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Chapter 48
House rolled over and looked at the red numbers glowing from his clock, screaming six a.m. at him. He hadn't really slept at all, which served him right, he thought. He should have never let Cameron leave like that, which is why he felt the need to sit across the street from her apartment for three hours last night, on his bike, in the rain, to make sure nothing looked suspicious. Of course, if he had any balls at all, he would have knocked on her door and insisted that he stay the night but the courage had eluded him.
He sighed angrily and climbed out of his warm bed and headed for the shower. Afterwards, he stared at himself for a long time in the bathroom mirror. His soul was heavier than normal and he knew why. He was struggling with his feelings for Cameron. He wanted to protect her but at a distance and he knew it was too late for that. He had already crossed the line of no return. He had pushed her away and she went without a fight, leaving him to want her more. He knew if anything happened to her because of him, he would never be able to live with the consequences. When did he change or had he? He wondered. He liked being miserable - he liked the fact he could make other people miserable and it not even bother him… but this time was different. There was no way he was in love with her, he concluded. He was incapable of loving anyone. It had to be something else… but what?
He reached for the orange vile and popped the last two white pills and swallowed. He knew he had to face her and settle the issue between them. He dressed and headed into the hospital, hoping he would get there before she did.
**********
Cameron arrived at the hospital a little later than usual. She had waited until her jeep had been towed away to the garage before she left for the hospital. She was tired, not getting much sleep. Every little noise woke her up. A couple of times she had thought she heard House's bike roaring by but she knew he was probably curled up with a bottle of scotch and doing his best to not think of her. However, she had hoped he would have called to check on her but that didn't happen either.
She walked into the office to find Kutner sitting at the table flipping through a magazine.
He glanced up. "Morning Cameron."
"Morning Kutner." She answered with a forced smile as she sat her things down. She immediately stepped over to the counter to make coffee but was surprised to find the coffee was already made.
"You made coffee. Thanks." She said, immediately giving him the credit.
"Don't thank me. I didn't make it."
"Then who did?"
"House. He was here when I got here. I haven't seen him though. His door has been shut the whole time. My guess is he's probably not in the best of moods."
"Great." Cameron mumbled under her breath and poured a cup of coffee.
"How was your weekend?" Kutner asked.
Cameron heard him say something but wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. "Hmm. What did you say?" She asked, her eyes still focused on the closed door leading to House's office.
"I asked how your weekend was." He asked again, looking over his shoulder at her.
She looked at him. "Umm. It was a weekend. Not much to tell." She lied. "How about yours?" She asked and sat down next to him, trying not to think about House.
"Not much. Went on a date."
"Well, that's something. With someone from the hospital?"
"Maybe." He answered with a goofy grin.
Cameron saw his expression and had to smile. "Who?"
"Sarah in Pediatrics. Do you know her?"
"Not really but I know who she is. She's pretty. Did you have a nice time?"
"I guess so. We are going out again this weekend."
Cameron was trying to focus on their conversation but her mind kept wondering back to why House had come in early and how she was going to respond if he didn't say a word to her. She was trying to prepare herself mentally for worse case scenario, since with House, it was usually worse case scenario.
Kutner, however didn't seem to notice she wasn't listening and continued to chat away about his date when Taub and Remy showed up. Foreman was giving a lecture at the college and would be out for the day. She heard Taub ask a question that caught her attention.
"Did everyone hear about what happened to Cuddy's assistant?"
"Yes! Isn't it horrible?" Remy joined in.
"What happened?" Kutner asked. He had left early on Friday and hadn't caught up on any hospital gossip.
"She was murdered. It was on the news." Remy said, assuming he would have heard about it on the news.
"I was busy all weekend and I don't usually watch much news. How did it happen?" Kutner asked.
"I don't know. The police aren't saying much right now. They are talking to a lot of people here at the hospital though. It's scary." Remy said.
Cameron sat back quietly and listened to the conversation swirl around her. Some of what they said was accurate, a lot of it was speculation. She wasn't about to correct them, since none of them knew her involvement. She wondered what they would think if she told them Christy had been murdered because of her.
