you pain Allison."
"And I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed."
They both gave each other a silent good bye and Chase left.
Cameron suddenly couldn't hold back the tears any more and before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face. She quickly left the lab before anyone could see her and headed to the outside balcony and stood off to the side where no one could see her and cried.
