************

Chapter 56

House sat on his bike, mesmerized by the snow that was falling peacefully around him. He was sitting outside Cameron's apartment, watching her windows, hoping for some kind of sign that she was really there and this was all a terrible dream but the windows were dark and cold as the air around him.

He stared into the night sky and for the first time in a very long time, he thought about God. He had always chosen to believe there was not such an entity. Why would a God that was supposed to be so loving and caring, let so much turmoil fill the world? However, tonight he wanted more than anything to believe there was a higher being that was watching over the world and would make the nightmare Cameron had been swept into, end. He shook his head of foolish thoughts and was about to start his bike when he thought he heard a voice call his name. He looked around, sure that someone had said his name but didn't see anyone around. A chill, not caused by the cold, traveled through his tired body and he suddenly had an over powering urge to do something he hadn't done since his childhood. With some hesitation, he turned his face upwards and began to speak to a God he wasn't sure existed.

I'm not even sure how to do this. He spoke the words slowly. I have mocked people for doing this very thing. But maybe there is a chance you are really out there listening to the poor miserable souls who choose to speak to you. He paused… I need… Please… House stumbled over his words. He took a deep breath and began again. I know I'm not the best person to ask you for a favor. Let's face it, this is me and if you are my creator, then you know how I am. I'm a bastard in every sense of the word. I constantly use… and hurt… those who care for me the most. I have hurt so many, I don't know how I could ever be forgiven… but I have also given many a second chance when they thought they would never take another breath. Maybe that counts for something because I don't have anything else to give. This prayer… if you can call it a prayer… is for Cameron. She is out there with some mad man and no one has a clue where she is or who has her. He stopped and felt his chest tighten with emotion. Suddenly, he was consumed with a deep anger and with clenched fists at his side, he yelled into the darkness. Why did you let this happen, you bastard! Why Cameron! She has never hurt anyone! He couldn't hold back the tears or the emotion he felt any longer. His body shook with grief. The thought of never seeing Cameron again was too much. He had never felt so alone, so lost, so out of control than he did at that moment. The pain he felt inside was almost unbearable. It was a pain he had never felt before and he hated that he couldn't make it stop.

After what seemed like a very long time, he looked around and noticed how calm the air around him felt. He sat quietly and absorbed the calmness. Then in a voice barely above a whisper, he spoke once again.

Cameron doesn't deserve this. The world is a better place with her in it. He choked back the emotion once more. I have never told her how I feel about her. I've always pushed her away and made her feel foolish for thinking I felt anything… but I do… care about her. House let his voice trail off. I don't know what else to say. You may not give a damn about me and I really could care less if you do or don't… but if you're out there, Cameron needs you.

He closed his eyes and let his head drop, feeling the cold for the first time. He looked once more at the dark windows of Cameron's apartment before starting his bike and heading home.