"Cuddy said the funeral is tomorrow." Taub said.
"Are any of you going?" Kutner asked.
"I think we should all go." Remy said.
"Why? I didn't know her." Taub said.
"Maybe not but we were her co-workers and it would be nice to pay our respect to her and her family." Remy added.
"I agree." Cameron said softly.
House walked in right at that time. "What are we agreeing to?" His sudden presence surprising all them.
"Going to Cuddy's assistant's funeral tomorrow." Kutner answered.
House quickly threw Cameron a look. "Her name was Christy and we are expected to attend."
"So, you're going?" Taub asked surprised.
House heard the surprised tone in Taub's voice. "Even I can be human sometimes, Dr. Taub."
"Cuddy said something to you." Kutner guessed.
"Our hospital administrator can be a real pain in the ass and I have been informed that unless we have a patient to save, we are expected to be there."
"Why us?" Taub asked curiously.
"Because we are the easiest to manipulate and she wants as many people there to represent the hospital as possible." House answered.
"I don't think that's too much to ask, do you? The girl is dead." Cameron said abruptly.
They all stared at her.
House broke the awkward silence. "Since we don't have anyone to save, the three of you head to the clinic for the day. Cameron I need to see you."
Cameron sighed heavily, causing the other three to look at her again. She just gave them a brief smile and headed into House's office. She casually stood in front of his desk, waiting for him to say what he needed to say.
House puckered up his mouth in thought. "You okay with going to the funeral?"
"Afraid I might freak out and make a scene?" She said coldly.
"That would be great. Definitely make the event more fun." He quickly shot back.
Cameron crossed her arms in front of her and rolled her eyes. She did not want to have this conversation with him.
House stared at her and noticed how tired she looked, which caused a stabbing pain in his chest. He leaned forward and spoke in a serious voice. "Are you okay? I mean with scary guy?" He quickly added, although he was really wanting to know if she was okay because of him.
"Yes. No problems so far." She said, not elaborating any further.
"And your jeep?"
"I had it towed this morning to be repaired. I should get it back by the end of the week." She answered in a short tone.
He noticed she was wearing a pair of dark blue slacks that fit her nicely and a silky light pink blouse. Her hair was down, falling across her shoulders, the way he liked it. "You look nice." He said sincerely.
The comment pissed Cameron off. "Don't do that." She said sternly.
"Do what?"
"Acting nice and paying me compliments like nothing ever happened between us. You don't get off the hook that easily." She warned.
House gave her a smirk. "I'm not trying to get off the hook."
Cameron closed her eyes and sighed. "Why did you do what you did yesterday?"
House looked away from her for a second. "What I did, was keep you from going through misery you don't deserve." He said in a serious tone.
"House, I'm an adult. I'm quite capable of making my own decisions and dealing with the consequences my choices may have. I don't need you or any one else protecting me." She said, stepping closer to his desk. "I'm not expecting anything from you." She said in a quite voice.
"Not now but later…"
Before he could finish Cameron threw her hands into the air.
"Just answer one question."
"What?" He asked, not sure he wanted to hear her question.
"Did you feel anything?"
House glanced away for a second time. It was a question he didn't want to answer. He looked back at her green eyes, full of emotion.
There was a long pause.
"I'm not leaving this room without an answer." She said barely above a whisper.
"I don't want to give you false hope."
"I don't want hope. I want to know I'm not crazy."
"I don't want to feel anything for anyone… but the other night caught me off guard. I didn't expect… I didn't expect to feel anything for you."
"So, you did… feel something. I wasn't imagining it."
House looked into her pleading eyes. "No. It wasn't your imagination but Cameron…"
"I know House. I know it stops here. What happened, happened. I can accept that and deal with it. What I can't deal with is you making me believe that there was nothing between us and it was all in my head."
They stared at one another intently, both feeling emotions they dared not put into words, or perhaps, didn't know how to put into words.
"I am going to start going through the files you have stored on the second floor. There is an inspection next week and you need to have those files logged in properly. That's where I will be if you need me." She said softly.
House only nodded.
Cameron turned to leave and almost ran into Wilson as he was walking through the door.
"Hey Cameron." Wilson said with a smile but quickly noticed the look on her face and dropped the smile.
He turned his attention to House. "Did I interrupt something?"
"Cameron and I were just having an adult conversation. Something, you know, I'm not used to or very good at." He answered sarcastically and sat down at his desk.
"Is she okay?"
"I'm sure she would tell you she is."
"But?" Wilson pushed.
House stared at the screen of his computer. "I'm not so sure she is."
**********
Cameron was busy going through the stacks of files that were shoved in boxes, hoping to release some of the frustration she was feeling inside. Her mind was still reeling from the conversation she and House had earlier. His concern for her had seemed genuine, surprising her. She also hadn't expected him to be honest and admit that he had felt something from their love making but what good did that do her if he was never planning to act on it? She thought, her anxiety level rising again. Why do I care anyway? She scolded herself. I knew he would push me away and I did it anyway. I am the fool. I put my heart out there and let him run over it. I know he is incapable of loving anyone.
She sat down, her emotions getting the best of her. The thing was, she did believe he was capable of loving someone. She had always believed that and she also knew, if she was planning on working by his side again, day after day, she had to get her emotions in order and accept the fact that he would never feel for her the way she feels for him, just as Chase had said. She also had to come to the conclusion that there was the possibility he could fall in love with someone else. Hadn't he said he slept with Cuddy just last week? Did he tell her he felt something with her too? She wondered. She was becoming angry again. The thought of him sleeping with Cuddy only days before he slept with her, angered her. He and Cuddy have a history together. What if he decides he wants to be with her? Cameron covered her face with her hands and let out a growl in frustration. Damn it! Damn him for all these questions! She said out loud.
"Dr. Cameron?"
Cameron heard a mans voice and spun around to find Steven Mayer, the hospital guard, standing in the doorway.
"Steven! You scared me." She said excitedly.
"I'm sorry. I saw the door open and thought I better see who was in here." He stepped into the small room and saw the look on her face. "Are you okay?"
Cameron let out a little laugh. "Yes. You just startled me."
Steven smiled, thinking how beautiful she was. "What are you doing in here?" He looked at the files stacked throughout the room.
"I'm trying to organize files before the inspection next week and it's a mess." She answered as she struggled with a heavy box.
"Let me help you with that." He said and moved in front of her, sitting the box on the floor. "You shouldn't be moving these boxes by yourself. They are too heavy."
"I'm okay. Thanks for your help."
Steven watched as Allison continued to go through the boxes. One more week and his sister would be gone and he could move forward and fulfill his dream. He was so excited he almost couldn't contain himself.
Cameron saw that he was watching her with almost a creepy stare. "Is there something else?" She asked.
"Are you dating Dr. House." He boldly asked.
Cameron was completely caught off guard by his question. "Why would you ask me that?"
"It's just an observation. I've seen the two of you together and I just thought you were seeing one another."
Cameron narrowed her eyes at him. "We are just friends."
Steven knew she wasn't completely telling the truth but he understood why she was being so secretive. Why would she want anyone to know that she was being taking advantage by the bastard doctor again. It was okay, however. It wouldn't be long before he would make her realize that her place was with him and she would soon forget Dr. Asshole.
Cameron saw that Steven's eyes appeared glazed over. "Steven?"
"Oh. Sorry. Just lost in thought. How about a cup of coffee?"
"Sure but not today. Maybe later in the week." She said hesitantly, wondering if she should have said yes.
"Great. I'll check with you later in the week. Well, I'll let you get back to work. I need to finish my rounds. Have a good day Allison."
"Bye Steven." She said and watched him leave. She thought a minute about his question. The whole thing had spooked her but figured it was because of everything that was going on. She knew Steven was harmless and soon forgot their conversation.
**********
Steven stepped into the small janitors closet and masturbated, his mind full of thoughts of Allison and how wonderful it was going to be when she was all his.
